Are We Losing, or Beginning?

I wiped my wet lips, I hated when they did that, it kind of angered me and hurt my feelings at the same time. Like I'm still a fucking human being, if you walked up to anybody in the street and just kissed them, you'd probably be arrested for sexual assault but because my career comes with a package deal - the fans (and don't get me wrong ninety nine point nine per cent of them are phenomenal) so everyone feels it's okay to treat me with such little respect. People seem to forget I'm not actually their property and I do have fucking feelings. I saw Savannah looking at me from the corner of my eye, she looked concerned.

"I hate when they do that," I mumbled. "Like, sure, it's flattering I suppose, but I'm just a regular guy. You wouldn't just randomly kiss a regular guy! It’s so awkward and I didn’t know what to do," I admitted, she put a comforting hand on my shoulder and smiled sympathetically, probably unsure of what to say, I mean not a lot of people can really relate. I didn't want the mood to turn sour though so I gave her a big smile and asked what she'd like to spend her day doing. Before she could answer her phone beeped and her face paled.
"Is it Casey...?" I asked already knowing the answer, she pulled it from her pocket and sighed, looking at the black screen.
"I don't know, call me childish but I'm too afraid to look." She grimaced and then laughed a slightly bitter and nervous laugh. While her guard was down I took the phone from her hand and slid it into the back pocket of my pants.
"Who the fuck cares? You're here, she's not, and I'm happy about that. Be happy with me?" She blushed slightly and then nodded.
"Thank you." She smiled and I waved her off, she didn't need to thank me, I enjoyed making her feel better.
"Now how about we call your mom and ask about that prolonged kidnapping?" I raised an eyebrow and she laughed and then bit her lip.
"I am so not going to make it to my next birthday." I pulled her phone out of my pocket and passed it to her.
"Don't read her message." I instructed, I didn't want Casey's poisonous words making Savannah feel like shit. Her face dropped and she looked like she was biting down on her tongue to stop herself from audibly crying out or sobbing.
"You read it." I sighed. She smiled tightly, trying to lead me to believe she wasn't bothered by whatever Casey was saying to her, I knew better than that though.
"What did she say?" I wasn't trying to be nosy, I just wanted to know how serious the messages had got, I'd noticed that at first Savannah would check her phone and frown, as if something on the screen didn't really make any sense but then the longer I spent with her the more I realized how her expression turned more and more filled with anguish every time she looked at it. So it was clear to me that the messages were getting more brutal.
"It's nothing," Savannah shook her head, "really, um, nothing." She tried that smile again that I knew was fake, it didn't reach her beautiful eyes. "So, er, what we were doing again?" She asked distracted.
"Call your mom...to see if you can stay for the two days we're not working...um if you still want to?" I asked hopefully.
"Right." She looked down and her phone and it took her a few minutes to actually do anything on it. She finally snapped out of whatever trance she was in and dialed her mom's number, putting the phone to her ear. Her mom answered just before she was about to hang up.
"Hi mom," she started nervously, "er, I know that you're mad, and I know this is pushing it but the guys have two days off until their next tour date so would it possible for me to, um, stay?" She spoke and then waited hesitantly.
"I know Mom, I know, but they're not eighteen, they are responsible...they will take care of me. Please?" I felt myself biting my lip, hard.
"Please? Come on!" She chewed down on her thumbnail, to be honest she was making me more nervous than I already was.
"Seriously? Oh God you are the best! Thank you!" She cheered and I had the most goofy grin on my face, "Alright mom, love you, see you soon." But instead of hanging up she passed the phone to me.
"Am I in trouble?" I raised an eyebrow and she shrugged.
"Mrs. West." I greeted smoothly.
"Hi Nick, I just wanted to know what your plans are for these two days off." She replied calmly.
"Well, I was thinking maybe a club with or without strobe lights it doesn't matter, lots of drinking alcohol and maybe a bit of weed. The usual I guess."
"I appreciate your sense of humor, Nick. But that was not funny." Although she sounded pretty amused.
"Mrs. West. Beverly. Nothing crazy is going to be going down, we'll just be enjoying the quiet two days unwinding from playing so many shows this summer. I promise I won't corrupt your daughter!" I chuckled on the last sentence, "I would like to take her on a date though, if that's cool." I added quickly before I lost this sudden boost of confidence I'd just had. Savannah, who was biting her nails and staring at the floor waiting for this whole conversation to be over, looked up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth gaping open as if she couldn't believe what I'd just said.
"You're a smooth talker, Nick. Yes I guess that is cool." She mimicked me and I laughed a little.
"Thank you, you rock! Cya." And then I hung up. Savannah was still looking at me, her face was kind of pale but her cheeks were pink from a blush that had swept over them, she looked a little scared, like she thought she may be hallucinating this whole situation. I took a step towards her with a gigantic smile on my face.
"How does that sound?" I questioned lowly after she hadn't spoken for over three minutes.
"A date?" She pondered it, like if she said yeah I'd laugh in her face and tell her I was kidding.
"Yes, Sav, a date." I chuckled.
"With you?"
"Yes, with me." I chuckled again a little confused this time and she grimaced slightly - Ouch!
"I'm sorry, all I can think about is the millions of ways I could totally embarrass myself." She said a little flustered and it made me smile that she cared enough to worry about embarrassing herself.
"It'll be okay, if it'll make you feel better I'll knock over a whole table, drinks and all, I'll even snort spaghetti! Just come on a date with me." She giggled a little and I was bold enough to take her hand in mine, loosely though, so that if she wanted to rip it back, she could.
"Okay." She nodded.
"Okay?" I asked just to be sure.
"Okay!" She spoke louder and then laughed. I could have punched the air with joy but I refrained.
"Okay, come on then." I exclaimed letting go of her hand and turning my back on her.
"This again?" But she sounded happy and amused.
