Thump thump thump thump.

Is the music still playing? - Oh nope, that's just my head pounding.

I open one eye and I’m immediately blinded, it's too bright. I groan and put my hands over my face. What even happened last night? I try to open my eyes again and it feels like someone has poured acid inside them—fuck.

I roll onto my left side and my jaw nearly hits the floor.

Hazel is laid there on her stomach, her hair sprawled across the pillow, her breathing even and her eyes peacefully closed. Oh did I forget to mention she’s in her underwear? Black lace may I add

"Holy shit" I mutter to myself, unsure of what to do next. Wondering if what I think happened last night actually happened. I remember the kiss, everyone cheering us for kissing, the drinking, oh lots of the drinking—the rest is an utter blur.

She stirs and rolls onto her back "Good morning" she greets, sensing the fact I'm awake. Her voice is Kat-Von-D-deep and her eyes are still closed.

"Hi" I reply feeling rather shy and confused.

"My head feels like a truck ran over it" she groans putting a hand on either side of her head and grimacing. Even in her just-woken-up-eyes-barely-open-husky-voice state I still feel highly attracted to her.

"Uh..Hazel?"

"Hmm?"

"Did we, er-" I feel stupid asking her if we had sex .I hope we haven’t because I don’t want to potentially ruin everything we have, I really like her, she makes all the bad stuff go away. I doubt we did but currently the situation claims different

She giggles and rolls out of bed, her eyes still not open fully and she stumbles over to the en-suite bathroom, rubbing them. "No we didn't" I feel relief wash over me and what...disappointment too? She smirks standing in the doorway, facing me, and then she laughs and closes the door.

What's so fucking funny?

To avoid any further embarrassment on my part I decide to get dressed and get out of the room. I roll out of bed and see yesterday's clothes are discarded on the floor rather haphazardly. I decide to ignore them and put them away later. I pull on some pants and an obey posse tank and grab my snap back which I find under the bed. Seriously what fucking happened last night?

“Hey Romeo” Mike smirks at me as I exit the bedroom, emphasizing the 'romeo' and looking at me proudly. He's also holding a cup of coffee in his hands—Romeo?

And since when does Mike drink coffee?

“What?” I retort a little irritated about how weird things feel today

“You and the lovely Hazel” he winks

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snap walking over to the coffee machine and pouring myself a cup, the floor is sticky from spilled drinks and I don’t even want to examine the damage done to the house from last night’s shenanigans.

“Woah man, chill” he puts his cup down and pins me with his gaze “Are you alright bro?”

“Yep, fine” I reply—feeling anything but—taking a sip of my boiling hot coffee and barely feeling or tasting it.

“Where’s Hazel?” he asks, taking another route to get information out of me and as if on cue, Hazel exits the bedroom and joins us in the kitchen

“Hi” she says shyly, I nod at her without looking in her direction and Mike smiles wide at her

“Sleep well?” He teases and Hazel immediately blushes “That’s what I thought” confusion washes over me, what the hell is going on?

“Don’t embarrass us Mike” Hazel blushes and looks down "Please!" she adds, unconvinced he's going to listen to her. I hate being talked about like I’m not in the room, for some reason, anger bubbles inside of me and I feel this incessant need to just get out. As if it’s a matter of life or death.

“Oh no I wouldn't dream of it. I do have to point out though, you two don’t know how to be quiet, do you?” Mike teases further, winking at Hazel—so something did happen?

I look at Hazel and she bites her lip, looking warily at me “You said nothing happened?” I raise an eyebrow wondering why she lied, I mean, it’s just sex right? Why lie?

“You just seemed all panicked when you asked, er, I was just telling you what you wanted to hear” she says in a small voice not really making eye contact with me and looking...scared?

“And how the fuck do you know what I want to hear? You barely know me!” I shout, god knows why I shout but I shout, the anger consumes me, boiling my blood like a pan of water.

“Not being funny but I think you two kind of skipped the getting to know each other stage” Mike laughs finding the whole situation hilarious and for the millionth time in two days I want to punch his smiling face.

“Fuck this” I slam my cup onto the counter and storm out.

Stupid Hazel, stupid Mike, stupid parties, stupid alcohol fucking with my memory, stupid life, stupid fucking everything. Before I know it, tears are rolling down my face, I don’t really understand why I’m crying all I know is that I hurt, I hurt from head to toe, especially in the chest area; it's a dull dry ache that I know won't ever disappear.

Fuck sake Vic, get a grip, you’re a grown man, what the fuck is wrong with you? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!

