I could Sing You A Song
I Just want it to end
ARIANNA P.O.V
I met Of Mice and Men almost a month ago and it was great I was texting Tino's daughter non-stop we had become really good friends since we met. Things on the bus haven't gotten any better either. I mean Evan and I are fine but Copeland keeps bullying me and calling me names saying that i should die because I am worthless and fat. The voices from that night at the police department have become and everyday thing. I have stopped eating a lot and I think my dad has noticed. I started to cut the sides of my body because its like the one thing I feel like I have control over in my life.
"baby.... i love you so much" Evan rolled over next to me.
"I love you too" I chuckled
"you look hot today" He was kissing up and down my neck. I know what he was trying to do but I can't do that now because of the cuts.
"I am still in my p.j's babe" I laughed.
"so? I want you bad" He pleaded I shook my head.
"I can't I am on my period" I lied.
"Thats a lie you had that a week ago" Shit I forgot I had him get me stuff because my mom wasn't in the bus.
"i just don't feel like it today" He huffed
"like a month ago before that fight we had sex when ever we got the chance but now we don't and I don't like it" He sounded like a kid and I wanted to give into him but I just couldn't hurt him by letting him see the cuts.
"I don't feel like it today thats all" I heard him gasp and pull me so that I was looking at him.
"What the fuck are these on your side?" I looked down to see that my shirt had risen up and my cuts were showing.
"Nothing I promise I am okay"
"no Addy I didn't ask if you were okay and I know what they are, I wanna know why you are hurting yourself and not eating as much as you should be?" how could he know about my eating I thought only my dad was noticing it.
"Everything with Copeland has become too much to handle and I needed a way to release all the pain and cutting is the only way. Copeland calls me fat all the time and I see what she is talking about I mean I am fat so I cut down on eating no big deal" He shook his head in astonishment.
"No big deal! Babe you are fucking beautiful and skinny and if Copeland is bothering you tell me don't put ugly marks on you beautiful body" I was crying now because he was right but i don't think I can stop. Cutting makes me feel free and reassures me that I am still human.
"I will try but no promises" I said an got out of the bunk.
ONE WEEK LATER...............................
I tried to keep my promise I really did but I can't stop I feel numb doing it.
"One cut no one will care 2 cuts I don't wanna be here" I said to myself as i slid the blade across my thigh deeper each time I did it. I had tears streaming down my cheeks because I honestly didn't want to be here anymore.
I washed my legs and got dressed. walking out of the bathroom I ran into the one person I didn't wanna see.
"Oh your still alive hmm guess I owe talia money" Copeland said looking at my tear stained face.
"you made a bet on how long I would live?" She threw her head back and laughed.
'yeah and I fucking lost" She walked away from me and i went right back to wear i had come from.
i pulled the blade from the hiding spot in the bathroom and slid the blade across my forearm this time not caring if people noticed.
"I JUST WANT IT TO END I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!" I screamed as I slid it across my wrist.
The door flung open as I dug the razor into my arm deep this time. It was my Uncle mike looking down at me with tears in his eyes. I was getting light headed and my vision was starting to become blurry.
"I'm sorry I just don't want to do this anymore" I said as it went black.
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I woke up to blinding lights in my eyes.
"Where am I?" I asked my self
"Your in the hospital because you tried to commit suicide" I jumped back looking around the room to see who was talking to me.
"Uncle Mike you scared me, Where is dad and when can I get out?" I asked
'Wow easy killer one question at a time" He laughed
"Okay where is mom and dad?" I asked and he sighed
"They had to go home to get some sleep its 12 at night" I nodded
"Why didn't you leave?" He got up and sat in the chair next to my bed.
"Thats easy, because i am the one who found you in the bathroom, the one who watched you pass out, the one who called the ambulance, and the one who rode in it to the hospital here with you. I haven't left your side once" He let a tear run down his face.
"how long have i been here for?" I asked
"3 days" I shut my eyes not wanting to believe I was sleeping for 3 days straight.
"No i couldn't have been" I said
"Well you were, Addy you had us worried sick your mom and dad were in hysterics when they first saw you" I was crying.
"When can I go back to the bus?"
"Tomorrow, Addy what made you do it?" He asked. I took a deep breath and explained everything.
"You really should have told someone what was going on we could have helped you"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got out of the hospital about a week ago and now I was packing to go on tour with Of Mice and Men because my dad said it would be better if I got away for a bit and he knows it has been a dream of mine to go on tour with them.
I wasn't complaining I mean Austin has been like another Uncle to me sinceI met him and when he found out about me in the hospital he called everyday while I was still in the coma I guess he was worried.
"You ready to go peanut?" Austin asked and I shook my head.
