“How is he? Will someone please fucking inform me what is going on?” I yelled at a nurse in the waiting room, her face alarmed.


“I’m sorry, sir, but I have no updates,” she shook her head. I didn’t like the way she shook her head. If she weren’t a girl, I would be pinning her up against the wall in anger. She obviously knew something, and I despised the fact that she wasn’t telling it to me.


“Come on, Mikey,” Jaime gripped my shoulders, pulling me back away from the scared looking nurse. “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s his brother,” Jaime said softly. She nodded, and I reluctantly receded back to the chairs.


“Mike, give it time. It’s only been a few minutes,” Tony said. Despite his attempt with a reassuring tone, his voice cracked.


“I’m going to call Jess. I forgot about her,” Jaime said lowly, standing up and walking across the room with his phone.


The image of Vic flickered in my mind. There was so much blood, and his body looked so limp. I couldn’t believe he was even alive at all.


I could sense that terrible scenarios and memories were soon going to creep their way into my brain, so I tried to focus on something else. I tried not to think about Vic or his attempted suicide. Instead, I listened to Jaime’s voice.


“Hey, babe,” Jaime said quickly into the phone. “I know, I know,” he said after a pause. “Yeah, please don’t go in there sweetheart,” he said; I assumed he was talking about the bus. “Can you get a ride to the hospital?” he asked. “It’s Vic,” he said, his voice cracking. “I don’t know, Jess, I don’t know,” he shut his eyes and shook his head. “Yeah, see you in a few,” he said, ending the call. I watched him sigh heavily before returning back to the seat next to me.


Tony was on the other side of me, but his eyes were vacant. He was the one who saw Vic… he was the one who was closest to the sound of the gun shot… he was very traumatized. I didn’t think he would talk even if he could, so I turned to Jaime.


“Hi,” I said with a broken voice. I wasn’t exactly sure why I said that; I think I just needed to talk in order to drown out my thoughts and memories.


Jaime smiled softly at me, but tears were in his eyes. Maybe talking wasn’t the best idea, after all.


“Himes,” I began to cry, crouching over in the seat and burying my face in my hands. He rubbed my back in comfort, not saying things, like ‘everything’s going to be okay’, because we both knew they weren’t. I couldn’t speak because there was nothing good to say, and I couldn’t be quiet because there was everything bad to think. So, I moaned into my hands.


The fact that my own brother was critically injured in the hospital was one thing, but the fact that my own brother was critically injured in the hospital because of a self-inflicted incident was another.


I must have been the worst brother in the world to let this happen.


“My nightmare is real, Jaime,” I moaned into my hands.


“No, no,” he said softly; I knew he was trying to contain his own tears. Jaime was so strong now.


“Yes, Jaime,” I said, reflecting on our conversation from right before Vic… shot himself. “I killed him,” I spat lowly to myself. I couldn’t save him, so I might has well of killed him. I was the reason why Spencer lunged and got herself killed, so I was at fault for Vic’s suffering. I was a terrible brother.


“No, Mike. You can’t think like that,” he said. “Here,” he said, handing me a piece of paper.


“What is this?” I asked.


“Proof that Vic doesn’t blame you,” Jaime said sadly. I opened up the paper that had splatters of blood on it. Dear Mike, it read. Oh; this was his suicide note to me.


“…Don’t you dare blame yourself for Spence’s death. It was not your fault whatsoever. If anything, it was mine. PLEASE understand that I don’t blame you at all. NOBODY blames you. Spencer doesn’t blame you. And, Mike, THIS isn’t your fault, either. It is my own fault that I am so weak…” part of the note read. I blinked, a few tears escaping my eyes. “…Don’t you ever think that I don’t love you. I love you so much…” I gritted my teeth and crumbled the paper in my right hand that was clenched in anger. If he loved me, he would not have done this to me! I was not as strong as he thought I was; how dare he assume otherwise!


I shook my head, sighing and finally relaxing into the chair. Jess arrived, and Jaime filled her in carefully. I tried not to listen to his words and her horrified gasp.


Hours past. Every minute that passed without any notice I was a minute closer to ripping the nurses head off. She stood her ground, though. I guess she truly did not know what was going on.


The pain in my chest was explosive as I prepared myself for the worst.



“Victor Fuentes?” a doctor suddenly appeared. Tony, Jaime, Jess, and I immediately stood up. “He is stabilized, but in intensive care. We won’t know the extent of the damage until he wakes up. Family only, right now,” he said. “Room two-oh-seven,” he added before walking away. I felt irritated with the doctor’s demeanor; would it kill him to be a little more enthusiastic and less robotic?I quickly got over it, though, as soon as his words sunk in.


