I wrapped my fingers around the steaming cup of hot chocolate and hunched into the warmth it put off. I placed my lips on the edge of the ceramic mug and the heat just barely burnt my lips. I took a slow slip, the liquid just hot enough to calm me down but not enough to severely burn my tongue. It slipped back down my throat, soothing my insides.

“You okay?” I heard Phoebe ask. She placed one of her hands on the small of my back before I heard a neighboring chair scrape the floor. She sighed a little and settled into the chair next to me—I knew this because I could not only hear the wood creak as she sat, but I could also hear her heart beating close by at a consistent pitch—and she kept her hand on my back. I nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” I said softly with a light sigh. “Just thinking,” I added.

“What are you thinking about?”

I sighed again. “You know,” I mumbled.

“Hey, this is a good thing, remember?” she reminded me.

I nodded slowly again. “I know.” I bit my lip and knitted my eyebrows, though. “I’m just a little homesick, that’s all,” I said quietly.

“Me too. But at least we have each other,” she soothed.

“That’s true,” I smiled softly. “I can’t believe it’s next week already, though,” I frowned, my voice weak.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, Faye. I promise.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Nothing’s going to happen anytime soon. It’s just a few appointments, before they even begin to consider—”

“What if they don’t consider me at all? What if all of this was just a waste?” I stressed, my mind flickering back to the amazing job and comfortable life I left behind in North Carolina. Here, in San Diego, I have so far been nothing more than a nervous, awkward, paranoid wreck.

“It’s not a waste. You know that. I know it’s going to be hard adjusting here—”

“Shouldn’t I already be adjusted, thought?” I interrupted again with a grumble.

“Faye,” Phoebe said seriously, and I nodded. I knew what she was going to say: it takes more time than a few weeks to get comfortable. “And it’s not going to be a waste. You’re going to do great and it’ll be so worth it in the end,” she assured.

“I know. I’m just scared,” I said in a small voice.

Phoebe didn’t say anything. Instead, she moved her hand to my shoulder, and I took that as my cue to let go of my cup of hot chocolate and turn into her, accepting her embrace that I knew she was offering. I rested my head on her shoulder and sighed lightly. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered. I nodded. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of. Not yet, at least. And when the time came for the doctor’s to make their decision, Phoebe would be there with me, and everything was going to be okay. I really needed to stop over thinking things; otherwise, I was going to end up in a mental hospital. Phoebe was right and I needed to listen to her more often. In the several years of knowing her, I knew that she would never steer me in the wrong direction. Sometimes I just couldn’t stop worrying, though.

“Want to go to sleep?” she asked. I nodded with an involuntary yawn. “It’s late. Let’s go.” Her chair slid out and I stood up with her. I didn’t realize until now how tired I was, so I just linked my arms through hers, knowing I wouldn’t be able to find my way as easily tonight.

“Phoebe?” I asked when we stopped at my room.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about everything too much today,” I mumbled. “Which will mean I am probably going to have a nightmare—” I’ve slowly learned the patterns of when I have nightmares, and this was one of them. “—so can you sleep with me tonight?” I asked.

“Of course, darling,” she said. “Let me get changed first, okay? I’ll be right back,” she patted my arm and I nodded. I walked further into my room and took the appropriate seven steps to my bed. I pulled back the covers and slid in, fluffing a pillow before I relaxed my body into the comfort of the mattress. A few minutes later, I heard a clicking sound—the light being flicked off—and the bed to my right sunk in.

I rolled over to “face” Phoebe, and I felt her calming breath on my face.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“Hey there,” she chuckled lightly. “I have something to tell you,” she said, her voice hinting at excitement.

“What’s up?” I smiled. I liked hearing her excited.

“Guess who called today?”

I grinned and poked her in her side, causing her to yelp quietly. “Vic?”

“Yes, ma’am. Mike says hi, by the way,” she said. My cheeks flushed, although I wasn’t sure why.

“What’s up with them?” I asked curiously. It’s been basically a week since we’ve last seen the guys of Pierce the Veil. They’ve been busy with band stuff and catching up with their lives—family, other friends, sleeping in their own bed—since their last month-and-a-half-long tour. I didn’t blame them; I couldn’t imagine traveling all of the time like that. But I was also feeling kind of conflicted: I wanted to be friends with them, but I was also terrified of the concept of “new friends”. I guess I would just go with whatever Phoebe thought was right—I trusted her judgment. If she liked these guys—and if they liked us back—then I would probably be okay. I would worry some, but the two times we’ve hung out with them they’ve been nothing but caring and fun to be around. The only time I stressed about their characters was when I was feeling anxious and paranoid and it wasn’t triggered by anything that they did—it was all me.