My breathing becomes frantic and I wander aimlessly around. I cross the street as a car is coming my way, I don’t feel fear or panic—not towards being run over anyway—the car slams on its breaks beeping at me and the driver sticks his head out of the window, swearing profusely at me, I barely hear him though, I just keep crossing, my legs robotically caring me across the street. There’s a park in front of me, filled with kids and their parents, laughter attacks my ears—happiness. I see a kid jump bravely from a swing high in the air, he lands awkwardly and injures himself and instantly begins to cry, within seconds a man runs over picking him up, hugging him, checking his bloody knees and smiling down at him—probably telling him it's okay.

It's okay, it's okay, it's all going to be okay—Is it though? The kid wipes away his tears and smiles and I find myself jealous of a child because he has a dad and I don't. And he's happy. I wince at the word—happy...when was the last time I was happy?

"This song is called Caraphernelia, I want to hear you all sing it, alright?" the crowd goes absolutely wild "I want to hear you sing" I repeat, for whatever reason.

Mike bangs his drums perfectly and Tony and Jaime stay off their guitars as I sing into the mic
"What's so good about picking up the pieces?" the crowd is visibly getting pumped I clap to the beat of the drums "One more time Detroit, let me hear your voices!" I scream, feeling high on life, as if I could float away at any second and collide with the sky. "What-" I start and then step away from the microphone so that the crowd can sing "WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT PICKING UP THE PIECES?" they shout and then we immediately slam into the intro of Caraphernelia, I jump and spread my legs and start shredding the guitar.

I jump again

Once

Twice

Three times

Four times

And then Jaime, Tony and I all jump at the same time. All of us shredding the guitars, this song is my favorite to perform, the crowd gets so pumped up and I know Jaime likes performing it because he gets to do Jeremy's part.

"Suuuunshine! There ain't a thing that you can do that's gonna ruin my night" I sing into the mic

"But there's just something about" the crowd sing back as I take a deep breath

"This dizzy dreamer and her bleeding little blue boy, licking your fingers like you're done and you've decided there is so much more than me!" I put my heart and soul into the lyrics, remembering when me and Jeremy sat down to write this, remembering the finished product, remembering how successful and amazing we both felt after writing and recording it. It's the last song of the show and I am way more exhausted than usual, but the crowds energy keeps me going, girls at the front—who came with pretty flat ironed hair or curled hair and pretty painted faces—have eyeliner staining their cheeks and their hair sticks to their forehead and cheeks from their perspiration. Our fans are amazing.

"What if I can't forget you? I'll burn your name into my throat I'll be the fire that'll catch you!" Jaime screams perfectly into the microphone—to say he isn't an unclean vocalist, he's pretty damn amazing at doing unclean vocals.

"Just give her back to me, you know I can't afford the medicine that feeds what I need so baby what if I can't forget you?" people are crowd surfing, one girls in haphazardly being thrown around and I feel a little panicked for her, but then she goes over the barrier where security is and I relax.

"How you feeling Detroit?" I shout between choruses and everyone cheers—this is the high life for sure!

"What if I can't forget youuuuu?" Jaime screams into the mic for the last time and I hold my guitar up vertically, miming the words.

The crowd surfers go crazy, the energy is crazy, the love is crazy!

"What's so good about picking up the pieces?" I sing into the microphone, still playing guitar and the crowd sings the backing vocals "What's so good about, what's so good about?"

"What's so good about picking up the pieces?" I repeat, closing my eyes, feeling every lyric. Jaime puts his guitar down, preparing for the next part "One more time Detroit, let me hear you siiiing!" I scream and let go of my guitar, letting it hang from my neck, Tony takes off his guitar and holds it up in the air as I finish up

"What's so good about picking up the pieces?" everyone claps along to Mike's drum beat and the lights go up as we sing "Detroit, let me hear your voices once more!" I shout "What's so" and then once again I step away from the mic so I can hear all of our beautiful fans voices "What's so good about picking up the pieces" and we're done!

"You guys are awesome, thank you!" I do a rock hand sign Jaime and Tony begin throwing guitar pics to the crowd as they scream and go wild for us, I throw one out and then decide to throw a couple more. And then I head off stage, feeling indestructible.

"Vic...Vic!"I hear someone yell my name and I don't know where it's coming from, I'm still standing on the sidewalk, staring at the place where the man and the child were standing but now no longer are—in fact, the park is deserted, not a single person in sight. "Vic!" I hear again and I turn around. Hazel is sitting in her Range Rover looking at me in serious concern "Jesus, where are your shoes?" she says and I look down, realizing I must have forgotten to put any on before I stormed out. Also, because we all know I'm the luckiest person on Earth—it began raining—god knows when—and I'm drenched from head to toe. How did I not noticed the rain?

"Vic, will you get in the car? Please..." she looks desperate and I nod and walk round the car to the passengers side, I slide in and welcome the warmth that's coming from the heater.

