(Tony’s POV)

Mike rushed on to stage more violently than normal; I gripped his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. “You okay, dude?” I asked. I didn’t know why I even bothered asking, though. I knew he wasn’t okay. He nodded anyway, shrugging my hand off lightly. I sighed. I knew what he was thinking about; it was all anyone thought about lately. And Mike was under this insane disillusion that Spencer’s death was his fault. It was painful for all of us, but Mike took it especially hard because he was there when it happened. Jaime and I weren’t there, and that was bad enough.

I shook my head. I was just so tired. Tired of the sadness, tired of the way my band was acting. Mike was angry and closed off, Vic was depressed and sucked into music, and Jaime was… well, Jaime didn’t take Spencer’s death as hard as I thought he would. He had completely moved on for her, and he even rooted for Vic and her to be together. The first few months after her death he was just as depressed as we all were, but he was able to let go of her easily. I guess he was able to accept the fact that she was gone and never coming back better than the rest of us. He even had a girlfriend, which made me happy for him. Jaime was the only happy one. Imagine that.

But, still. I was sick of the mood in the band. Whenever I tried to talk to anyone, I was shut out. Vic didn’t have time, for he was always in a writing mood, and Mike was just a plain asshole. I knew I should be easier on them, but at what point would they just accept it? It’s been almost two years, and they still moped around. I felt terrible thinking like this, but they had lives to live. They weren’t the ones who died back there, but, to me, they sure acted like it.

I guess I was just bitter. I wished things would go back to normal.

I didn’t understand why life was so unfair; I thought I had saved Spencer from her bad life by killing Drew Sanders; I thought everything would be okay after that. But, no. Some new devil had to enter her life, and it tore me up inside; why was her life tainted with tragedy? Why did everything that could possibly go wrong go wrong?

I sighed. These thoughts were pointless. Irrelevant. Spencer was dead, and I had a show to play.

I lost myself as I moved my fingers skillfully up and down the neck of the guitar. I banged my head back and forth as I let the music take me away, shaking every contemplating thought out of my head. No more questions. No more “what if’s”. No more asking why things happened and just accepting the fact that they did.

The show ended quicker than I preferred, and after meeting fans I made my way back to the bus. I wanted to try to talk to Mike, but he disappeared with his booze and a new girl, like always. I sighed, feeling, once again, tired.

“Hey, Vic,” I nodded to Vic who had already taken his usual place: the couch next to the bus window.

“Hey,” he said, barely acknowledging me. I frowned. I knew Vic hurt really bad, but he wasn’t the only one.

“Can I join you?” I asked, nodding to the place next to him.

“Go for it,” he said. He seemed uninterested, though.

“Never mind,” I grumbled. I knew he didn’t deserve my attitude, but I rolled my eyes. God, I was a terrible friend. I should be comforting him because I knew he was in a lot of pain, especially after that show, but I let my bitterness get the best of me. I was fed up.

I decided to go find Jaime. I noticed that he was outside of the bus, sitting around a bonfire with his girlfriend and other bands. Mike was still away at an after party somewhere else, but I expected him to stumble back with his next fuck in a few hours.

“Turtle!” the guys from All Time Low exclaimed when they saw me approach. At least I was wanted, here.

“Hey, guys,” I grinned, sitting down in an empty chair.

“Nice show today, man,” Alex spoke up. “You really shredded it today,” he added.

I smiled. “Thanks, dude,” I said. Yes, I knew I shredded it. Playing the guitar was the only thing I did right, anymore.

“Hey, Jess,” I greeted Jess, Jaime’s girlfriend of five months. I was so happy for him because he looked so happy.

“Hi, Tone,” she grinned. She was curled up with Jaime, and he held her like his life depended on it. Well, maybe it actually did.

I was glad to see that one member of Pierce the Veil was happy. I never expected it to be Jaime, though.

~~

JAIME’S POV

I kissed Jess’s neck, and she giggled. She was so warm and cuddly. I loved her with every vein in my body. Although, I haven’t told her that I loved her yet. I wanted to take things slow with her. I wanted to cherish every moment with her, but I didn’t want to rush things. The quicker you begin something, the quicker they end; that’s something I learned the hard way.

“Can you guys stop being adorable for one second?” Jack of All Time Low said, feigning annoyance.

I rolled my eyes, tickling Jess for fun. “Hey, Tone, where’s Vic?” I asked.

“The bus,” he said lowly. Of course he was in the bus. I furrowed my eyebrows. Whenever we weren’t playing a show, Vic was almost mute. It was heartbreaking to see.

“Is he going to come out?” I asked, although I knew the answer to the question before I even asked it. Vic didn’t like talking to people that weren’t fans. He liked to keep to himself.

Tony shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. Everyone was quiet for a minute, all thinking the same thing.

“Is there anything we can do?” Rian asked. Oh, Rian.

“This has been going on forever. If there was something we could do, we would have done it already,” Tony said sadly.

The back of Jess’s head was on my chest, and she looked up so her breath was on my chin. “Maybe you should talk to him,” she said softly. I nodded. I lifted her up and then placed her back down in the chair, walking to the bus. I never thought that I would be the one who had to try and help Vic; it was usually the other way around. But ever since Spence died, nobody was the same.

