Maybe I Could Love You Again

I was released from hospital the day after. Was I excited? A little. But I was scared. Alex was left for dead but what if he pulled through and was on the hunt for me? No stop it Claire you can't think like that. You can start a fresh now, he's dead. He has to be, forget him, forget it all. I gathered my things together and headed up to see Vic. I walked in the room to find them laughing at whatever Jaime was doing, I couldn't figure it out. He was stood there twirling like a ballerina whilst proceeding to do weird hand movements.

"Sit down you nutter." I laughed, as I plonked myself on the bottom of the hospital bed.

"You're happy." smiled Vic, who sat himself up a bit more.

"I'm going home, plus I think things will be better from now on." I grinned. He gave a small nod before turning his attention to Mike and whispering something that evidently made Mike nod. I was curious to say the least but I wouldn't ask them. It was clearly something private and between them two. We just all sort of sat there, talking about anything we could think of. Doctors and nurses kept coming in and out doing all sorts of checks on Vic. Some even laughed at our pathetic jokes, they were so pathetic they were actually funny. You know the type that are so cheesy or lame that you have no other option to laugh? Yeah, we told them sort of jokes. It made me smile as I remembered how we used to just be like this. We were just missing one person.

"Jaime Alberto Preciado if you do not stop with that hose pipe I will shove it down your throat!" I yelled, not moving from the sun lounger.

"Shut it shrimpy." Another splash of water covered me. I sat up, peering out the top of my sun glasses. He stuck his tongue out at me, the child he is. I got up, walking near where he was stood, which was right on the edge of the pool. As I walked past him, I flung my arm out and pushed him in. I felt two hands on me and before I knew it I was under water. "That's a good look."

"Oh sure because drowned rats are beautiful, idiot."

I heard everyone go quiet as I laughed out loud. I covered my mouth quickly when I spotted them all looking at me weirdly. I hadn't laughed like that in a while, it was quite unusual for me. I rolled my eyes at them, as they continued to stare. Jesus it wasn't that big of a deal that I laughed. "Your faces will stay that if the wind changes direction." I smirked.

"No it won't, freak." snorted Mike. I gave him a look, one I couldn't even quite figure out if I was honest. I don't even have an expression for it. As the others engaged in conversation again, my mind wandered to Tony. He was back in jail, I felt somewhat sorry for him. He seemed sorry, like genuinely sorry. I did believe him when he told me that it was all Alex, I knew what Alex was like from the very first I started dealing with him. I guess you could say it was my own fault for getting involved in that sort of stuff. I still remember the first day I met him, it was always fresh in my mind. That's one day no-one knows about, one day I don't speak about, one day I try to forget about. That day was the day my innocence was taken right from me. Literally taken. He didn't care, he didn't listen when I pleaded with him to stop. Why would someone care about a drug addict anyway?

A soft clap in front of my face made me come back to reality. I noticed Vic was asleep. "Come on, let's get you home princess." Ah that's my twin brother that I know and love. He seemed happier now, but for him it wouldn't last long. Once we get home, he'll crawl back into his shell. He'll start drinking the second we walk through the door. He'll zone out and act like I'm not there. They were the times I had to hid my own battle and be the brave one. I'd sit there, comforting for hours on end. Until he either fell asleep or passed out from the alcohol consumption. I should probably talk to Vic about that when he's in a better condition.

"He looks good considering." Jaime's voice echoed. It seemed so distant. I shook my head and agreed with him. God I had to stop zoning out and wandering off to land of my own mind. The land of secrets as I like to call it. I have so much in my mind, memories. Good memories, bad memories. I have it all stored it up there. Everything bad that's ever been said to me, the words of wisdom that my brothers have told me when I've been in a bad place. I always try to keep the bad memories as far back in my mind as possible. The good ones are the ones that mattered, they keep me from turning back to my old habits of drugs, drink and self-harm. But I was free of that now. Don't think about it.That voice was right for once, I shouldn't think about it. What good would that do me?

“No more pain tonight..” I whispered as I pierced the skin with the needle, pushing the contents into my body.

