Mike tapped his foot anxiously behind the counter at the music shop he worked at. He gnawed on his lips and stared at his phone, waiting painfully for his brother to call or at least send him a text. Mike suddenly felt like an idiot for leaving Vic. Even though he was very convincing, he was troubled to think that his brother was alone, sinking in his own depressive thoughts.

“Everything okay dude?” Jaime asked, raising his eyebrows as he walked into view, boxes in hand.

“No,” Mike replied honestly. “I’m worried about Vic. Really fucking worried.” Dave suddenly appeared, holding two guitars. He had overheard Jaime and Vic’s conversation.

“Why?” Dave furrowed his eyebrows.

“He’s sick, Dave… I don’t know how well you knew him, but… he’s sick. Really fucking sick and I’m afraid he won’t be there when I get home,” Mike explained.

“Then go home, Mike. Honestly it’s fine… you don’t have to be here right now.”

“I’m such a fucking idiot! Why did I leave him?” Mike looked at Jaime, as if he had the answers.

“He was really convincing, Mike,” Jaime regretted. Mike’s head shot up when he heard his phone start to ring. He hoped it would be Vic calling, but his stomach dropped when he saw it was Tony, instead.

“Yeah, Tone, what’s up?” Mike asked anxiously, glancing at Dave—his boss—apologetically for being on the phone but knowing that he didn’t really mind.

“You have pick up Alyssa from school,” Tony said simply.

“Oh, God,” Mike breathed. He covered his hand with his mouth.

“He didn’t show up for work, Mike,” Tony explained.

“Damn it!” Mike cursed, slamming his fist down on the counter and ducking his head.

“He quit three days ago, apparently,” Tony whispered.

“Mother fucker,” Mike cursed again, standing up. “We have to go,” Mike cried, grabbing Jaime by the collar and dragging him to the door. “Shit,” he whimpered into the phone.

“I had taken his pills from him, just in case, but…” Tony’s voice trailed off.

“Are you there yet? What is happening?”

“I’m on my way. Please go get Lissy and bring her here. I know something bad happened,” Tony mumbled. Mike nodded mumbled and hissed an ‘okay’ before throwing his phone behind him into the back seat. He pressed his foot on the accelerator even more as he neared Alyssa’s school. Jaime didn’t bother saying anything to Mike. His mind was spinning, thinking about how far he and Mike have come to find his old life with Vic, only for it to be ripped apart again. He was no longer hyper and happy like usual, his heart twisting as he hoped for the best but expected the worst.

When Mike arrived to the school, he barely stopped the car before jumping out of it. Jaime, wide-eyed, reached across to put the car into park instead of the neutral position Mike had accidentally set it on in his haste.

Mike rushed into the school building and into the office. They stared at him strangely and Mike felt like he was going to crumble. “I need to pull Alyssa Perry out of school,” he said breathlessly.

The receptionist tilted her head to the side. “Are you family?”

“No, but I’m friends with her brother. He asked me to come get her. There’s a family emergency. You can call him if you want—” Mike groaned as he realized his phone with Tony’s number was in the car still, and he silently hoped they wouldn’t need to call Tony for confirmation “—but she needs to come home,” Mike rushed. His bottom lip quivered as his entire body shook in panic.

The lady nodded, sensing the seriousness in Mike’s demeanor. “I’ll cal her down,” she murmured. “Alyssa Perry to the main office, please, Alyssa Perry to the main office,” she spoke into the loud speaker.

Alyssa was sitting in calculus. The entire day she had been distracted and sick with worry. Her head shot up and she nearly collapsed when she heard her name being called over the announcements. She quickly scooped up her stuff, and, without looking at the teacher or her snickering classmates, she ran to the office.

She saw Mike’s tall body through the glass door, and she immediately started to cry. “No,” she whispered. She rushed into the office and collided into Mike, sobbing into his shoulder. “Tell me it’s not true,” she whimpered. He held her and rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back.

Mike looked at the woman behind the desk hopefully, and she nodded, her eyes wide. Mike took Alyssa’s backpack from her shoulders and swung it over his own, keeping his arm around her as he walked her to the car. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Tony called.”