“Vic?” I asked into the bus. He didn’t answer, and I got worried…

“Vic?” I asked again, exploring the bus further.

I sighed in relief, finding him in his bunk. Normally he would sit on the couch in the front by the window and go to sleep when the rest of us stumbled in, but tonight he crashed early. He was curled up in a little ball in his bunk, not even under the covers. I saw that the pillow by his face was damp.

I lightly darted off of the bus and returned back to the bonfire. “Hey, guys, I’m going to be inside for a little while and hang with Vic, okay?” I announced.

“Yeah, of course,” everyone said.

“Is he okay?” Jess asked, concern spreading across her features. I smoothed out the worry lines on her face.

“The anniversary of Spence’s death is next week. He’s having a really tough time,” I explained. She nodded. Jess knew everything; she knew about my past, my depression, my relationship with Spencer… she knew everything, and she was with me anyway. I kissed her forehead for a prolonged period of time before turning back to the bus.

You see, Jess was a happy and bright soul. She radiated warmth, happiness, and love. I would never in my life dare put down Spencer. She was amazing, too; but, after time, I realized she was more suitable for someone else, like Vic. I needed someone like Jess in order to be fixed. She really healed me. She filled the whole permanently. And, now, I can be happy with her. I can love her with all of my heart and be there for her when she needed because I was finally strong. Jess made me unbelievably happy. We made each other happy.

But I hated that Spence was dead. It made me want to be sick. It was a terrible slash to the heart because I still loved her, but in a different way; she was still very important to me. The pain was especially worse because when she died, I think Vic died right along with her. Whatever they had must have been spectacular, because he was—and still is—torn up over her… I knew they had some profound connection, but Vic never explained it.

My heart ached for Vic. I returned to his side, and he was still curled up in the same fetal position as before.

I didn’t want to wake him, but I wanted him to know that I was there for him—that we were there for him. I rubbed his back, and he quietly sobbed into his pillow. “It’s okay, Vic, it’s okay,” I said softly. He opened his puffy eyes and sniffed.

“No, it’s not,” he said. I shook my head, opening my arms. He sat up, accepting the gesture. I just held him as he cried into my shoulder.

“It’s never going to be okay, again,” he cried.

“Yes it is,” I assured him. Vic just shook his head and continued to cry as I smoothed back his hair on the back of his head. It wasn’t long until his misery put him to sleep, and I gently laid him back down.

I stared at him, my heart breaking with every tear that escaped his eyes. His pain was a hundred times worse because he had to witness the girl he loved die. He had been so helpless. Watching someone die and not being able to do a single damn thing about it… I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine it.

The pain I felt was a lot, already, and Tony and I didn’t even see it happen. The memory was still terrible though.

“We think we know where Spencer is!” Mike said over the phone.

“Where?” Tony and I asked hastily. Mike told us that he and Vic were headed to Carlos’s house, and that we should meet them there.

We hopped in the car immediately and tried to race to the address, but of course there was traffic. A car crash… some moron had been running from the police and destroyed half of San Diego in the process. Frustrated, Tony and I sat through the traffic until finally reaching the address.

By the time we got there, though, police cars were already surrounding the building.

“Good! Maybe they got him!” Tony said positively. But I didn’t jump to conclusions. We got out of the car and slowly walked to the scene. We could hear a horrible, hair-raising scream come from inside of the house…

“What’s going on?” I asked a nearby officer.

“Terrible,” he shook his head. “These sick bastards! They kidnap the poor girl…” he shook his head. We waited for him to continue. “She didn’t make it,” he said with a sigh.

It felt like somebody had chucked a rock at the back of my head. “Ex-excuse me?” my mouth dropped, but the officer had already gone. Then, I watched as a the police exited the house, dragging along a stretcher carrying a black lump. The agonizing screams got louder and louder until Mike and Vic appeared.

My feet were frozen. It felt like my legs were trapped in the cement of the sidewalk. Vic was covered in blood, and he was shaking violently and screaming. Mike was holding him as tightly as possible, a look of horror and shock spread across his face. His eyes met mine, and I dropped to my knees.

No.

I shook the memory out of my head. Seeing Vic and Mike like that was not an image I preferred to see. I couldn’t imagine how they felt, though, having to see Spencer…

I shivered.

We had the next two weeks off for the sake of the anniversary of her death. But these were going to be a very long and very painful two weeks.

Notes

Okay this took forever because I was SO distracted becaUASE PIERCE THE VEIL IS TOURING AGAIN AND I WISHED LAST NIGHT ON 11;11 FOR THEM TO TOUR AGAIN AND THIS MORNING I WOKE UP AND THEY ANNOUNCED THE NEW TOUR AND IVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE AND IM GOING WHEN THEY GO TO TRENTON NEW JERSEY HOLY SHIT I AM SO EXCITED I CRIED MY TIME HAS OFFICIALLY ARRIVED ASDFGHJKLKJHGFDSASDFGHJKL.KJHGFDSDFGHJM,M

so, pretty eventful day :) (Disclaimer: I am not a fan girl, even though that excitement up there suggests otherwise) omfg omfg

Anyway, sorry for the slow chapter. I decided to combine the Tony and Jaime POV's into one chapter so I can move on into more interesting stuff. :)

I already have the next chapter written because it's more... let's say... eventful... so I will post that as a gift right away because this update sucked sowwy