I Am Not Alright, and I Would Rather
Say You'll Never Leave Me Cause I Need You So Much
I can't believe three years have passed since I joined Pierce The Veil. Three years, 1095 days, that's quite a long time. But it doesn't feel like that, not really. It took most of that first tour for me to get my confidence up where it needed to be. I received quite a bit of hate for replacing Matt, but luckily I also received a lot of love for doing a good job at it.
After the first tour, we continued touring pretty much non-stop for a little over year. After that we took a break for a new album, well we were supposed to release a new album. Instead we ended up re-recording one of the previous albums, Selfish Machines. It was a really wild experience, I got to not only learn more of their older music, but I feel like I really connected more with the fans because of this album. As cheesy as it sounds, I got a lot less hate after it was released.
After that we toured for a majority of the two years after that, taking very short breaks in between tours to work on new music. We actually just released another album, 2 weeks ago to be completely accurate. We're taking a month off before we tour again, strictly because we're about to go on a nine month long world tour with Of Mice & Men, All Time Low and Mayday Parade. I'm incredibly excited to see the world, I've done some overseas touring, but nothing to the extent of anyone else going on this tour. Even though I've been in the band for three years, I'm still going to be the baby of the tour.
What have the last three years done to Tony and I you may ask? Well, I'd be lying if I said we never fought, but we always ended back on top and that's what matters. The first year of touring was really rough for us, but after we got through it, fights have been few and far apart, just like we like it. In that year we definitely realized how much we went to each other, how much we loved each other, and the rest has been history.
But today, today's an important day. Today's Tony's birthday, his 31st birthday to be exact. I had such a surprise planned for him for tonight, a surprise that will change everything, for the better I can hope. I don't really have a plan, we're spending the day together and then going to a party thrown by Vic, Jaime and Austin. My goal is to do it before we go to the party, but I'll wait if the moment isn't right.
"Mikey," I heard Tony groan as he rolled out of my grasp, "Are you awake?"
"Of course love," I said with a chuckle, "It's already 11:30..."
"Shut up," he muttered, sitting up slowly, "You know I like my sleep."
"That, that you do," I said, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "Happy birthday by the way," I whispered in his ear.
"I guess it is my birthday," he said, his voice still groggy from just waking up, "What's the plan for today?"
"Whatever you want babe," I chuckled, "It's your day."
He furrowed his brow in thought for a moment or two. I just sat and watched, grinning to myself at how adorable he always is. After three years I still get butterflies looking at him, I still get that tingly feeling touching him. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
"Can we go to the zoo?" Tony asked, relaxing again, "I heard the turtle exhibit got remodeled!"
I laughed at his childish obsession, a 31 year old still excited to go to the zoo. It amazing how innocent he still is, considering the scars on his body that will never fade. I don't understand it really, but it's part of his charm.
"Of course babe," I said with a smile, "We have to get ready first..."
He smiled back and leaned in to kiss me passionately before getting out of bed to get ready. I sat there for a moment, suddenly incredibly nervous. I really am going to do this.
I took Tony's hand as we walked away from the panda exhibit, I really like panda's, they're pretty cute. But my favorite animal will always be giraffes.
We've been at the zoo all day, and the moment I've been looking for hasn't happened yet and I'm worried it won't. I really want to do this already, but I just don't know when. Not to mention I'm scared as hell he won't like it. Maybe this isn't a good idea.
"You almost ready to go home Tone?" I asked, "We still have a party to go to tonight."
"Yeah, can we see the turtles one more time though?" he asked, smiling.
"Of course, of course," I said laughing.
He released my hand and took off running to the aquarium building. I laughed even harder at how adorable he's been all day today.
"Tony!" I called, taking off after him, "Wait for me!"
By the time I caught up with him, he was already at the turtles, hands pressed against the glass, staring intently. I had to take a moment to appreciate the sight of it. I walked up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders.
"I'm glad you're having a good time," I whispered.
He turned around and smiled at me, "Thank you for making today perfect," he said quietly, kissing me quickly, "I love you."
"I love you too," I said back.
I'm not sure if it was the way to water from the tank reflected off of the dimmed lights, or the way he smiled at me, but I knew for a fact, the moment I was looking for, was now.
"Tony," I said, taking a shaky breath, "I love you so much, I can't even express it. 13 years ago when you first asked me to be your boyfriend, I never would've guessed that we'd end up here, having gone through all that we did. But no matter what happened, we always ended up on top. We're meant to be together, I know it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is," I took a pause to reach into my pocket for the box. I dropped down to one knee before continuing.
"Will you marry me?"
I looked up hopefully at Tony, his eyes widened and his mouth opened, his jaw falling slack. He didn't say anything though, he didn't even smile. I looked up at his eyes, hoping that they'd at least show me something, but they didn't. He was unreadable.
He doesn't want to marry me.
I put slowly stood up and put the box containing the ring back in my pocket. I turned around and started to walk away, allowing the tears to freely fall from my eyes.
