“Are you going to be okay?” Mike asked, brushing his fingers across my cheek before resting his palm on the side of my face. I smiled gently and tilted my head into his hand.

“Of course,” I said—not that anything could change if I wasn’t going to be okay.

“I hate leaving,” he sighed.

“You’re going to Southeast Asia and Australia! Have fun, Mike!” I reminded him with an excited smile. The guys were leaving tomorrow morning. Because they had an early flight, we were saying goodbye tonight. While they were on their twenty-something hour flight to Southeast Asia, we—Phoebe and I—would still be asleep. If I could sleep at all, that is.

Mike sighed and then let out a short chuckle. “What?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, laughing again but it almost sounded bittersweet. “I just never expected…” his voice trailed off. He sighed again. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a while, Faye. Thank you. I’m so glad you’re mine,” he said quietly, shyly—I’ve never heard him so shy before. I smiled and stood up on my toes, taking his head between my hands and kissing his lips briefly. I slid my arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly.

“I can’t wait to see you,” I whispered quietly. Mike squeezed me and I could feel him smiling against the top of my head, where his mouth was resting.

“It’s all going to work out,” he said.

Unless it doesn’t work out, I thought pessimistically. “Even if it doesn’t work, it’s all going to work out,” he added, as if he was reading my thoughts. I smiled as he, yet again, expressed that me being blind didn’t make any difference to the way he felt. I wish I could say the same—all I wanted was to see him, but not superficially. I didn’t care what he looked like, but I just wanted a face or a smile or his eyes to remember when he was gone.

I guess I would just have to settle with his touch—for now, at least. I pulled away and sighed. He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, trying to memorize that feeling.

“It’s so weird how things change,” I mused. He hummed in agreement; I let that sound ring in my ears for a few moments before I continued. “I would have never guessed, a few months back, that I would come here and meet someone. I would have laughed at the idea, actually,” I said.

Mike chuckled a little. “Well I’m glad you opened up to the idea, then,” he said happily. I smiled—I was glad, also. Who would have thought?

“Talk to you soon, Faye,” he said softly, kissing me softly again. I kissed him back and I didn’t want to let him go, but I did. He would be back soon, anyway. There really was no need for the tears that were currently burning in my eyes—what was he doing to me?

“Bye, Mike,” I said as he pulled away, smiling as happily as I could but still a little sad.

“Vic wants to say bye, too,” he chuckled a little. I gulped as he walked away—I couldn’t decide what would be worse, seeing him leave and wishing he would turn around again, or not being able to see him at all. He brushed his thumb across my cheek lovingly before he was gone—maybe to say bye to Phoebe, maybe to go to the car. I wouldn’t know, and it scared me a little that I no longer felt his presence but I didn’t know if he was still looking at me or completely out of the way.

Before I could linger too much on the thoughts, I felt someone else hug me—Vic.

“Take care of yourself, Faye,” Vic murmured. “And I know how independent you are, I don’t think you need anyone to take care of you,” he started. I smiled and nodded, appreciating his confidence in me. That was what I needed, after all—people believing in me, not treating me different because I lacked the sense of sight. I was glad that these guys, at least, recognized how unnecessary it was to always try and “help” me. I didn’t need any help. “So, please take care of Phoebe,” he said, squeezing me tighter. I nodded again. I could feel in his hug how worried he was for her, leaving her after the progress she’s made even after a few days.

Every day counted.

“I promise,” I assured. Vic patted my back gently and then pulled away.

“I think I love her, Faye,” he whispered. I wondered why he was telling me this—although it was nice to know—but then he continued: “I know you love her, too. So the way you feel about her, I feel the same way. Just so you know,” he said. I understood what he was saying; if he was in love with her similar to how I loved her—different love but love all the same—then that meant he was equally as worried as I was about her well being.

I nodded. “Try not to worry too much. I won’t let anything bad happen,” I promised again, even though I knew worrying was inevitable.

“She needs love. Just love her for me?” he requested. I smiled and nodded, but, honestly, the words struck me in probably a way he didn’t mean. I have always loved Phoebe. Had she felt unloved?

“Where is she?” I asked suddenly.

“I just tucked her in. She’s in your room,” he said. I nodded. “Thanks for everything, Faye. My brother and I are really happy to have you guys in our lives,” he said. My cheeks warmed and I smiled.

“You Fuentes brothers are such cheese balls,” I nudged his shoulder playfully with a grin. Vic laughed and ruffled my hair.

“Bye, Faye. We’ll see you soon,” he said, his voice positive and happy. I got the vibe that, despite his probable smile and happy laugh, his eyes were sad and worried.

