It’s been two weeks since Bree came back (and then left again). I felt so much more resolved, knowing that she was relatively okay. We were on good terms, too, which made me happy. We talked on the phone probably twice this week, and we made it a point to remain friends and talk occasionally. Alyssa didn’t mind, because it was more of us checking in on each other, and none of it was flirty whatsoever. Bree and I had both accepted the fact that we were no longer together, and we never would be again. In a way, I knew it would end up like this. Bree had been in my life during a hard time of mine that I would prefer to forget. In the moment, she was what I needed, but, now, I didn’t rely on her. I loved her, I cared about her, but it wasn’t the same anymore.

The last time I talked to her, though, I became worried. When I asked her how she was doing, she confessed that she was better, but not great. Apparently she had fallen back into the trap of her old ways, meaning she was abusing her anxiety medication. I was glad that she told me instead of keeping it hidden, and I was sure that it had taken a lot of courage to admit the truth.

She had said that ever since Logan died, she could feel those feeling bubbling up inside of her. She said that she knew there was nothing stopping her—she was feeling out of control and the thought of taking again ruled her mind. She was afraid of exposing me to her problems. She didn’t want to “drag me down with her”. So, she decided she needed to leave and get herself in check, which I, of course, respected. I was sad that she wouldn't let me help her—that she had run away in an attempt to protect me from her self-destructive ways—but at least she was coming clean now. I just hoped that she would become clean.

She said that she was getting help and talking to a therapist, and she sounded fine over the phone, but I still was a little worried. On the surface, Bree seemed like such an innocent, pure girl, but on the inside she had thousands of tangled webs. I wanted her to take care of herself; I wanted her to be okay.

“Yeah, take care of yourself, Bree,” I murmured into the phone.

“Bye, Vic,” she said, hanging up. I sighed a little, putting my phone into my pocket. Alyssa came up to me with a soft smile, seeing that I was off the phone. I usually only talked to Bree for a few minutes, both of us respectful of the fact that I had a girlfriend who, although I didn’t think would get jealous, I still had to watch out for.

“You miss her, don’t you?” Alyssa asked softly, sitting down next to me and rubbing my arm. I always felt a little down when I finished talking to Bree, but it was nothing a little love from Lissy couldn’t cure.

I sighed. I wasn’t going to lie to her. “I mean, yeah… it’s weird how things change, but I’m much happier now,” I said.

“I know that,” she leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder.

“Like, she got me through a really horrible time. I can’t forget that. So, yeah, I miss that time a little. But I’m not in a hospital any more, and I’d much rather be here,” I said honestly.

“I know,” she said. “I understand.”

“Yeah, enough about me though. How are you?” I asked, nudging her side. She shrugged her shoulders apathetically and fell backwards into her bed. “Lissy?”

“Eh,” she said. “School was rough this week,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly, rolling over and snaking an arm around her waist.

“But it’s okay,” she said.

“You’ll be done with it soon,” I said, planting a sweet kiss on her neck. She giggled lightly.

“Do that again,” she said. She pulled her arms away from herself and wrapped one around my neck, playing with the hair on the back of my head while pulling me closer. I chuckled softly and kissed her neck again, this time more prolonged.

“You’re so funny,” I shook my head, my lips brushing against her skin. I ducked my head and rested it in the crook of her neck, a large smile on my face.

She just giggled again and twisted her other hand into my hair. I smiled contently. “I love when you play with my hair,” I said.

“You’re such a girl,” she mocked.

“No more neck kisses for you!” I said, rolling away from her.

“No,” she giggled, hooking her arms around my waist from behind to keep me from going any further. She clasped her hands at my stomach.

“I didn’t mean it, come back here,” she said, burying her face into the space between my shoulder blades. I laughed and shook her off so I could turn back around. When I faced her again, I grinned mischievously at her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she raised an eyebrow curiously.

I grinned and sat up, my back against the headboard of her bed. “Come here,” I patted my thigh. She looked at me shyly through her hair, and then tucked it behind her ear. I reached my arms out and put my hands on her hips, guiding her over to me. She swung her left leg over and bent her legs back so she was straddling my lap. I smiled again and put my hands on the back of her thighs, leaning forward and pulling her closer to me.

“Smooth,” she whispered with a shaky breath. I grinned and bit my lip, staring at her for a few minutes before I gently tucked all of her hair behind her left ear and put it behind her shoulders, exposing the flesh on her neck. I kept my left hand up around her head, holding her hair out of the way while my right hand remained on the back of her thigh. I slowly leaned forward, placing my lips on the skin on her neck, right where I knew she loved it the most.