"Hop on." I was ready for her to catch me off my guard by pouncing on my back instead of gently hopping on like I'd expected last time. But once again she surprised me, she got on gently, like she was nervous.
"Where are you taking me?" She enquired
"To meet Mayday Parade!" I exclaimed and I heard her gasp as she secured her arms around my neck. "You still alive back there?" I chuckled.
------
I watched her chat animatedly with the guys from Mayday Parade, the person she hit it off with the most was Brooks, they spoke about, I don't even know what but it was just really nice to see her smile. Savannah was the kind of girl that could get along with anyone, she was so kind and warm, she'd make the ice queen melt.
"See something you like, Fuentes?" Alex Garcia came up and punched me in the arm, I ripped my eyes away from Savannah and that smile of hers and nudged him.
"Shut up, dick." I retorted.
"She's pretty," he admired, "and she's sweet."
"What are you getting at?" I snapped unnecessarily.
"You think I can't tell when one of my good friends has a crush?" I pondered this for a second. Did I have a crush on Savannah? I mean, I thought about her a lot, I missed her when she was gone, when we messaged each other on Facebook her replies made my day, and lastly I was dreading her departure.
Yes, I guess I do have a crush on her.
"I knew it, you see? I know that love sick puppy look of yours." He replied to the thought I'd accidentally spoken, I punched him in the arm and he grimaced and rubbed his bicep.
"Ouch." He muttered.
"Hey Vic, we gotta go, but we'll catch up soon bud!" Jake yelled at me from a few feet away, the Mayday Parade guys were starting to disperse and I nodded.
"Okay man, see ya." I replied with a nod of my head. He nodded back and as he moved past Savannah he spun back around and pointed to her, she was staring off into space, thinking about something and was completely oblivious to Jake standing behind her and pointing at her. I looked at him confused and he stuck up his thumb at me. I knew what he was saying; she's a keeper.
I know, Jake, I know.
I headed over to her, her face a picture, her cheeks rosy and her smile as bright as ever.
"Shall we?" I held my hand out to her, she ran her fingers through her wavy hair and smiled, putting her hand in mine.
"Where are we going now?" She asked sweetly.
"You've heard of All Time Low right?" I asked nonchalantly. Her jaw fell open.
"You're trying to kill me." She mumbled and I threw my head back and laughed. I saw Jack across the way and hollered his name, he looked at me.
"Vic man! You fucking jerk, how are you?" He bounded on over to us, his face bright with a smile.
"I'm alright, how are you?" I reciprocated.
"Not bad, not bad." He smiled as if to say he couldn't really complain.
"Where's my man, Rian?" I asked looking around for the knuckle head drummer of All Time Low.
"Oh your boyfriend? Yeah he's over there with Alex." He pointed to the All Time Low stand where they sold their merchandise and I nodded, letting him know I knew where he was pointing to. It then struck me that I hadn't introduced Savi. How rude of me.
"Jack, this is Savannah," I motioned from Jack to Savannah, "and Savannah, this is Jack." I motioned the opposite way.
"Hi there," Jack smiled.
"Um..Hi." Savannah smiled.
"Oh! You're that fan that was in that accident right?" I saw Savannah wince at the mention of her accident, or maybe it was from how my grip on her hand tightened at the mention of it. I slowly released her hand, a little embarrassed, she recovered quickly though, shaking it off like it didn't bother her that much.
"Yeah..heh." She laughed nervously.
"Well how are you? You look good." He commented and she thanked him.
"I'm okay, Vic and the guys have really looked after me, I'm really grateful." She admitted and it made me smile. Jack nodded and then looked at me as he said.
"I see." An amused expression washing over his face, I knew what he was insinuating. Him and his dirty fucking mind.
"I'm off to go talk to Alex and Rian," I said flatly to Jack, he chuckled at my reaction, knowing I was kidding, as I knew he was too, "you okay?" I checked with Savi before leaving, I didn't want to leave her with Jack if she wasn't going to be comfortable, she nodded with a smile I assumed and hoped was genuine and then I kissed her cheek before jogging over to the All Time Low stand.
"Rian!" I shouted and then jumped on him, throwing his head under my arm and putting him in a headlock.
"Vic! Get off me dude!" He laughed, "for fuck sake man!" But he was laughing still. I finally let go of him and his face was a scarlet shade.
"Hey guess what?"
"What?" He asked.
"Pantera!" I shouted and slapped him across the face. He gave me an unimpressed look and punched me in the stomach temporarily knocking the air from my lungs, I coughed and grabbed my tummy with a little laugh, he knew I'd get him back.
"Hey, who's that hot girl talking to Jack?" Alex interrupted, I waited until I felt right again before answering him.
"That's Savannah." I told him.
"I'll be right back, guys." He announced, his eyebrows raised. I shook my head, did I mind my friends hitting on the girl I liked? Yes. Was there anything I could do about it? Not really. I couldn't exactly claim her as my own, at the minute we were just friends, but why did that word itself make my stomach drop a few floors?
Suddenly I remembered something. I had Savannah's phone in my pocket. I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't look, it was rude and impolite and down right terrible, but I had to know what Casey was saying to her. I was worried. I checked to see if she was looking at me, she wasn't. And for some reason that made my heart sink a little. I pushed the thought away and concentrated; I pulled her phone from my pocket and swiped the screen to unlock it, my heart began to pound slightly, I clicked the messages button and Casey's conversation was already up.
I really hope you go back there, Savannah West. See who's fucking there to pull you out of that shit again. I hope you go too far. Bitch.
I swallowed hard. A lump lodged in my throat. Go back where? Was Savannah in a bad place before? I couldn't really understand the context of the message but the way it was worded made me feel nauseous. I dared to scroll higher up the conversation to earlier messages, to see how it all kicked off between then.
You're still with ptv? Casey sent.
Yeah, um, time kind of slipped away and we all forgot that I had to be home. It was a total accident...you're not mad, right? It kind of made me angry that it seemed Savannah was slightly afraid of Casey. Or maybe she just appreciated and respected her so much she didn't want her to think badly of her. I don't know.
Mad? No. Disappointed? Yes. Feeling a bit betrayed, but then again what are best friends for HUH? I frowned.
Casey, what's wrong? What have I done...?