After the first tour, we continued touring pretty much non-stop for a little over year. After that we took a break for a new album, well we were supposed to release a new album. Instead we ended up re-recording one of the previous albums, Selfish Machines. It was a really wild experience, I got to not only learn more of their older music, but I feel like I really connected more with the fans because of this album. As cheesy as it sounds, I got a lot less hate after it was released.
After that we toured for a majority of the two years after that, taking very short breaks in between tours to work on new music. We actually just released another album, 2 weeks ago to be completely accurate. We're taking a month off before we tour again, strictly because we're about to go on a nine month long world tour with Of Mice & Men, All Time Low and Mayday Parade. I'm incredibly excited to see the world, I've done some overseas touring, but nothing to the extent of anyone else going on this tour. Even though I've been in the band for three years, I'm still going to be the baby of the tour.
What have the last three years done to Tony and I you may ask? Well, I'd be lying if I said we never fought, but we always ended back on top and that's what matters. The first year of touring was really rough for us, but after we got through it, fights have been few and far apart, just like we like it. In that year we definitely realized how much we went to each other, how much we loved each other, and the rest has been history.
But today, today's an important day. Today's Tony's birthday, his 31st birthday to be exact. I had such a surprise planned for him for tonight, a surprise that will change everything, for the better I can hope. I don't really have a plan, we're spending the day together and then going to a party thrown by Vic, Jaime and Austin. My goal is to do it before we go to the party, but I'll wait if the moment isn't right.
"Mikey," I heard Tony groan as he rolled out of my grasp, "Are you awake?"
"Of course love," I said with a chuckle, "It's already 11:30..."
"Shut up," he muttered, sitting up slowly, "You know I like my sleep."
"That, that you do," I said, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "Happy birthday by the way," I whispered in his ear.
"I guess it is my birthday," he said, his voice still groggy from just waking up, "What's the plan for today?"
"Whatever you want babe," I chuckled, "It's your day."
He furrowed his brow in thought for a moment or two. I just sat and watched, grinning to myself at how adorable he always is. After three years I still get butterflies looking at him, I still get that tingly feeling touching him. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
"Can we go to the zoo?" Tony asked, relaxing again, "I heard the turtle exhibit got remodeled!"
I laughed at his childish obsession, a 31 year old still excited to go to the zoo. It amazing how innocent he still is, considering the scars on his body that will never fade. I don't understand it really, but it's part of his charm.
"Of course babe," I said with a smile, "We have to get ready first..."
He smiled back and leaned in to kiss me passionately before getting out of bed to get ready. I sat there for a moment, suddenly incredibly nervous. I really am going to do this.
I took Tony's hand as we walked away from the panda exhibit, I really like panda's, they're pretty cute. But my favorite animal will always be giraffes.
We've been at the zoo all day, and the moment I've been looking for hasn't happened yet and I'm worried it won't. I really want to do this already, but I just don't know when. Not to mention I'm scared as hell he won't like it. Maybe this isn't a good idea.
"You almost ready to go home Tone?" I asked, "We still have a party to go to tonight."
"Yeah, can we see the turtles one more time though?" he asked, smiling.
"Of course, of course," I said laughing.
He released my hand and took off running to the aquarium building. I laughed even harder at how adorable he's been all day today.
"Tony!" I called, taking off after him, "Wait for me!"
By the time I caught up with him, he was already at the turtles, hands pressed against the glass, staring intently. I had to take a moment to appreciate the sight of it. I walked up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders.
"I'm glad you're having a good time," I whispered.
He turned around and smiled at me, "Thank you for making today perfect," he said quietly, kissing me quickly, "I love you."
"I love you too," I said back.
I'm not sure if it was the way to water from the tank reflected off of the dimmed lights, or the way he smiled at me, but I knew for a fact, the moment I was looking for, was now.
"Tony," I said, taking a shaky breath, "I love you so much, I can't even express it. 13 years ago when you first asked me to be your boyfriend, I never would've guessed that we'd end up here, having gone through all that we did. But no matter what happened, we always ended up on top. We're meant to be together, I know it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is," I took a pause to reach into my pocket for the box. I dropped down to one knee before continuing.
"Will you marry me?"
I looked up hopefully at Tony, his eyes widened and his mouth opened, his jaw falling slack. He didn't say anything though, he didn't even smile. I looked up at his eyes, hoping that they'd at least show me something, but they didn't. He was unreadable.
He doesn't want to marry me.
I put slowly stood up and put the box containing the ring back in my pocket. I turned around and started to walk away, allowing the tears to freely fall from my eyes.
Notes
Title Cred: Bring Me The HorizonOne left...
Do guys remember in Crimson Blood and Colorful Tears the italian restaurant Kellin took Vic? Well I ate there last night, and about halfway through dinner I was like, HOLY POOP KELLIC FEELS!
I fucking loved this story you are a natural talent!!!! :)
2/18/14