“Don't cry,” I heard someone coo softly. I clenched my eyes shut tighter, my face twisting as the pain in my head strengthened. I couldn’t help the tears that burned down my face, but as I was slowly beginning to wake up, my nightmare faded. I couldn’t recall exactly what it was about, but I knew it was terrifying and painful.

“Nightmare?” she asked softly, brushing my hair with her finertips. I nodded. I felt her hands touch my face gently, telling me to relax my features. Slowly, I released the tension in my face and peaked my eyes open.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, sniffing away the last of my tears.

“What was it?” she asked, continuing to caress my face. I shook my head, pulling her into me and burying my face into her neck. “You don’t remember?” she assumed, and I nodded affirmatively.

We remained quiet for a few minutes, until I decided to sit up. I adjusted myself and leaned my back against the headboard of her bed. I rubbed my face with my hands in stress and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Bree whispered quietly, rubbing my near arm with her hand. “And don’t say that it’s okay. Because it’s not,” she added. I looked at her sadly. The only thing I felt in this particular moment was pain.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.

“You’re not,” I assured.

“You’re lying,” she declared. I paused.

“Things aren’t the same as they used to be,” I said after thinking for a moment. “Life happens,” I added weakly.

“Death happens,” she clarified with a hiss and a grimace. I shivered involuntarily.

“I know I begged you last night to never leave, but I can’t force you to stay,” she said lowly and calmly.

“I don’t want to leave you, baby,” I whispered, my voice a ghost.

“I don’t want you to go, either. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my personal feelings get in the way of your health,” she said.

“Bree, look at me,” I said, bringing her chin up gently with my shaking hands.

She looked at me, her eyes glistening. “We are in a rough patch, yes. But I’d be so much worse mentally without you,” I said.

“You can’t neglect yourself, though,” she mumbled.

“I’m not,” I said. “And neither can you…” I reminded her. She nodded slowly.

“We need to get you back to San Diego, so you can take your medication,” she said.

“Yeah, that would probably be a good idea,” I agreed. “What time is it?”

She yawned at the sight of the time. It was still early—seven in the morning. “If we leave soon we can get there before you miss your morning dose,” she said.

“Bree… I don’t think I can drive,” I said nervously.

“I’ll drive,” she said, smoothing out the worry lines that surely existed on my forehead.

“Are you okay to?”

“I’ll be fine. We don’t really have any other choice, anyway,” she said.

“Bree…” I began.

“Yes?”

“You… you are still allowed to mourn, Bree… you can still be sad. I know how you feel; the pain can’t go away overnight. It will be a while, but soon you’ll feel better. But you’re allowed to be sad… just… just please don’t be sad in a self-destructive way…” I said carefully.

She nodded. “I understand, Vic, thank you,” she smiled sweetly—the first real smile I’ve seen in a while. “I know I’ll be sad for a while…” she nodded again. “But I won’t pull an act like last night again… it was just being here, in this house, that triggered that. But I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. I won’t let myself fall into anything deep… you’re my lifesaver, Vic. I can’t possibly slip while I have your hand to hold,” she said. “I mean that literally and figuratively, of course,” she added shyly.

I nuzzled my head against hers. “I like to hear that,” I murmured. “Please just hold on,” I said.

“I will,” she whispered barely.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes, and this time the silence was not defeaning. We just simply held each other, like if we let go, we would float away. I couldn’t let her float away, I couldn’t let myself sink.

“We should go, now,” she said.

“Are you awake enough?” I asked, feeling anxious.

“Yes, let’s get going,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. We slipped out of bed, and, while Bree changed into real clothes, I put my jeans and shoes on.

“Are you going to sell the house?” I asked carefully when we settled in the car.

“Will people even buy it? I heard that it’s really difficult to sell a house that has a… history… in it,” she frowned.

“I’m not sure…” I frowned, too, seeing that she had a point. I personally wouldn’t buy a house someone commited suicide inside of—maybe that was me being superstituious, but it still was a creepy thought.

