Am I The Trigger Of Your Gun?
And It's Driving Me Crazy, It Seems
I didn’t respond just sat and stared at her. Mrs Homely was so wrinkly that her wrinkles had wrinkles. I titled my head to the side an examined the cross she kept around her neck. If God truly loved each and every one of us then why did he make me so broken?
“The doctor says that you schizophrenia is coming back.” I shrugged at her. She sighed and rested her withered hands on the table in front of me and out of habit I flinched back when someone got too close. Sure the voices were coming back, what does she expected when I was surrounded by a bunch of crazy people.
The only reason Vic is in this place is because of me, since I started hearing voices he made it his duty to look after me but in the meantime he wasn’t paying enough attention to his own mental health and had develop serious depression.
Jaime had severe anorexia and bulimia and it made him feel terrible about his appearance. Since we became friends I try hard to make sure he feels better about himself, even if I can’t really talk to him about it. It makes me upset that I can’t even tell him that it will get better.
Then Tony, I wasn’t sure why Tony was actually inside the hospital. I’d seen the scars vertical up his wrists and even seen them on his stomach when we were swimming a time or two so I knew he was either in here because of self-harm or suicide. I hadn’t had the nerve to ask him why he was inside here with us.
“Michael!”
I jumped as my name was screamed at me. I looked at Mrs Homely to see her face turn an amusing shade of red. I smiled and she glared at me before sighing and glancing at the ceiling. She sipped her coffee before leaving her hands on the table again.
“Here is what we’re going to do, Michael. You’re to take the new medication we know you’ve been flushing or you’ll be put into sanction and that means no music with your buddies. If you refuse to comply we will force feed you your pills, do I make myself clear?”
I nodded at her and she stood and I repeated the action. I pulled the hem of my shirt while biting my lip. How was I going to express my feelings about the pills? She would think I’m even more crazy than I already am.
“What is it, Michael?”
“I…” I cleared my throat as my voice sounded like I’d rubbed it over sand paper numerous times.
“The pills…make me see things.” I whispered so quietly I was afraid that she wasn’t going to be able to hear me but her old withered face softened in sympathy as she reached out and rubbed my shoulder gently.
“We’ll get the doctor to give you some different medication and we’ll work from there. Sound good?”
I nodded and she told me I could leave. I left the white office and headed down to the music room where I knew Tony would be. I was right; he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with an acoustic guitar perched on his lap. His tongue stuck out of his mouth as he scribbled something on the paper.
I knocked gently on the door and he jumped up with a wide grin on his face.
“Mike! Come see what I’ve done!” He was so happy and smiley today which made a huge difference since the past week he’d been moody and hadn’t wanted to leave his room. I was thinking maybe that he had bipolar the way he was bouncing around like a madman one minute and depressed the next.
He grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the room and urged me into a seat before taking his guitar back and sitting on the floor.
“Why don’t you sit on the chairs?” I whispered and he looked up with a smile so wide I swear his face was going to break in two.
“There are monsters on the chairs. They’ll get you.”
“Why am I sitting here then?”
“You’re tall! Monsters don’t like tall people.” Tony shook his head so viciously I had to worry that he was going to break his neck. I just smiled and nodded at him.
“I wrote this. Tell me what you think.” He plucked at the strings before his voice boomed out. Tony wasn’t the best of singers but he was a great guitar player and it showed.
You're busy drawing hearts
You run your fingers down the glass
An open mirror
Now you're sleeping in the front seat
Like a crushed leaf on the concrete night
Murder ring
What are you talking about?
Murder ring
And how did you get into my house?
I think you buried me too deep
You had your way
(Your way...)
You almost seem alive
But I've been driving you around
I didn't think it could have lasted
Now we broke another bracelet
(Broke another bracelet)
Tore it off your wrist tonight
Tonight the center of the sun
Will separate in sparks
They're climbing up the sky and down the dark
Do you think you'd better love me back?
You said you want someone who actually cares
But I'll say what I want 'cause nobody's around when I talk
It feels better to fall asleep alone 'cause that's the only way I know
But I've been driving you around
I didn't think it could have lasted
Now we broke another bracelet
(Broke another bracelet)
Tore it off your wrist tonight
And now that Cinderella's gone
She swallowed up the sun
A middle-class explosion could be nice
If we're the dynamite
(Let us prey)
Don't you miss me
Or the night we snuck out your window?
Oh, 'cause baby, baby, you're so crazy now
Looks like I'm not the only one now
And I can finally see the light
Oh, there's a million stars tonight
A single one could save my life
Red water leaves us as we collide
Drella! Drella!
Red water leaves us and I just drive
Once the song has finished he looked up at me with his ever-present smile, his tongue peeking out between his teeth.
“What is it about?”
“Drella. She’s a girl I see in my head. She’s really nice. She tells me that you don’t talk much because you’re shy and I tell her she’s right. She also tells me that I like you. I think you’re good looking. Which is true too but I can’t tell you because it’s wrong to like another guy.” Tony’s mouth opened in shock as he realised what he said and he stood up quickly before running from the room.
I tried chasing him but he turned a corner and then disappeared. I couldn’t help the giddy smile I felt blooming over my face. Tony liked me. The only question was how am I going to tell him I like him too?
