Funerals – there was absolutely nothing fun about them. Nobody liked them and nobody actually wanted to attend them. People crying and sobbing, missing the deceased, telling stories about them, emotions going from good to bad and bad to worse, comforting other people, looking into the casket and seeing the deceased and then saying final goodbyes – nothing fun.

All of that being said, I did not want to attend my mother's funeral on Saturday. I woke up early after having a lousy night. I hadn't slept much which didn't surprise me anymore. It had become a habit, a bad one.

I got out of bed, not feeling good at all, and wandered downstairs. I made myself a cup of tea and sat down in the kitchen. I looked out of the window and noticed it was raining outside. I let out a deep sigh.

Finn walked in to the kitchen soon. He looked tired as well and I realized that he must've not slept much either.

”Do you want to go get some breakfast?” I asked. Finn barely even looked at me as he walked to the fridge and opened it. He looked at it for a moment and then closed it.

”I'm not hungry,” he muttered. Then he left the room. I sighed.

Some time later I decided to finally call Vic. He had spent the night at their house with his friends. He'd wanted to be with me but I wanted him to be with his friends. I didn't want to bring him down with me. I wanted him to be himself.

”Morning,” he mumbled into the phone, sounding extremely tired.

”I'm sorry I woke you up,” I said quietly, ”But morning.”

”It's okay. What's up?”

”I just... I was wondering what time you will come,” I said.

”I don't know yet. Look, let me get up and wake Mike up,” he said, ”I'll call you later.”

I put the phone away and sighed once again. I missed Vic. I missed him every second he wasn't with me and there was nothing I could do to change it. He had a lot of friends and he toured around the world with the band. And I just wanted him to be mine – all mine and mine only. But I wasn't selfish, not enough, to make him stay with me. I forced him away from me and sometimes I regretted it.

Vic was my person. He knew me better than anybody and I could tell him everything. Well, at least almost everything, that is. He cared about me and was willing to look after me through thick and thin. I was sure that if I ever wanted to marry anybody, it would definitely be him. I wanted to share my future with him. And, oh yes, I was deeply in love with him.

When the clock hit twelve, Finn and I got into our car and I started driving us to the church. Vic hadn't yet arrived nor called and I hadn't wanted to bother him, so we had left without him. The drive to the church was very quiet. Finn had turned the radio off and kept staring out of the side window. Every once in a while he turned to look at me and then quickly looked away again. I couldn't quite figure out what it was that he was thinking about, but it surely couldn't have been anything positive. After all, we were on our way to our mother's funeral.

When we got to the church, there were a few cars already. We got out and I locked the doors. Finn had soon disappeared and I decided to go and say hello to the few people in front of the building. There were three women and one man, and they were all smoking which brought back awful memories of mom's final night at home and how she had asked me to buy her a packet of cigarettes.

I shook the image off my head as I reached the small group. I soon recognized one of them, she was mom's old friend from work, but the rest of them didn't ring any bells.

”Ah, Lucy,” the one I recognized said quietly and pulled me into a hug, ”I am so sorry about your loss. Carol was truly an amazing person.”

”Thank you,” I said and nodded.

”I'm Tim,” the man said and shook my head, ”I was a friend of Carol's in high school. I was so heartbroken by this sad news...”

I chatted with them for a little while until a few more cars showed up. I didn't see Vic or Mike, who was also supposed to come, so I went in alone. I went to greet the minister who was also very sorry for our loss. Everybody was, and I was getting tired of hearing it, because it reminded me of the loss of our mother which was not a good thing.

Finn was sitting in the first row and I joined him quietly. A bunch of people, maybe around ten or fifteen, attended the ceremony which only showed that mom really did not have that many friends. She had mostly been focused on Finn and I, and our family, so her friends had just kind of disappeared one by one.

”Have you been to the casket yet?” I asked my brother quietly.

”No,” he shook his head, ”I can't do it. I can't see her like that. She's not in there, she's not that person.”

”Finn...”

”No. Stop it. Just let me be,” he muttered and pushed my hand away when I tried to grab his hand. I sighed and nodded.