“Well, Vic said they were all taking it easy this last week which was why they didn’t call, but they have a big touring schedule starting in February and wanted to see us a few times before that and before the holidays,” she said.

“Aw, that’s nice,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess they really do want to be our friends.”

“Yeah,” I whispered thoughtfully.

“So, actually, Vic asked me out for a date,” she gushed lowly.

“Aw, no way, Phoebes!” I said excitedly. “For when?”

“Tomorrow night. Is that okay with you?”

I scoffed. “Of course it’s okay with me!” I laughed with a yawn.

“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow, okay?” she asked, and I nodded, relaxing my eyelids. I snuggled closer to Phoebe and swung my arm around her torso comfortably. “Goodnight, love,” she kissed the side of my head. “Sleep well.”

“’Night, Phoebes,” I whispered. My worried thoughts from before completely slipped out of my mind in the company of Phoebe, so I fell asleep quickly without a problem.

And also in the company of Phoebe, I didn’t have any nightmares. If I had slept alone, I probably would have been interrupted every hour with a memory that haunted my mind. But luckily I had Phoebe with me; she protected me from my nightmares.

I yawned and stretched my limbs when I felt more conscious. Phoebe was still breathing quietly next to me, so I carefully rolled out of bed to not ruin her peace. A little hazy from sleep, I kept my arms ready to catch myself, just in case, as I took the nine steps to the adjacent bathroom to freshen up.

I took my time in the shower and--as usual--was especially careful when I got out as to not slip and fall. When I was done, I was obviously unsure as to what time it was and if Phoebe had woken up yet. I walked back to my bed and leaned across, gently swatting at the air. I then proceeded to do a massive belly flop onto the bed just to double check that she wasn’t really there.

“What are you doing?” I heard her voice laugh. I turned my head to the source of her voice, which was over where the door of my room was.

“Checking to see if you’re awake,” I giggled. I sat up and then slid off of the bed again, walking to the door. “You are,” I concluded.

She laughed. “Good morning Faye.”

“’Morning!” I chirped.

“We slept in so late, dude,” she informed me. I walked to the kitchen with her and felt around for a stool, sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s almost two.”

“Shit,” I laughed. “Don’t you have work?”

“Not today! I’m off on the weekends,” she said happily.

“Sweet. Hey, do we have cheerios?”

“We sure do. Want some?”

“Yes, pwease,” I grinned. She chuckled and I heard the clanking of bowls and silverware, and then the unmistakable sound of the cereal being poured into the bowl and the sloshing of the milk being added. “Here ya go, dear,” she said, and I heard the bowl slide across to in front of me.

“Thanks,” I smiled, picking up the spoon she had also given me. I heard Phoebe sit in a stool next to me, along with the sound of her picking up her own spoon.

“You have a date tonight,” I remembered.

“Yes,” she said, in between her bites of her own cereal.

“What are you guys doing?” I asked curiously.

“He’s taking me to a carnival,” she said softly. I nearly fell out of my chair.

“That’s so fucking cute!”

She giggled. “I know. It’ll be fun. But I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said.

I waited for her to continue. I set down my spoon, realizing that I had finished already. Before Phoebe spoke again I heard her get up, and the sound of the bowls clanking in the sink rung in my ears. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

“So,” Phoebe said, sitting back down. I turned to her direction, her breath on my face already. “He’s picking me up in four hours. But I was wondering how you would feel if Mike came over while I’m out with Vic,” she said.

I immediately scrunched my mouth up. I didn’t understand why—I had nothing against Mike—but I frowned, anyway.

“That’s okay, Phoebe,” I said.

“Why not? I thought you guys got along,” she said innocently.

“We do. But, eh, I don’t need him to take care of me,” I said.

“But—”

“Phoebe, I’ll be fine by myself,” I huffed as she twirled her fingers through the ends of my hair.

“I know you will be, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be worried,” she sighed. “And I don’t want you to be lonely.”

“You don’t have to worry, Phoebes,” I said gently. “I’ll just sit in the same spot all night. Or maybe I’ll just go to bed and listen to music. It’s really not that big of a deal,” I said.

She sighed again, and I heard the floor creak a little when she shifted her stance in front of me. “I don’t want you to have to do that. Just let Mike come over so you won’t be bored,” she said.

