I Am Not Alright, and I Would Rather
You Are My Only One
Erika gasped, "Mike, you're straight!" she exclaimed, waving her hands like it was obvious.
"I'm bi," I lied, not wanting to explain why I dated her when I'm gay. Meh, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
"Why am I just now hearing about this?" she yelled, anger coursing through her voice.
"It wasn't relevant until you scared away the man I love!" I yelled back at her.
By now the other three guys had come to see what had happened. They were all looking at us like they had just seen a ghost. We both turned to them and yelled, "What?!" at the same time.
Dan's hands flew up, "I- uh- I'm sorry Mike but I have to go," he stammered before running in between us and out the door.
Edward nodded and followed Dan out. Ralph started to leave, but stopped to pat me on the back and said, "I'm sorry about that guy, maybe you can find him. There aren't that many hotels in this side of town..."
I nodded and gave him a small smile, "Thanks Ralph,"
He smiled back before leaving me alone with Erika. I looked at her again, she still looked really angry.
"You have no right to be angry with me," I said, trying to keep my voice down. I need to finish this conversation quick and find Tony.
"Yeah, whatever," she said, "I'm just shell shocked I guess. How do you even know that guy? I've known you for six years and I've never seen him before. Oh my god did you cheat on me?"
"Calm down," I said, harshly, "I did not cheat on you. I dated Tony before I met you, before I came to Maine. He was the one I dated when my head was a mess. We recently ran into each other and shit happened."
"I can see that shit happened," she snapped, "Do you really think it's a good idea to date him again, it might bring back triggering memories."
"It's probably not a good idea," I said, causing her to snap her head in my direction and raise an eyebrow, "But I don't care, I have to at least try."
She nodded, "I understand," she said quietly, "And I'm sorry if I messed things up for you, good luck."
"Thanks Erika," I said, actually meaning it. As mad as I am that Tony ran away, she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know I was about to agree to try again and move back to San Diego. As much as I want to blame her, it's not her fault, it's nothing but a misunderstanding.
With that I ran out of the apartment, not caring if Erika's still there and I didn't lock up, I needed to go now. I didn't even grab my keys, so I ended up running down the streets of uptown Portland. Oh well, the sun's still up, so he should be easy to see. He couldn't have gotten too far if he was walking, but if he got a cab he could be anywhere in the city by now.
I made the snap decision to towards the side of town where the hotels are, maybe he went back to the one he was staying in. I assumed that he had already checked in, considering he didn't have any bags or anything when I saw him.
Shit, what if I can't find him? What if he goes back to San Diego before I find him? What if I do find him, but he doesn't believe me? Portland isn't that big, but it's big enough for someone who doesn't want to be found.
I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I ran as fast as my feet could carry me. Honestly, I don't know where I'm running to, I guess I'm just hoping that I see him on the side of the road. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, then I just sort of stopped. I stood on the sidewalk, right in front of the park, trying to catch my breath.
I took in my surroundings as I did just that. I recognized the park I was at, it was about a 20 minute walk from my apartment. It was starting to get dark outside, the streetlights were popping on, slowly of course, one by one.
It was still light enough for me to see into the park, it was pretty much abandoned. One of the swings was broken, the merry go round was squeaking a terribly ominous squeak and everything on the playground looked rusty and unloved. It looked like the perfect setting for a horror movie actually. Old abandoned playground, dusk, unsuspecting man wandering through, all we need is an axe murderer.
I shivered at the thought of getting hacked up by an axe and walked through the park. Even though the playground was creepy as hell, the rest of the park was pretty nice still. A little overgrown, but still nice. As I neared the end of the park trail, I noticed a particular tree. It was big and sturdy looking, perfect for climbing. I smiled at all of the memories I have from childhood of climbing trees, I used to spend time in the leaves whenever I was lonely or tired of the world.
I started looking up the tree, sitting up in one and thinking wouldn't be terrible idea, I need to clear my head before I continue searching for Tony. That's when I saw it, someone was already sitting up in the tree. Not just anyone though, my someone.
"Tony!" I yelled, only to have my voice carried away by a sudden gust of wind.
"Goddamn it," I mumbled to myself as I started to climb the tree. Always the hard way for me it seems.