“Bye, Vic. Travel safely and have awesome shows!” I cheered. He chuckled again and kissed my head. He nudged my shoulder in the direction of my room, telling me to go as he went. I smiled and waved and we said goodbye one last time before I turned and went to my room.

“How are you feeling, Phoebes?” I asked instinctively, laying down with her.

“I’m fine,” she said. “I promise I’m fine.” She said the words as if she knew that I knew. I was afraid to bring it up, though. I didn’t want to strike a nerve while we were both already upset.

I nodded slowly. For the millionth time these past few days, I wanted to ask her one thing and one thing only. Why? I knew I couldn’t—it would make her feel worse. But why was she doing this to herself? Phoebe always taught me that being beautiful on the outside didn’t matter, that it was the inside that counted. She always told me this, for years she imprinted it into my brain so I almost never stressed about my own physical appearance. I had no idea that she herself was feeling pressured, though. It was almost easier for me—the only beauty I could see was the innocent beauty I saw as a young kid and then everything I’ve felt. For Phoebe, though, she has to see everything, everyone. The world surrounded her and stared her in the face, she had no choice but to stare right back at it.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked quietly. Starry eyes. I could hear Mike’s voice in my head, cooing the name to me. He wasn’t even gone twenty minutes and I was already missing his company.

“I don’t know,” I said softly. I sighed. “I was just thinking suddenly, if…” I shook my head. I didn’t want to say it. She would get angry, she wouldn’t understand why I felt this way unless I told her that I knew.

“If, what?” she pressed.

I bit my lip. “Don’t freak out, okay? I’m just having doubts,” I admitted.

“Doubts?”

“About getting my eyes fixed, if it even works out,” I said quietly.

Instead of flipping out, Phoebe was calm. “Why are you having doubts, sweetie? Talk to me,” she said gently. She traced her fingers around my face and I closed my eyes before I started to cry. I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion. I knew she wasn’t but she sounded so okay. In this very moment, she thought she was fooling me—the fact that she was trying to cover up her own feelings to deal with mine hurt so much. Now that I knew about what she was going through, every word she spoke hurled at me like an uncontrollable car, with failed brakes and a locked gas pedal, reminding me head on that she was going through something but in secret.

“I’m just…” I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands. “I’m just thinking that, maybe, there are more important things to focus on right now…” I said slowly. Phoebe didn’t say anything, so I continued. “I feel like… I feel like it goes against everything we believe in,” I said quietly. I wasn’t trying to hint anything to her, but my words came out knowingly. I heard her breathing change and I was sure she knew that I knew, now.

“What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

“I just don’t know if I want to see,” I said bluntly. If the world was so horrible and ugly, making Phoebe question her own self worth, I didn’t want to see it at all. “I can see beautiful things now; I don’t need eyesight to do that. Do you get what I mean?” I bit my lip. I felt her nod against my shoulder.

“Are you afraid that you’re not going to like what you see?” she asked.

“No,” I shook my head fiercely. “Not at all. Not in the people I care about, at least. I just… Phoebe,” I sighed. “I have always trusted that beauty is on the inside. I don’t want to lose that perspective when my eyes open for real…” I said slowly. A knot formed in my throat. “I thought… I thought you had that perspective, too. And it terrifies me that the moment I can see again, the world will try and take over my world…”

“What are you talking about?” Phoebe asked, her voice a little shocked. I cringed, realizing what I had said. It was too late to go back, though.

I reached out and ran my hand down her side. I frowned because when my hand hit her skin where her shirt ended, I could feel her hipbone sticking up, her chilled skin at least right there a thin layer. I gulped and opened my mouth to speak again. “The world is brutal, and it can destroy even the strongest of people. I don’t want to see that happen. I can’t see it, I don’t want to slip away, but, more than that, I don’t want to see my best friend slip away, either,” I said. At this point, I was crying a lot. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” I finally asked in between sobs.

Phoebe’s breathing hitched. “How do you know?” she asked in a painful whisper.

“Why were you keeping it from me?” I asked instead of answering. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t yelling or taking it out on her. I was disappointed, but I was more upset than anything. Upset at myself for missing it.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. The mattress shifted as she leaned forward, burying her head into my shoulder. I kept my arms around her and held her tightly, afraid that if I didn’t hold her tight enough she would wither away. “You’re right, Faye. You’re right.” She sniffled. “It’s been so hard. I didn’t want you to know… I guess I should have known you would have found out eventually. I just didn’t want you to know how weak I am,” she said.

“You’re not weak, Phoebe. You’re not weak,” I shook my head.

