Trigger warning I think

The entire ride to the hospital, I didn’t blink. Bree went in and out of consciousness on out way, and I seemed to do the same; one second everything felt real, and then the next I felt like I was in a completely different world.

Bree didn’t even look like Bree anymore. Her hair was matted around her head, and her face was paler than usually and sunken in. Beads of sweat rested on her hairline, and her cheekbones stuck out in a way that made her look almost like a corpse. I shuddered as her head lolled back and forth, and she quietly moaned whenever she regained consciousness. Her heartbeat—according to the monitor inside of the ambulance—was existent, yet slowing. The drugs she had in her body were quickly taking their effect, slowing down her heart rate to dangerous levels. I bounced my left knee up and down in anxiousness, wishing we were at the hospital already. The ride seemed to be taking forever.

I felt a gentle hand touch my jumping knee. I looked down and saw Alyssa’s hand there, trying to calm me down. She squeezed my knee gently and rubbed her thumb up and down the side, and I placed my hand over hers gratefully.

“I… I—” Bree’s eyes opened lazily and her head rolled to face me. Her eyes were bloodshot and empty; I shivered. “I only… I was here… because…” she breathed heavily as she tried to speak, maybe to try to explain herself. She paused for a while, closing her eyes slowly and then opening them again. “I f-fell,” her eyes looked up, and I nodded, understanding. I had gotten that already; she had passed out and hit her head in the process. “B-Because… I… I’m sorry,” she croaked. “I didn’t… I didn’t… mean to…” she closed her eyes slowly, and then she opened them again. Her eyes were lazy and unfocused. “I needed your help, that’s why I was at your door,” she whispered. “M-My parents… they weren’t… they were t-turning against me,” she shivered, chill bumps raised on her arms. I reached across with my free right hand and grabbed hers that was closest. I felt Alyssa bury her head into my back; seeing Bree try to talk like this was a horrific. It was taking every ounce of my will to not turn away, too. “…because of m-my problems…” she inhaled sharply. I grimaced. “So I came to San Diego… and I…I just wanted to say goodbye to you, V-Vic... I took too much this time, V-Vic,” she whispered painfully. “But I don’t think I regret it,” the corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile. “I’m sorry you found me, but I think… I’m glad… yes, I’m glad… I’m glad I took too much. I love you, Vic… more than… than you’ll ever…” her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes. I shuddered violently and a tear rolled down my cheek. It left an icy and almost painful trail.

She smiled again, and I closed my eyes hastily. Her smile pulled on her frail skin, her once full cheeks now withered to bone. I didn’t want to see that. I heard the ambulance roll to a stop; we were finally here. “Hi, Logan,” I heard her croak.

“No,” I whispered. Alyssa tightened her arms around me while the inside of my body felt like it was going to collapse. I breathed roughly as they urgently carted her out of the truck, and I bent my arm back, holding onto Alyssa’s arm that was across my chest.

“C’mon,” she said softly, taking her arms off of me and tugging on my arm. I nodded numbly and held onto her for dear life as we walked into the hospital. My legs shook and I didn’t think I could walk any further; I squeezed Alyssa desperately. “Sh, it’s okay,” she murmured, supporting me and leading me to a chair in the waiting room while they took Bree to a restricted area, motioning for us to stay behind. I collapsed into a chair and sunk back, taking deep and painful breaths. Alyssa sat close to me and played with my hair, knowing that it would comfort me.

“Sir?” I looked up at a nurse, holding a clipboard with several papers attached to it. “Are you family?” she asked.

“Er, uh,” I stammered. I tried to come up with something, but I failed. “No,” I whispered. “Just a friend.” She nodded understandingly.

“Is there anyone else I could call?” she asked. “Someone who can sufficiently fill these forms out,” she held up the clipboard.

“Uh… her parents,” I whispered, immediately regretting suggesting them.

“Do you have their—”

“No, I don’t,” I mumbled.

She nodded again. “What is her name? I’ll look them up,” she said.

“Bree Lewis,” I whispered hoarsely. She nodded again, smiled weakly, and darted off to make the call. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning back in the seat.

“What a fucking day,” I muttered.

Lissy rubbed my back soothingly, and I rested my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. I placed my hand carefully on her thigh.

“It’s okay. Don’t feel bad, Lissy. It’s just… it’s just really shitty that this happened today, when you needed me,” I whispered.

“I’m okay, Vic. I’m okay to be here for you,” she said softly, moving her hands to play with my hair again.

I closed my eyes and breathed slowly, trying to calm down my anxious nerves. My stomach twisted and my heart throbbed.