She sighed contently—almost in relief—and I smirked against her skin, continuing to plant kisses on that one spot. I opened my mouth a little and let my tongue glide against the area I kissed, and then I trailed my mouth further up her neck, so I was at her jaw.

“You like that, baby?” I mumbled, my mouth moving against the bone of her jaw. I felt her nod, and I glanced up at her face to see that her eyes were closed. I grinned and continued to kiss her jaw and neck, trailing open-mouthed kisses in all of the right places. I could feel her shiver in my hold; I could feel the chill bumps on her skin.

My hands traveled around, and I lightly traced her sides before resting my hands on top of her thighs. I squeezed them gently while continuing to kiss her, and I felt her tense up. “Relax,” I murmured, moving my hands so they were both on her lower back. I pulled her closer to me and slid one hand up her back to the spot between her shoulder blades. I moved my mouth to hers, kissing her passionately. She kissed back immediately, running her fingers up my chest slowly and then curling them around my head, tangling with my hair.

I grinned against her mouth and pecked her lips a few times, leaning forward into her. I slowly pushed her back, and she unbent her legs so she was laying flat, and I swung mine around so I was hovering over her. Her breathing was heavy when I went down to her neck again, kissing her lightly tanned skin, making my way over to her chest. She sighed softly.

I dragged my hands down her body underneath me, stopping at the inside of her thighs. I pulled them apart slowly and adjusted myself so I could lay on top of her more comfortable, my legs in between her legs.

“Did I ever tell you that you’re beautiful?” I asked in a whisper, bring my hands back up to her face to caress her cheeks. I stroked her cheeks lovingly with my thumbs, kissing her lightly.

She smiled shyly. “I love you,” she whispered. I ducked my head and kissed her lips again. When I went to pull away, I let out an involuntary moan—she had caught my bottom lip in between her teeth. She bit down a little, bringing me a pleasurable pain, and then slowly pulled back before releasing my lip. I stared at her in amazement when my lip flung back to its place, leaving me breathless. I could taste a small amount of blood on my lips, but that strangely made it a hundred times better.

“Holy shit, Alyssa,” I breathed. She smirked and took my head in between her hands, kissing me. We opened our mouths at the same time—everything we did in perfect synch—and I slowly rolled my tongue against hers in a controlled manner. We took our time, molding our mouths together and slowly.

I sunk into her more, relaxing my body on hers. Suddenly, her mouth stopped moving, and she hissed.

“What was that?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing,” she shook her head.

“You just hissed, Lissy,” I chuckled, raising an eyebrow suspiciously at her.

She shrugged her shoulders. “What, am I too heavy for you?” I smirked—knowing that I wasn’t—and I adjusted myself so, this time, I was the one straddling her. She gave me a devilish grin and raised her hands up to my chest, drawing circles with her fingers. I scooted back a little off of her hips so she had the ability to sit up, but, as I did so, she hissed again. Immediately after, she quickly closed her eyes and grimaced.

“Lissy, what the hell?” I asked, staring at her incredulously.

“Er, sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do know,” I furrowed my eyebrows at the way she was acting so strange.

“It’s nothing,” she rushed, but as she spoke I saw her eyes flicker down to her thighs quickly, unintentionally giving it away.

“Lissy,” I whispered. She tensed underneath me again, and I carefully got off of her, sitting with my legs crossed next to her still horizontal figure. She covered her face with her hands and sighed as I brought my hand down to her thigh, gently touching it with the tips of my fingertips.

I closed my eyes reached out for her shoulders, tenderly pulling her up to my level. She submitted completely to my movements, and I ducked my head, exhaling into her skin. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. I shook my head and pulled away.

“Let me see,” I murmured.

“No, Vic—”

“Alyssa,” I said seriously. Her bottom lip quivered and she nodded. She unbuttoned her jeans and closed her eyes with a sigh before pulling them down a little. Her hands shook anxiously and I replaced them with mine, gently just taking her jeans off altogether, leaving her in just her oversized sweater and boyshorts. She tugged on the hem of her sweater, attempting to cover the top of her thighs.

“Lissy,” I said softly, stroking her cheek with my thumb. Then, I focused my attention to her legs. I slowly lifted up her sweater, and I had to hold in a gasp. The tops of her right and left thighs had marks in several different directions, some just scratches but some looking like severe cuts. My stomach and my heart switched places, and I reached out to gently touch her skin.

“Vic—” she started, but I just shook my head and she stopped.

“Baby,” I whispered quietly, running my thumb across her cuts carefully. “Come here,” I opened my arms and sighed in relief when she accepted the embrace. I run my fingers through the hair on the back of her head.

I pulled away and looked at her, my facial expression gentle. “You said you were happy,” my forehead creased as my eyebrows knitted. “I thought that you were happy,” I repeated in a low whisper.

