“Change is scary,” I whispered.

“Things are always changing,” Mike agreed with a nod. There was a knock on the door and Mike answered it. I smiled at Mike, glad to see him happy with that girl reflecting in his eyes—Zoe. We all had a gut feeling that they would end up together. I never knew that they would last this long. Mike never struck me as the relationship type, but he really was a big softie.

Mike smiled at me and exited the room with Zoe, leaving me alone to hopefully not drown in my thoughts.

Change. Things were constantly changing—exponentially changing. It lurked in every corner, threatening to turn your world upside down—whether it was in a bad way or a good way. Either one, it scared me and I didn’t no how to deal with it—no matter how many times I experienced it in my life.

I tucked my knees into my chest and stared at the opposite wall. I wondered what Vic was doing right now. Was he thinking as much as me? Because I couldn’t stop thinking; my head was spinning.

“Can we come in?” I heard a few voices and knock on the door.

“Yeah,” I approved. It swung open and I smiled softly as a big group of people entered the room. I scanned the group for one certain face, but he wasn’t there. I knew I wasn’t supposed to see him but he was all I wanted right now.

Jaime, Tony, Zoe, Mike, Chloe, Jess, Faith, Seth, Fallon, and Lacy all piled into the decently sized dressing room.

“What are you doing, pretty lady, sitting there all by yourself? Mike sent us all in because he was afraid you were down!” Jaime exclaimed, poking the corner of my mouth and effectively causing me to smile.

“I’m not down!” I objected. “I’m just thinking a lot.”

“Whatchya thinking about, then?” Jaime asked, sitting down next to me.

“Change,” I murmured.

“Ah,” Jaime said softly. “Guys? Can you give us a minute?” Jaime asked the group. Everyone smiled and exited the room, leaving me with Jaime. “You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you?” Jaime asked with a frown.

“Yes, Himes,” I sighed. “It’s been a year and a half and I have nightmares about it all of the time. Especially last night,” I explained.

“I have nightmares about things that happened to me when I was just a teenager, Charlie. Things will stick with you forever, no matter if they are really great or really fucking horrible,” he said. “And unfortunately it’s usually the horrible shit that sticks with you the most.”

I frowned. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. What I wanted to hear was that there was a way to scratch out certain things from your memory, that things could go away over time, that better things can come along and cover up the bad.

“It’s not just you Charlie,” Jaime said softly. He didn’t say that in a sense to make me feel bad, it was to make me felt better. I wasn’t the only one suffering from not being able to get over something. I wasn’t the only one who flinched every time an engine popped or a door slammed. I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t watch horror movies because the screams acted out in them sounded too much like the ones we have lived. I wasn’t alone.

“I know,” I said. “It’s stupid,” I shook my head.

“It’s not stupid, Charlie.”

“I shouldn’t be thinking about it today!” I exclaimed.

“Charlie,” he said seriously. “The night before Jess and I tied the knot, I was up all night tossing and turning, reliving every horror from my life because fear took over my brain. I was afraid to lose her so close to her becoming mine, so every moment in my life that related to me losing someone came flashing back in fast forward,” he said. “You’re just afraid that something bad is going to happen again. It’s normal and I hope one day that feeling goes away, but I can’t say that it has for me or anyone else just yet.” I sighed and leaned forward, hugging Jaime tightly.

“Thank you Jaime. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now what the fuck are you doing?” he laughed, nudging me. “Get dressed, woman!” he exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes. “Send in my real gay best friend, will ya Himes?” I teased.

“Tony?”

His innocent face made me crack up. “Oh my God, Jaime! Get Seth!” I exclaimed. He chuckled and kissed my head, turning away. I shook my head and smiled, looking up when I heard the door open again.

“You rang?” he wiggled his eyebrows. I giggled and stood up, embracing him in a tight hug.

“Make me pretty, please,” I smiled.

“You’re already beautiful, princess.”

“I’m going to treat her like the princess she wishes she was,” he murmured. I closed my eyes tightly. He kept mumbling things, closer and closer to my skin, until the door opened and closed, meaning we were alone.

“Open your eyes, Charlie,” Triston purred. “You’re actually going to enjoy this,” he said. My heart thumped frantically in my chest.

