Kisses

Vic felt extremely nervous as he walked up to the microphone stand. He’s played shows with hundreds, maybe thousands of people but none of those people were his muse. None of the fans were Julie. Vic looked at the other faces in the bar. The group of young girls, not even legal sitting at the very front of the bar, smiled widely at the band. Vic returned their smiles and then he closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself for what might happen.

“Are you sure you want to play this song?” Jaime whispered in Vic’s ear.

Vic nodded in response. “It’s still fresh in our minds and it’ll be easier to play since we have no practice.”

“Alright boys,” Jaime said, turning to look at Mike and Tony, “let’s go.”

“How are we doing tonight?” Vic spoke into the mike, charming the crowd the same way he did every night. He was responded with a round of applause and two screaming girls, obviously Julie and Fae.

“We are Pierce The Veil from San Diego and this is Besitos”

Mike counted them in and started playing his drums, then Tony came in with the guitar riff while Vic and Jaime clapped their hands. Vic decided to ignore his nerves and Julie and play just like he would on any other night. There might be old fans here and there might be new fans. Vic was going to give everyone a show regardless of who sat in the crowd.

“You’re my favourite explosion” Vic sang perfectly into the mike. He sang with his eyes closed, to avoid awkward eye contact with the girl that this song was about.

He continued to sing and perform for the crowd. For as long as he could remember, the first time he wrote a song about Julie he wanted to perform it just for her. He wanted to see her reaction and have those moments with her. However, life handed him lemons and this was the lemonade he had to make. He had to sing a song he wrote for Julie in a crowed bar and no intimacy.

Just before the chorus came in Vic decided that it was time to see how Julie was taking the song – how she was liking it. “I told myself, I’m tired of holding up your back up plans…”

That was when he saw her stand up and walks away from the table. She didn’t bring anything with her. The look in her eyes made Vic aware that it was the song that caused her to leave. The fact that the lyrics were actually words spoken made the song seem real to him but maybe too real for Julie. Vic wanted to stop the song and go after her. He wanted to explain himself, but he knew that he couldn’t. He knew that he had to finish the rest of the song. There was only 3 minutes left, he could finish it and then explain himself. Right?
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"No, I cannot do this" Julie whispered to Fae. Julie felt like the world was crushing down on her. She looked around the room, everything was normal but she didn't feel normal. Julie felt the walls begin to move toward her, crushing her and minimizing the amount of oxygen she was able to inhale. She felt small and helpless. She looked at the people in the bar. Some of them were smiling and laughing, some were listening closely to the music and others seemed to find the answers to their life problems at the bottom of their glass. Again, everything was normal but that wasn't the feeling Julie had. All the eyes in the room were on her. Julie felt as though they knew everything. They knew that she was the explosion, she was the backup plan and that the beautiful song that Vic was singing was for her.

"J, wait!" Fae called after Julie stood up and stumbled her way to the bathroom.

“No, stay. Listen to the song; tell me how you like it. I’ll need it for my piece” Julie half-smiled and continued to make her way to the bathroom. She pushed opened the doors and was thankful that the three small stalls were empty. She pushed her hands down onto the countertop and looked at herself in the mirror. She focused her gaze on her eyes she tried to control her breathing. Inhale 1-2-3. Hold 1-2-3. Exhale 1-2-3. She tried her calming methods for a few moments until finally feeling her heart rate go down. She smiled to herself, proud that she could calm herself so quickly. She stood up straight and fixed her hair before heading toward the door. She opened the door and that is when she heard the one thing that send her heart into her stomach and forced her lungs to stop her breathing.

“A diamond bullet and a gun made of gold, she was covered in blood last seen in San Francisco”

Julie gasped for air and stumbled backwards into the bathroom. “Oh god” was all she could say. Her back hit the walls on the stall and she stumbled to the ground. “Fuck, fuck, fuck me” she muttered as she hit her head against the wall with each word.

Julie forced herself up after realizing that she was, in fact, sitting on a bathroom floor. Making her way back over to the counter Julie’s chest felt heavy and full. Noticing that it was now impossible to breathe Julie started to freak out. She turned around and walked into the handicapped stall, locked the door and pulled down the seat cover.

Julie pulled her legs up to her chest and held them while resting her chin between her knees. “Relax, Julie. It’s just a song” she tried to convince herself but failed. “Just a song written about you that includes lyrics from a dream you’ve had nine times.” Julie took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She visualized her reoccurring dream. The orange sky, the dark sand, the boy holding her hand – they all made sense now. As she thought back to that day tears fell from her face. Julie was so good at repressing her memories that when they surfaced, they always brought very strong emotions with them.

Vic and Julie were holding hands as they walked along the beach toward their hideout. Julie found a little cave between the boulders on the shore where the water didn’t reach. She told Vic about it and since then it had become their secret hideout place. The only place they could really be alone and quiet.

