I woke up for the second time, feeling rather dazed. I yawned and sat up, rubbing my face with my hands. I peered over to the clock and saw that it was four in the afternoon. I groaned and fell backwards, seeing that I was an hour late for work. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to call in sick. Hopefully this wouldn’t result in me losing my crappy job—it was all I had right now, and it wasn’t even enough on its own.

I sighed and rolled over, flopping my arm out to hold Alyssa. I frowned when I realized she wasn’t there.

“Lissy?” I called out dumbly. I yawned again and slid out of bed, putting on a fresh sweatshirt because I was freezing. I stretched a little and proceeded to walk out of the room to meet Alyssa.

“I already called out work for you,” she said when I entered the main room. I smiled thankfully at her.

“You’re the best,” I said, reaching out for her.

Except, she stepped backwards. I furrowed my eyebrows at her actions. “You okay?”

She nodded slowly, only for it to transfer into a shake and then back to a nod. I stared at her, perplexed.

“You’re going to leave me, but I won’t be able to handle that,” she declared. I frowned, staring at her curiously. My heart thumped out of my chest. Her eyes were nearly black and he usually tan skin was a lot paler than usual.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I assured, wondering what in the world she was trying to say.

“Isn’t that what Logan and Bree said?” she hissed, her words like poison. She extended one of her arms—both of which, I realized, had been behind her back—and pointed to the living room. My eyes darted to where she was gesturing. My stomach lurched.

There it was again: the sight of Logan’s dead body, stiff in the thick atmosphere and swaying a little because of the force of gravity. And his blood was still draining, out of his arms, onto the floor of the living room. His eyes were rolled back but he had a smirk on his face. Bree laid underneath him, her body sprawled out in unnatural positions. My stomach churned again and I nearly fell to my knees. This isn’t real, I had to tell myself.

“It is,” Alyssa said. I turned my attention back to her and gasped. “I’m sorry. But I have to leave you first,” she whispered, her voice icy. She dropped her arm, keeping both of them at her side. She stared at me sadly as her face continued to pale, as her blood started to pour out of her split wrists, too.

“No!” I screamed. I rushed to her, grabbing a hold of her arms that continued to gush blood. She shook her head and collapsed into my arms, but she was already cold. “No,” I croaked, crying into her hair.

I screamed again as a sharp pain writhed in my wrists. I didn’t want to let go of her, but I couldn’t feel her heartbeat against my own chest. I couldn’t even feel my own. I sobbed loudly, separating myself from her as I inspected my own source of pain.

The blood ran thickly off of my fingertips, out of the single cuts on the top of my wrists. One, deep, gashing cut on each wrist. Only two incisions, where everything—my blood, my feelings, my soul—poured out heavily. I gasped but I knew there was nothing I could do anymore. Alyssa was dead, and I couldn’t save myself even if I wanted to.

I closed my eyes and screamed in agony.

“Vic!” someone yelled. I held my left wrist with my right one tightly, and I cried out in pain again. “Vic, open your eyes!”

I cried out again, tightening my grip on my left wrist. I felt someone else’s hands grab mine, pulling them away from each other. I gasped as the pressure on my left wrist decreased, leaving behind a stinging sensation. “Vic,” she said sternly. My eyes clamped shut, I instinctively tried to scratch at my wrists again in the midst of my panic. She wouldn't let me, though, pinning them to the side.

“I'm going to be sick,” I moaned, my words slightly slurry. My eyes shot open. Alyssa was hovering over me, still holding down my hands, but her body swayed. There was suddenly several of her, staring at me in an inexplicable emotion.

The entire roam shook around me, the walls tilting and Alyssa blurring. I couldn’t focus my eyes on anything, and my entire body was in an insurmountable amount of pain.

“Motion sickness,” I mumbled, closing my eyes. I turned my head so my face was pressed into the mattress. I growled into the fabric and opened my mouth so I could chomp on the blankets in an attempt to steady myself. The room was still spinning at rapid paces—I could no longer see anything, but every sound—Alyssa’s shouts and my cries—painfully rung in my ears, and every touch—Alyssa’s hands wrapped around my wrists and her body hovering over me in panic—made me crumble.

The sensation was horrible. It felt like my brain was doing flips inside of my skull. The pain and disorientation around me was so intense I wanted to die just to end it.

“Vic!” I cringed when Alyssa cried to me, clenching my eyes shut as tightly as possible, but that only made the throbbing in my head intensify. I allowed my eyes to flutter open, but everything was still a blur of colors; I couldn’t make out any definite shapes. I cried out in pain and my body violently shook. I had that nauseous feeling in my throat, but I couldn’t get anything out.