I found that I could still easily climb trees. My long limbs and light weight make it easier for me, not to mention my arms are strong from casual drumming. It didn't take long for me to reach Tony's branch. He didn't even notice me until I was sitting next to him.
"What are you doing here Mike?" he whispered, "If you're here to apologize or yell at me just don't. I don't think I can take it."
He looked up from his lap and to me. I could tell by his swollen, red eyes that he was crying. It broke my heart knowing that his tears were for me. But at the same time, it reassured me that he was serious about trying again and that warmed by broken heart.
"Tony you got it wrong," I said calmly, "That girl, Erika, isn't my girl friend. She was at one point, but we broke up two months ago."
"That doesn't make me feel much better Mike," he said, biting his lip, "Why was she hugging on you and calling you babe then?"
"After I came back from San Diego she showed up and begged for me to take her back," I explained, "So I brought her inside and told her that wouldn't happen because regardless of our relationship, I was never really in love with her. I thought she understood, so I agreed to be friends. I was actually hanging out with a bunch of friends when you came over."
He bit his lip again and swallowed, "Sorry for interrupting your night," his voice sounded so sad and hopeless. It made me want to cry.
"I'll let you in on a secret," I said, smiling at him, "I'd rather be with you."
He gave me a small smile, "I'm glad."
"And even though I still don't think getting back together is a good idea for our mental health," I said.
His smile immediately dropped and he looked back down at his hands, his shoulders slumped lower than they were before.
"I still want to do it. Because you're my only one," I said, using his words from earlier.
His head snapped up in my direction, "Really?" he asked, his face lighting up.
I nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back at me, using his million dollar grin. The one that I've been missing out on all of these years.
I gently scooted closer to him, not wanting to shake the branch and have him topple over and break his leg or something. I snaked my arm around his waist and pulled him even closer, in response he put his head on my shoulder. I smiled and kissed his hair, finally content with something and no longer feeling glum. I have what I need back, now all I have to do is keep it.
"I'm bi," I lied, not wanting to explain why I dated her when I'm gay. Meh, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
"Why am I just now hearing about this?" she yelled, anger coursing through her voice.
"It wasn't relevant until you scared away the man I love!" I yelled back at her.
By now the other three guys had come to see what had happened. They were all looking at us like they had just seen a ghost. We both turned to them and yelled, "What?!" at the same time.
Dan's hands flew up, "I- uh- I'm sorry Mike but I have to go," he stammered before running in between us and out the door.
Edward nodded and followed Dan out. Ralph started to leave, but stopped to pat me on the back and said, "I'm sorry about that guy, maybe you can find him. There aren't that many hotels in this side of town..."
I nodded and gave him a small smile, "Thanks Ralph,"
He smiled back before leaving me alone with Erika. I looked at her again, she still looked really angry.
"You have no right to be angry with me," I said, trying to keep my voice down. I need to finish this conversation quick and find Tony.
"Yeah, whatever," she said, "I'm just shell shocked I guess. How do you even know that guy? I've known you for six years and I've never seen him before. Oh my god did you cheat on me?"
"Calm down," I said, harshly, "I did not cheat on you. I dated Tony before I met you, before I came to Maine. He was the one I dated when my head was a mess. We recently ran into each other and shit happened."
"I can see that shit happened," she snapped, "Do you really think it's a good idea to date him again, it might bring back triggering memories."
"It's probably not a good idea," I said, causing her to snap her head in my direction and raise an eyebrow, "But I don't care, I have to at least try."
She nodded, "I understand," she said quietly, "And I'm sorry if I messed things up for you, good luck."
"Thanks Erika," I said, actually meaning it. As mad as I am that Tony ran away, she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know I was about to agree to try again and move back to San Diego. As much as I want to blame her, it's not her fault, it's nothing but a misunderstanding.
With that I ran out of the apartment, not caring if Erika's still there and I didn't lock up, I needed to go now. I didn't even grab my keys, so I ended up running down the streets of uptown Portland. Oh well, the sun's still up, so he should be easy to see. He couldn't have gotten too far if he was walking, but if he got a cab he could be anywhere in the city by now.
I made the snap decision to towards the side of town where the hotels are, maybe he went back to the one he was staying in. I assumed that he had already checked in, considering he didn't have any bags or anything when I saw him.
