Maybe I Could Love You Again

"W-what?" I stammered. I couldn't tell you what was going through his head let alone my own head.

"I found someone, come with me." he chewed his lip a little as he pulled me outside and up to someone else. Another girl, I looked at her as he spoke. "Jessica? I'd like you to meet my best friend." Hang on. What? She turned around, her eyes meeting mine. A warm smile on her face. "Claire, my girlfriend Jessica." My eyes widened. Why do I always assume the worst?

"I've heard a lot about you." She gave me a friendly hug, which I returned.

"I wish I could say the same for you." My nerves came through as I let out a small laugh. I stood with them as I got to know her a little bit more. She seemed nice, it'd take a lot for me to warm up to her but I was wary of letting new people in these days. I soon heard Mike's voice shout, I turned a little too see him at the doorway with my older brother under his arm, holding him up. I excused myself from the conversation and headed back inside to help him.

"I told him not to drink so much." I sighed, heaving the oldest Fuentes upstairs. Mike shrugged as we let him down gently onto his bed. "Just leave him. He'll be fine." With a quick kiss to his cheek and a goodnight I left Vic asleep on his bed. I didn't know how else to leave him and well I wasn't strong enough to look after him properly right now.

* * *

I woke up early, ready to face the day. After showering and making myself look presentable I headed downstairs, laughing at the sight I was greeted by. Kicking each person I walked past, I headed into the kitchen. I froze as I noticed that my twin was in fact up and making breakfast. Yes this never failed to shock me, which you can probably understand why if you know my brother.

"Vic's in the shower. He should be down soon." he smiled as he spotted me. "What time are you going?"

"In exactly half an hour." was my reply, as I grabbed a bottle water from the fridge. I could tell he was nervous about letting me go but I wanted to go and see him. I wanted to try and make things normal again. I wanted things back to how they were. It probably won't ever be normal but I could at least give it a shot. "Can I use your car?"

"Yeah, if I come with you."

"I thought you did---"

"I'll drive you, I'm not going in. I hate them places." I agreed. I knew he wouldn't let me go alone. Even though everything was over, I knew he do this. Always be my body guard as such. Vic soon came in, flashing that all to famous grin of his. He never did suffer that much from hangovers, he got lucky on that aspect. He sat himself beside me, grabbing the plate of food that had been placed there. "Oi, that's Claire's. Get your own fatty."

"She's clearly not eating it. So shut your cake hole." Here comes the usual morning argument, it's usually the other way round but this way worked as well. I grabbed the smokes and headed outside. One quick one before I leave. I felt my mind drift into my own world. I always imagine what would life be like if it hadn't of all gone wrong. Would I be happy still? Before you question me, yes I am back to being happy.

"I'm not perfect." I laughed, hiding my face.

"You're perfect to me."

I never saw myself as perfect. I still don't but he always did. Did he still think of me as perfect? Call me crazy, but he's still perfect to me. "Claire, time to go." Mike's voice.

"Two seconds and I'll be out." I smiled. Putting my cigarette out, I headed inside. Kissing Vic's cheek, grabbing my stuff and leaving. As we drove, I could Mike wanted to say something but I knew he wouldn't say anything unless I spoke first. I decided I wouldn't say anything, I didn't want to upset him and I knew that he was just looking out for me.

The second we arrived outside the prison, he turned to me. "Right, I'll be out here when you come out. When you come out, you tell me everything. Be careful in there..." I got out, cutting him off as I slammed the car door shut. But that didn't stop him. He put the car window down. "I mean it Claire, love you."

"I love you too Mike, now go." I smiled at him. No I wasn't mad at him but I was a hell of a lot nervous and I didn't want to show how nervous I was. I felt his presence beside me as I looked up at the building. "Smoke, then go." I sighed. He knew it. He knew I was nervous. I didn't think I'd be so scared, I wasn't scared to see him. I was more scared of being in a place like this.

