When I opened my eyes, I frowned because the irises staring back at me were not the ones I wanted to see.

They were a beautiful brown, but my heart ached because I wanted them to be hazel.

“Shh, shh,” Spencer cooed, placing her hand on my cheek. “It’s okay, you’re safe,” she whispered. I closed my eyes and felt my entire body drain of all feeling.

“Is she? Is she safe?” I asked breathlessly, my eyes closing to try and prevent tears from falling even though they fell anyway, leaving fiery, burning trails down my face.

“She’s safe, Vic,” she whispered, brushing my hair gently. “She’s safe.”

“Wh-what happened? Tell me where she is? What’s going on?” I panicked, turning my head into my shoulder as I sobbed. Spencer gently stroked my cheek with her thumb, trying to comfort me.

“She’s a strong one, Vic. She tackled him to the ground. It went off again but it missed her. She kicked it away from him, grabbed it and then shot him dead,” Spencer explained. “And then she called your brother.”

“Oh, Mike,” I cried even harder, thinking about him. “Oh, God, my brother,” I sobbed. “Tony… Jaime…”

“I’m so sorry, Vic,” she whispered. I took a few rough breaths, forcing myself to open my eyes and sit up. Spencer leaned forward and took me in her arms. I cried into her neck. I couldn’t breathe. Spencer was rubbing my back but I still couldn’t breathe.

“Wh-why didn’t…” I wrapped my arms around her and held onto her desperately, crying hard into her hair. This wasn’t where I wanted to be—not yet, anyway. “I-I’m glad to see you, Spence, but why—”

Spencer sighed softly, petting the back of my head. “Why didn’t I do anything?” she finished the question I felt too guilty to finish myself. I nodded weakly. “I couldn’t, Vic. I swear to you I would have if I could. But I wasn’t allowed to do anything… you had already made up your mind,” she explained.

“Kind of like you?” I asked quietly. She nodded, running her fingers through my hair over and over.

“Kind of,” she whispered softly.

“No,” I moaned in agony. “This wasn’t what I wanted. Not this,” I shook violently.

“I know, Vic. But what did you think was going to happen?”

“Did you regret jumping forward even though you knew you were going to die?” I asked quietly. I curled up with her, afraid to look into her eyes because I was so focused on the hazel ones behind my closed lids. I didn’t want to lose them, so I kept my eyes shut as Spencer held me.

“Vic…” she sighed. “Not really, if you want me to be honest.”

“Then we’re different,” I cried. “I don’t regret deciding that I needed to get justice for Charlie whose situation made her feel like she could never get it, but I do regret… I don't want this anymore…" I realized.

Spencer continued to brush back my hair on the back of my hair. She kissed the top of my head. “That’s good, Vic. You’re so strong. You’re so wonderful and selfless,” she cooed.

When I breathed in, the breaths skipped in my chest. I was teetering between hyperventilation and not breathing at all. But then I thought—what was the point in breathing here anyway?

“Spence,” I said softly, pulling away. I opened my eyes to look at her. I placed a hand on the side of her face. Her skin was strikingly pale against my tan skin. She looked at me expectantly. She was beautiful, as always. So beautiful. But another face was in my head. “Tell me, Spence. Am I really dead?”

Notes

oooooo
the million dollar question


ONE MORE CHAPPY LEFT :') I've had this story for months, I'm sad it's ending

Leave your thoughts below VVVV
I'll try and update within the next few days :)