“I am,” she said.

“Lissy, fuck, I can’t—”

“No, Vic. I am happy with you. I am, I really am. I l-love you. I just have these thoughts in my head that won’t ever die,” she began to cry.

“No, please don’t cry, Lissy,” I said quietly, pulling her in for a hug. She sobbed into my shoulder.

“It’s okay, Lissy. It’s an addiction. But you need to tell me when you feel this way. This whole time I thought you were okay… God, I feel horrible,” I began to tear up, too.

“No, vic. It’s not your fault! I promise, it’s not your fault,” she said.

“I should have been here to help you,” I ran my fingers over the bumps on her thighs again. She hissed slightly, but then relaxed when she became used to my touch. “I’m so sorry,” I murmured.

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I just couldn’t help it, Vic. And I figured it would be easier to hide this way. But I’m confused. I am really happy with you, I just… my head, Vic. My head,” she cried.

“I know, baby,” I whispered. I did know—I knew exactly how she was feeling. It terrified me to see her in the place I once was. “It’s okay,” I cooed, holding the back of her head strongly with one of my hands. “You’ll be okay, I promise,” I said.

“I just lost control, Vic,” she whimpered. I rocked her back and forth.

“It happens to the best of us,” I pulled away, seeing emptiness in her eyes. I knew she felt horrible about it, and it pained me to see her like this. I leaned forward and pressed my lips firmly to hers. When I pulled away, the life in her eyes had returned, and I smiled softly. I grabbed her hand in between both of mine. “I’m not going to force you to promise to never do it again, Lis, because I know it’s not that easy. But I am going to ask you to give me all of the things you use to h-hurt yourself,” I said. I couldn’t bear the thought that she was hurting herself, but I had to deal with it the right way.

She nodded slowly, biting her lip.

“Well, first, let me take care of this,” I said softly. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to the bathroom bridal style. I set her down on the counter, her legs dangling. I washed my hands hastily and then went under the cabinet to grab some hydrogen peroxide. “This might sting a bit,” I warned, unscrewing the cap. She nodded and I proceeded to pour a generous amount over her wounds. She winced a little at first, but then relaxed. “Good girl,” I murmured. I ran some water over the torn skin as well, and then I dabbed it dry with a clean towel. I squatted down to her level and she gasped softly when I kissed the fresh cuts and—to my dismay—old scars on her skin. “I still think you’re beautiful,” I murmured. She tangled her fingers into my hair and I looked up at her. I rose and leaned forward, giving her a long kiss.

I pulled away reluctantly and grabbed some Neosporin, applying dabs of the healing cream onto her injuries. The area affected was big, so I didn’t think she had any bandages that would cover it sufficiently.

“I’ll just wear baggy sweatpants,” she said, noticing my dilemma. I nodded and helped her off of the counter. She kept her pants off to let the area dry a little, but her sweater was large so it didn’t matter.

“Now show me where you keep them,” I said, taking her hand in mine. She nodded reluctantly and pulled me to her desk. She opened a drawer and bit her lip as she felt around the top of the inside of it. When she was done, she opened her hand to reveal three blades of different sizes with tape attached to them. I opened my hand out for them, and she looked at me nervously.

“Vic, I shouldn’t be giving these to you,” she whispered.

“I’m not going to use them, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I assured, stroking her cheek with my hand.

She bit her lip anxiously, her forehead creasing as here eyebrows furrowed. “C’mon, Alyssa. Hand them over,” I urged. She sighed and dropped them into my hand.

“I’m sorry, Vic,” she whispered. I shook my head and slipped them into my pocket to throw away later.

“Hey, listen,” I said softly. She looked up at me, her eyes glistening. I tucked a few fallen strands of hair behind her ears, and then I rested my hand on her cheek. She turned her head into my palm. “Don’t apologize. I know you weren’t malicious about this. Sometimes we just cave in, but it isn’t our fault. You’re doing amazing, baby. I love you, and I’m here for you,” I said. She nodded, her lip quivering. “Please don’t cry…”

She shook her head as tears fell anyway. “Did you ever cave in?” she asked hoarsely.

“All of the time,” I whispered. “It happens to everyone sometime. But, look, I haven’t done it in so long... I’m a few months shy of a year,” I said, showing her my arms. She held them between her hands gently. “You’ll get to that point, soon, too. I promise,” I said. She nodded and smiled weakly through her tears, and I pulled her into a comforting hug. Her body started to shake as she let herself go with sobs.

I led her back to her bed and sat down, letting her crawl into my lap. She curled up and cried into my chest, while I held the back of her thigh and drew shapes on her bare skin.