“No, it’s okay, Faye. I am. I let everything get to my head. But I didn’t want to disappoint you. I’m sorry,” she cried. “There’s just so much pressure!”

“I know, I’m sorry Phoebes. It’s okay though. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

She sniffed and nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she rambled. I shook my head.

“Don’t apologize. I love you, Phoebe. I’m sorry you feel bad but at least we are all on the same page now, now I can help you,” I said. “I’m going to be one-hundred-percent here for you, now.”

Phoebe sighed. “No, you can’t give up on the operation, Faye. I won’t let you. It’s not the world that’s ugly, it’s me—”

“You can’t say those things!” I raised my voice. Then, I quieted to a whisper. “Please don’t put yourself down. If it doesn’t mean anything coming from me, then listen to Vic. He thinks you’re beautiful,” I reasoned. Phoebe started to cry again.

“I know, I’m sorry. I know, I know, I know. I just can’t help it! I always feel so disgusting!”

“I understand,” I said softly, running my fingers through her hair. “I don’t blame you. I don’t think any less of you. It’s a sickness. You didn’t ask for it. I know you, Phoebe. I know you,” I said firmly. “This isn’t you.”

“I love you,” she whimpered.

“I love you more,” I said, holding her close.

“I don’t want you to not do the operation, though. You’ve come too far to just not do it,” she said quietly. I nodded. As much as I didn’t want to feel this way—as conflicted as I was about it—I was dying to see. I didn’t want to see certain things, but that wasn’t how it worked. It was either all or nothing.

“You know,” I started. “I love you for the good and bad stuff. Every human has good and bad qualities. We also all have our strengths and weaknesses. But I love you for a all the bad and the good and your strengths and your weaknesses, Phoebe,” I said. “I think… I hope that that the world is like that, too,” I said, speaking as if I didn’t live in the world at all, as if I was separate from everything just because I couldn’t see it.

That wasn’t true, though. I needed to stop acting like I wasn't already a part of the world already—hell, I’ve experienced good and I’ve experienced bad, just like Phoebe, the only difference being the obvious fact that I was blind and she wasn’t. My bad was that I couldn’t see enough, her bad was that she saw too much—or was it the other way around?

Right now all she saw was the bad but I refused to believe that there wasn’t any good. What would Mike be to me, then? In my dark world he shined brighter than anyone I have ever met, not including Phoebe, of course.

“This is why you’re going to be okay,” Phoebe said softly. I looked at her questioningly. “If the operation works, I know you’ll be fine. You’re so smart and wise, Faye. I think you’ll be better off being able to see, you won’t feel as much pressure.”

“You can see, and you feel pressure,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, but, we’re different people.” I nodded. “You’re afraid that you’re going to lose yourself when you see again?” she asked quietly. I nodded again. “You’re still you, Faye, no matter what. You’re still you if you can or cannot see. Just because I slipped up a little, doesn’t mean you will. I need you to see, Faye. I need you to see that,” she whispered. I nodded and clutched onto her, closing my eyes tightly.

“I didn’t mean to turn this around to myself,” I whispered, feeling guilty that I had once again twisted the attention to me.

Phoebe chuckled. “You didn’t. I did. And I wanted to, I don’t want you to feel selfish for wanting to see. I know you do. But really, I’m the selfish one,” she murmured. She pulled her arms back and touched my closed eyelids with her fingertips. “I want you to see for you, but also for me. I need you,” she whispered.

“I’m here for you, always,” I said, snuggling closer to her. But I knew what she was saying—If I could see, being there for Phoebe would be so much easier, just like Mike said the other day. Phoebe had spent a lot of her life being there for me, but she deserved a break. It was time for me to take care of her. I loved Phoebe but, right now, she needed me more than I needed her.

Even though I expressed doubts earlier, I knew that, all around, I needed—we needed—this operation to work. And in just a few weeks, maybe I could really, sufficiently, finally be there for her. I knew I deserved it, and she deserved it more. I felt even more on board with the operation, now, knowing that Phoebe actually wanted it more than I did.

She sighed. “Are you okay right now?” I asked.

“I feel better after talking.”

“Me too.”

“But I’m sad, now.”

“Why are you sad?” I frowned.

She laughed a little. “Our boyfriends are gone!” she exclaimed.

“Oh, right,” I frowned, feeling sad, now, too.

“At least I have you,” she said, squeezing me. I smiled.

“Always.”

Notes

Wow, I updated in less than 10 days! Go me!
Sorry for the heavy-ish chapters :/
I'll probably update this story a lot because I have a lot prewritten, and we're getting into some good stuff yayay

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