Quit the shit, Savannah. Who the fuck do you think you are? Now you've met ptv you think you're so damn special. News flash, you're a piece of shit. Fire sparkled in my stomach, the more I read the more I hated Casey so much.
Why are you saying all of this, Casey? I could almost hear Savannah's confused, pained voice asking the question.
It's the truth, but I guess that's a foreign language to you. I guess it was about time you got into a car crash. Karma karma karma.
Please just stop!
I thought the summer was supposed to be you and me, not you running off as some groupie. Savannah hadn't replied to that one so Casey had texted again.
I hope they realize what a waste of space you really are and drop you. HA! Savannah had ignored her again.
No point ignoring me. Savannah ignored her once again.
Remember who was there to cover for you when your mom almost found your blade collection Savannah. Remember who was the one who physically took them away from you and got you out of that problem. Remember who has the power to bring all of that shit back.
I felt sick, my breath caught in my throat, the lump there making so hard to breathe. I quickly locked the phone and put it back in my pocket, my breathing became erratic, I felt like no matter what, I couldn't get enough air, I gasped a little as that last message engraved it's contents into my brain.
Blade collection.
No, no, no. The thought of Savannah doing that to herself made me feel sick, she couldn't, she couldn't hurt herself, I couldn't believe it. I clenched my eyes shut and took deep breaths, forgetting the spectacle I was probably making of myself. I felt this incessant need to protect her from that shit, to protect her from every bad thought she had of herself and every bad word Casey said to her that I knew she believed.
"Vic?" I heard her voice. Her beautiful voice. I had to be strong. I had to be strong for her. It took everything I had in me not to take the phone back out and call Casey and rip her to shreds with what I thought of her. It took everything in me, every tiny bit of strength to straighten my posture and show my teeth in what I hoped was a genuine smile.
"Are you okay?" She asked, searched my face for everything and anything she could find that could prove her suspicion right. No I was not okay.
"Yeah, fine." I replied all blasé but it came out too controlled, like it was rehearsed and I saw her frown slightly.
"Where are the guys?" I asked, referring to Jack, Alex, and Rian.
"They went to go party, they invited us too, I said I'd ask you...are you sure you're okay?" She double checked and I nodded.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm great." I nodded, willing her to believe me. She didn't but she didn't push me, which I was so grateful for.
-----
Upon returning back to the bus all the guys were piled in the back lounge.
"Hi guys." I greeted, my mind completely elsewhere.
"Hi." they all said simultaneously. Savannah went and sat down next to Jaime, my eyes were trained on the floor. I couldn't get that fucking message out of my head, I just couldn't. How could Casey be so cold towards her best friend over a band she's met once? It didn't make sense, there was obviously underlying feelings that have been brewing for a while. That thought made me feel even worse for Savannah. Damn Casey! I looked up and saw Casey drinking a beer, trying to throw a quarter into a red plastic cup a few feet away from him, Mike was sat on the floor playing Fifa on the Xbox. Tony was speaking quietly on the phone and Jaime and Savannah were whispering to each other, both eyeing me now and again. Fuck this, I headed out of the back lounge to get some clothes to change into. I changed into some khakis and a red tank, swapping my black vans for deep red ones.
"Vic!" Tony shouted from the back lounge.
"What?"
"C'mere!" He yelled again as if I was fifty miles away when really I was right outside the back lounge, I walked back in there and Tony was now off his phone, he still held it in his right hand though.
"What?" I asked again, a little exasperated. I didn't mean to take my anger out on him, I was just upset and angry all at once and my mind was everywhere.
"In a half hour we're going to a club for a few drinks, you coming?" Before I could reply, Casey spoke up.
"The only club I'm going to is a strip club." He took another sip of his beer and threw another quarter at the red cup, it missed it by about three yards. Jaime threw a cushion at his head.
"Watch your mouth, there's a lady present!" Jaime exclaimed and everyone cracked up, including me.
"I know. She just hit me with a cushion." Casey replied flatly.