“I’m leaving with Fae tomorrow” Julie spoke in very quiet voice. Scared that she might not even tell Vic and just leave.

“For good…?” There was no emotion in Vic’s voice. He knew that he had fucked up with Julie. He knew that she had to leave eventually.

The rest of the walk was silent. Both Julie and Vic were thankful that it was short walk and the awkwardness didn’t have time to settle.

“I know you’re leaving because of me,” Vic whispered. They had gotten to the cave and had settled into their usual position: Vic lying down against the back cave wall and Julie resting her head on his chest.

“It’s not just you, Vic” Julie whispers. She was scared to speak out loud. In her mind, if she spoke out loud it might make the situation real, more real than it already is.

“Then what else is it?” Vic looked out at the water and played with Julie’s hair, deep in thought. He didn’t want Julie to go. The past year at college without her was hard enough, how was he going to live a life without her.

“It’s not what else, it’s who else” Julie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had tried not to think about everyone and everything that caused her to leave but now she had to. She had to tell Vic.

“Julie…”

“Dalia, one of my best friends that I can never look at again…” Julie had to fight back tears as she spoke. Although her and Vic were still whispering, the cave echoed and made her voice seem too loud.

“That was so long ago” Vic said she he grabbed a new strand of her hair to play with.

“Still hurts” Julie placed her hand beside her face and started to draw random shapes on Vic’s chest.

“Who else…” Vic knew that Dalia wasn’t the only reason. He messed around with other girls and he had made more mistakes.
“Do you really want me to explain everything to you?” Julie looked up at Vic. “I’m sure you know how badly you’ve hurt me”

“But you never told me how you feel…just…tell me why you’re leaving.” Despite his best efforts, Vic’s voice sounded broken.

“Because for the past three years I can’t look at my friend without jealousy. You choose her over me and I will never get over that” Julie sat up, she couldn’t continue this conversation lying down and she felt a rant coming on.

“Because after our first kiss you left with Cassandra and then slept with her. Now every time I go to dance, I feel sick to my stomach. You’ve ruined a friendship and a passion of mine and we’re only a few months into meeting each other. This is going to be harsh but you asked for it Vic.” Julie turned around and looked at Vic. He only nodded and smiled in response.

“Then you became Victoria’s boyfriend and ripped my fucking heart out. And then you proceed to tell me every fucking detail of your relationship. Victor you knew that I had feelings for you then. I get that we were really close friends at that time but I couldn’t care less about what you did with her. Then you broke up with her, and you know what I thought? I thought that maybe, just fucking maybe you’d realize that I’d want to be with you. But did you Vic? Of course not! So then you tell me that you have feelings for yet another girl and you still expect me to be around?!”

“But Julie, you weren’t around!? You ended things with me. Or do you not remember because you never did anything wrong in this relationship?”

“Oh shut the fuck up Vic. I acknowledged my mistakes and apologized for them. You never fucking did” Julie rested her elbows on her knees as she sat crossed-legged on the cave floor. She groaned in frustration and covered her face with her hands. “But Vic, I gave you my life. I missed out on dance contests, job opportunities, and happiness because of you. Because I love you and I wanted to be near you. All I ever asked for was love in return. That’s honestly all I’ve ever wanted. Was for you to look at me the same way I looked at you. For you to look at me the same way you looked at every other girl that wasn’t me.

I realize that I’m not perfect and that I’ve made mistakes. But I’ve always apologized and then done better. You may say sorry but you do the same shit over and over again. I’m not ever going to be good enough for you, it took me three years to realise that but now that I’ve finally come to that conclusion, I can’t stick around. I have to leave. I need to leave this city. Everything we had is here and I fear that I will never move on if I never leave” Julie removed her hands and looked at Vic. His face was hard and steady. He showed no emotion as he looked at her and Julie felt as thought he was looking through her instead of at her.

“I’m not always going to be here ya’ know” Julie said, her voice a normal now, as she climbed out of the cave. “Once I leave I’m not coming back.”

“Don’t say that” Vic’s voice was desperate. He followed her out of the cave and they were now sitting on the sand watching the sun lower into the horizon. “You don’t mean that.”

“No…Vic I do mean it” Julie’s voice broke as she spoke and tried to fight back the tears. “I’m leaving San Diego for good”

“You’ll be back for me” Vic said, as he looked his first love in the eyes. He hoped that if he said it, it would become true.

“If I come back for it’ll be to kill you” a smile crept onto her face. The thought of her having the power and strength to kill someone amused her.

“HA!” Vic erupted into laughter; the thought amused him as well. “You’re too girly. If you kill me it’ll be with diamonds and gold!”
“A diamond bullet and a gun made of gold?” Vic’s laughter subsided but there was still amusement in his voice.