* * *

Standing awkwardly as I watched people being searched. I was ready to run. This place was beginning to scare me even more. Two more people then it's me. I had time to run right? But then if I did run that would look bad. "Arms up." What? I looked around as I raised my arms. They checked me over and let me through. I felt myself relax.

We were soon walking into the visiting room. I scanned the room quickly, my eyes locked with his as he stood up straight away. A smile on his face. A smile came onto mine as I looked at him. My legs began to move on their own. The second I reached him, his arms wrapped round me. He pulled away, his hands still on my waist. "I didn't think you'd actually come."

"In your seat Perry." one of the guards shouted. He did as he was told, I sat across from him.

"I nearly didn't. I hate these places." One of his hands, linked with mine.

"Forever beautiful. I love you." his hand linked with mine.

I didn't know what else to say. I felt my hand squeeze his gently. "How's Vic?"

"He just got out. He's doing well. Can we talk about something else?" I smiled at him. I noticed he had that small twinkle back. I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about now but I had no idea how to bring it up or even how to word a single thing.

"I never stopped loving you, you do realise that?" That's not how it should of been said. I didn't need reminding that he had done some terrible things to me. I found myself looking down at the table. "Baby, look at me."

"I love you so much baby."

Do not cry Claire. Don't do it. I swallowed hard in an attempt to make them leave. I didn't need to show any form of weakness. I managed to lift my head, my eyes locking straight back onto his. "I love you too." I muttered, loud enough for him to hear. "Your love is like a drug, but it is not enough." I let go of his hand, standing up. He copied my actions. "I can't see you like this. This place, I can't do it. I'm sorry." I turned, walking away from him. I stopped at the doorway, looking back at him, he was watching me walk away. I flashed him a reassuring smile before walking out.

I wasn't leaving him, no I just couldn't be in that place. I didn't want to see him in that place. Running my hands through my hair, I let out a heavy sigh. I looked left, to see Mike there with Alyssa. I wandered over, thinking about every excuse I could give as to why I was out early. Then again, I couldn't lie to him because he'd just see right through it. "Can you detached yourself from each other please?"

"Someone's missing it." I slapped Mike playfully on the arm. But he was right, I missed having someone to cuddle up to, to be cute with, to be protected by. He chucked me the keys, climbing into the back. I rolled my eyes, knowing all I'd see or hear is them two eating each others faces. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for him that he'd actually found someone but he really didn't need to rub it in my face.

I'd have to get used to it for quite some time, Mike had Alyssa and Jaime had Jessica. That leaves me on my own, along with Vic. Maybe we could spend some quality time together. Hang on. Mike had Alyssa, which meant all our plans would be changed. I'd no longer have a quite life, she'd move in and I'd be pushed aside. What would I do? I couldn't sponge off them and I had a good couple of years before I'd be reunited properly with Tony.

We soon arrived home. I jumped out, running inside. Vic leant back, looking at me. I ran upstairs, not bothering to talk to him. I know he'll assume the worst, but I was beginning to upset myself with my own thoughts and I didn't need to be upset. I sat on the landing, head back against the wall, eyes closed. "What happened?!" I heard Vic's voice. He was on the stairs, was he talking to me?

"No idea." I felt his footsteps come up to me, I felt him sit beside me. I opened my eyes, looking to my right. I was waiting for it, the whole advice thing from my older brother.

"Don't be sad sweetie, you're better than sadness." he smiled at me.

"I'm not sad. I just...Things will never be the same now." I sighed.

"How so? You have me, Mike, Jaime and Tony when he gets out." How do I explain it?

"Mike had Alyssa. Jaime has Jessica. You'll be busy with the band. I'll be left alone. I don't want to be alone." My head shot up as we both heard a cough. They heard it.

"You must be an idiot to think that. Listen to me, you remember how you said you wanted things back to normal?" I nodded my head, Mike now kneeling in front of me. "We'll be just like back in high school, only with two other people. This is us getting back to normal. You can still live with me, you're still my little siste...."

"I'm older than you." I laughed, shoving him over. "You guys are the best."

Time will heal this, just you watch.

Notes