“No!” I squirmed. I wasn't going to let this happen—and I especially wasn’t going to enjoy it. Ignoring my protests, he clawed at my pants, leaving me gasping. He dug his nails into the skin of my stomach, stopping me from squirming as I tried to catch my breath. Slowly, painfully slow, he lifted my t-shirt over my head, discarding it easily. The air was cold but his breath was hot on my skin—in a bad way. I whined and cried the entire time, to the point of pissing him off. But I couldn’t just lay there and let it happen again.

He slapped me across the face multiple times, to the point where I felt a little dizzy. I choked for air every time he shoved his tongue down my throat or wrapped his hands around my neck. I closed my eyes every time he told me to open them. He had never been this bad with me before. Triston would sell me off to his friends and clients who treated me sickly, but whenever I went back to Triston, he was as close to an angel as the devil could be. He didn’t respect me—obviously—but he had never really been rough with me before. That was his friend’s job. That was how he kept me around.

I didn’t know how long he spent, but it felt like hours. I was mentally and physically drained. I wanted to just die already.

Triston gnawed on my neck, turning me into a squirming mess. He stopped suddenly, though, when there was a knock on the door. “The fuck?” he muttered into my skin. He lifted his head up and I breathed in and out, taking in the air.

“There’s an emergency!” I heard from the other side.

“What?!” Triston screamed.

“Uh, um, we have a situation. You need to come out here!”

“Damn it, Sam! I told you to call me if there were any problems!” he exclaimed, his face purple with anger.

“It’s the boyfriend! He’s here!” my eyes widened at what Sam said, and so did Triston’s. Suddenly, I heard another voice yell angrily—it was Vic!

“No! You fucking dick!” he hissed. I heard a loud slam and a groan, and I prayed that it wasn’t Vic who was hurt. The door handle jiggled though; Triston stared at it with concern and anger.

“Open the door!” Vic screamed, banging on the door.

“Put this on,” Triston snarled, tossing me my t-shirt and underwear. My hands shaking and my body sore, I weakly pulled the top over my head and pulled my pants up, feeling a little better now that I was sort of covered. I breathed heavily, clenching my fists next to me and staring at the door. My stomach dropped when Triston picked up the gun—I had forgotten about that—and jogged to the door, unlocking it. He jumped back and wobbled almost nervously in front of me, breathing just as hard as I was.

Slowly, the door opened. Vic appeared, and I couldn’t decide how I felt about that. I didn’t want Triston to hurt him, but I didn’t want Triston to hurt me anymore, either. Vic’s eyes shifted to mine; they were watery with tears. They softened as they scanned my vulnerable and exposed body. “Charlie,” he murmured softly.

Forgetting about the gun and Triston in general, a surge of energy exploded within me. I needed Vic—I jumped up hastily and darted forward, just to hold him even if it was for the last time because I knew Triston wanted me dead, and he caught on and went forward, too. Before we met, though, my head snapped back and I shrieked, falling to the ground. Triston gripped my hair tightly and yanked me up, making me cry softly in pain.

“Move again and I’ll kill you in front of him,” he growled in my ear, making my knees wobble even more. A strike of pain flashed across Vic’s face as he stood tense a few feet away. I made sure to stay as still as possible. “And you,” he snapped, looking at Vic. He held the gun out straight as a threat. “Don’t take another step.”

Vic looked at me sadly. Maybe if I moved a little, Triston would turn the gun on me and Vic could tackle him down. I wasn’t sure how well that would end, though. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Vic—Why did I let this happen?—my eyes blurry with tears but I could see him enough to see him shake his head.

I screamed when he lunged forward, the gunshot snapping in the thick air. I watched as Vic’s body collapsed midstride. “NO!” I screeched. I slammed against Triston, pushing him to the ground. I wondered if he had ever used a gun before because he seemed pretty dazed after using it on Vic. The gun went off again, but I didn’t think it hit me. I used my adrenaline-born strength to kick the gun out of his hands. We both dove for it at the same time but I got there first. I didn’t look as I pulled the trigged. I waited to hear the tell-tale sign that he was dead and fallen to the floor, I felt his blood splatter on my face, and then I scurried to Vic. I screamed again, holding my hands against the center of his chest where the bullet hit.

