“So are you going to be grumpy the entire rest of the tour Vic?” Mike nudged my arm when I reappeared into the main lounge of the bus after my morning nap. We still had a couple of hours before show time in Phoenix.

I shot him a look. “Are you going to be annoying the rest of the tour Mike?” I countered, narrowing my eyes at my brother. He shrugged his shoulders and wandered off.

I sighed, collapsing into the couch next to Jaime. He seemed just as depressed that Savannah was gone as I was.

I leaned my head back and looked at him. He paused from his texting and looked back at me. “We’re being a bit melodramatic, aren’t we?” I asked.

Jaime shrugged. “It was nice seeing you all into someone again,” he said. He turned his head and started to text again. I frowned a little to myself as I considered what he said. I guess he was right, it really has been a long time since I’ve actually liked someone for real. I bit my lip and pulled my phone out, looking around the bus. Everyone was just sitting around solemnly on their phones, chilling out until we had to go do warped responsibilities.

I decided to text Savannah: How are things going? Have you talked to Casey yet?

I didn’t want to pry but I was genuinely worried about that situation. It seemed so ridiculous, the way her friend was acting. Casey had been fun when she was here with Savannah. It scared me to think that she could flip on Savi like that on any moment’s notice.

She didn’t reply right away. “Hey, when do we have a thing?” I asked Jaime.

“Uhhhh,” he checked his wrist for the time. “We should probably get ready soon. We have a signing and then the show a little after.” With that, he stood up to go get changed and ready. I looked at my phone one more time—no answer—but decided not to be obsessive about it, putting it into my back pocket. I went to the back to get changed for the day. I changed into black skinny jeans and a Thrasher t-shirt.

I usually didn’t like my hair curly for some reason—maybe I would like it one day—but I preferred to have it straight. “Yo Himes can I use your straightener?!” I called out to him, seeing that his was already plugged in.

“Yeah!”

“Thanks babe!” I called back. My hair was pretty thin so it didn’t take too much time. I kept my hair grown out because I war kind of insecure about my ears, and having long hair covered them. Also it was fun to flip around on stage.

When I finished, I grabbed my headphones and plugged them into my phone, turning on some warm up jams. I sat down in the aisle and put my black vans on. My music was so loud and I was humming along to it so intently that I didn’t hear my brother coming crashing through the area until he started shaking my shoulders.

“Holy shit!” I gasped, jumping in astonishment. I put my headphones around my neck and looked at him, startled. “What’s your deal?” I asked, catching my breath. I stood up to his level and followed him out to the main lounge of the bus when he didn’t answer.

“You guys won’t believe what I just found out,” Mike said. I looked around the area, seeing Tony and Jaime congregated too. We waited. “Well Dave just called—” our manager, Dave “—to tell us that that cool new photographer dude wants to work with us!” Mike bounced up and down excitedly.

“Oh, shit, what’s his name? I think I met him the other day actually!” Jaime said excitedly.

“Uhh, Adam something something,” Mike said.

“Elmakias,” Tony chimed in. He was smiling. “This is cool, he seems like a great guy. And we could definitely use the publicity,” he added. I nodded in agreement.

“Sounds awesome,” I approved.

“Yeah, so apparently he’s on tour with a band here in a few weeks but is also wanting to do random shoots all around. He saw our set online and thought we were attractive enough and deserved to be documented,” Mike said with a smirk. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“Mike that kind of rockstar attitude will land you in trouble, bro,” I teased.

“Come on, we should head off to the tent and get ready for the signing, we can figure all this out later,” Tony said. We all nodded and grabbed our stuff. I slid the sunglasses onto my face, checked my phone one more time—no response from Savi—and followed the guys off the bus.

I started to get the pre-show butterflies I always got. Some days were worse than others but for some reason today they were really swarming.

I checked my phone again on the way to the tent. I saw I had a text from Savannah: They’re fine. She was sitting on my front steps when I got home

I frowned but also widened my eyes. Ugh. Did she apologize?

No. She acted how she had been acting in the texts, just in person.

I’m sorry Savi. Are you okay?

I’m fine now, it’s okay. How are things there?

“Don’t ya miss Savi hanging out back there during signings?” Jaime elbowed me a little to get my attention. He had a pout on his face.

“Yeah! That was fun,” I agreed. “And when you put my hair up into a pony tail,” I laughed.

“You looked like a fucking idiot!” Jaime remembered, cackling loudly. I rolled my eyes and went back to my texts, smiling.

You’d tell me if you weren’t fine, right? And they’re good. We miss youuuuuu

Haha, aw. I miss you guys too! I was a little worried that she didn’t say anything else about how she was doing, but I figured she’d be okay, she seemed to have an okay handle on things. I just hoped she didn’t cry over Casey’s antics—she wasn’t worth her tears. I felt really bad for her so I asked her what she had planned for the rest of the summer.

Eh, nothing really. I’m afraid the best of it has passed already haha. I have a job to pass the time.

