The drive back home was quiet. Finn hadn't said a word to me and I respected his wish of me leaving him alone so I didn't bother him by striking up a conversation. But then, out of nowhere, he opened his mouth.

”I assume you saw dad today,” he said and turned to look at me.

”Yes, I did,” I nodded.

”Why was he even there? Who invited him?”

”I did,” I said, ”I called him a few days ago but I didn't think he was really going to show up.”

”Uh huh. So... What do we do now?” Finn asked. I quickly looked at him and much to my surprise, he looked scared. He looked terrified and I couldn't figure out why.

”What do you mean?”

”I mean... She's gone now. Mom is gone. What do we do?”

”I have no idea,” I admitted quietly.

It was true – I had no idea what we were going to do without her.
I hadn't had time to even think about it. The house, money, Finn being only sixteen – what were we going to do?

”Are we supposed to just accept that she's not here anymore?” he asked quietly.

”No,” I shook my head, ”But some day we will. Someday we will accept it and move on – not in the near future, not even after years but someday. I promise you that.”

When we got to our house, Vic was there already. He had let himself inside with his key and was sitting in the livingroom on the couch with a beer in his hand. When we got there, he stood up and grabbed another beer from the table and handed it to Finn.

”There you go, buddy,” he said. Finn took the bottle.

”Vic, he's sixteen, don't give him alcohol,” I said and tried to take the bottle from Finn but Vic stopped me.

”Don't,” he said and shook his head, ”Don't stop him. He just had to bury his own mother so I think he can have a beer.”

”Thanks, man,” Finn mumbled and drank some of the beer. He went to sit down on the couch and I shot Vic a glare. He rolled his eyes and joined Finn and then they started chatting.

I headed upstairs to change into something more comfortable. After changing into my pj's, I sat down on the bed and just sat there for a long time. I thought of mom, dad, the funeral, Finn – everything. I just sat there and let myself get lost in my thoughts.

The next thing I knew, somebody turned off the lights and closed the curtains. I opened my eyes and could barely see Vic standing by the window. I must have fallen asleep.

”Mike and the guys took Finn to a bar,” he told me. I was about to open my mouth and start complaining when he stopped me by raising his hand.

”Don't say anything. Don't even think about it. Go back to sleep,” he demanded.

”No. I can't sleep if I know my sixteen-year-old brother's out there somewhere getting drunk with a bunch of irresponsible guys,” I muttered, ”Why do you always have to go against my will and let him go out?”

”Because he needs to get his mind off what happened today,” Vic said, raising his voice and obviously getting frustrated, ”You need to live a little and let him be a teenager.”

”Teenagers don't go to bars, Vic.”

”No but they get drunk. They would go to bars if they got in and for Finn that's not a problem because of us,” he said.

”You don't understand that I'm responsible for him. I'm his mom and dad now. I'm all he has and I can't let him go running around bars.”

”This won't become a habit, okay? And I've always been like a big brother to him so I'm responsible for him, too. Why won't you let me help you with him? Or your life? Why won't you let me in, Lucy?”

”Because I'm in a very dark place right now and I don't want you to join me here,” I muttered, ”As much as I appreciate you helping me with everything, you need to let me make these kinds of decisions.”

”Stop being so goddamn stubborn.”

”No.”

”Yes.”

”No!”

”Yes!” he exclaimed and I quickly shut up and just looked at him. He looked furious.

”You just love being miserable and won't even allow me to help you feel better. Do you want to be alone? Do you want me to leave you alone so you can make your decisions alone and take care of everything alone?” he shouted and I realized that he was really, really angry.

”I'm sorry,” I mumbled and looked down.

”Lucy...”

”No, it's okay. You're right. I just... I blame myself for this,” I whispered and felt the tears burning in
my eyes again. I swallowed hard.

”What?”

”You know, on mom's last night here... She asked me to go buy her a packet of cigarettes – Marlboro red – and I bought them and she smoked them and then in the middle of the night she started puking blood and there was blood everywhere and it's still there in her room and, and, and...”

I couldn't finish what I was saying. I felt like choking and the tears had completely blurred my vision. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see and I was completely lost.

Suddenly I felt Vic's arms around me and then he pulled me close and I buried my face into his shirt and just cried and sobbed and sniffled.

”Shh, baby,” he whispered into my ear, ”Please don't cry anymore. Shh.”

”Life is about making choices and I chose to give her the cigarettes and now she's gone and...”

”It wasn't your fault, Lucy,” he whispered, ”Don't blame yourself. She was in an awful condition already.
I'm sure you didn't make it any worse.”

”Yeah, but – ”

”Shh.”

Vic and I laid on my bed for a long time. We didn't really talk or do anything, we just laid there in each other's arms.

”I'm sorry for shouting at you, Lucy,” he whispered and brushed my hair gently with his fingers.

”It's okay, really. Don't worry about it,” I mumbled.

”No, it's not okay. I shouldn't have done that. Today was probably the worst day of your life and on top of that I just completely lost it... You need to know how sorry I am,” he said.

”Please stop apologizing,” I sighed, ”I just want to lay here in complete silence. I'm not mad at you. I'm happy you're here.”