“I don’t want to be babysat,” I frowned.

“You’re not being babysat! Mike has nothing to do, you have nothing to do, so just… I don’t know… do nothing together!” she said.

I bit my lip. I did want Phoebe to have a worry-free night with Vic; I didn’t want to be selfish and take her fun away. “Okay, Phoebes,” I sighed. “I want you to enjoy your night,” I said, patting her arm.

“Yay, thank you,” she said happily. “You’ll have fun, too. Mike seems like a good guy,” she said.

“And you trust him?” I raised my eyebrow questioningly. Phoebe wasn’t one to trust easily, just like me.

“I do, Faye. I don’t know why. I just feel like we’re safe with these brothers. They seem like good people,” she said.

“Seem,” I breathed.

There was a pause before she said anything else. “You’re right, Faye,” she sighed. “I’m going to cancel. This was stupid of me, especially with how you were feeling yesterday,” she said. Her voice wasn’t bitter or angry—just a little reflective and possibly a little sad.

“No!” I said quickly. “No, Phoebes. I don’t want you to cancel your date,” I said. “It will be fine. You’re right, they do seem like good people,” I agreed. My stomach twisted in nervousness, although I did agree with what I said. I just simply didn’t want to agree with it. The idea of trusting someone so early in a friendship was unnerving.

“Are you sure?” she asked calmly. “This is really bad timing. We can just do something together tonight—”

“No Phoebe. I’m positive. I’ll be fine. Have fun, okay?” I said as convincingly as possible.

“This makes me feel a little selfish,” she mumbled with a tense chuckle.

“You’re the most selfless person I know. I’ll be fine with Mike. I have no reason to dislike him so far, anyway,” I reasoned.

“Are you—”

“Ask me if I’m sure one more time,” I threatened. She laughed.

“Okay, fine. We’re over thinking things anyway. It will be fun,” she said, and I heard the excitement and smile in her voice. “I’ll go call Mike and Vic,” she said warmly, and then I felt her cool lips touch my cheek softly.

“Okay,” I smiled.

I heard Phoebe prance away and I smiled again, knowing how happy she was to be going out. I couldn’t help but feel a little bad about it though—she was probably excited to have a break from me. I didn’t blame her, though.

I spun around in the stool and slid off, orienting myself so I knew where I was. I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I frowned at myself, because this was all I seemed to be doing lately.

I picked my fingernails out of sheer boredom, thinking. I used to actually do things—I spent a lot of time working and being a part of the world—but, here, in San Diego, everything was on pause. My job was waiting for me back in San Diego, and I missed it terribly. I missed the kids I worked with, and I really hoped whoever took over for me was doing a good job. I didn’t have much to do here—I was literally being paid to sit around and do nothing until it was time. Since I didn’t have any real obligations until my appointments started, I had a lot of free time. If I could see, I would read a book or watch TV. But I couldn’t do even the simplest of hobbies, leaving me stranded on a cheap leather couch picking my fingernails.

Phoebe still had her job back home, too, but she also got one here for a little extra support. Even though we didn’t have to pay for anything—the transportation to get here, the house we were staying in—she still wanted to keep some normality while we were here, and I was glad. I just hated that I basically inhibited the form of a couch potato, because that wasn’t who I was. I loved to be out and about, but I just couldn’t do that in the large city of San Diego. My heart ached for the small town in North Carolina in which we used to live. I knew every road like the back of my hand—okay, well I didn’t really know the back of my hand. I knew every square inch of that town like the back of my own mind.

I sighed, resting my head back. I smiled, hearing Phoebe singing in her room, probably getting ready. I knew her—she was probably dancing around while trying on her entire wardrobe.

I sat up again and carefully walked back to my room. I felt around my bedside table for my iPod and headphones, and then I returned to the living room couch. I plugged in my headphones and then turning the iPod on, resting my head back again and letting the music fill my ears. I had nothing better to do, anyway.

“Faye,” I felt one of my earphones being ripped out and then heard Phoebe’s voice in my ear.

“Hey,” I said, sitting up after realizing that I had been laying down.

“You fell asleep.”

“That’s all I do these days,” I muttered.

“That’s okay, bud. That’s why Mike’s coming over tonight. So you don’t have to be bored.”

I smiled thankfully. “What time is it?” I asked.

“Almost time for me to go.”