“The doctor says that you schizophrenia is coming back.” I shrugged at her. She sighed and rested her withered hands on the table in front of me and out of habit I flinched back when someone got too close. Sure the voices were coming back, what does she expected when I was surrounded by a bunch of crazy people.
The only reason Vic is in this place is because of me, since I started hearing voices he made it his duty to look after me but in the meantime he wasn’t paying enough attention to his own mental health and had develop serious depression.
Jaime had severe anorexia and bulimia and it made him feel terrible about his appearance. Since we became friends I try hard to make sure he feels better about himself, even if I can’t really talk to him about it. It makes me upset that I can’t even tell him that it will get better.
Then Tony, I wasn’t sure why Tony was actually inside the hospital. I’d seen the scars vertical up his wrists and even seen them on his stomach when we were swimming a time or two so I knew he was either in here because of self-harm or suicide. I hadn’t had the nerve to ask him why he was inside here with us.
“Michael!”
I jumped as my name was screamed at me. I looked at Mrs Homely to see her face turn an amusing shade of red. I smiled and she glared at me before sighing and glancing at the ceiling. She sipped her coffee before leaving her hands on the table again.
“Here is what we’re going to do, Michael. You’re to take the new medication we know you’ve been flushing or you’ll be put into sanction and that means no music with your buddies. If you refuse to comply we will force feed you your pills, do I make myself clear?”
I nodded at her and she stood and I repeated the action. I pulled the hem of my shirt while biting my lip. How was I going to express my feelings about the pills? She would think I’m even more crazy than I already am.
“What is it, Michael?”
“I…” I cleared my throat as my voice sounded like I’d rubbed it over sand paper numerous times.
“The pills…make me see things.” I whispered so quietly I was afraid that she wasn’t going to be able to hear me but her old withered face softened in sympathy as she reached out and rubbed my shoulder gently.
“We’ll get the doctor to give you some different medication and we’ll work from there. Sound good?”
I nodded and she told me I could leave. I left the white office and headed down to the music room where I knew Tony would be. I was right; he was sitting cross-legged on the floor with an acoustic guitar perched on his lap. His tongue stuck out of his mouth as he scribbled something on the paper.
I knocked gently on the door and he jumped up with a wide grin on his face.
“Mike! Come see what I’ve done!” He was so happy and smiley today which made a huge difference since the past week he’d been moody and hadn’t wanted to leave his room. I was thinking maybe that he had bipolar the way he was bouncing around like a madman one minute and depressed the next.
He grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the room and urged me into a seat before taking his guitar back and sitting on the floor.
“Why don’t you sit on the chairs?” I whispered and he looked up with a smile so wide I swear his face was going to break in two.
“There are monsters on the chairs. They’ll get you.”
“Why am I sitting here then?”
“You’re tall! Monsters don’t like tall people.” Tony shook his head so viciously I had to worry that he was going to break his neck. I just smiled and nodded at him.
“I wrote this. Tell me what you think.” He plucked at the strings before his voice boomed out. Tony wasn’t the best of singers but he was a great guitar player and it showed.
You're busy drawing hearts
You run your fingers down the glass
An open mirror
Now you're sleeping in the front seat
Like a crushed leaf on the concrete night
Murder ring
What are you talking about?
Murder ring
And how did you get into my house?
I think you buried me too deep
You had your way
(Your way...)
You almost seem alive
But I've been driving you around
I didn't think it could have lasted
Now we broke another bracelet
(Broke another bracelet)
Tore it off your wrist tonight
Tonight the center of the sun
Will separate in sparks
They're climbing up the sky and down the dark
Do you think you'd better love me back?
You said you want someone who actually cares
But I'll say what I want 'cause nobody's around when I talk
It feels better to fall asleep alone 'cause that's the only way I know
But I've been driving you around
I didn't think it could have lasted
Now we broke another bracelet
(Broke another bracelet)
Tore it off your wrist tonight
And now that Cinderella's gone
She swallowed up the sun
A middle-class explosion could be nice
If we're the dynamite
(Let us prey)
Don't you miss me
Or the night we snuck out your window?
Oh, 'cause baby, baby, you're so crazy now
Looks like I'm not the only one now
And I can finally see the light
Oh, there's a million stars tonight
A single one could save my life
Red water leaves us as we collide
Drella! Drella!
Red water leaves us and I just drive
Once the song has finished he looked up at me with his ever-present smile, his tongue peeking out between his teeth.
“What is it about?”
“Drella. She’s a girl I see in my head. She’s really nice. She tells me that you don’t talk much because you’re shy and I tell her she’s right. She also tells me that I like you. I think you’re good looking. Which is true too but I can’t tell you because it’s wrong to like another guy.” Tony’s mouth opened in shock as he realised what he said and he stood up quickly before running from the room.
I tried chasing him but he turned a corner and then disappeared. I couldn’t help the giddy smile I felt blooming over my face. Tony liked me. The only question was how am I going to tell him I like him too?
Notes
Titled Cred: All Time LowThis story isn't going to be long and I'm not sure how often I'll update but I hope you like.
excuse me sweet pea! you need to update this!!
1/6/14