“Fuck,” Alyssa muttered. Alyssa raced into the car, and Mike threw her bag in the back before climbing back into the driver seat. He started the car hastily and sped out of the lot in the direction of Vic’s apartment, his heart beating out of his chest the entire time. Alyssa sat in the back, holding her hands at her heat, breathing heavily, and crying hard.

When they got there, Mike’s heart sank at the lack of ambulance. He closed his eyes and sighed, preparing for the worst. “Come on,” he whispered. He grabbed Alyssa’s hand and Jaime followed solemnly behind while they rushed up the stairs to the apartment.

The thought of Vic being dead tortured Alyssa’s mind. She imagined her self staring at his grave, feeling lifeless, waiting for forever for him to pop out from behind the stupid rock with a lopsided smile and love in his eyes. She would always have to dream for him to come back, she would always have to kiss the marble of his headstone, craving his lips even though the best she would ever get was the cold, solid, fucking rock. She tried not to think about it, but the images were forcing themselves into her head, the thought of how things would be and how she would feel if she found him dead killing her.

Alyssa felt like the life was being sucked out of her and her entire soul deflated as she opened the apartment door. The air was thick and suffocating. “Vic?” she called out in panic. “No, no, no, no, no,” she chanted, racing inside.

She fell to the ground. Tony was kneeling next to Vic’s slumped and sleeping body, his hand on Vic’s chest and his other hand on his own head, pulling his hair. Tony looked up at his sister, tears in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks. Alyssa gasped and Mike fell to his knees at the sight of Vic’s unmoving body. An apparent overdose. For all they knew, he could have been there by himself, alone, dead, for hours. They didn’t know, though; they didn’t know if there was any hope at all. His body was already stiff, so the hope was barely there—just like Vic’s life.

“They’re—they are almost here,” Tony choked out. Alyssa screamed and collapsed next to Vic.

“No!” she cried. She punched his chest and shook his shoulders. She looked at Tony in disbelief. “He actually did it,” she murmured. “I didn’t think he would.” That always seemed to be the fatal mistake—not thinking that someone would actually follow through with the action of suicide.

Then, Alyssa grew angry. “Where were you?” she screamed into his face. She shook Vic’s shoulders. “He’s not breathing! Where were you when he killed himself?” she shouted. Tony sobbed, not answering her. “Where were you?” she mumbled, collapsing back onto his body. “Wake up, baby,” she said into his paling neck. She could feel a faint pulse in his neck, but it was slow, happened only twice a minute, and couldn’t possibly be strong enough to support his body.

“He promised,” Mike murmured. He walked slowly to Vic, staring blankly at it. He ran his long, skinny, shaking fingers through his brother’s deflated hair. He looked away. The group could hear the ambulances arriving. They weren’t sure if that meant anything, but they hoped that the paramedics would at least act quickly and try their best.

Mike gulped, his Adam’s apple bopping painfully in his throat. He turned his head to see Jaime in the doorway, his face empty of all emotion. Jaime grimaced and looked at the ground, not being able to process being in the same room as a dying friend.

Mike cursed under his breath and reached for the letter folded in Vic’s hand. He read it silently to himself first, dripping tears onto the already tear stained piece of paper.

“Poor buddy,” was all Mike managed to whisper. His mouth twitched, but he covered it with his free hand, thinking about Vic and how sad of a kid he was. Even in his happy days, anyone could see the already-dead in his eyes. Vic has been dying since the day he was born. Mike wished that he had done something else, he wished that he knew just how infective Vic’s thoughts had been. He only knew now, when it was too late. Mike knew that Vic loved him and Alyssa, but he also knew that his sucidal thought haunted him. They wrapped around his brain and injected poison into his nervous system. They acted for him, Mike concluded. This wasn’t really his brother laying her, dying; these were his monsters slithering out with his final breaths, departing after a job-well-done. But this wasn’t really Vic. Mike knew that Vic didn’t really want to leave them; he couldn’t help it; it was out of his control.

It all seemed too soon to Mike, though. “My poor brother,” he cried.