“I might just let that thing sit there,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not going to worry about it too much,” she said.

“Good,” I said, patting her thigh with my hand.

“The apartment’s ready,” she said.

“Well that’s good,” I said.

“I was wondering,” she began, biting her lip. “It’s got a lot of room, now that… y’know…” she coughed quietly. “Um, maybe you and Tony would like to be roommates with me? I need the company, and it might be time for you guys to move out of your mother’s house,” she said with a slight grin.

I smiled. “That would be cool,” I said. “Yeah, I don’t want you to be alone, either. And Tony would be sad if I left him, and I would be sad if I left him, too… so maybe this is a good idea!” I replied.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too!” she said.

“I’ll talk to Tony about it, and then his mom,” I said. “And Alyssa,” I added. I wondered if Alyssa would be sad for her brother to move out, leaving her alone, even though he would still live within a few minutes of her.

“Okay,” she smiled softly, but this smile actually held life. The drama that had occurred not even twelve hours ago was in the back of our minds. I couldn’t fully push what happened out of my head, though.

The rest of the ride continued surprisingly peacefully. We talked some, and then we put on some music, enjoying each other’s company because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to enjoy it for much longer.

“I love your voice,” she said. I blushed lightly, unaware that I had been singing.

“Eh,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s true,” she insisted. I shrugged my shoulders again. “You write songs, right?” she asked, referring back to my time at the mental institution where I wrote a lot. Most of them were dark and depressing though, and I would never share them with anybody.

“A little,” I said.

“Will you sing me one?” she smiled.

I couldn’t simply resist the true smile that was plastered on her face. “I am working on one you might like,” I hinted.

“Please?” she dragged out the words with a silly grin.

“It’s not finished!”

“C’mon,” she pressed, smiling.

“This is so awkward! I don’t have my guitar or anything. I can’t sing like this,” I refused.

She pouted mockingly. “Pwease,” she batted her eyes a few times.

I huffed and playfully rolled my eyes. “This is going to be awkward, but only because you asked nicely,” I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I’m sure it will be lovely,” she said in satisfaction.

“I only have bits and pieces of it…” I scrunched my nose. “But okay,” I finally agreed.

“Keep in mind that the first verse is unfinished,” I warned. She laughed lightly.

“Just go, I’m sure it will be nice,” she smiled. “I love to hear you sing,” she said warmly.

“Okay,” I smiled back. “It’s going to sound choppy because it starts in a weird place, but here goes nothing,” I said.

“Okay,” she smiled lovingly. I was happy to see that she was displaying real emotions—probably making up for last night. I just hoped this would last…

“You remind her, that your future, would be nothing without her,
Never lose her, I’m afraid,
Better think of something good to say.
But it’s all been done, more than once so I’ll keep on trying,
Oh God don’t let me be the only one who says…
No, at the top of our lungs,
There’s no, no such thing as too young,
When second chances won’t leave you alone…
Then there’s faith in love…”

I hid my face slightly after singing the quick blurb of what I had so far.

“Don’t hide your face, Vic,” she said softly. I felt her hand reach over and grab mine. “That was beautiful,” she smiled. “Really.”

“Thank you,” I said. “It’s for you,” I said, looking at her finally. I saw the corners of her mouth tug up into a real, genuine smile, and her eyes filled with something other than darkness.

“I love you,” she said simply.

“I love you, too, Bree,” I said, drawing circles with my thumb on her hand.

We sat in a rather comfortable silence for the remaining few minutes. Finally, though, we arrived back to Tony’s house. His mom was working, so it was just him and Alyssa home.

“Welcome back, guys,” Tony greeted us calmly.

“Hi, Tone,” I said. I still hadn’t told him about what happened, and I didn’t know if I was going to.

Bree smiled politely, but she receded into silence.

“How are, uh, things?” Tony asked. We smiled weakly.

“Good, I suppose,” I shrugged my shoulders. Tony eyed me curiously, and I knew he could tell that something was up. I didn’t give anything away, yet, though.