“Wow, I really wasted the day away…”

“Eh, you’re fine. Do you want me to do your makeup or hair or anything?” she asked. I bit my lip while I thought about it. Did I really care what Mike thought of my appearance? Kind of.

“Sure,” I said, figuring that it would help the time pass, anyway.

“Great. And I picked out jeans and a sweater for you, too,” she said.

“Thanks, Phoebes,” I grinned.

“No problem. Let’s go,” she grabbed my hand. I sat up and went with her up to her room, careful of the stairs. She sat me down in one of her chairs and I closed my eyes, letting her do her thing.

“You have to teach me how to do this one day,” I mumbled.

“Shh,” she said, concentrating on what I guessed was eyeliner and mascara. After she told me to blink a few times, she put her hands on my shoulders and sighed in satisfaction. “What did you say?” she asked.

“You have to teach me how to do this one day,” I repeated with a small smile.

“Yeah, definitely!” she said. “I don’t know why we haven’t tried, actually,” she said thoughtfully.

“Haven’t had the time,” I replied simply. “But now we have a lot more…” I added.

“That’s true. But, hey, it won’t be like this for much longer,” she said, patting my head.

“Maybe,” I whispered.

“Positivity, girlfriend. Be positive,” she pinched my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I look natural, right? Like I don’t look too made up? I don’t look like I tried too hard?” I worried, although I wasn’t sure why I was so worried. It didn’t really matter.

“Of course, Faye,” she laughed. “I’m an expert. You look clean and fresh, but not like you’re about to go to a club. Don’t worry,” she assured.

“Thanks,” I grinned.

“Of course, buddy,” she said happily. “Oh,” she said.

“What?”

“They’re here!” she said. “Oh, God, Faye,” she breathed.

“What?”

“He looks so good. Jesus,” she hissed.

I laughed. “Stop staring at him through the window and go downstairs and get the door!” I suggested, knowing that was exactly what she had been doing.

“Right.”

I laughed and shook my head. I quickly changed into the clothes she picked out for me and ran my fingers through my hair before carefully walking down stairs, using the railing to guide me. I turned the corner and went to the door where I figured they were all standing.

“Hi, Faye,” I heard both Mike and Vic say at the same time. I waved in their general direction.

“Hi,” I said rather shyly. “Nice to see you guys again,” I winked, and they chuckled.

“Well, Mike, you can come in,” Phoebe said, and the ground creaked as he walked inside. I smiled softly at the air, knowing he was closer to me. I felt a hand brush over my face briefly, but before I could say anything it was already around my back in a half armed hug.

“You look nice,” he breathed into my ear.

I felt myself blush a little—damn Phoebe. “I wish I could say the same,” I winked with a light laugh.

“Don’t worry. I’m very attractive,” he said proudly.

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s hope so,” I teased.

“You guys are good?” Phoebe asked, placing a hand on my elbow so I knew she was there.

“Yes,” I smiled in what I thought was her direction, based off of where her hand was. I suddenly realized that, in the company of Mike, I truly had nothing to worry about. I didn't know what made me so sure about that, but I just felt that way.

“Good. Be good, Fuentes. I have your brother as hostage if you do something stupid,” she warned—I heard Vic laugh out loud in the distance—but I imagined she was smiling as she said this because she giggled softly after a few seconds.

“Got it,” he said, probably with a grin or some sort of smirk. I frowned slightly, yet again wishing I could see those little things—like the way someone’s eyes sparkled when they laughed, or the way the corners of someone’s mouth tugged up as they tried not to smile—all actions that I know because I do them myself, but can never really see. I bet they were wonderful, though.

“Starry eyes,” Mike sang in my ear. My head shot to where his voice came from, causing us to unfortunately bump heads.

“Ow, fuck,” I muttered, holding my head where I had bumped him. “You okay?” I couldn’t suppress a giggle.

“Ah, yeah,” he groaned a little, but then laughed a little, too. “We gotta stop doing that,” he noted.

“It’s not my fault!” I raised my hands up in a surrender, smacking his face in the process. “Jesus,” I hissed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shit! I wouldn’t have come here if I knew I was going to be abused!” he cried playfully.

“It’s your fault buddy. Why is your face so close to me, anyway?” I snickered. He faltered on a few words, and I just shook my head.

“Come on in,” I sighed with a smile.

“Woah!” he said as I walked to the living room.

“Something wrong?” I asked.

“How do you know where you’re going?” he asked.

“I memorized the steps,” I said simply, continuing my way to the living room.