Shit, what if I can't find him? What if he goes back to San Diego before I find him? What if I do find him, but he doesn't believe me? Portland isn't that big, but it's big enough for someone who doesn't want to be found.
I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I ran as fast as my feet could carry me. Honestly, I don't know where I'm running to, I guess I'm just hoping that I see him on the side of the road. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, then I just sort of stopped. I stood on the sidewalk, right in front of the park, trying to catch my breath.
I took in my surroundings as I did just that. I recognized the park I was at, it was about a 20 minute walk from my apartment. It was starting to get dark outside, the streetlights were popping on, slowly of course, one by one.
It was still light enough for me to see into the park, it was pretty much abandoned. One of the swings was broken, the merry go round was squeaking a terribly ominous squeak and everything on the playground looked rusty and unloved. It looked like the perfect setting for a horror movie actually. Old abandoned playground, dusk, unsuspecting man wandering through, all we need is an axe murderer.
I shivered at the thought of getting hacked up by an axe and walked through the park. Even though the playground was creepy as hell, the rest of the park was pretty nice still. A little overgrown, but still nice. As I neared the end of the park trail, I noticed a particular tree. It was big and sturdy looking, perfect for climbing. I smiled at all of the memories I have from childhood of climbing trees, I used to spend time in the leaves whenever I was lonely or tired of the world.
I started looking up the tree, sitting up in one and thinking wouldn't be terrible idea, I need to clear my head before I continue searching for Tony. That's when I saw it, someone was already sitting up in the tree. Not just anyone though, my someone.
"Tony!" I yelled, only to have my voice carried away by a sudden gust of wind.
"Goddamn it," I mumbled to myself as I started to climb the tree. Always the hard way for me it seems.
I found that I could still easily climb trees. My long limbs and light weight make it easier for me, not to mention my arms are strong from casual drumming. It didn't take long for me to reach Tony's branch. He didn't even notice me until I was sitting next to him.
"What are you doing here Mike?" he whispered, "If you're here to apologize or yell at me just don't. I don't think I can take it."
He looked up from his lap and to me. I could tell by his swollen, red eyes that he was crying. It broke my heart knowing that his tears were for me. But at the same time, it reassured me that he was serious about trying again and that warmed by broken heart.
"Tony you got it wrong," I said calmly, "That girl, Erika, isn't my girl friend. She was at one point, but we broke up two months ago."
"That doesn't make me feel much better Mike," he said, biting his lip, "Why was she hugging on you and calling you babe then?"
"After I came back from San Diego she showed up and begged for me to take her back," I explained, "So I brought her inside and told her that wouldn't happen because regardless of our relationship, I was never really in love with her. I thought she understood, so I agreed to be friends. I was actually hanging out with a bunch of friends when you came over."
He bit his lip again and swallowed, "Sorry for interrupting your night," his voice sounded so sad and hopeless. It made me want to cry.
"I'll let you in on a secret," I said, smiling at him, "I'd rather be with you."
He gave me a small smile, "I'm glad."
"And even though I still don't think getting back together is a good idea for our mental health," I said.
His smile immediately dropped and he looked back down at his hands, his shoulders slumped lower than they were before.
"I still want to do it. Because you're my only one," I said, using his words from earlier.
His head snapped up in my direction, "Really?" he asked, his face lighting up.
I nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back at me, using his million dollar grin. The one that I've been missing out on all of these years.
I gently scooted closer to him, not wanting to shake the branch and have him topple over and break his leg or something. I snaked my arm around his waist and pulled him even closer, in response he put his head on my shoulder. I smiled and kissed his hair, finally content with something and no longer feeling glum. I have what I need back, now all I have to do is keep it.
Notes
I'm literally counting the hours until the new mayday parade single... I'm such a fucking fangirl I can't even... IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT PREORDERS TELL ME OR I'LL HURT YOU!Did you guys get the literature reference in this chapter? It wasn't even on purpose, I realized it when I was proofreading :D
I think I have two maybe three more chapters left for this one before we put this series to rest for good... After I milked it for much longer than needed... o_o
Title Cred: All Time Low
I fucking loved this story you are a natural talent!!!! :)
2/18/14