Nice one voice, nice one mind. Just bring it all flooding back. My thoughts stopped when the car engine did. I looked up to see we were home, Jaime wasn't with us. Your mind is so interesting. Oh shut up. Don't start. I'm being nice. I rolled my eyes before climbing out the car and up to the house. Mike soon followed, he let me go in first. I dropped my stuff beside the door and smiled as I noticed the house was still the same. God look at talking like I've been away for a million years, although it felt like it. It was a bit untidy but hey, what can you expect? We're not perfect. Mike walked straight past me, into the kitchen. He went straight for the alcohol. I watched as he poured himself a glass, drinking it all in one before slamming the glass onto the counter and releasing a heavy sigh. I couldn't help but sigh myself. It was such a pity for him. Outside this house he was normal Mike. Inside this house, he was broken down and helpless.

"Mikey, I fancy watching Harry Potter." I smiled at my twin brother as I stood across from him.

"Go set it up. I'll join you in a second."

"Atta boy." I patted his back and set everything up. I went upstairs grabbing a couple of pillows and a duvet for us. I got myself comfy and soon enough he joined me, he didn't have a glass this time. Just the bottle. I chose not to say anything because I'd only upset him more. "If you recite it out loud, I will punch you in the throat."

I heard a laugh come from him. "Can't promise that sis." Then he did something that shocked me, he got up and put the bottle away before joining me on the couch again just in time for the first Harry Potter movie to start.

* * *

I woke up, in the middle of the night. I noticed Mike wasn't anywhere to be seen. That was until I heard a chair scrap across concrete. He was outside. I got up, stretching a little, cringing a bit at the pain I still had. Opening the patio doors, I stepped out. He looked up at me, a small smile on his face. "You should sleep."

"I'm not drinking. Just a smoke. Here...." He offered me. I took it and lit it. God that felt good. I stood there, not saying a word. Mike didn't say a word, I don't think anything needed to be said. This used to happen even before everything screwed up for us, before his drinking habits got out of control.

I wandered downstairs cautiously, the kitchen light was on. A draft coming through the house. The wind hitting hard as it chilled you. I hated winter nights. I noticed the patio doors open, I relaxed a little. I wandered out, Mike was already sat there with a cigarette out ready for me. "How do you always know?"

"I'm your twin duh." I whispered.

"I'm serious, every night you come down seconds after I do."

I never knew why I did it back then, I still don't know why I was doing it to this day. "Do you think he'll send me a visiting order?"

"Who?"

"Bob the builder. Gosh, you idiot. Tony." I laughed a little at my brothers lack of brains at this time of night. He shrugged, putting out his cigarette and lighting another. There was something on his mind. "What's wrong?"

"The usual. I just want Vic home. I'm waiting for him to come downstairs, yelling at us for being outside late like he used to." he sighed.

"He will soon. You watch, he'll be back here in no time shouting his orders about..." I paused a second as I took a drag of my cigarette. "...Michael, feet off the table. Claire, feet of the sofa. Mike this, Claire that." I did the best impression of my brother I could muster up, causing Mike to laugh.

"Don't let him hear you say that."

"He'd only yell at me in Spanish and use my full name like always." It was no lie. Every time I did something like mock him, ignore him, or something I wasn't suppose to do, he'd shout at me in Spanish. I'd ignore him even more, then it'd be a full lecture. Half Spanish, half English. That always made me laugh.

We finished up our smokes, before heading back inside. Locking the door, we pulled the blackout blinds down and headed up to our separate rooms. I didn't intend on getting much more sleep, I just would lie there staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

But one thing was for sure, I would stare aimlessly with a smile on my face.

Notes

I have no idea how I've even managed to get a chapter up right now after no sleep at all tonight. (it's like 7:17am, when I posted this. deary me) and well I can honestly say I'm actually proud of this chapter.

Anywho, any of my readers got any gigs planned for next year? I've got a few so far!

Leave a comment/rec/sub. Thanks for reading! - vickptv