I looked at Jaime, Tony, and Jess for a moment, as if I was asking for permission to see Vic, and they nodded for me to go on. “Let us know when we can come in,” Tony spoke up. I nodded, and then I raced to his room.


He was asleep, of course. He looked terrible, but not as terrible as how we found him. There was less blood, less mess… but his face was sunken in and he had a mass of bandages on his head. Tubes and machines and needles surrounded him. I hated to see him like this…


“I’m so sorry, Vic,” I cried, retiring into a chair close next to him. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be enough for you.”



VIC’S POV

I opened my eyes, recognition immediately hitting me like a train. This was not death; this was a fucking hospital.


“What the fuck!” I screamed, causing an extreme pulling and tight pain in the right side of my head.


“Vic! Holy shit, Vic,” Mike collapsed onto me, holding me tightly.


“Why am I not dead?” I screamed, tears rolling down my face.


“The gun killed her! Why didn’t it kill me!” I screamed before he could answer me. “It’s not fair! God damn it!” I screamed and screamed and screamed.


“Vic!” Mike screamed back. “Stop that!” he said. I looked at him carefully; his eyes were stained red and his cheeks were covered in tears.


“How am I alive? How is this possible?” I asked through gritted teeth.


“The bullet didn’t go straight through and through, Vic. It grazed your head. You flinched,” he said calmly. I flinched.


“I flinched?” I asked. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me again. I felt like I was losing control. I was losing control.


Mike nodded. “God damn it!” I screamed. Mike’s eyes went wide in alarm. “No!” I screamed loudly. “I’m so fucking weak!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Why am I so weak? I fucking flinched!?” I started ripping at the cords around me. I had completely lost it. Everything was blurry and I continued to scream curses. God, Vic, why are you so weak?


“Vic! Stop!” I faintly heard Mike yell as I started to rip at my bandages. Before I knew it, nurses were rushing in and I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling start to spread through my veins. I suddenly was calm, and I knew they had given me sleep medicine. God damn, them.


I made sure to plaster a scowl on my face. “Fine, knock me out. Maybe I won’t wake up next time,” I said sourly before everything went black once again.


~~


When I opened my eyes again, I sighed a breath of relief. Finally, Death. I was not in the hospital. I was in a bare white room, sitting on a bench.


“Vic,” I heard a familiar voice breathe my name sadly. I jolted up in excitement.


“Spencer!” I cried, squeezing her tightly.


“Hi,” she said sadly.


“Spence, baby, why are you sad?” I frowned. I haven’t been this happy in two years.


“Vic, you broke your promise,” she said, furrowing her eyebrows sadly at me.


“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. She smoothed out the hair on the side of my face, and I put my hand over hers. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.


“You can’t be here, Vic,” she said sadly.


“Why not?”


“You have Mike and Tony and Jaime!” I bit my lip. I felt guilty. Extremely guilty. I looked down at my feet.


“It was so hard, Spence,” I said, feeling a few tears slip down my cheeks. She rubbed circles on my cheek with her thumb. She felt so real.


“Please don’t give up,” she said softly.


“I’m so weak, Spence,” I said, my voice cracking. “I want to be here with you. Please, just let me stay,” I cried, moving closer to her.


“Vic, I’m always with you. I promised you that two years ago, and I never broke that promise,” she said.


“But I want to be here with you here. You feel so real, right now,” I murmured, touching her face with my free hand.


“It’s not the right time, though,” she said.


“How do you know that?” I challenged.


“Mikey needs you now more than I need you,” she said.


“Spence, are you happy?” I asked randomly. She nodded.


“Yes, Vic. You have no idea. I’m with my family now. Nothing bad can happen here. I’m happy,” she smiled softly. My heart broke. I was glad she was happy, but what about me?


“Are you happy without me?” I found myself asking. My eyes burned with tears and my throat was tightening up.


A hurt expression flashed across her face. “No, Vic. Never. But I know one day we will be together again,” she said reassuringly. “It makes me sad to see you hurting like this, but I don’t want you to die. I want to see you alive and happy. You can’t die, yet.”


“But why not now?” I cried. “Life is terrible, Spencer. I want to be with you. I don't want to lose you!”


“You haven’t lost me, Vic. You will never lose me. Life will get better as time goes on, I promise,” she said. “And I haven’t broken any promises,” she added.


“Two years is a long time of things not getting better,” I said quietly.


“Life is so much longer than two years, Vic. Please believe me when I tell you that now is not your time,” she said.


“Do I not have a say in this?”


“You do. But I know you will make the right choice,” she said.


“Why?” I mumbled, closing the small distance between us. I buried my face in her neck. She held the back of my head with her hand, and I squeezed her gently. She felt so real.


“You aren’t dying today, Vic,” she murmured into my ear.


