Maybe I Could Love You Again

Being awoken by people banging on my bedroom door is not how I imagined being woken when I have a hangover. Groaning I pulled the covers over my head, trying to block out all the sounds I could hear, which just happened to seem ten times louder than they really are. "Last warning Claire. Up now." called Vic's voice.

"She shouldn't be getting wasted!" the older Fuentes yelled.

"She's getting her life back, she can't live under a damn rock." I heard Mike's voice match up to Vic's.

"She's grounded."

I ignored him as I remembered a little of last night. I had this ongoing debate in my head right now on whether I should get up and face him or just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. The second option seemed like the best thing but either way I'd have to face him, if I didn't get up he'd make damn sure I'd get up. As if right on cue, my door opened and the covers were torn from me. Opening one eye, I saw Mike stood there smiling down at me. Turning myself over, I sat up. "I thought you were Vic." I muttered.

"Be lucky it's me. He's hella mad with you."

"I don't get it, you can get drunk but god forbid I do. I end up grounded." I muttered, heaving myself out of bed. I felt like I had a ton of weight in me. Mike followed me downstairs, in a defensive manner. I knew he'd step in if Vic started to lecture me. I probably do deserve it but my head wouldn't be able to take it right now. "Morning Vic..." I called in a sing song voice. Hopefully if I was nice, he wouldn't shout at me. Instead I got nothing. Sitting myself at the table, he banged a plate down in front of me. I looked up at him, with a look telling him I were sorry. He simply shrugged before turning to the kitchen sink. Oh great, the silent treatment. Mike sat himself next to me, picking at some of the food on my plate. "Your house is ready Mike."

"Once your house is ready, I want her gone." Vic spat. I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"You can't throw her out." A loud smash rang through the house. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm her legal guardian, I'll do what I want. I'm wiping my hands of her."

"Great. I'll start moving my gear out." I let out an over dramatic sigh, letting him know that I was frustrated with him which only made him slam the cup down. Sliding the chair back, I got up and went straight back to my room. I decided to take a shower, to wash away the smell of alcohol and make me feel somewhat better. As I showered, I looked over at my fading scars. Then down at the new cuts that covered my thighs and stomach. I thought I were better than that, I didn't think I'd ever turn back to it. I was ashamed of myself, but now I had to keep my little mishap away from my siblings.

Once I got out and ready, I paced my room trying to figure out what I could say to Vic to possibly make him a little bit less mad at me. I spotted Mike walking past my room. "Mike!" I called out, stopping in the middle of my room.

"Yes Fuentes?" he beamed at me. Oh someone was happier.

"Can you cover for me? I want to go out." I asked in a hopeful tone. He didn't even think about it, he agreed he would. With that he left, I shut my door and locked it. That way I wouldn't be caught sneaking out. I Opening my window, I weighed up the possibilities on whether I'd get injured climbing out. "Fuck it..." I spoke to myself. Climbing out, I slid down a little bit before jumping and landed flat on my ass. I quickly jumped up, looking around to see if I could see my older brother. Grounded? Yeah right. Walking round to the front of the house, I heard their voices. Well, this is going to mess everything up. I peered round the corner, seeing Mike stood there on the porch, cigarette in hand.

I tried everything to get his attention without making it known to Vic that I was out of the house and on my way out. I rolled my eyes knowing full well that waving my arms about would do jack. I gave a quick whistle, hoping he'd realise. Still nothing. Throwing out another whistle, his head snapped to my direction. His eyes widened slightly. "Vic, can you get my hat out the drawer in the bathroom please?" he called into the house. After a few seconds, he signalled me to come out. My legs started moving on their own accord. Picking up my pace, I found myself running down the street and out into the distance. I didn't know where I wanted to go but there were no way in hell I were sitting in my room like a 5 year old child.

* * *

"2 shots please..." Yes I found myself sitting in the club I were in last night. There weren't a lot of people here, thank the lord. I knew a lot of people that drank in this club knew Vic and knowing my luck they'd blab to him that they had seen me. A few drinks later, I found myself playing with the empty glass in my hands.