I hate that you’re alone :( What would your mom say if we kidnapped you for the rest of the summer hahah

It seemed like a lot nicer option than what she had planned. I knew it obviously couldn’t happen logistically, but it was a nice thought.

I wish!

I just sent her a quick frowny face because we were approaching the tent. We said hey to the dudes facilitating the meet and greet. People were already lined up for the signing, looking all excited when we approached the table. I grinned at the other guys and they were already grinning back. This was the best part, I loved meeting fans. It made the hard work worth it.

I quickly sent Savannah another message before we got started, not wanting to be rude to anyone by being on my phone. We’re at a signing, now. I’ll talk to you later? I tucked my phone back into my pocket and focused on the people around me.

--

It was another awesome time meeting fans. I always found myself in a really good mood after signings, which was why I was really glad that our show was after. Everything was already set up, all our gear in place in trailers which were parked behind the stage. I didn’t bother checking my phone, knowing I’d get back to Savannah when we were all settled for the day. I had to focus on the show—that was the only thing I was concerned with, now.

We helped each other tape our microphone packs up and warmed up a little backstage while the previous band was wrapping up. I went to the back of the trailer, while everyone else was lingering in the front of it, and warmed up my vocals. My voice was a little sore from the constant singing and screaming—something I was continuously having to get used to—so I had to make sure I warmed up properly to avoid having my voice crack on stage.

“PTV you’re on in twenty!” the stage manager Mick called out.

I moved my fingers around on the neck of my guitar. My hands were shaking for some reason. I was really anxious for this show.

“Vic you good?” Tony called, patting my back once I had wandered back to the guys.

“Yup!” I said, taking a sip of water. I was honestly probably dehydrated; I ended up chugging the entire bottle of water right there. Feeling refreshed, I bounced on my toes a bit. “It’s kind of scary always being on a stage, don’t ya think?”

Tony eyed me curiously. “Yeah, I guess so.”

We got our ten-minute warning for stage time; we all huddled up together. “Okay so currents is first, then right into chemical kids…” we went through our short set list one more time, going over each transition and where we would pause between songs. We play the first three songs in a row, starting the show with a bang, and then we take a breather, get the crowd all rowdy, and then we continue with the show.

With one minute to go, we did our devil chant.

“Let’s go!” we cheered, running on stage. I lived for the sound of the crowd rumbling from just a few yards away. You could also hear the kick drum and bass line of other bands that were playing at the same time. There was so much energy in the air I could feel it tingling off of my fingertips. I used that energy to my advantage. There was nothing that could get in the way of me—or us, the band—right now.

At the end of the show, I tossed our set list into the crowd along with a few guitar picks. Today was probably the hottest day of tour yet, we were all pouring with sweat. I smiled a little, half-expecting to see Savannah side stage, wanting to give her a big, annoying hug. But I knew she wasn’t actually there. I was a little down about that, but we had just played a kick ass show so my mood couldn’t possibly suffer too much.

The guys all cheered when we got off stage. “Awesome, guys, that was probably your best show yet!” Casey patted his drummer on the back and then gave the rest of us high fives.

“Probably because none of us were distracted,” Mike said, looking at me knowingly. My face burned a little. Had I been slacking off on the past shows that Savannah was here? If anything, wouldn’t her presence make me want to play even better?

Tony patted my shoulder. “He’s being weird, don’t worry about it,” he said into my ear. I nodded, glaring at Mike a little but also staring at him questioningly. I didn’t know what was up with him, because he seemed to adore Savannah like the rest of us, but it was fucking annoying.

“Yeah, well,” I huffed a little. “Is something wrong? Like, I don’t understand what his deal is. Or if I’m just imagining him being mad or something,” I said lowly. Tony shrugged his shoulders.

“He hasn’t said anything. You’re probably just over thinking it. Summer heat’s getting to all of us already,” he reasoned. I took a breath and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah you’re probably right.”

We had a busy rest of the day. Since we didn’t have Savannah to hang out with all day anymore, we had to be more participating in warped tour activities and responsibilities. By the time the show closed at nine, we were even more exhausted than we thought possible. There wasn’t a dull moment all day. Especially since this was our first time on this tour—and we were on the entire tour, which most bands don’t typically do—we had to make sure we showed our faces a lot. It was important if we wanted to grow as a band and be able to stick around for a long time.

I also tried my best to not be grumpy all day. It was kind of a drag, not having a pretty girl that I liked by my side, to make me laugh, or to hold hands with. Sometimes I just loved those little things, they made all the difference in the day.

After cleaning up, I collapsed in our bus with a beer, leaning back and heaving a sigh. “Wow,” was all I said. Jaime nodded in agreement, taking a spot next to me.

“We’re really in for it this summer, boys,” I said. We were hardly a week into the tour, with a whole month and a half left. They all hummed in agreement.