She sounded so disappointed in me. I hated that I let her down, but I was sad that she wasn’t excited to see me.


“Vic, I love you. But you can’t die like this. You can’t die breaking a promise,” she said. I knew she was right.


“Can you just… can you just let me stay here for a few more minutes?” I quietly sobbed into her hair. I needed to feel her. I needed to hold her at least one more time before I was forced to return to the Hell I called Earth.


“Even in Heaven there can be some selfishness,” she said quietly, holding me tightly. I sunk down to the ground with her, and I held her in my lap as I sang the poetic lyrics of Mayday Parade in her ear.


“Please be still tonight;
Don’t disturb this love of mine.
Look how she’s so serene…
You’ve got to help me out.

And count the stars to form in lines,
And find the words we’ll sing in time.
I want to keep her dreaming,
It’s my one wish I won’t forget this,” I sang, brushing my thumb along her forehead as I sang. I just needed this short amount of time with her. I knew she wasn’t going to let me stay long; I knew I had to return to Mike and the others, soon, but a few extra minutes with her wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t want to disturb this moment; everything was calm; please let me hold you, Spencer…I’ll cherish this moment until I can die for real…


“I’m outdated, overrated…
Morning seems so far away...

So I’ll sing a melody,
And hope to God she’s listening,
Sleeping softly while I sing,” I kissed her head.

“And I’ll be your memories,
Your lullaby for all the times,
Hoping that my voice could get it right,” I sang softly, my voice breaking as I did so. I thought about our memories together, how I sang to her when everything was turning dark… when we were tangled in the great escape together… how only the perfect words could save us…


“If luck is on my side tonight,
My clumsy tongue will make it right.
And wrists that touch,
It isn’t much, but it’s enough
To form imaginary lines
Forget your scars, we’ll forget mine.
The hours change so fast,
Oh God, please make this last,” I wanted to hold her here forever. Please let this moment be enough to get me through the rest of my life…


“I’m outdated, overrated…
Morning seems so far away...

So I’ll sing a melody,
And hope to God she’s listening,
Sleeping softly while I sing.
And I’ll be your memories,
Your lullaby for all the times,
Hoping that my voice could get it right, could get it right…”


I combed her hair softly with my fingertips, nuzzling my head deeper into her neck.


“You could crush me… Please don’t crush me!
‘Cause baby I’m a dreamer for sure!
And I won’t let you down,
I swear this time I mean it!” Let me continue this dream... jut a little while longer, and then I will keep my promise...


“And I’ll sing a melody,
And hope to God she’s listening,
Sleeping softly while I sing.
And I’ll be your memories,
Your lullaby for all the times,
Hoping that my voice could get it right…” I finished singing into her ear, and she sat up and kissed me lightly on the lips. The feeling was sensational, exhilarating, magical. Her lips were a spark against mine.


“I won’t break my promise again, Spencer. I swear,” I promised. “I won’t let you down again,” I repeated, crying even harder now.


“I know, Vic,” she said, her cool breath on my face. “I love you so much, but it’s time for you to go back home,” she said quietly.


I gripped her tightly. “No…” I cried softly.


“Vic. Remember what I had said to Jaime a long time ago when you and I were dying together?” she asked randomly. I nodded, remembering how we both said our goodbyes to the others while we were essentially spirits.


“I told him to fall in love again. I told him to find a girl to never let go,” she said. I opened my mouth to object, but she continued. “You don’t ever have to let go of me, Vic. I will always be with you,” she said, kissing my chest where my heart used to be. “But you are allowed to love someone new,” she said. She didn’t sound sad or bitter at all. “I can’t wait to see you find a girl and be happy with her forever,” she said, geniality in her eyes.


“I want to be happy with you forever,” I said numbly.


“I want you to be happy,” she said back. “You have to let me go, but never let me go, if that makes sense,” she said. I nodded, understanding… I had to move on from her, but I should never stop loving her.


Loving her here in this moment made every confusing feeling and every ounce of pain disappear.


Loving her back in reality made the pain murderous.


How was I supposed to move on and love her at the same time?


I grasped her tighter as I felt myself fade away.


Before the lightness was replaced with darkness, and before the warmth in my heart was replaced with an excruciating pain in my head, I kissed her one more time.


One more time.


This was me letting go of her, but this was me also never letting go.

Notes

Hello! You guys really should know by now that I could never ACTUALLY kill Vic off c'monnnnn ;)

Ugh, I love the Mayday song "I Swear This Time I Mean It" and i just HAD to put it in here. Hopefully it worked okay sorry if it was awk

not exactly written the way i wanted but i am tired but wanted to update so yes

I will be introducing a new character soon! yay!



Guys I have to see the Jonas Brothers tomorrow **gags**