“Oh,” I heard him say thoughtfully. “So, I brought stuff,” he said, plopping down onto the couch next to me.

“What did you bring?” I asked curiously.

“Movies,” he said.

I laughed out loud. “Good choice,” I said, amused.

“I know,” he said proudly.

“Hey, Mike? Aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked, raising my eyebrows and pointing to my sightless eyes.

“Your ears function, don’t they?” I could hear the smirk in the tone of his voice.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Why?” was all I asked.

“I promise, you’ll love it,” he said excitedly.

“What is it?”

“The Polar Express.”

“Isn’t that a Christmas movie?” I exclaimed.

“Yes.”

“It’s not Christmas!” I laughed hysterically. “Not only are you making a blind person watch a movie, but you are also putting in a Christmas movie. What are you on?” I laughed.

“I’m high on life, baby. C’mon. Humor me,” he said, poking my side. “Besides, Christmas is only a few weeks away!”

“You sound like you have a plan,” I laughed.

“Maybe I do,” he said.

“Or maybe you’re just an idiot.”

“Maybe,” he considered. “Will you watch it? Er, hear it? I’ll close my eyes too,” he said.

“I don’t believe you,” I crossed my arms across my chest. “You don’t have to do that,” I laughed softly.

“No, I want to,” he insisted. “See,” he said. “Ah, fuck. I mean… uh… feel?” he said. Before I had time to question him, Mike had fallen into me, and I felt his face pressed up against my shoulder blade, in between my back and the couch. “Does this cross any boundaries?” his words were muffled. I laughed.

“You’re fine,” I giggled. “But you don’t have to do that. Honestly,” I shook my head, fighting a smile. He moved his head from behind me and I felt him poke the corner of my mouth, before the couch lifted a little, meaning he had stood up. I heard a few tapping sounds and then the sound of the movie starting. The couch sunk in again, causing me to wobble a little because of the force he plopped down on the couch with.

I sat contently next to him during the movie, smiling throughout. Our shoulders were touching, and for some reason I believed that he had his eyes closed for the entire time.

By the end of the movie, I was fighting back tears as the meaning hit me like a train—like the fucking Polar Express itself. The one line that stuck with me the most started to replay in my head once I heard the credits start to roll, something the conductor character had said to the little boy: ‘Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.’

“Aw, shit, I made you cry,” Mike said, brushing his thumb across my cheek just in time for a tear to fall. I grimaced and scrunched my mouth.

“You didn’t make me cry. The fucking movie did!” I defended quickly, even though it was him that was making me cry—he was the one who brought it with a purpose, anyway.

“I take it that you liked it?”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “It was the corniest fucking movie ever,” I sniffled, crossing my arms. “But fuck you for making me cry,” I grumbled.

He chuckled. “I thought you said that it was the movie that made you cry?” he snickered, and I jammed my left elbow into his right side. I smiled in satisfaction when he groaned a little in pain.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked carefully.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry… I was just trying to show you something,” he said softly.

“Of course I’m not mad. Thank you, Mike. It means a lot,” I smiled softly. I lifted my arm to give him a hug, but, naturally, his face was in the way and I smacked him again.

“I quit!” he exclaimed, and I giggled.

“Sorry,” I smiled.

“You don’t look very sorry,” he laughed.

“You don’t sound very sorry for making me cry,” I challenged.

“I’m not,” we both said at the same time. I laughed and leaned into him. I didn’t know why I did, but I felt safe and happy. I felt his arm lift and go up and around me, his thumb brushing up and down my far shoulder.

“I didn’t expect you to be the sentimental kind,” I mused with a smirk on my face.

“Why is everyone always so surprised...?” he huffed, and I chuckled.

“Sorry,” I laughed. Then, I smiled lightly. “I'm just kidding. I don’t know you well enough to already judge your character.” Except the idea of possibly getting to know him didn’t sound too terrible at all.

Notes

A lot of ambiguous conversation in here… I didn’t want to give it away just yet, so I hope it wasn’t weird or confusing or dumb or anything. What do you think they were talking about in the beginning? Why do you think they are in San Diego (completely free of charge, too)?

And isn’t Mike the cutest? I just can’t even. Everyone makes him out to be such a player but he’s actually such a nice dude, from what I’ve heard. He's got such a sweet soft voice in interviews and stuff! I mean I wouldn’t actually know because I don’t know them personally. But, yeah. Haha

Thanks for reading and I hope you like it so far! :) <3