“Alyssa, Mike, Tony, and Jaime,” with a shaky voice, Mike started to read Vic’s letter. “I know I promised I wouldn’t, but I did it anyway. I’m sorry. I’m so burnt out. I know you won’t, but I hope you’ll understand. I love you all so much, I can’t bear to see you all hurt because of me. Mike, please take Alyssa to her prom and treat her like the princess she is. Help her live a normal life. Take care of her… Things will be quiet from now on. Thanks for everything that you’ve all done. Thanks for putting up with my selfish self. Thanks for giving me a short period of happiness—it was amazing, and I can’t live anymore with the fear that the happiness can be taken away. I guess that doesn’t make sense, but nothing makes sense. I’m just looking forward to finally getting some sleep. I love you all so much – Vic,” Mike’s voice broke throughout the entire letter. At this point, everyone was on the floor: Alyssa laid completely on top of Vic, her face buried in his shoulder and her heart praying that he’d simply open his eyes; Tony knelt on the ground, his eyes zoned out and his heart crumbling; Jaime squatted, his face in his hands as he took deep breaths, as if doing so would suck up all of the horrible things in life; and Mike slid down the wall Vic had previously been slumped against, his hand throbbing from punching it and his face so struck with pain he felt like he was going to die himself.

All of their heads shot up, though, when they heard the paramedics rush into the apartment.

“I-In h-here,” Jaime called, moving to the side. The medics raced in with the appropriate equipment. The moment they entered the room, they halted and stared sadly at the scene, because this was the worst kind of situation to try and deal with. They only paused for a moment, though, springing into action. Alyssa numbly got out of their way, her hand tracing over Vic’s chilling skin one last time before she fell into Tony’s arms. She buried her face into his neck and sobbed, not wanting to see the medics scoop Vic’s lifeless body up and shake their heads when they find that the task of saving him was hopeless.

“I can’t do this,” Alyssa whimpered. She stood in front of her mirror, narrowing her eyes at herself, pushing the memories out of her head. The last thing she felt was beautiful, but everyone was telling her otherwise. She twirled a strand of her hair in her fingertips, her bottom lip trembling slightly as she stared at her perfect-dress and her perfect-makeup, but what caught her eye the most was the perfectly empty space next to her.

“Yes you can Lissy. This will be good for you,” Tony said reassuringly. He swiped out a stray tear that had fallen from her eyes. Alyssa took a shaky breath and nodded, slapping her cheeks lightly to snap-out-of-it before her eye make up smeared.

“You look lovely, Alyssa,” Mike grinned, stepping into the room.

She smiled weakly. “Thanks, Mikey.”

“You okay?”

“No.”

“Me neither,” he said with a smile—the sarcasm in his action obvious because it didn’t match his words. He held out his arm. “We’ll dance it all out,” Mike grinned. Alyssa grabbed his arm, probably a little too tightly. Truth be told, she needed a lot of support. It almost hurt to stand—and it wasn’t because of her high heels.

“Why are we doing this again?” Alyssa grimaced. She couldn’t see the good at all. What was the point?

“Because he wants us to,” Mike replied simply, knowing that his brother’s request for him to take Alyssa to her prom was his—although weak—way of saying that he still cared.

“It’s not the same,” she mumbled, unafraid of hurting Mike’s feelings because he knew exactly what she meant.

“I know… I know it sucks…”

“Sucks,” she scoffed. “Let’s just go,” she sighed. Mike nodded and let her out of the room, Tony quietly trailing behind.

“We can at least visit him before we go?” she asked hopefully, even though, deep down, she knew the visit would only hurt her more. She just felt like today, of all days, was important to try.

Mike nodded, surprised that she asked but glad that she did. He was going to take her to him, anyway, but it made it better that she actually wanted to go. “You don’t even have to ask.”

Mike held her hand and led her to the car, opening the door for her. “At least chivalry isn’t dead,” she muttered in a bitter tone. Mike forced a smile and guided her in, making sure her dress didn’t get caught in the door. He kissed the side of her head before he closed the door. He turned to Tony before going to the driver’s side.

“I feel so bad,” Mike sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair sadly.

“Just make sure she has fun. She needs to smile,” Tony said quietly.

“But she actually wants to visit him. Which is good. But I’m afraid that—”

“We can only hope that it will go better than last time,” Tony sighed. “Alyssa isn’t a force to be reckoned with. You just have to do what she says,” he shrugged his shoulders.

Mike nodded. “Okay, Tony. See you later?”

“Yeah,” Tony smiled. “Drinks and shit at my place after,” he said.