"As ready as I will ever be" I replied. I said my good byes and got into Austins car.
I was going to be on tour with Austin for a year and I know it will be good for me.
"So the rest of the band is already in europe so it will be just you and me on the plane" I nodded
"That's okay I mean I know we can talk and shit" I cupped my hand over my mouth not knowing if Austin minded swearing.
"Haha its okay if you swear your dad told me about you and things you can and can't do" I raised and eyebrow.
"And what exactly is it that I can and can't do?" I asked because well lets be real I can't live without my whiskey every once in a while. I am like my Uncle Mike in that way.
"Well he said and i quote 'no sex, no illegal drugs' and then he said and i quote 'the only thing she is allowed to have is marijuana because of her cancer but she has a card thing for that' the things he said you could do was and I quote again 'she is however allowed to drink with supervision and have fun, but not too much fun" He finished and i laughed. yeah I have a medical marijuana prescription so I smoke it once in a while. I usually smoke with my Uncle Mike because he smokes too and i don't like to do it alone.
"Oh I see"
"Why do you have a medical marijuana card anyway?" I knew this was coming.
"I have one because I have cancer and its causes a lot of pain so I am on a lot of medicatinons and smoke. The marijuana helps more than the meds do but I wouldn't worry about me smoking" I stated.
" I am sorry to hear that and why don't I have to worry?"
"Because I don't like to do it alone and I usually smoke with Uncle Mike"
"Oh well if you need to you can smoke with Alan haha I mean he loves his weed every once in a while" I laughed because he was trying to make me laugh.
'Okay I guess that will work I mean I don't do it alot usually only when i am in pain or bored" I was joking at the last part.
"Okay well we all love you so if you need anything let us know" I nodded.
"Umm okay can we put some music on?" He nodded and pointed to the glove box in the car.
"put what ever you want on" I smiled because I was going to put his band on.
"Okay suit yourself" I smiled popping in the cd
"I should have known" He laughed. We were singing along to the words when all of a sudden he paused the cd and looked at me.
"What?" I asked
"I didn't know you could sing let alone scream like that. Your amazing" I blushed
"Well thank you not a lot of people know I can scream but people know i can sing"
"You should do a song on stage with me sometime"
"Okay yeah definitely" I was smiling so big it hurt. We had gotten to the air port about an hour later and got on the plane.
This year was going to be the best one yet.
I met Of Mice and Men almost a month ago and it was great I was texting Tino's daughter non-stop we had become really good friends since we met. Things on the bus haven't gotten any better either. I mean Evan and I are fine but Copeland keeps bullying me and calling me names saying that i should die because I am worthless and fat. The voices from that night at the police department have become and everyday thing. I have stopped eating a lot and I think my dad has noticed. I started to cut the sides of my body because its like the one thing I feel like I have control over in my life.
"baby.... i love you so much" Evan rolled over next to me.
"I love you too" I chuckled
"you look hot today" He was kissing up and down my neck. I know what he was trying to do but I can't do that now because of the cuts.
"I am still in my p.j's babe" I laughed.
"so? I want you bad" He pleaded I shook my head.
"I can't I am on my period" I lied.
"Thats a lie you had that a week ago" Shit I forgot I had him get me stuff because my mom wasn't in the bus.
"i just don't feel like it today" He huffed
"like a month ago before that fight we had sex when ever we got the chance but now we don't and I don't like it" He sounded like a kid and I wanted to give into him but I just couldn't hurt him by letting him see the cuts.
"I don't feel like it today thats all" I heard him gasp and pull me so that I was looking at him.
"What the fuck are these on your side?" I looked down to see that my shirt had risen up and my cuts were showing.
"Nothing I promise I am okay"
"no Addy I didn't ask if you were okay and I know what they are, I wanna know why you are hurting yourself and not eating as much as you should be?" how could he know about my eating I thought only my dad was noticing it.
"Everything with Copeland has become too much to handle and I needed a way to release all the pain and cutting is the only way. Copeland calls me fat all the time and I see what she is talking about I mean I am fat so I cut down on eating no big deal" He shook his head in astonishment.
"No big deal! Babe you are fucking beautiful and skinny and if Copeland is bothering you tell me don't put ugly marks on you beautiful body" I was crying now because he was right but i don't think I can stop. Cutting makes me feel free and reassures me that I am still human.
"I will try but no promises" I said an got out of the bunk.
ONE WEEK LATER...............................
I tried to keep my promise I really did but I can't stop I feel numb doing it.
"One cut no one will care 2 cuts I don't wanna be here" I said to myself as i slid the blade across my thigh deeper each time I did it. I had tears streaming down my cheeks because I honestly didn't want to be here anymore.