”Fine. I'll stop blaming myself if you stop blaming yourself.”

”Huh?”

”You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened to your mom. None of it was your fault. So if you stop blaming yourself, I will do the same. Deal?”

”Deal,” I managed to smile slightly as I looked at him. He returned the smile and leaned closer to kiss my cheek quickly. I cuddled closer to him and tried to make myself feel comfortable.

Suddenly we could hear lots of shouting coming from outside of the house. I quickly sat up and ran to the window to see if I could see what was going on. I saw Mike and Tony... And then I saw Finn who had his fists up in the air and looked like he was going to hit Mike. And then he did. I gasped loudly and covered my mouth with my hand.

”What's going on?” Vic asked and rushed to the window when he saw my reaction.

”What the hell is going on?” he muttered and started running out of the room. I followed him out and pulled on my coat on my way there.

Vic was holding Finn back as he tried to attack Mike again. Mike was shouting something at my brother but I couldn't understand what it was that he was saying. Tony was trying to calm everybody down.

I ran to Finn and grabbed his hands and tried to calm him down but it was no use. He kept pushing me away and almost kicked me. He was drunk, and very furious, and I had no idea why.

”Lucy, please go back inside,” Vic told me, ”Now.”

”No,” I shook my head, ”Finn, what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?”

”Leave me alone!” he screamed, ”All of you! I just want to be alone!”

”Finn, buddy, just calm down. Let's go inside and get you some water to drink,” Vic said. Finn managed to push Vic away from him and pretty much ran inside without another word. I turned to look at Mike who was holding his cheek.

”Are you okay? I'm so sorry for what Finn did,” I said and rushed to take a look at Mike's cheek. He nodded.

”Don't worry about it,” he said, ”That kid is a lot tougher than I thought.”

”Honestly, I'm so sorry...”

”Well, at least we had a good night at the bar,” Mike said and shrugged, ”And it's not a good night if at least one person doesn't get their ass kicked, right, huh?”

”Mike,” Vic laughed, ”That's enough. I'm going to call a cab for you and Tony.”

”No, no,” I shook my head, ”You guys can sleep here. Please, it's the least I can do.”

Tony and Mike ended up sleeping in the livingroom on the couches.

”There you go,” I said quietly as I handed them a couple of pillows and blankets. They thanked me and I went to turn off the lights.

”You know where to find the kitchen and the bathroom if you need anything. Goodnight, guys, and
thank you for looking after Finley,” I said.

”Goodnight, Lucy!”

I went to check on Finn, who had passed out on his bed right after coming out of his bathroom after spending a whole lot of time in there just throwing up. He was sleeping soundly on his stomach over the bed when I opened the door.

As I looked at him, I realized that he wasn't my baby brother anymore. He was a grown man now – he had been forced to grow up too fast and I could tell that all he wanted was to be a child again. He went to bars, drank alcohol and hit people, but still, at the end of the day, he was my little Finley deep down inside. I sighed quietly.

I turned off the lights and closed the door before going back in to my bedroom. Vic was already in bed. He had his phone in his hand and seemed to be very focused on what ever it was that he was doing with his phone. I went to the other side of the bed and got under the blanket. Then I turned off the lights and all I could see was the light coming from Vic's phone and his face in front of it.

”What are you doing?” I asked quietly.

”Just texting a few buddies,” he mumbled.

”Who? Some girls?”

”Well... Yeah. One of them is a girl.”

”Tell me about her,” I said.

”What do you want to know?” he asked and finally put his phone away.

”Well... Why were you texting her in the middle of the night?” I asked.

Vic laid down more comfortably and turned to look at me. It was so dark that I could barely see his face. He reached closer to touch my lower lip with his thumb.

”She asked me out,” he told me.

”Ooh! What did you say?”

”I told her that now is not a good time,” he said.

”You don't have to turn her down because of me,” I said and rolled my eyes. He chuckled.

”Of course I do. If I already have someone, why would I go out with anybody else?”

”Aww, babe,” I grinned like an idiot and cuddled closer to him, ”That's nice.”

”Lucy, I think you underestimate how much you mean to me. I don't go to bars to find girls to sleep with and I'm not interested in anybody else. I'm practically your boyfriend.”

”Yeah, but you're not my real boyfriend.”

”Would you want me to be?” he asked.

”Yes,” I admitted, ”I would. Because then people would actually know that you have a girlfriend. Now it's just, like, I'm just a girl that you care about. I'm nothing.”

”Lucy, don't say that,” he said quietly, ”You know it's not true. Be my girlfriend then.”

”You have to ask and be really romantic!”

”Jesus! It's not like I'm proposing to you,” he laughed, ”Okay, fine, okay. Lucy Wright, my dear darling, you are the love of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and whenever I'm with you, I feel better. I'm so in love with you and I wouldn't know what to do without you because you bring light to my dark days. Will you do me the honor and be my girlfriend?”

”Yes. I will,” I grinned like an idiot, ”See? It wasn't that bad. But when you do propose, be more romantic.”

”Even more romantic? I will keep that in mind,” he murmured and pulled my face close to kiss me.