Mike gave him a thumbs up and then a quick man-hug. “See ya,” he mumbled. Tony nodded and then Mike went back to the car. He smiled sweetly at Alyssa before turning the ignition.

“You sure you want to go?” Mike asked warily.

Alyssa nodded confidently. “I have to.”

“What changed?”

Alyssa looked at Mike seriously and sighed. “I’m supposed to be with him tonight, Mike,” she said quietly. Mike nodded and smiled softly at her.

He pulled out of the drive way and silence was their conversation as he drove to their first destination. Mike was glad that Alyssa wanted to visit Vic tonight. The last few times she had tried to visit did not go well, so it has been about a month since she has gone. She couldn’t bring herself to go when all it did was cause her even more pain. Somehow, though, she knew this time would be different—nice, even. Mike agreed.

As they pulled into the parking lot of the institution, Alyssa sighed. She knew this was a better place in comparison to the place in Los Angeles that her brother and Vic had been admitted to once before, but she couldn’t help but think about how miserable it would be to be in here. Vic didn’t have a choice after trying to kill himself again, which effectively made him even more depressed and angry than before. Which also made him push Alyssa as far away as possible, much to her distress.

“I hope he’s different today,” she whispered to herself; although, Mike heard.

“He will be,” he said positively, even though his voice was layered in a thick coat of silence as he expected the worse. He knew Vic wasn’t going to follow through with their plans and everything would turn to shit, leaving Alyssa even more heart broken than before. He hated seeing her like this, especially from his own brother’s doing.

Alyssa sat rigidly in her seat, her nerves tingling. “This was a bad idea,” she trembled.

“No, Lissy, it’s good, I promise,” Mike assured. She looked to her right and saw that Mike was now at her side, the door open and his arm waiting for hers. She closed her eyes briefly and sighed, turning to get out of the car. Mike opened his mouth to say something to her, but he saw the blank stare in her eyes and the pain on her face and the way her eyebrows slightly creased. He knew what she was thinking about, because he thought about it everyday.

“Come on Alyssa,” he cooed. Her face relaxed and her eyes returned to reality. She looked up at Mike again and held her arm out, grabbing his and pulling herself up. Alyssa hooked her arm through Mike’s and rested her head on his shoulder as they walked towards the haunting building. Alyssa gnawed on her lip. She just wanted to see Vic once, maybe kiss his cheek and lovingly run her fingers through his hair one last time, even though the actions would not be received with love or care—only numbness and lifelessness.

The woman at the front desk smiled when she saw Mike and Alyssa walk in. She knew Mike well—he visited Vic every day—and was happy to see that Alyssa was finally coming back in. She always loved when people came into the hospital dressed up to visit their loved ones; it was special and sweet, like they were thinking of their mentally ill friend or family member even on a good occasion and wanted to share a small piece of that. It kept the patients connected to real life, and the woman appreciated that.

But the woman also frowned, wondering why they were here because the person they were looking for wasn’t here anymore. She looked at Mike in confusion.

“Um, he checked out yesterday, sweetie,” the nurse said, confused and shuffling through her papers in a fluster.

“What?” Alyssa widened her eyes. She hadn’t seen Vic in a month, and now he wasn’t here anymore? Where could he be, and why wouldn’t he say anything to her? She didn’t even know he was getting better. For all she knew he was rotting away in the walls containing the mentally ill, just like the first time.

Shocked and hurt, Alyssa turned to Mike. Her jaw dropped when she saw Mike with a sly smile. “You knew?” she yelled angrily. She smacked him in the chest in frustration. Mike didn’t budge, but he only smiled wider. “Asshole!” she yelled, hitting him again, this time with more force. She was about to take her heels off and hit him with those until she heard a voice.

“Mike really isn’t the person you should be hitting right now,” he said, his voice weak. Alyssa stopped in her tracks, and, for a moment, all of her anger melted into sadness. She turned to the source and stared at Vic, everything inside of her melting at once.

“Vic,” she whimpered. Vic stared at Alyssa sadly, but he smiled gently. Alyssa nearly crumbled at the sight at her boyfriend standing there, dressed in his best, his hair swaying and his natural curls perfect-as-always, his eyes a softer brown than she remembered but just as beautiful.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, blinking.