But his eyes were closed. “VIC!” I screamed and cried, the memory of his body collapsing replaying over and over and over in my head. The memory of his eyes going from open to closed. The memory of his breath going from heavy to sharp. It played in fastforward and then rewound, playing in slow motion. His body lunging forward and then stopping mid way, twitching and falling to the ground. “No!” I sobbed, my hands still pressed to his chest. Shaking, I found his phone in his pocket. I called 9-1-1—they were already on their way, people had reported the gunshots and the screaming. And then I called Mike.

“Vic! What’s going on? Is she okay?”

“Mike!” I exclaimed, sobbing into the phone. Paramedics arrived and pushed me aside, picking Vic up. Someone helped me up and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, handing me my pants to slip over my bare legs. I screamed into the phone.

“Charlie! Oh my god, what happened?” Mike cried.

“Hos-hospital,” I stammered. The paramedics led me to the ambulance Vic was being carted off to. They lifted me up and helped me in. I cringed away from the male medics and a female one sat next to me, holding my hand and letting me scream and cry into her shoulder. I couldn’t breathe. “Vic…” I whined as they rolled him away and into the hospital.

“Charlie, we’re almost there,” Mike said roughly into his phone, his breath ragged much like mine. The female paramedic led me inside, the hospital was freezing and I could hardly stand. Mike busted through the doors, spotting me immediately with Tony and Jaime trailing behind. I collapsed into his arms, screaming as the way Vic collapsed continued to replay in my head.

“Oh my God, Charlie!” Seth gasped. “Darling, don’t cry, I’m so sorry,” he cooed while I cried hysterically.

“It-it’s not y-you,” I shook my head as I gasped. My head was throbbing.

“Oh, God, Charlie. Do you want me to get—”

“Please,” I begged through my tears.

Moments later, my head shot up at the sound of the door opening. I jumped out of my chair and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. “Hey, hey, shh, it’s okay,” Vic whispered softly, rocking me back and forth. I took several deep breaths, calming myself down. The memory had slammed into my head at full force, I had no choice but to relive it again. But he was here now and that soothed my head.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I-Isn’t it bad luck to see each other right now?” I cried softly. He chuckled.

“No, angel. It’s bad luck for me to see you in your dress. But you’re not in it, yet. What’s wrong, baby? You aren’t thinking about backing out on me, are you?” he chuckled a little, a nervous hint in his voice.

I smiled and shook my head. “No, never,” I said. “I just… I just really needed to see you. I’m so sorry,” I said, calming down.

“Hey, never be sorry for that, Charlie,” he said gently. “I was thinking about things, too,” he whispered quietly. I sighed into his skin and then pulled away, my hands linked around his neck. He smiled and unhooked his arms from around me, using his thumbs to wipe under my eyes. Then, he left his hands resting on my face. I smiled gently and tilted my head to the left into the warmth of his right palm.

“You look really nice,” I said softly, gazing at his twinkling eyes, naturally curled hair, the suit he was wearing. I placed my hand over the center of his chest. I could feel his heart pumping. I smiled again. Leaving his right hand on one side of my face, he dropped his left and placed it over mine, squeezing it gently. I stepped closer to him, our hands linked on his chest, and carefully pressed my lips to his.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, resting his forehead on mine. I nodded.

“I am. Sorry for freaking out,” I said shyly.

“I freaked out last night, darling. Ask Mike. You should have seen me,” he said, tucking some of my hair behind my ear with a smile. “But it’s okay, now. I won’t let anything happen to us,” he said softly, kissing me again. I melted against his lips, feeling safe and secure. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, causing my skin to erupt with chill bumps. Even after being with him for over a year, I still got them whenever I was with him. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” I said.

“Now go get ready. I can hardly wait any longer!” Vic said enthusiastically, bouncing ecstatically on his toes with a large grin spread across his face. I giggled and nodded, nudging his shoulders to push him out of the room. He smiled at me one last time before turning away. Seth reentered the room, along with all of my close girl friends—which was basically all of the boys’ girlfriends plus Fallon, Lacey, and Chloe—and they immediately teamed up and, to my amusement, attacked my hair and face with brushes. Everyone was laughing and messing around, having a good time, and in this moment I felt truly blessed. I had never had so many friends before, such a community of people that cared about me and I cared about them right back.