”This is hard for me, too, you know,” I whispered, ”This is hard for everyone.”

”I know.”

”And I wish you would talk to me.”

”Can you just leave me alone?”

”Fine,”

I said. I got up and started walking out of the room. I looked at the people and everybody was crying. They were all miserable, crying, sobbing, holding each other's hands and I had no idea who most of them were. And then, suddenly, I wanted to yell at them. I wanted to tell them that they had no right to cry and be sad – they couldn't have known the real Carol. They hadn't been with her during her last days. They hadn't been there for her when she was at her lowest point.

But I kept myself together and stayed calm and just walked out of the room. On my way out, I bumped into somebody. I looked up to see a tall, big man who looked familiar.

And then it hit me. My eyes flew wide open and I had to take a step back to look at his face again.

”Dad?” I asked and narrowed my eyes.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Was it really him? Alfred Wright, all the way from Newcastle, England?

”Lucy?” he asked and sounded just as surprised as I was. And then, for a moment we just looked at each other. He was the last person I would've thought I'd see.

”I am so sorry, Lucy darling,” he suddenly said and pulled me into a tight hug.

And I wasn't exactly sure what he was sorry for. That my mother had passed away? That he had told me he wouldn't come but still came? That he had never been a part of my life? Whatever it was, there was something awfully comforting about him, and as he hugged me, I could let it all out. He let me cry against his chest and he held me until I was ready to let go.

When Alfie left to find Finn and go to the casket, Vic finally arrived. He had his black suit on and he was rushing to me. Mike was running behind him, trying to tie his tie.

When Vic got to me, no words were exchanged, he just pulled me into a hug and I let the tears fall down again.

”Shh, baby,” he whispered into my ear and rubbed my back, ”Shh.”

”I'm sorry I'm so late,” he said when he pulled away, ”I should have come earlier but Mike was being a pain in the ass and yeah...”

”It's okay,” I nodded and wiped my wet cheeks with my hands, ”As long as you're here now. And Mike, thank you for coming. This means a lot to me.” I went to hug Mike.

After the ceremony was over, everybody went to get some coffee and cake. Then they started sharing memories of Carol with each other and it only made me even sadder. It all just reminded me that she was gone now and would never be back. No new memories of her would be made anymore.

”So,” a thick English accent spoke up, ”Coffee and cake, huh?”

I looked to my left and saw Alfie standing next to me. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was looking at all of the people.

”Yeah. Did you see Finn?” I asked.

”I did,” he nodded, ”He wasn't really that happy to see me.”

”He isn't happy to see anybody today,” I mumbled and shrugged, ”Sorry.”

”There's nothing for you to be sorry for. I completely understand if he doesn't want to see me. I don't expect him to welcome me into the family.”

”Yeah...” I mumbled. I saw Finn who was sitting alone in a big table, looking miserable and trying to eat a piece of cake. I felt awful.

Vic appeared by my side and grabbed my hand. Alfie noticed this and opened his mouth.

”So who is this young gentleman?” Alfie asked.

I looked at him and smiled awkwardly. I had never introduced a boyfriend to my father – mostly because he had never been around – so I had no idea what to say.

”I'm Lucy's boyfriend, Vic,” Vic said, fortunately, so I did not have to open my mouth at all. Well, okay, he wasn't really my boyfriend but he liked to introduce himself to people as it.

”I'm Lucy's father,” Alfie said and shook Vic's hand. Vic looked really confused and just looked at him for a long time.

”Oh... You're Alfred Wright?” he asked finally.

”I'm Alfie,” Alfie nodded, ”It's nice to meet you. So how long have you two been, eh, together?”

”Uh... For years,” I mumbled and shrugged.

I had no idea and the whole situation had gotten kind of awkward so I just wanted to leave.

”I assume you have taken good care of my daughter,” Alfie said to Vic.

”Well, somebody had to, considering you didn't,” Vic said and shrugged. I cleared my throat. Alfie had started to look really uncomfortable.

”Right, okay... I think I'm going to head out now. It was really great to see you and once again, I am sorry for your loss, darling,” Alfie said and pulled me into a hug. And then he was gone.