Mike had passed out really fast—this time from pure tiredness, not alcohol—so I waited around for him to wake up so we could talk. I didn’t want any bad vibes on this tour, and he was my brother after all.

It seemed like he wanted to talk, too, because once he reemerged he sort of nodded at me and went back to the back of the bus once I stood up to follow.

“Alright man, I just want to know what your deal is,” I said as soon as we were isolated in the back. “You kept giving me weird looks when Savannah was here and now you’re making comments about my performance and that’s not cool.”

Mike sighed. “I don’t want what happened with Before Today to happen to this band,” he said. I laughed a little.

“Mike, you know I’m the last person that would let that happen.” Before Today was our band before Pierce the Veil—our other band mates quit because they weren’t as serious about the commitment. Mike and I wrote and record our first album under Pierce the Veil’s name together, just us two. It was a lot of stress for the both of us and we were happy to have found Tony and Jaime in time for a crazy tour schedule already. And warped happened to be all of our dreams so we were happy to be here for the entire tour after all of that commotion.

“Yeah, but things can change, you never know.”

“So, what? You just want me to not have a personal life?”

“Actually, Vic… this isn’t really about you,” he frowned a little as he reworded what his actual issue was. I stood there annoyed. “It’s about her,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. I repeated the action.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mike sighed. “Like you said, you’re the last person that would let the whole Before Today thing happen to Pierce the Veil. As in you’re the most serious person about living this life out of all of us. And Savi’s a sweet girl. I don’t want her to distract you from this but even more I don’t want you to hurt her when you get all sucked up into the music and the band,” he said.

“Jesus, Mike,” I hissed. “Which one is it? Don’t like a girl because it’ll take away from the music, or don’t like a girl because I won’t treat her right because of the music?” I was starting to get really angry with my brother. I knew he was just looking out for everyone, but it still bothered me a lot. It forced me to reconsider myself and my intentions with Savannah, and I really didn’t want to think like that right now.

“And she’s only eighteen, she’s got an entire life—”

“Nineteen in August,” I muttered.

“You know what I mean,” Mike said. “I just want to make sure you’re thinking. Like, is this a good time for something like a relationship right now? Just keep that in mind,” he said finally. My cheeks grew hot. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to that.

“No time is a good time, y’know,” I offered. Mike did make good points, but what was I supposed to do about it? Savannah was a good catch, why would I want to pass her off especially if she seemed to like me too?

I sighed. “Sorry for giving you weird looks and stuff. I was just trying to figure you out,” Mike said.

“It’s fine.”

“Alright, well,” he smiled a little. “Give your brother a huuuuuuuug.”

“No, go away,” I turned away from him stubbornly.

“C’mon Vickkyyyyyy,” he whined, jutting out his bottom lip. I couldn’t help but crack a smile at him.

“Sappy fuck,” I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

“Aw, you love me,” he countered, pulling me into a tight hug. I patted his back and he let me go.

Still muttering, I fixed my hair, and said, “yeah, yeah I do.”

--

We had a six-hour bus ride to New Mexico. Jaime was technically the designated driver for the night but he, for once, looked a lot more tired than I was—and since my conversation with Mike, though, my head has been spinning and I knew if I wanted to sleep I wouldn’t be able to—so I decided to drive us instead. Although I didn’t want a repeat of from when the last time I drove (and none of the other guys wanted that either) I knew I’d be good this time. Everyone was crashed asleep so there weren’t any distraction. Occasionally I stopped to stretch and every so often a guy would come out to talk to me and keep me company.

When we finally got there it was four in the morning. We had to start getting ready for the day in a few hours—eleven was when the tour opened for fans—so I really only had about five hours of potential sleep time. I made sure to barricade my bunk with pillows enough so they wouldn’t disturb me before I was ready to wake up. They didn’t do it while Savi was here but I was afraid that now that she was gone they’d start up again: the guys had this thing where they liked to wake up the bus with a nerf gunfight—they did it the entirety of the last tour. No matter what time it was, I never participated or enjoyed them. I guess I was kind of a Grinch like that. Last tour I set a precedent where if they shot at my face, I’d bite the nerf bullets in half. That usually stopped them, but I couldn’t be too careful.

I stumbled out of my bed at a little after ten in the morning—a little later than I had previously wanted because we had an earlier set today but I needed the sleep so I didn’t care.

I had accidentally left my phone on the counter all night, while I was driving and also while I was sleeping. I only hoped that the guys hadn’t messed with it. That was when I realized I never texted Savannah back, or talked to her at all since yesterday’s signing. Her last message to me was a sweet, have fun! I felt bad for not reaching out to her earlier because the last thing I wanted was her to think that I would forget about her. During the day I’d be busy with the shows, but I knew she’d be on my mind more often than not especially at night, and I wanted to keep talking to her throughout the summer because I dreaded the thought of losing touch. I wanted to prove to my brother that I could handle it all, keeping up with a girl while also not losing focus with the band.

Notes

hi


that is all