"Savannah is only eighteen, Tone. She can't go to a club." I explained. Savannah looked at the floor as if feeling a little awkward, like she was ruining people's plans.
"It's fine though," I quickly added, "I don't mind staying here with her or taking her somewhere. You guys go have fun." I smiled. Tony nodded, getting the actual translation of that sentence: I want to take her out, just the two of us, feel free to get the fuck out.
"Do you want to change?" I asked Savannah.
"Um, no, it's okay..." She smiled slightly but it didn't reach her eyes, ugh, I was bringing her down with my shitty mood. I hated when I did that to people.
-----
We were seated at a local Italian restaurant in a matter of seconds, not thanks to me being slightly well known (emphasis on the slightly) but thanks to the great service of Bella Italia. I ordered two spaghetti bolognese and a garlic bread pizza simply because it was the first thing I saw on the menu and Savannah couldn't decide. The last thing on my mind was food right now though.
"Vic...if I've done something wrong will you please just tell me because I-" she was staring at the empty space between her knife and fork on the table while she spoke, like she was nervous or something. I interrupted her.
"What makes you think you've done something wrong, Sav?" I questioned and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly at her nickname.
"I don't know...you're just acting different and I don't know if its something I did or said but I'm sorry if it is..." I put my hand on top of hers and she trailed off.
"You haven't done anything wrong," I reassured her. I smiled slightly at how flustered she was getting at the fact she thought she may have upset me in some way. It was cute that she cared. I pulled her phone from my pocket (I'd made sure I grabbed it from my other pants before we left) and put it on the table, she looked at it confused for a second.
"This isn't a great thing to tell someone when you're supposed to be making their night memorable and fun but I kind of went through your texts." She frowned momentarily like she couldn't make sense of what I'd said but then her eyes went wide as if she realized what her texts held in them. Her secret.
"Only the ones from Casey!" I jumped to my own defence as if it mattered, snooping was snooping.
"Oh." She said plainly like she couldn't think of anything else that would sum up her thoughts right now.
"I was worried and I know it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it, I'm not proud, I promise. I just...I was worried about the things she was saying to you." I rambled. She was still silent and I was willing her to say something to me, even if it was to yell at me. Anything. The waitress came over and put our food on the table, I think she could feel the tension, like it was palpable, because she frowned before she left, or maybe that was because neither one of us thanked her. We just stared at each other, her expression blank, my expression anxious. I was going to lose her.

"You see, I was worried, because well, because I like you..." I admitted. I waited for her expression to change.
I kept waiting.
And waiting.
Suddenly her eyes went wide.
"Oh." She said again.

Notes

The site is glitching so I had to re upload this :)