“Well, come on inside,” he said, beckoning us in. I smiled gratefully and followed him in, still holding onto Bree’s hand—probably tighter than necessary.

“I’ll go tell Lissy that you’re here,” Tony said, jogging up the stairs. I took that as my opportunity to grab my pills that sat on the windowsill. I really needed to start carrying some around me in case of emergency.

“Are you going to tell him?” Bree asked.

“I don’t know. I don't want to worry him,” I said. “It’s the past, right?”

“Right,” she said. “But it’s okay if you need to tell him,” she assured, and I nodded.

“Tell me what?” I bit my lip and Bree sighed as we realized Tony overheard us.

“Uh,” I stammered.

“Vic, what’s going on?”

“It’s not a big deal, really. I, uh, forgot my meds again last night,” I regretted.

“Oh, shit, Vic,” Tony frowned sympathetically.

“It’s just me forgetting. I know I would never intentionally skip,” I said.

“I know that, don’t worry. Did anything happen?” he asked.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, uh, er, yeah,” I mumbled. “But it’s okay now,” I said.

“Okay… maybe you should start carrying around emergency pills with you, just in case. It seems like the effects happen, like, immediately after you miss a dose,” he considered.

“Yeah, I was just thinking that,” I said with a nod.

“Vic!” I heard a higher pitched voice call out happily to me.

“Hey, Lissy!” I said enthusiastically, chuckling a little when she ran into me with a hug. “How’s it going, little one?” I grinned.

“I am not little,” she pouted.

“Yes you are, Alyssa. You’re five foot,” Tony laughed.

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Whatever,” she said, bouncing away. I laughed at her energy as she grabbed a bowl and filled it to the brim with cocoa puffs.

“So, Tony, I have a question,” Bree spoke up, and I smiled encouragingly at her. It seemed like she could hardly wait to move forward with things; I just hoped she wasn’t moving too fast.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Well, my apartment is ready for me to move into. And, since, y’know, I’m alone now,” she paused for a second and sighed lightly. “I thought it would be a good idea for Vic to—”

“Oh,” Tony said. “Yeah, sure, that’s cool,” he said. Bree smiled lightly.

“Let her finish, you dweeb,” I said. Tony looked at me funny, but let Bree continue.

“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to live with us, too. There’s an extra room and plenty of space and everything,” she said.

“Oh,” Tony said. He smiled slightly. “That’s not weird?” Tony asked nervously.

“Not at all,” Bree said. “The more the merrier. Besides, I wouldn’t ever take Vic away from you. I know you guys need each other,” she said. Tony smiled appreciatively.

“This could be cool,” he said. “I love my family and all… but it’s becoming time for me to move out soon, anyway,” he laughed a little.

“Yeah,” Bree agreed. “So you guys will do it?” she asked, a hint of excitement in her tone.

“Definitely,” I gave her a sideways hug.

“Of course!” Tony said. “I have to talk to my mom, first, but I’m sure it’s fine. What do you think Lissy?” Tony turned to his sister—I had forgotten that she was sitting across the room.

“Don’t leave me!” she whined playfully. Then, she laughed. “I think it’s a good idea. Honestly, Tony, I think sometimes you need to get out of here. I think that's part of your problem,” she said.

“I agree,” Tony nodded.

“Now you’re leaving me to fend for myself!” Alyssa gasped sarcastically. “Just kidding. I’m a big girl, guys, I’m fine with it,” she laughed.

“Okay, good,” we smiled.

“I’m going to get ready for the day,” Alyssa said mid yawn, waving at us as she disappeared up the stairs.

“It’s still completely empty, though. I haven’t moved anything in yet, but I can get movers to do all of that later,” Bree said. “So it might be a while,” she added.

“Okay, no rush,” I said.

“Yeah, no rush. This will be good, I think. A three way split for rent isn’t a bad deal, either,” Tony noted.

“Agreed,” Bree and I said.

“So, what should we do today?” I asked, itching to go out and do something, to distract our minds.

“Oh, shoot,” Tony’s face immediately turned bright red.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s the matter with you?” I asked incredulously.