I washed my legs and got dressed. walking out of the bathroom I ran into the one person I didn't wanna see.
"Oh your still alive hmm guess I owe talia money" Copeland said looking at my tear stained face.
"you made a bet on how long I would live?" She threw her head back and laughed.
'yeah and I fucking lost" She walked away from me and i went right back to wear i had come from.
i pulled the blade from the hiding spot in the bathroom and slid the blade across my forearm this time not caring if people noticed.
"I JUST WANT IT TO END I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!" I screamed as I slid it across my wrist.
The door flung open as I dug the razor into my arm deep this time. It was my Uncle mike looking down at me with tears in his eyes. I was getting light headed and my vision was starting to become blurry.
"I'm sorry I just don't want to do this anymore" I said as it went black.
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I woke up to blinding lights in my eyes.
"Where am I?" I asked my self
"Your in the hospital because you tried to commit suicide" I jumped back looking around the room to see who was talking to me.
"Uncle Mike you scared me, Where is dad and when can I get out?" I asked
'Wow easy killer one question at a time" He laughed
"Okay where is mom and dad?" I asked and he sighed
"They had to go home to get some sleep its 12 at night" I nodded
"Why didn't you leave?" He got up and sat in the chair next to my bed.
"Thats easy, because i am the one who found you in the bathroom, the one who watched you pass out, the one who called the ambulance, and the one who rode in it to the hospital here with you. I haven't left your side once" He let a tear run down his face.
"how long have i been here for?" I asked
"3 days" I shut my eyes not wanting to believe I was sleeping for 3 days straight.
"No i couldn't have been" I said
"Well you were, Addy you had us worried sick your mom and dad were in hysterics when they first saw you" I was crying.
"When can I go back to the bus?"
"Tomorrow, Addy what made you do it?" He asked. I took a deep breath and explained everything.
"You really should have told someone what was going on we could have helped you"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got out of the hospital about a week ago and now I was packing to go on tour with Of Mice and Men because my dad said it would be better if I got away for a bit and he knows it has been a dream of mine to go on tour with them.
I wasn't complaining I mean Austin has been like another Uncle to me sinceI met him and when he found out about me in the hospital he called everyday while I was still in the coma I guess he was worried.
"You ready to go peanut?" Austin asked and I shook my head.
"As ready as I will ever be" I replied. I said my good byes and got into Austins car.
I was going to be on tour with Austin for a year and I know it will be good for me.
"So the rest of the band is already in europe so it will be just you and me on the plane" I nodded
"That's okay I mean I know we can talk and shit" I cupped my hand over my mouth not knowing if Austin minded swearing.
"Haha its okay if you swear your dad told me about you and things you can and can't do" I raised and eyebrow.
"And what exactly is it that I can and can't do?" I asked because well lets be real I can't live without my whiskey every once in a while. I am like my Uncle Mike in that way.
"Well he said and i quote 'no sex, no illegal drugs' and then he said and i quote 'the only thing she is allowed to have is marijuana because of her cancer but she has a card thing for that' the things he said you could do was and I quote again 'she is however allowed to drink with supervision and have fun, but not too much fun" He finished and i laughed. yeah I have a medical marijuana prescription so I smoke it once in a while. I usually smoke with my Uncle Mike because he smokes too and i don't like to do it alone.
"Oh I see"
"Why do you have a medical marijuana card anyway?" I knew this was coming.
"I have one because I have cancer and its causes a lot of pain so I am on a lot of medicatinons and smoke. The marijuana helps more than the meds do but I wouldn't worry about me smoking" I stated.
" I am sorry to hear that and why don't I have to worry?"
"Because I don't like to do it alone and I usually smoke with Uncle Mike"
"Oh well if you need to you can smoke with Alan haha I mean he loves his weed every once in a while" I laughed because he was trying to make me laugh.
'Okay I guess that will work I mean I don't do it alot usually only when i am in pain or bored" I was joking at the last part.
"Okay well we all love you so if you need anything let us know" I nodded.
"Umm okay can we put some music on?" He nodded and pointed to the glove box in the car.
"put what ever you want on" I smiled because I was going to put his band on.
"Okay suit yourself" I smiled popping in the cd
"I should have known" He laughed. We were singing along to the words when all of a sudden he paused the cd and looked at me.
"What?" I asked
"I didn't know you could sing let alone scream like that. Your amazing" I blushed
"Well thank you not a lot of people know I can scream but people know i can sing"
"You should do a song on stage with me sometime"
"Okay yeah definitely" I was smiling so big it hurt. We had gotten to the air port about an hour later and got on the plane.
This year was going to be the best one yet.
Yeah I am not sure when but I will. I have been really busy lately sorry for the wait I will try to post sometime this weekend
8/31/13