"Hi" I mutter, not really sure what to say or how to explain what happened, why I stormed out and why I ended up at a park and how I didn't realize it was raining or how freezing cold I am.

"Hi..." she replies looking at me cautiously

"Nice day, huh?" I say sarcasm lacing my tone, she shakes her head and exhales loudly before starting the engine.

"I pick you up, bare footed, zoned out and drenched and you're talking to me about the weather?" her brows are furrowed and she keeps looking at me from the corner of her eye—because she doesn't want to take her eyes off of the road. "I'm not going to ask for an explanation, you're clearly not ready to talk about whatever is going on with you, but just for your information, I care okay?" I visibly relax at the fact she isn't going to force an explanation out of me, I mean I didn't understand it myself, how could I explain? She takes her eyes off of the road long enough to give me a sympathetic smile. Sympathy—that's the last thing I want.

"So what happened last night?" I ask, changing the subject, I don't want sympathy. She doesn't speak for the longest of time and I look at her, waiting for her to tell me, she bites her lip.

"You really want to know?" She looks warily at me and something in her expression tells me I really don't, but I nod anyway. "Well, we kissed, you remember that right?" I nod and she continues "Well, after that we drank a little, you got a little brave, asked me to be your girlfriend, I said yes" she stops and looks at me, unsure of whether to go on or not, I swallow hard—so we're dating now? How do I not remember this? I nod encouraging her to carry on "Then you got really drunk and I mean wasted, and you started talking about your dad and babbling about holding onto people who mean a lot to you and who you could lose so abruptly" I cringed a little at my drunken honesty. Her drunken honesty—cute. Mine? Not so much. "And then you asked me to marry you" she laughs a little—nervously I think. My eyes go wide, oh my god, no, please tell me she's kidding, I check her left hand for a ring and find it ring-less. "I said no of course, you were insanely drunk and upset and you obviously didn't mean it" she smiles brightly and I relax and close my eyes, one hundred percent relieved. "Then you drank some more" her expression turns back to confusion

"No wonder I don't remember anything, it sounds like I drank my own body weight in whiskey and then some" I mutter more to myself than her but loud enough for her to hear

"Oh you really did, and I kept trying to keep up with you, which I can openly admit didn't work out so well, I was wasted so bad" she laughs loud "The party eventually ended and I was so surprised you could still stand but you could and we went into the bedroom to well, you know?" she blushes slightly and continues "And we were making out and undressing each other and you kind of just started crying" she bites her lip and I feel like a brick wall has slammed into my chest. Crying...really? So fucking weak, so fucking weak!

"Crying?" I repeat, making sure I heard her right and she nods looking at me sympathetically again

"Yeah...and you started mumbling something about being broken and not knowing how to make it stop" she emphasizes 'it' as if she doesn't know what 'it' is, but I know perfectly well what 'it' is. "So I let you cry it out and then you passed out and I was already in my underwear which is basically what I sleep in anyway so I just decided to crash with you" she shrugs as if it's not a big deal, but it is a big deal—it's a huge deal.

I cried in front of her, no, I literally sobbed my heart out to her, how embarrassing. My stomach churns.

"You're embarrassed" she observes "Don't be, it's okay, my lips are sealed" she smiles warmly at me and I appreciate her words but there's one thing I still need to clear up

"So we didn-"

"No"

"But Mike-"

"He was just pushing your buttons. He's pretty good at it too" she gives me a knowing look and I feel guilty for being so rude to Mike earlier.

"And we're dating?"

"If you still want to be?" she questions, looking a little shy and a smile creeps up onto my face

"Of course, I'd like that a lot" I reply and she blushes again "And besides, I cried in front of you, so now I have to hold you prisoner so you keep quiet about it" she giggles and slaps my arm playfully. "Seriously though, I feel like I know nothing about you except the fact you hate coffee and are really good at rescuing my stupid ass"

"I'm a very boring person" she says nonchalantly

"I find that pretty hard to believe" I pin her with my gaze

"Fine" she sighs "You really want to know me?"

"I really want to know you" I reply and she makes an abrupt left turn, causing me to smack my head off of the window, I laugh it off, although it hurts

"Okay, then I have something to show you" her voice sounds nervous and I wonder what she could possibly show me that she has to be nervous about and I grow nervous too. Is it something that could make me hurt her? What does she have to be nervous about? Is it something psychotic and weird? What is it?

This could go either way, I guess.

Notes

oOoOoOo! - I have this story all planned out, I know how it's going to end and everything. It's just getting to the ending which isn't coming any time soon but still :)

the Caraphernelia performance was inspired by this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNxGesm2x-o

if you haven't already, go subscribe to all of Clairephernelia's stories because she's the bomb dot com :)

What do you think is going to happen?

Have a nice day (: