I helped Mike up the stairs, as he struggled to keep himself up right in his drunken state. You see, this has been the routine for about a week and a half now. I sit on the couch staring off at nothing, thinking about everything like how happy we would be just to hear the sound of our baby's heartbeat, to be able to hold him or her in our arms in only seven months, but no all of that was taken from us. Then Mike would come stumbling in our home at around four in the morning, drunk and I would help him up the stairs to bed and resume to my position on the couch. We've barely spoken to each other, and neither of us had spoken to anyone since that night.
But right about now I was getting sick of it. I don't want to drag Mike's drunken body up the stairs and do that on repeat for who knows how long that would go on for. No, I wanted to have a healthy relationship with him, think of our baby as a now happy baby up there. Care free, happy, smiling, not suffering. That's how I wanted to remember it. I always imagined our children to have Mike's smile, his nose, my eyes and ears, Mike's hair color.
In order for us to get our relationship back on track, I think we needed a little break from each other. And thats exactly what I did, once he was sound asleep in bed, I packed my bags fast and exited the house. Leaving no note, nothing. I needed my space and I think he needed his own as well. I began the shirt journey over to the beach, seeing as how it was way too early to go to the boys' houses now. I sat on the hood of my car looking up at the stars. I was in search for the two brightest ones. When I was a kid I would always look up and find the brightest one, and assumed it was my dad looking down on me. I would sit there and talk to him about everything as if he was really here. I finally found the brightest stars, one being my dad and the other being my child. I smiled up at them and sighed.
Why do people have to die? What's the point in living if we're all just going to die at some point? It all just seems a waste of time to me. Why get close to people when you're just setting yourself up to be put down again? But that's all just a part of life, I wouldn't be where I am today without my boys. They've helped me through everything since I came to California. They've helped me stop self harming and they've helped me over come my eating disorders. And I've never been so thankful for that.
I reached for my phone in my back pocket and looked at the time, seeing that it was almost seven thirty I got up and called Tony. The phone rang six times before he answered, "hello?" His groggy voice sounded through the phone.
"Hey Tone, did I wake you?" I asked.
I heard him groan, no doubt looking at the time on the clock, "yeah but it's alright, what's up?"
"Can I come stay with you for awhile?" I looked down and twisted my hand in my lap.
"Of course, is everything okay?"
I sighed, "yeah, I guess. Can I come now?"
"Yeah yeah, I'll just go unlock the door for you," he said. I heard Tonys door open and the creak of the floor boards as be walked across them.
"Thank you Turtle, I'll see you in a few," I said as I heard the click of the front door.
"Yeah no problem, bye." He said hanging up the phone.
I slid off the hood of my car and walked over to the drivers side and started the car up. I turned up the radio listening to the MikeyWhiskeyHands CD Mike had burned off for me. I smiled a little at the sound if his voice booming through the speakers in my car. I pulled up in front of Tony's place and got out. Leaving my bags in the car for now, I walked up the steps and walked into the house. I closed the door behind me quietly, careful not to wake up anybody else in the house. Walking into Tonys room, he was sprawled out all across his bed with his arm placed over his eyes.
"Tone?" I called out quietly.
Tony shot up out of the bed, startled by my voice he stared at me with wide eyes. "Hey, get your ass over here and give me some Turtle lovin'" he said with a grin holding his arms out.
I ran straight into his embrace, and clung tightly onto him as tears made their way out of my eyes. Sobs racked through my body and a Tony just sat there and patted my back. "Mikes calling me," Tony said pulling back to show me his lit up phone.
I was now full of fear and panick, "he doesnt know where you are does he?" Tony asked.
I shook my head no and he sighed, putting his phone up to his ear, "hey man whats up?"
I could hear Mike's panicked voice through the phone, "Tony she left, I don't know where she is, she left me man," Mike said his voice strained and cracking.
"Calm down okay? She didn't leave you, I can assure you that," Toby pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.
"How the fuck do I know if she's safe or not? She won't answer her phone, what if she's hurt or in danger?"
I sighed and grabbed the phone out of Tonys grip, "Mikey?"
"Michelle!" Mike screamed into the phone, relief in his voice.
"Im fine okay? Don't worry about me. Im not leaving you, I just need some time. I mean you're always drunk, and I cant handle that right now," I squeezed my eyes shut to fight back tears.
"Michelle, oh my God baby I'm so sorry. I'll stop drinking I promise just please come home," he cried into the phone.
"I can't Mike. I just can't," I said and hung up the phone.
"You can't avoid him forever, you know?" Tony said quietly.
"I know that, and I don't plan to," I snapped.
"Alright, fine. Now what?" He asked.
"I don't know Tone. It's been the same routine for almost two weeks now. I cant do that anymore, I'm miserable. I just want my baby back," I cried into the sheets of the bed.
"I know Michelle, I know. I don't exactly know how you feel, but the only other person that knows how you feel is Mike. You cant bring the baby back, and I know that hurts. It hurts all of us Chelley, it really does. But you can't repair Yours and Mike's relationship by staying here. You need to be together, you need to overcome this with eachother."

Notes

BAM! Surprise update, I know I said I wasn't going to update until tomorrow but I wanted to do it tonight... and tomorrow!
Hahahaha bet you guys didn't see that coming.
I got a shit ton of hate filled messages last night and this morning on Tumblr about my life and blah blah, saying how I was worthless, ugly, fat, and all this other shit. And I was laughing because it was all so true. But if those people that wrote that shit to me is now reading this I wanted to say, thank you captain fuck stick. You sir or ma'am can go suck a pelicans dick for all I care.
But anywhoooo first day of school was today. Im still alive by some miracle. And I didn't cry this year! Fuck yeah! But we have homework on the first day, which is complete bullshit if you ask me but whateva.
Love you guys!
-Schuyler