“I forgot to tell you. I, uh, I have a, uh, a date tonight,” he flustered.

“A date? Sweet, Tone! With who?” I asked. “No, wait! Is it with that girl from the Vans store? Drew?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

Tony blushed heavily again. “Yes,” he said.

“Aw, man! Finally!” I grinned happily. “Where are you guys going?” I asked.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Just the movies,” he said. “It’s nothing special, really,” he said.

“Nothing special yet,” I added, smirking. Tony rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed.

“Aw, Tony, this is great,” Bree spoke up.

“Yeah,” he smiled, hiding his face. “Hey, guys?” Tony looked up, his face torn.

“What’s up, man?”

“What if she sees?” he asked lowly.

“Sees what?” I tilted my head to the side.

“Sees,” he emphasized, gesturing towards his wrists.

“Oh, Tony,” I said quietly.

“Hey, stop that,” Bree frowned. “If she sees, it’s okay. It just shows how strong you are for still being here. If she cares, then everything will be okay. If she judges you or treats you like shit, then she isn’t worth it anyway,” Bree furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms. I couldn’t help but smile softly at the pure determination written on her features.

Tony’s demeanor relaxed a little. “I’m just a little self conscious. I don’t want to ruin any chances I might have…” he said.

“Don’t be, Tony. It’s really okay. We all have our scars. Some are more visible than others, but that just means you had a harder battle to fight. But guess what? You won. And I’ll be damned if I see a girl ruin that for you,” she said. “It won’t ruin any chances, because maybe she’ll see them and want to get to know you better. If she is judgmental about it, she’s not worth it,” she reiterated.

“Thanks, Bree,” Tony smiled softly. I could see in his eyes that he felt better about the situation.

I sat there quietly, subconsciously tracing my fingers over the pale marks of my skin. I hated that the word killer was etched in my forearm, but I knew Bree didn’t judge me for it. She understood…

Sometimes, though, I wished that I could cut up my arm once again, just to simply replace those scars and cover them with new ones.

Bree took my hand away from my arm and held it gently in her hands.

“We should do something before your date, Tony,” I suggested, moving on from our moment of seriousness.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe we can get lunch together or something,” he said. “It’s, like, noon, now,” he said.

“Bree, we can show you around, maybe. Hey, Tony, let’s take her to that popular pizza place, maybe!” I said.

“That’s a good idea,” he said.

“What do you think? Do you want to go out for a little while?” I nudged her.

“Sure, that sounds nice,” she smiled.

Tony looked down on himself, and I laughed as I watched his face realize that he was still in his pajamas. “I’m going to go change,” he said, giving us a thumbs up. He walked up the stairs to his room, and I turned to Bree.

“I never thanked you,” she said.

“For what?” I asked, confused.

“For… for respecting me last night. I, uh, I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m just glad you thought about my feelings. I care a lot about you, and I could have easily ruined a lot more things last night, so, thank you,” she elaborated.

“I care a lot about you, too, Bree,” I said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “You’re welcome,” I said. “Let’s just forget about last night, okay?” I suggested. She nodded appreciatively. “Well, try to, at least,” I added lowly.

She nodded again, her mouth curving into a slight grimace. “Time will heal,” she whispered, wrapping her arm around my neck and tangling her fingers in my hair. I nodded in agreement.

She leaned over and gently pressed her lips on mine, and I savored the taste of positive emotions. There was only a hint of sadness lingering. “Not just time will heal me,” she added.

"What else?" I asked in a whisper.

“You.”

Notes

Here's another chapter guys!
Sorry for the sadness and stuff but it's getting better, now, i think

I was going to make them distant from each other and bring them apart for a little while but I just couldn't. And it also didn't make sense with this part, because I couldn't imagine Vic leaving Bree while she was in this state of mind, even though what she almost did hurt him badly.


Just a little bit of my thought processes hahaha ^

Yay for fillers I guess
And sorry I went the cliche route and put in kissing in cars hahah

And time to do some calculus homework! yay!