“Aw, Charlie,” Jess cooed, smiling at me.

“You guys did a great job,” I approved, smiling a little into the mirror they placed in front of me.

“Nonsense! You’re the one with the good looks, kid. We just enhanced them, so Vic can really see you through his teared up eyes!” Seth exclaimed.

“Yeah! Twenty bucks Vic is going to cry when he sees you.”

“Vic is not going to cry!” I protested with a laugh. “I am, though.”

“But this time, they’ll be happy tears,” Chloe said, smiling at me softly. I smiled gently back at her.

Happy tears. I liked the sound of that.

“Now everyone scoot. Time to get dressed, my dear!” Jess exclaimed, shuffling everyone out of the room.

“How much time do we have?” I asked. My hands started to shake—I didn’t know why I was so nervous, though.

“About twenty minutes,” she said after checking the time. She unzipped the cover of the dress and pulled it out of the bag, sliding the shoulders of it off of the hanger. Quickly, I changed out of my other clothes and stepped into the gown—it was simple, yet elegant and sweet. I wasn’t one to go over the top on things. Jess had helped me pick it out. She tied the back and I sucked in a breath, adjusting the top until it was comfortable.

“Wow, Charlie,” she said, looking impressed, causing my already rosy cheeks to warm up.

“Jess, were you scared?” I asked suddenly as she touched up on my hair a little.

“Scared for what?”

“Marrying Jaime.”

“Of course I was! You’re making a commitment to be with someone for the rest of your life. It’s a scary thing,” she said. “But I know it’s right. And if anyone in this entire world deserves to be together for the rest of their lives, it’s you two,” she said. I smiled, hugging her carefully.

“Thank you, Jess,” I said.

She smiled. “Want me to send in Mike, now?” she asked. I nodded. She smiled and turned away. Moments later, as I was putting on my shoes, Mike came in with a bouquet of flowers in his grip and a grin on his face.

Because I had no one to walk down the aisle with, we decided Mike would be the next best thing. It was more like Mike was giving his brother away to me, I guess, but it worked. I smiled and stood up, taking his arm.

“Try not to punch me in the face any time soon,” I teased, although my voice was shaking.

Mike laughed, handing me the flowers. “Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded.

I put my nose to the flowers. For beautiful things that were cut at the roots—killed—they smelled so alive.

“I’m nervous, but Jess said that was normal,” I explained.

“It is. You guys are great,” Mike smiled. I smiled back. When the doors opened and the music started, I looked up at Vic, seeing him staring back at me, beaming, his hands folded in front of him and his mouth in a soft smile. I could see his eyes glisten from here—I didn’t know how, because my eyes were glistening, too.

As cliché as it was, I didn’t look at anyone else but him. We held eye contact the entire time, and it took ever fiber of my being to not drop the flowers and sprint into his arms.

But as I stepped up in front of him and took his hands, I was breathless as if I had run to him instead of walking so painfully slow.

“Beautiful,” he murmured. Somebody owed somebody else twenty bucks—tears were filling his eyes. They were filling mine, too.

As the priest spoke, Vic squeezed my hands. Everything went by fast around us, but I felt like we were in slow motion together. By the time we had both said the promising words—“I do”—I felt like it had been hours, just staring at Vic—I probably could have been able to do that, too. Because he was standing there so proudly, so happily, so alive. I didn’t want to blink once.

He lifted his left hand and held my cheek delicately, leaning over to me. My heart sped up and I leaned up and forward, joining him in the middle for the kiss that meant everything. The kiss that signified our lives together, and I knew that even in the worst of situations, we could get out of them because he was now really mine, I was really his—no more running away, no more questioning. Vic was finally okay, we were finally going to be okay, because there was no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with, and I knew he felt the same way. We healed together, and, now, it was our time to actually live.

Notes

Aw it got cliche at the end, but that's okay, at least it's happy, right?? :)
Sorry for the heart attacks, but it felt necessary, because it kind of paralleled the ending of Can we lose our minds but it twisted happily instead!

Wow. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STORY IS OVER. It makes me sad because I started the first of these 3 over the summer and a lot has happened since then, a lot has changed and IDK I FEEL ALL SENTIMENTAL

Thanks so much for sticking with me guys, it means a lot! Love you all <3