"You shouldn't drink by yourself pumpkin." My head shot up coming face to face with my best friend.

"You haven't seen me, got it?" I smiled at him. He nodded, he probably knew that I was 'grounded'. In fact I was certain that he knew I was grounded. Who on earth gets grounded at my age? I could understand it if I was younger but come on. We took the drinks slowly as we had a catch up, it had been a while since I had last seen him. He seemed to be spending all his time with his girlfriend. I like Jessica but I couldn't help but feel jealous that she was getting all his attention.

Before we knew it, it was night time and we were both on our way to be well and truly drunk after spending the day drinking. "Shit..." I heard Jaime speak. He looked at me, nodding over towards the door.

"Fantastic." I muttered. Jaime ordered us another drink each, I knew he secretly wanted to get out of there knowing full well that we'd both end up being yelled at but I didn't care right now. Luckily for us, they situated themselves at the other side of the bar. I could still see them, but I doubt they'd see me. Well that's what I thought when Mike's eyes met mine. I gave him a small, drunk wave. Vic had his back to the bar, which gave me a sense of ease and I tried to communicate with my twin with hand movements. I saw him whisper something to Vic before he nodded towards the direction of the toilets. "I'll be back in 5..." I whispered in Jaime's ear.

When I reached Mike, he stood there with a smirk on his face. "What?"

"You really are my twin aren't you?"

"No shit Sherlock. What do yo-you want?" I steadied myself against the wall.

"I love you little sis, but you gotta get home. Sober up, Vic wants to speak to you." he sighed, I knew he didn't want to send me home but I also knew that he needed to.

"It's not fair! I shouldn't be groun--" I stopped mid sentence as his eyes widened. I knew that look, I had been caught. "Hey Vic." I tried to sound as sober as possible. I didn't even need to turn around to know that he'd be stood there, arms folded with a look on his face that could only tell me he was angry as hell with me. I turned around slightly, giving a small smile. He grabbed my arm, dragging me through the club. I didn't protest, it'd only make it worse.

Once we got outside the club, I tore myself from him. I was actually quite mad at him myself. "Get yourself home, now!" he snapped at me. Everyone seemed to look at us, glaring at my brother I turned on my heels and began walking off. All I wanted was to have fun, actually live a little seeing how I never properly got the chance.

"This is unacceptable behaviour Claire." he kept shouting as he followed me.

"Oh shut up, no-one cares for god sakes." I called back, not even bothering to stop. I didn't want an argue in the middle of the street. I didn't need an argument in the middle of the street.

"You're acting like a spoilt brat." I stopped dead in my tracks, turning to face him.

"What did you just call me?" I spat. I could not believe my own brother just called me a spoilt brat.

"You heard me. You're going to kill yourself like this." I couldn't tell if he was upset or angry by now. Maybe a little bit of both. "I can't watch you destroy yourself again." He was definitely upset now.

"It's not my fault I've got an appetite for sin. " I felt my hand shake as I became upset. I stopped myself from continuing before I said something I'd regret.

"An appetite for death more like." That one hit hard. I shook my head a little at him before running off. I found myself slumping against a wall feeling tired and breathless. I had to really think about things, Vic's words hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew deep down he told me the truth. I was acting like a spoilt brat, I was slowly going back to the self-destruction path.

"She's your problem now Michael." Another smash followed by a slam. Footsteps came banging up the stairs. I scrambled to my feet and into my room. The footsteps went straight past my room, into the next. The door slammed shut, leaving me in silence.

Did I want to back to the old me? Not really, but I had already started my down fall. I had some fun nights, but the come down's from the nights were dreadful. A little drink wasn't doing me any harm and I really didn't see the big deal, but I could see it from everyone's point of view. This is what led to whole ordeal. But I'm just a piece of filth that runs free.

You'll never find a finer specimen of filth than me.

Notes