“Fuck,” she muttered, sitting up and sniffling. “My mom is going to be home soon,” she frowned, her hands shaking anxiously.

“C’mon,” I said, standing up and setting her down on the floor.

“Huh?”

“We’ll go back to my place tonight if you don’t want your mom to see you like this,” I suggested. She nodded appreciatively.

“Yes please,” she whispered. “I’ll text her and say I’m studying or something,” she said, and I nodded.

“Let’s go now, then,” I said. She walked across her room and grabbed a pair of plain black sweatpants. Before she slipped them on, I grabbed her wrist.

“Hey, Lissy?”

“Yeah?” she raised her eyebrow at me.

“I really like your underwear,” I said with a straight-face.

“Oh my God, Vic,” she laughed and shook her head, stepping into her sweatpants. She slipped on some moccasin slippers and changed into a long sleeve t-shirt, put her hair up into a bun, and pulled back any stray strands into a cotton headband. She held out her hand and I grabbed it, rubbing my thumb across her precious skin gently.

I opened the car door for her and she got in, and then I walked to the passenger side. As if we couldn’t stand to be apart, our hands immediately found each other on the center console. The drive was mostly quiet except for a little bit of Blink 182 in the background.

When we arrived, I rushed to her side and put my arm around her waist, holding her close to me as we walked up. “Tony’s not here, right?” she asked.

“Right. He’s with Dr—”

“Drew. Right, of course,” she said, a hint of bitterness in her tone. “We still need to meet her,” she said.

“Yeah, I agree. I guess Tone is just caught up in work and being all in love that he forgets sometimes,” I said. She agreed, her face softening up.

“We are kind of lame,” she mused suddenly.

“Why?” I laughed. We walked through the lobby and headed for the stairs.

“Because,” she said. “It’s a Saturday night. Yet we are about to both be in our pajamas at,” she checked the time on her phone, “six o’clock at night,” she laughed.

I laughed in agreement. “We do seem to lay around together a lot,” I allowed.

“It’s my favorite thing, though,” she leaned her head into my arm with a small smile.

“Me too, babe,” I squeezed her waist. “I do want to take you out on a proper date, though,” I said. “We’ve been so busy with me having to work, you having to go to school, and us having to constantly cuddle,” I nudged her playfully and snuck a quick kiss on the side of her head, “that I’ve never actually really taken you out before,” I realized.

“I don’t like going out in public,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“Eh, neither do I,” I agreed.

“We’re perfect for each other,” she giggled. I smiled back at her, but when her smile faltered, I frowned, too.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Vic, oh my, God,” she breathed. Here eyes widened and, in a hasty manner, she whipped out her cell phone. I heard the sound of three buttons being pressed—was she calling 911?—and she nudged me forward, her eyes still wide.

I gasped when I turned and saw what she had seen. My eyes widened and I rushed forward, squatting down next to the unconscious body in front of my apartment door. I rolled her over and my stomach immediately dropped ten stories. There was blood all over her forehead and puddled on the floor. I patted her cheek urgently. “Bree, wake up,” I said frantically.

She moaned softly, her eyes fluttering open. They were bloodshot, and her pupils were tiny. “Vic,” she groaned. I turned my head, eying Alyssa who was on the phone with the police.

“Bree, what happened to you?” I shook her a little.

“Me,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry…” she slurred. Her eyelids drooped a little.

“No, Bree, fuck! Stay awake,” I looked up at Alyssa for help.

“Pick her up, let’s meet them in the lobby,” she rushed. I nodded, scooping her up into my arms. Alyssa led the way as we jogged back downstairs, the now unconscious Bree dangling in my arms.

“Sh, it’s okay,” Bree whispered. “I want it this way.” I widened my eyes at her choice of words, wondering what she meant, but then immediately also knowing exactly what she meant.

“No!” I yelled. She nodded, whispering through her teeth the word “yes”. The paramedics arrived shortly, immediately taking Bree out of my arms and slapping her down on a stretcher. They wrapped gauze around her forehead and put an oxygen max on her, and my insides crumbled.

I turned to Alyssa desperately, falling into her arms. She held me tightly as we climbed into the back of the ambulance.

“What is wrong with her?” I asked a medic.

“The signs point to… er, a possible overdose,” he admitted, and my eyes widened. Although, I didn’t know what I was so surprised for; I should have fucking known that this was going to happen eventually.

I just didn’t know that it was going to happen so soon, today—of all days—and at my doorstep.

Notes

Hola! It feels like I haven’t updated in forever, even though it’s only 4 days. Eh, that’s kind of a long time I think for me. Anyway

A lot happened in this chapter. Poor Alyssa, but… Bree. Eep. What is wrong with her, and what’s going to haapppppennnn?!?