“O-Off,” I tried. A small wave of relief hit me when I felt Alyssa release my arms and move to the side of me. I curled into myself, holding my head with my hands. I felt Alyssa touch my back timidly, and I shuddered away. “No,” I croaked. I couldn’t be touched. Every time even a small rush of air brushed past me, the pain and nausea was worse.

“Vic what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Alyssa rushed, her voice distant, and, although it was normally sweet, it was now piercing through my ears. I groaned and shook my head. “Vic,” she cried. I breathed heavily again. I didn’t know what was happening to me, and I couldn’t control myself. My body was simply taking matters into its own hands. Even if I wanted to say something to Alyssa—and I did want to—I wouldn’t be able to.

“I’m going to call Tony and your brother,” I heard her half-whisper to herself. Her footsteps departed briefly before they came back. The wind rushed in front of me, and somehow I knew she was standing in front of me while I remained curled up on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what’s happening to him!” I heard her cry desperately into the phone. I covered my face with my hands to try and block out the sound. “Come over now! I don’t know what to do! He won’t say anything!” her voice was shaking, yet quiet. I just wished that my body would pass out already; because I couldn’t handle the amount of pain and dizziness I was feeling. I had a feeling, though, that I wasn’t going to be that lucky.

It felt like seconds but it was probably minutes when I heard more voices in the room. I brought my hands back up to my head and held them over my ears tightly, clamping my eyes shut and my face twisting in discomfort.

“Vic, what’s going on buddy?” I heard someone murmur. He reached out and touched my cheek, and I whimpered in pain.

“Please make it stop,” I slurred. It hurt to think, but I was determined to try and remember what I did that brought this on. What was wrong with me?

I wouldn’t be reacting like this to a nightmare. It had been horrifying and shocking, but that would have worn off after a few minutes of catching my breath and seeing Alyssa healthy. There was no way that my nightmare induced the pain I was in. This was something physical, not mental. I was sick.

My body continued to shudder. I heard Mike, Tony, Jaime, and Alyssa’s voices nearby, but they were only whispers.

“He looks so sick.”

“He won’t stop shaking.”

“He cringes every time I try to comfort him.”

“Is he having an episode?”

“I don’t think so. He took his pills…”

My pills.

This wasn’t an episode. This was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I wasn’t seeing things; I was feeling them.

“He keeps mumbling about motion sickness.”

“My pills,” I croaked.

“You took them already, sweetie,” I heard Alyssa coo. My head pounded with each syllable, even though I knew she was just trying to help.

“No,” I shook my head as I realized what I had done. “I messed up,” I shook.

“What do you mean?” they all asked.

“Too much,” I whispered. I opened my eyes to try and look at them. They were all still so blurry; it hurt to try and actually see them. I closed my eyes again.

“Too much? How?”

I shook my head. I knew it. I had accidentally taken a double dosage. Once at breakfast early this morning, and once again when I woke up a few hours later—around eight or nine—panicking because I hadn’t taken my pills. Even though I already did. I had another nightmare before this last one—I woke up, worried that I didn’t take them, and then I immediately went back to sleep with Alyssa. Now, several hours later, I was facing the consequences of the actions that I only vaguely remember. “Accident,” I whispered.

“This didn’t happen last time.”

“Last time? There was a last time?”

I shook my head. “Please stop.”

“Call the pharmacy. We need to make sure he’ll be okay,” someone ordered. Their feet shuffled around and I tried to shut my brain off—to no avail, naturally. I heard one of them mumble into the phone.

“He’ll be fine. They said he slept through the beginnings of it, when we would have started noticing the symptoms… tiredness, dizziness, headaches… and now everything is a lot worse… he said we can give him motion sickness medicine, that it will help. He didn’t take enough to kill him,” Tony explained.

“Tone, why didn’t this happen before?” I heard Alyssa whisper.

“Before?” Mike bellowed. I buried my face into my folded arms and moaned in agony.

“Sorry buddy,” he whispered. “Before?” I could hear that his teeth grit.

“Mike,” Tony sighed. “Alyssa, probably because you got it all out of his system before anything could happen.”

“He tried to kill—”

“Not now, Mike!” he whisper yelled. “He’s done with that. This was an accident.”

I moaned again. “Please,” I whimpered.

“I’ll go get him medicine,” I heard Jaime chime in, and then I heard a few approving mumbles.

“What do we do? He’s in so much pain…” I heard Alyssa cry.