“Where the hell is she?” a booming voice screamed as it entered the hospital.

I jolted my head up, opened my eyes wide. I looked around—dazed—realizing that I had fallen asleep on Alyssa’s shoulder.

“Sir, please calm do—”

“Don’t tell me to be calm when my baby girl is sick in here! Where is she? We need to see her right now!” he continued to scream. I closed my eyes and sighed—that parent sure loved his daughter. I wondered how Bree’s parents were going to react. They seemed to only love her when she was healthy.

“Sir, who are you looking for? I will help you,” she said.

“Lewis. Bree Lewis,” the man’s voice shook. My eyes widened—this was her father? He sounded so concerned for her. He also sounded angry, very angry.

“Sir,” the nurse said quietly. I perked up, listening intently. Alyssa squeezed my hand. “I’m still waiting to hear her status. If you could please wait in—”

“Still waiting? It’s been over two hours since you’ve called!” Bree’s father bellowed.

“George,” a softer voice hushed.

“No, Stacey,” he growled. “This is unacceptable—”

“Sir!” the nurse raised her voice. “I’m very, truly sorry. But there’s nothing I can do for you right now. So if you would please calm down and wait patiently, I should know more very soon,” she said firmly.

The man was quiet—the nurse had silenced him. I heard the sound of footsteps and heels clicking on the floor, meaning this were walking into the room. I sighed lightly when they took the chairs that were across from ours. Mr. Lewis had a scowl on his face, and Mrs. Lewis was crying softly. He stared at me, but I wasn’t sure if her knew who I was. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and stared at my hands that were intertwined with Alyssa’s.

A few more painful minutes passed in silence. You could only hear the frantic beating of my heart and the heavy breaths of Bree’s father.

“Bree Lewis?” my head shot up when the nurse finally returned. Mr. Lewis eyed me curiously—probably wondering who the fuck I was—but paid more attention to the nurse.

The nurse sighed heavily. “Here’s the situation…” she frowned. My heart sank. “By the time we were able to pump her stomach, the drugs had already reached her blood stream. She had an over dosage of anxiety pills in her system, which are the kind of pills that slow down your heart rate. Her heart rate slowed so dramatically that her heart nearly stopped. We were able to resuscitate her, but she wouldn’t hang on by her own. We had to put her into a medically induced coma,” she explained. I held my breath and her parents gasped.

“That selfish girl,” I heard her father mutter. I glared at him.

“Bree is not selfish,” I spat.

“And, who may you be?” he narrowed his eyes at me.

“I’m Bree’s friend, Vic,” I clenched my jaw.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the nurse beat him to it. She looked uncomfortable with the new tension in the room, but she pushed past it. “She… I’m sorry to say that she isn’t doing so well. The chances of her waking up on her own are slim to none,” she regretted. “We could take her off the machines and pray for a miracle, but that probably won’t happen, realistically speaking. We can leave her on the machines, but it won’t do much use. The longer she is on them, the worse her state will be if she ever decides to wake up,” she explained. I shuddered, a fresh layer of numbness and pain washing over me.

“So…” her mother said slowly. “She’s only alive because the machines are keeping her alive?” she asked. The nurse nodded and frowned.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “If you want to say goodbye, please go ahead and take your time. Call for a doctor when you’re ready,” she said sadly. Her parents nodded sadly.

“Surely, you’re not going to give up this quickly?” I asked hastily.

“We’re her parents. We decide,” Mr. Lewis said.

“But she still has a ch—”

“She barely has a chance. Don’t think of us as malicious parents, Vic, but we want what’s best for her. Clearly, she wanted death. And I doubt she’ll want to live the rest of her life as a vegetable,” her mom said.

“No, you don’t understand, she—”

“Oh, we don’t understand? Last time I checked I was her own father,” he snapped.

I stood up angrily. “Just because you’re her biological parents doesn’t mean shit!” I yelled. “You treated her horribly. You abandoned her when she was just a teenager, leaving her to her own devices. And then you abandoned her again when she needed you, and now she’s here!” I said angrily. “She’s here because you pushed her away when she was crying out for help! You fucking jackass,” I growled.

Her father stood up, towering over me. “Vic. That name sounds familiar. Oh, right. You’re that fucked up kid she was so in love with, aren’t you? Clearly, you cared about her if she’s here,” he challenged. I gritted my teeth and forced my anger to the front of my mind, pushing the hurt and sadness to the back to deal with later.