“F-Fuck you!” Alyssa yelled.

“Excuse me!” the receptionist called out to the group. “Please take this outside. I can’t have you disturbing other people,” she said kindly, understanding what was going on and trying not to get in the middle of it.

Alyssa huffed and exited the hospital. Much to even her own surprise, she shoved past Vic and glared at him when he and his brother followed her out.

“Fuck you,” she growled again. She stomped up to him and glared in his face. Her lips were quivering and her throat was tight, but she remained as fierce as possible.

“I know it’s been a while, Lissy, but I’m so much better now. I’ve never felt this way before,” Vic said honestly. He expected this kind of response from Alyssa—he had pushed her away, he had thrown fits over her.

Alyssa wanted to be angry, but she was so overjoyed that Vic was no longer in the mental hospital and he was healthy. As healthy as he ever was and ever could be.

She still had lingering anger, though, and she needed to get it out. “I hate you!” she screamed, slapping him in his face. Vic’s head turned and he slowly moved it back to face her, and he stood there strongly. He expected that, too. “I fucking hate you for trying to leave me, you fucking bastard!” she hissed. “I’ve been through hell because of you,” she growled. “You almost left for good… but, honestly, you being in here but not wanting to see me was even worse!” she admitted. Vic nodded; he expected this response too. “I hate you,” she spat. That was something Vic didn’t expect, but he waited. He knew she wasn’t done yet.

Alyssa brought both of her hands up to the sides of his face. For the first time in two months, she was holding his precious head in her shaking hands. His face was soft, the color in his cheeks was healthy. She had never seen him so healthy before, even compared to when she first met him. She ran her fingers through his luscious brown hair. “Oh, God,” she whispered. “I love you so fucking much,” she collapsed into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly, crying into his skin. She kissed his neck over and over and over again. “I love you, I love you,” she murmured in between kisses.

Vic sighed in relief. He held her waist tightly with one arm while the other one held the back of her head. He rocked her back and forth, planting a prolonged kiss on the top of her head. He kept his lips in her hair. He never wanted to let her go, and he couldn’t remember why he even wanted to in the first place.

“H-how long have you been planning this?” Alyssa whispered. She pulled away from him, staring into Vic’s eyes. For the first time in a long time, he looked strong. He looked happy to be alive. She could see the strength and happiness swirling in his irises.

“A few weeks,” he admitted. “I was getting a lot better, they were going to release me soon. Mike visited me every day, telling me about you. I’m so sorry I pushed you away, baby. I love you so much. I just… I wanted you to come back, but Mike said you wouldn’t until I got better. I’m better now. I didn’t expect it to happen, but it did. I want to live. I want to live with you. I want to see the world. I want to start a band and I can actually visualize a future, now. I want you to design our shirts and logos and I never want to let you go again. I want to live. I probably sound selfish with all of this want, but—” Alyssa interrupted Vic, crashing her lips to his. She pulled away for a moment only to kiss him again. She kept doing that over and over, kissing him endlessly.

“I want you to want to live. That’s not selfish. I’m so glad you can see yourself in the future now… everything’s going to be okay,” she whispered, kissing him again. His lips were plump and warm against hers.

Vic smiled against her lips and sighed in relief again. Everything inside felt better. And even more now that he was with Alyssa again.

He sniffled. He didn’t realize he was crying a little until he wiped his eyes. “Mike got the idea… I still wanted you to go and have fun at prom with him if I didn’t get out in time, but we organized it to work out. I’m so glad it did,” he whispered. The first few weeks of being in the hospital after his close-call-suicide-attempt, he was miserable. Especially when Alyssa tried to visit him—he couldn’t face her, not after what he had almost done. He had been in one of the darkest places of his life; he couldn’t see or feel anything at all. But after a while of consistent visits from Mike—and Mike reporting how bad Alyssa was doing as a result of Vic’s actions—he decided that he wanted to get better, and that was the best decision of his life. If he had known that trying to leave this world would cause so much pain for the others, he would have never tried. He didn’t understand how he didn’t know, though. It all seemed so clear now.

“Me too,” she whispered.

“Well, shit. Now I don’t have a date!” Mike teased. They all laughed as Mike took his jacket off and loosened the top of his shirt, undoing the top button. He un-tucked his shirt and ruffled his hair. “That’s better.”