“Kill me,” I hissed. It felt like someone had my brain in the palm of their hands, tossing it around and molding it with a lot of pressure like a drying chunk of clay. On top of that, I needed to get sick, but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t let me.

“Please try and relax, you’ll be okay soon,” Alyssa whispered. I nodded and took deep breaths. It didn’t help but it was worth a try.

“Horrible,” I croaked.

“I know, I know. Here, Jaime’s back with medicine. Can you sit up?” I took a shaky breath and shook my head.

“I can’t.” The vertigo was unbearable.

“Here, take this,” she whispered.

“God, I’m sorry,” I breathed.

“It’s okay. C’mon,” she encouraged.

Still shaking, I peeled my eyes open and tried to sit up. I wobbled, but Alyssa steadied me. A wave of pain crashed through me; I grimaced.

“Shh, here,” she whispered. I couldn’t really see, but my shuddering hands extended. Two pills dropped into my hand. I took a deep breath and tilted my head back, focusing on staying still, even though the walls were still spinning.

I took them quickly, my motivation being that they were going to stop the dizziness.

“I can’t believe I did this,” I whispered. I decided I would feel better if I sat up, so I scooted back and rested my back on the headboard of the bed. I kept my eyes closed, though.

“It was an accident. Accidents happen.”

“But they happen to me,” I murmured.

“I know,” she whispered sadly.

I sat quietly for a few more minutes. The medicine was starting to kick in, and the walls were starting to settle down a little. “I knew this was going to be a bad day,” I forced a small, bitter laugh.

Alyssa didn’t say anything. Neither did Mike, Tony, or Jaime. I didn’t mind it, though; finally, everything was quiet. I rested my head back and focused on breathing and trying not to over-think. It was an accident, and, like Alyssa said, accidents happen. I fucked up, but I would be fine soon. I would be fine.

I opened my eyes again and I could actually see. My head pounded, but it wasn’t the same kind of pain as before. I looked around the room; it was empty. I heard low voices in the main room.

I peered through a window and saw that the sky was pitch black; I had wasted the entire day away. I sighed and slid out of bed, wobbling a little. The horrible vertigo had ended, and I felt so much better.

I shuffled slowly to the door of the bedroom, pausing when I heard the voices again. They were talking about me.

“…an accident?”

“Of course it was!”

“But he said ‘kill me’, Alyssa. Didn’t you hear him say that?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s tried this before?”

“It was a while ago!”

“It wasn’t that long ago. But it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Alyssa was able to wash them all out before they took their effect.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s heat-of-the-moment or planned. It still happened. How many times has my brother tried to kill himself? I need to know…”

“That was the only other time…”

“But he’s hurt himself.”

“He’s been through a lot.”

“He’s self-destructive. He’s always hurting himself in some way… at the hospital after Bree died… after he tried to kill my parents… he’s always so angry. He’s always in so much pain.”

“Can you blame him, though?”

“That’s why I’m afraid!”

“So you do think this was on purpose?”

“Not exactly… yes and no… I think it was subconscious…”

“I hate seeing him like this.”

“He’s always been like this, though. He has spurts of happiness but I see in his eyes how sick he is. I’m terrified.”

“We all are.”

“I can’t lose him again. I’ve only just got him back…”

“I feel like we already have.”

“Have what?”

“Lost him.”

Notes

Eh. This was kind of an intense chapter for me to write. I was already planning something dramatic like this to happen, but my friend a few days ago, she accidentally woke up, took some of her meds, and then fell back asleep and accidentally took her night dose with her morning dose. She went the entire day all exhausted and "wtf" because she had no idea what was going on (she has a lot of crazy health problems) and then she went to bed super early like 6 at night, and then at 4 in the morning she woke up and had this sort of vertigo/dizzy spell. She's totally fine and all but it's kind of scary that those kind of things can happen if you're not careful! It only lasted a few hours and she's all good, she was just telling me how horrible it was. It sort of inspired me, oops. But it's scary.

But yeah. Hi

P.S. I have like two different endings in my head. *spoiler alert* they both involve Alyssa's prom, but one is sad and the other is not. Hmm.
And It might be soon, btw. This is probably going to end in a few chapters… I accidentally didn't really plan out the entire story so it sort of just went on for forever! haha

EDIT: I just planned out the rest of the story. Heehee. It ends at 60, but then there's an epilogue. :) I'm not trying to rush the ending or anything but I've dragged this out long enough. I'm not sick of it, though, and I"m sad to see it end! But it gives me more time to work on my Mike story that I really want to focus on :)