“Screw you,” I hissed, pushing him back. “That’s your daughter in there,” I pointed to the doors that lead to the hallway where her room was. “Have a little respect,” I hissed. “You can’t just come in here and act like you care about her when you haven’t your entire life,” I said angrily.

Her father gritted his teeth and flared his nostrils, but he didn’t say anything. “Come on Stacey, let’s go,” he growled, his eyes freezing my soul. “Family only,” he whispered so only I could hear. Slightly defeated, I sunk back into the chair and rested my head on Alyssa’s shoulder. She stroked my thigh tenderly with her fingers.

After several minutes, they came back out. The mother had tears in her eyes, the father looked angry, and the nurse sighed and looked not only distraught but also slightly guilty. I stood up anxiously.

“You didn’t…” I breathed.

“I’m so sorry,” the nurse said. “They were her parents. I had to listen to them. They didn’t want outside visitors. I’m so sorry,” she said, her face looking like she was undergoing torture.

“It’s—it’s not your fault,” I said to the nurse, nodding. But that calmness didn’t last long.

“You killed her!” I screamed, lunging at Bree’s father. Her mom squealed and jumped away when my fist connected with his face. “You fucking murderer! You killed your own daughter! I didn’t get to say goodbye! You asshole! Rot in hell!” I screamed, pure anger rushing through my veins. Tears also fell down my face. Numb tears.

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” I was losing control; I could feel it within my body, the way my blood rushed like river rapids and my bones loosened and my veins throbbed.

The father angrily pushed me back. I only swung at him angrily again, until tight arms wrapped around from behind me and ripped me away from him. “No!” I yelled. “Let go of me!” I trashed around in security’s hold, trying to break free so I could kill the pitiful bastard who killed Bree. My heart ripped open in my chest, flooding the inside of my body with the horrible raw emotions deep within me. I was drowning in my pain and sorrow.

After a moment of fighting back, I collapsed into the security man’s arms, crying softly. Completely unleashed, that was what I was. I didn’t even think about Alyssa who was standing nearby, I just cried and cried. I couldn’t breathe as the pain of losing Bree permanently intoxicated my lungs.

“I have to get out of here,” I choked out. The security guard looked at me sympathetically and looked at Bree’s father in a small form of disgust, releasing me.

“Vic,” Alyssa said softly, reaching out for my arm. I shook her off and turned away.

“Leave me alone,” I growled harshly, forgetting that it was Alyssa there in front of me. A look of hurt flashed across her face, but then it transformed into understanding and sadness. I couldn’t look at her right now, though. Not because she did anything wrong; I just couldn’t be around people in general. I breathed roughly and darted off to a bathroom to be alone. I needed a few minutes by myself, so I locked the door.

“God damn it,” I sobbed, leaning back against the wall.

I sunk down to the ground and stuck my hands in my pocket, finding Alyssa’s blades that I had neglected to throw out earlier. I didn’t hold on to them on purpose—I genuinely was intending to get rid of them—but now they were so tempting and inviting.

Seems like everybody was losing control in one day. First Alyssa, then Bree, and now me.

I lifted the blade and put it to my forearm, taking a deep breath. I only saw red and black in my head. I didn’t see Alyssa or Tony or anyone or anything. Just red and black. I had no sense.

“So,” I cut my arm once, “much,” I gritted my teeth and sliced my arm a second time, “shit,” I growled, making a deeper third one. “Fuck!” I screamed, tears running consistently down my sorry face. I raised my hands and gripped my hair tightly, ignoring the stream of blood that was going down my arm and that was surely dripping onto my hair and face. I clenched my fists and dug my nails into my scalp and screamed in agony again.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. I brought my arm down and aggressively placed the razor back onto my skin, pulling it back over and over and over again. Each cut warranted a scream from my pathetic mouth, each cut was deeper than the last. I didn’t feel anything as I repeatedly pulled the blade back, my hand clenching onto the metal and my hand in a tight fist. “Fuck!” I screamed one last time, collapsing backwards into the wall. My chest rapidly rose and fell and my hand that was holding the blade relaxed. The clink that the blade made when it dropped onto the tile floor rung in my ears. My previous screaming dissolved into whimpers of pain and tortured cries. Ignoring the blood that was crusting on my arm, I yanked down my sleeve and tucked my knees into my chest. I didn’t respond to the sting in my arm as I wrapped both of my arms around my legs, holding them tightly. I buried my face into my knees, sobbing in exhaustion and rocking back and forth. “Fuck,” I repeated for the final time, but instead of a scream, it came out in a throaty, broken croak.

Notes

Womp.
Bree hath died.
Vic hath relapsed :(

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