“I’ll kill you right in this very spot” Julie smiled and drew and ‘X’ in the sand between them. “Then I’ll drag your body into the hideout and go back to San Fran like nothing ever happened” she winked at Vic.

There was no conversation after that. Julie had said all that she needed to say. Vic and heard and understood. The rest of the evening of consisted of silence as the two sat in the sand watching the sun fade away and the darkness take over the sky.
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"I just wanted to make sure you're okay..." Julie heard a deep quiet voice say.

"Either I am tripping out or Fae turned into a man" Julie’s voice sounded horse from the crying. She wiped her eyes, sure that her make up was a mess and straightened her back.

"Is Miss Julie okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine" Julie stood up from the toilet seat and opened the stall door. "Care to join me?" Once the door was open Julie’s eyes were met with Tony’s. She felt her lips pull into a smile. She couldn’t control it; whenever she saw Tony a smile was her reaction. She offered Tony a wide smile and motioned for him to join her in the stall.

Once he was in, Tony pulled Julie in for a hug. He wrapped his large arms around her shoulders and rested his chin on her head. Julie returned the gesture and wrapped her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Julie closed her eyes and smiled. She felt comfortable around this man that she just met. This was a new feeling for her but she didn't mind.

"So I saw you leave the crowd" Tony's chest vibrated as he spoke. "Were we really that bad?" He chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"You guys actually sound really amazing. It was just too real, ya'know?" Julie lifted her head and looked at Tony. He looked down at her and nodded in understanding. “I always thought that Vic forgot about me. But hearing that song today…a song that is so clearly written about me, it shocked me.” She rested her head back on Tony’s chest and closed her eyes.

“Vic never forgot about you” Tony mumbled, hoping that Julie didn’t hear.

“Yeah…if you say so”
“He just didn’t get closure, neither did you and that’s why the song shocked you so much”

“Okay, Mr. Know-It-All” Julie half-laughed. She knew that Tony was right; she just didn’t want to admit it. “Did Vic tell you his inspiration for the song?”

“Not until a few days ago but while writing it he said it was for an old girlfriend that he treated badly”

With her eyes still closed and her ear still listening to his heartbeat Julie told Tony everything about their good-bye on the beach. She told him about their argument and how she felt while digging up these memories and feelings she’s repressed for this many years. She told him about the diamond bullet and the golden gun. When she was done, she untangled herself from Tony and sat back down on the toilet seat.

“It’s like he ripped out a page of his old journal and wrote a song from it” she rolled her eyes and rested her face in her hands.

“Knowing Vic, that’s exactly what he did. But can you blame the guy, he’s kept in it for just as long as you have” Tony was now kneeling in front of Julie. As he spoke he removed her hands from her face and held onto them.

“You guys are a really great band thought. I went out and bought you debut album…I love it” Julie looked directly into Tony’s eyes as she spoke. She was thankful he was looking at her eyes as well because she could feel her cheeks burn and turn red.

“How about I take you out tomorrow? Get your mind off the song and off Vic and we can just have some fun?” Tony’s wide smile returned, insuring that Julie couldn’t say no. “I know a few places we can go and I’m sure you haven’t been yet.”

“Oh really? And what makes you think you know my city better than me?” Julie asked with a cocky smile.

“It’s not that I know the city better, I just know better people” Tony winked and stood up. Still holding onto Julie’s hands, he forced her to stand up too.

“Well I do love an adventure. I’m in Tony”

“Good. I’ll call you tomorrow morning” Tony smiled and turned around to leave the bathroom.

Julie looked at her reflection once Tony left and fixed what she could have without her make-up bag. The entire time a smile was wide on her face. She was very calm and comfortable with Tony, but he’s Vic best friend. Julie began to doubt her decision to go out with Tony. Not only was he a famous musician and was never going to commit, he was Vic’s best friend. Julie thought back to Dalia – her best friend at the time. Once the musical was totally over and done with, Dalia, Vic and Julie would hang out a lot after school and on weekends. Vic’s interest in Dalia grew and eventually he would just hang out with Dalia without Julie. One night, Dalia called Julie and told her that Vic admitted to having feelings for her and he hoped she felt the same. Julie felt her heart fall out of her chest. Seeing Vic and Cassandra was hard enough. Now every time Julie looked at Dalia she wondered what she had that Julie didn’t. In this situation, Julie was Vic and Tony was Dalia.

‘A little bit of payback never hurt no body’ Julie thought to herself. ‘I might as well have fun with the hot guitarist while I’m at it.’

Notes

Okay first off ,I am sorry this took so long to update. I've been working on it for a long time and it's been done but I have no internet at home so I had to wait until I had a connection elsewhere. Luckily I found one!

Hope you don't mind how long the chapter is. I didn't want to split it into two chapters. It was hard to write this but also very fun.

Thank you so much for reading this, it means more than you'll ever know.

Love yourself, love each other, love this band.
Xoxo