“Claire, you coming to watch the show?” said Jaime, who was stood outside my bunk.

“No.” I bluntly replied. I heard him sigh. I've spent 4 days in my bunk. Only coming out when they boys weren't around.

“Mike forgives you.”

“No I don't.” I heard Mike yell. I rolled my eyes. I've apologised, multiple times but he doesn't want to know. I can't say I blame him if I'm honest. I opened the curtains, to be greeted by a smiling Jaime. He mouthed 'I'm sorry'. I gave him a gentle smile. I climbed down & sat myself next to Vic at the table. I think Tony was in his bunk, I couldn't be sure though. Mike was led on the couch, head hanging over the edge as he played the xbox. The silence was tense, you could hear a pin drop. I heard Vic let out a small sigh.

“Can't you just forgive her?” he looked up from his laptop. Mike shook his head. “You can't hate her forever.”

“I never said I hated her, I'm not talking to her.” he paused his game, throwing the controller on the floor & sitting up. He looked at me, I couldn't look at him. I was ashamed of myself. Out the corner of my eye I saw his shake his head before heading into the back.

“He'll come round, he always does.” Vic smiled, turning his attention back to his laptop. “In the mean time, you & Hime-Time need to speak to Ton--”

“I'm not talking to anyone of them two.” Tony's voice appeared. I stood up and headed back to the bunk area. Mike's curtains were open as he just laid there. Maybe I should say something? He certainly wasn't going to try was he? His head turned to look at me, he soon turned over onto his side. I breathed out a little.

“Mikey, I am sorry. I was just angry, please talk to me?” He just laid there, not a movement, not even a murmur. “Alright have it your way.” I walked back to where Vic was. “I need you to have this bus stopped before we leave the city. I'm not leaving San Diego.”

All heads turned to me. “You can't go..” Jaime practically screamed.

“Well you guys don't want me here, I'm better off at home.” Vic nodded as I spoke. He went to see the driver to get him to stop. I gathered my things together, sitting myself near the door. I was hoping one of them would see sense, maybe just maybe one of them would come & stop me. By them, I mean Tony & Mike. They're too stubborn for their own good, so I doubt they would but there's always a chance right?

The bus came to a stop about an hour later. “Call me everyday Claire, love you sweetie.” said Vic as he hugged me tight.

“Will do, love you too.” Jaime came running over, picking me up in a tight hug. “I need to go...”

“No, no. You're not leaving.” he carried me back onto the bus. Dropping me onto the couch. Vic quickly shut the door, locking it & hiding the key somewhere. I sat there wondering what I could do. I felt my phone vibrate.

Oliver;
I heard about last night, I hope you're alright. At the next venue we'll go for drinks x

I smiled a little at the message. I tapped out a reply and shoved my phone back in my pocket after switching it off. I heard Vic call my name, I sighed getting up and heading to the back of the bus. Suddenly a pair of hands pushed me into a room, the door shutting quickly & locking. I noticed Mike sat on the bed looking pissed to say the least.

“Victor Vincent Fuentes, you let me out!” I screamed.

“He won't listen to you.” Mike's voice chirped up. I turned to face him, a small smile on my face. “What?”

“You spoke to me.” I pointed out.

“So? Oh right yeah, I'm not talking to you.” he folded his arms across his torso. I rolled my eyes and sat next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, to my surprise he didn't move. I felt his arm go around me, his hand resting on my shoulder.

“I really am sorry Mikey.”

“I know, let's forget about it.” I nodded. Now how on earth were we going to get out of this room? “But Claire, you should know that I might of sort of ended things for you & Tony.”

My head shot up. “You did what?” I yelled, jumping up.

“It's for the best.” he shrugged, standing up. He towered over me. Another thing I lacked. Damn height. He had no idea how me & Tony worked, he had no right to do that. Ugh, god dammit. Now I had to talk to Tony and tell him what Mike did was stupid and that I did want him. But that's only if he's going to want to talk to me.

After a while of sitting there and glaring at Mike I heard the lock go. I shot up and practically ran out, nearly knocking Vic to the floor. I noticed Tony's bunk was closed. I ripped the curtains open, making him shout a protest.

“What do you want?” his voice cold.

“You do realise that it was a drunk mistake on Jaime's part? What Mike did as well, I'm sorry for that. I'm just so damn fucking sorry Tony.”

“Tell it to someone who gives a shit.” he shut the curtains. Oh no, I wasn't giving up. I pulled them open again. “Will you just like maybe screw off?”

“No, I will not. You will lie there and list--” he shut the curtains again. I sighed angrily. Fine. Let him have his sulk. I was not playing stupid, childish pathetic games. you're the pathetic one. You can sod off as well. aw, is little claire hurt? No. Now leave me alone.

Oh I'm officially crazy, having an argument with myself. I was going backwards, I wasn't going to stop myself. I clearly didn't deserve to be happy. The bus soon stopped, the boys soon got off without disturbing me. I was going to be alone now for a few hours. What could I possibly do in that time?

Make new scars. No.

Do it. Do it. Do it. That's all it kept saying. Sighing, I got up wandering into the bathroom. I broke one of the razors up, holding the small blade between two fingers, studying it carefully. Just slice, no-one cares anyway.

I looked at my reflection. A look of disgust came upon on my face. Outstretching my arm, I looked at the scars already on there. Some more visible than others. I knew they were there. Without another thought, I pressed it to my skin, dragging it across quick & hard.

I didn't even flinch. A smile appeared on my face as I watched the red liquid surface. Just a few more. I dragged the blade across my arms a few more times. By now I was crying, I had dropped to the floor. The blade resting beside me.Why don't you end it all?

Maybe I should? But I couldn't, I was scared to die but I also didn't want to live. I couldn't do this damn life anymore. I was never better in reality, I was hiding it all. No-one could ever imagine I was still not right, it's amazing what a few smiles can hide. I wanted to be honest and tell someone but no, I can't do that. They'd laugh at me, call me weak. They'd send me away, I'd send me away. I'd be embarrassed if I was a relative to myself.

I really do hate myself, this goes beyond self-disgust, self-hatred now.

you're crazy.

The voice was right;

I was officially, completely crazy.