Alyssa relaxed in Vic’s hold, burying her face into his chest. Vic continued to brush back her hair.

“Ready to go, kiddies?” Mike asked. Alyssa smiled and nodded. She pulled away from Vic, and he wiped her eyes.

“Oh, shit,” she frowned, realizing that her make up was probably smudged.

“No, you’re perfect,” Vic murmured, kissing her cheek.

“I know you may think so, but other people might not agree,” she laughed. Vic smiled softly at her and snuck his arm around her waist, holding her to his side and never wanting to let go.

“Mike?” she looked at him for his onion, since she didn’t have a mirror.

“You’re fine. I promise,” he said approvingly. Alyssa grinned and squeezed Vic.

“Okay, I’m ready,” she breathed.

“Oh, so I’m your chauffeur, now?” Mike joked when Alyssa snuggled into Vic in the back seat.

“Yes, thanks Mike,” Vic grinned, kissing the side of Alyssa’s head. Alyssa clutched onto Vic for dear life, the entire situation seeming surreal and she felt like he could just slip away again at any second. “I’m not going anywhere anymore, baby, I promise,” he murmured into her ear. Alyssa pulled away and looked into his eyes. She nodded. Deep down, she believed him. Things weren’t going to be great, but they weren’t going to be bad. She was just glad that Vic was given another chance, happy that he could actually stick around long enough to see that things would eventually get better for him, for the couple, for the entire group.

The best part about it was that Vic himself was happy about that, too.

Notes

And we go out with a bang! Not sure if that really counts as an “epilogue” but who cares! Haha
I really need to stop “almost” killing off characters. It’s kind of therapeutic though tbh, and I really had this desire to kill him off. I actually was going to. I had a happy ending and a sad ending, and I was going to post both to let you guys decide because I couldn’t decide myself—I wanted to kill him off because half of me never saw him getting better, but I wanted to make him live because him and Lyssa are cute as fuck and I just couldn’t do that. I also wanted to kill him because I had the idea in my head, and I just couldn’t get it out until I wrote it down, but then I would probably never get over it and I also didn’t want to upset anyone. Besides, my character embodies the image of my favorite person ever, I couldn’t really kill him!
So then I decided to morph the two endings together, and I’m actually very satisfied with how it turned out. I hope you are too.
IM SAD THAT IT’S OVER THOUGH! It was a long story, though, and you guys have been really freakin’ awesome. I love you all a lot, and your comments are so unbelievably sweet and inspire me so much.
At the end of the day, I wanted to end this on a hopeful note, just to spread the message that if you just hold on a little it gets better. Even though you can’t see it yourself, it will eventually and then when you look back on your dark time you can be happy that you pushed through.


When I was writing the happy versus sad ending, these were my notes for that (idk, I just want to share how I was thinking, y’know?)
I wanted to end it happy but I couldn't get this out of my head. It was kind of therapeutic killing him. Like, half of me was like oh he can be happy, he deserves it, he's been through a lot. But another greater part of me was like is it really possible for him to get better? I never saw it from his POV.
However I do believe that from an outsiders POV it will get better. That's why I posted the happy version first. See my confliction?? Like from your own opinion it doesn't feel like you can get out, but if you just hold on you'll see that you can and that it's possible. The sad version is our character not thinking he can get out and at the end of the day he was just done. But the happy version is the hopeful version. If you just hold on a little longer no matter what kind of shit you go through, things will get better. So that's kind of the message I was trying to show if that makes sense. The positive one. Even though there's a negative one, it won't be worth it in the end. So just hold on and know happiness will come eventually.

WOW I WAS REALLY CONFLICTED ABOUT THIS BUT I'M NOT CONFLICTED ANYMORE OKAY I'M GOING TO GO MOVE ON NOW SRY


THANKS FOR EVERYTHING GUYS! I LOVE YOU ALL!

BTW YOU SHOULD ALL GO READ MY GOOD BUDDY'S NEWEST STORY @FUENTITS BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY FREAKING AWESOME IT ALREADY IS SO FAR IT'S VERY DESCRIPTIVE AND I LOVE THE MAIN CHARACTER OKAY OKAY GO GO DO IT CLICK THIS