My eyes widened and all I managed to choke out was, “Oh.”

Oh.

Vic looked crushed, his mouth was turned into a frown that didn’t suit him and his eyes were sad, staring at me anxiously.

“Um…” I looked down slightly and already I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, I could already feel my throat begin to tighten up. I knew I was not going to be able to speak proper sentences any time soon, my throat closed up and my mouth suddenly dry and any second I could, without warning, break out into tears that I’ve held back all day.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, my hands shaking and suddenly the little space between the fork and knife on the table became so interesting.

“Savi… say something?” Vic’s voice was strained and I looked up to see his body tense, rigid. I knew he meant no harm reading the texts, I knew he wasn’t trying to be a snoop, and I knew that he was thinking I thought poorly of him now. No, I knew he cared because he wouldn’t have checked my phone if he didn’t; I didn’t think poorly of him because he cared.

I couldn’t even focus on what he said, though: he liked me? The only thought really running through my head, though, was, he knows. “Shit, uh, excuse me,” I rushed, sliding out of my seat and calmly walking out of the restaurant as to not cause a scene, but, the second I stepped outside, I burst into tears.

He knows.

I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I backed up against a wall and held my hands to my face, crying softly and letting out all of the emotions I have blocked out the past few days with Vic and the guys.

He knows.

I felt guilty for leaving him there in the restaurant by himself, especially after what he admitted. This was not how I imagined our night to go—I knew he had been off and it was worrying me, but now I wished that I never said anything, because maybe he wouldn’t have brought up the text messages until another time.

I took a deep breath and looked up, my breath was ragged from crying but I didn’t think I was going to cry anymore. I wiped my face of my tears but I was too anxious now to go back into the restaurant, looking like this. What an embarrassment, I thought grimly to myself. I turned towards the rocky wall and kicked it lightly with my toe. Then, I leaned forward and rested my forehead on the surface, closing my eyes and feeling ridiculously pathetic. Most of all, though, I felt guilty. Vic was probably sitting there by himself, stressed and unsure if he should follow me out or not. I was thankful that he was giving me a minute by myself, though. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

A warm hand lightly rested on my back. “Savannah,” Vic said lowly. I sighed and turned around, trying not to look at him directly but failing miserably. His frown was still prominent and his eyes were pleading. I had totally left him hanging, and every ounce of that anxiousness that that had caused was written all over his face.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, looking at the ground.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Savi. Stop blaming yourself for everything. I’m sorry I upset you… I didn’t mean any harm, I just…” his voice trailed off and he gently grabbed my hands—they were shaking. I kept my eyes trained on the floor.

“I know you didn’t,” I said after a moment. I couldn’t be mad at him for going through my conversation with Casey—in a way, I was kind of relieved. Now we could properly deal with her attitude because, let’s face it, I wasn’t going to tell Vic about what she was saying to me myself. But that didn’t lessen the fact that now, he knew, and there was no way avoiding that conversation. I swallowed the lump in my throat and waited for him to say something.

“I messed up and I’m sorry, I don’t want… I don’t want to lose you over this,” Vic said warily and quietly. I looked up at him.

“You’re not, Vic,” I smiled softly, while my mind was running: why would he care if he lost me? What did he even mean by that? I wasn’t going anywhere; hell, I didn’t want to go anywhere. Imagining going back to where Casey was made me simultaneously angry and afraid—why did she have to resurface all of this?

“I care because I meant what I said,” he said, I grimaced slightly as I realized I had voiced my thoughts out loud.

“What you said…” I murmured quietly. I never got the chance to process his last words to me—“I was worried, because well, because I like you.”

“Yes, Savannah. I like you, okay? I care about you a lot. I might’ve shown that in a really unethical way, and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am over that, but I was so worried. Every time you looked at your phone I could see how upset you were, and I didn’t want to see you upset,” he explained.

I nodded, understanding. It meant a lot to me that he cared. But I still was stressed about what he might’ve found out. The only reason why I desired to disappear was because he knew my secret, not because I was mad at him for what he did. “I’m not mad at you for that, Vic,” I said honestly. He looked relieved, but there was still something sad in his eyes; although, I knew why he looked sad and I dreaded to deal with it.

I didn’t know what to say next, so I was relieved when he spoke again. “Savannah…” he started. I bit on my lip and looked down again. “We don’t have to talk about it right now… but,” he paused again. “Can I… can I see?” his voice was now a whisper. My head shot up and I swore I could see a layer of water build up in his eyes, but he blinked and it disappeared.

“Um…” I frowned slightly and continued to gnaw on my lip.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I asked,” he rushed.

“No, it’s fine,” I shook my head, digging up a will to speak. “I, er…” I slid my hands out of his and held up my arms for him to see. You could only see the marks if you knew they were there, if you actually looked for them. I dropped my right arm because there was nothing there, and I turned my left so he could see my forearm.

Vic tenderly held my arm in his hands and traced his fingers along my skin. It was dark outside but luckily there was a low lit streetlamp, just enough for him to see. I didn’t think it was curiosity that led him to ask to look though; it was more of him making sure I was really okay.

He trailed his hand down my arm until it reached my own hand. He lifted it up and placed a sweet, prolonged kiss on the inside of my wrist, then he slid his fingers through mine, interlocking our hands. I smiled softly but the corners of my mouths wavered as I could sense more tears building up, and so I inched forward and hugged him, releasing our hands so I could wrap my arms completely around his thin frame. I thought I was going to immediately start to cry, but I didn’t, I just closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, and I sighed in relief because he wrapped his arms around my neck and I just knew he really, honestly cared. It was nice to know that someone honestly cared—unlike Casey. If she cared she would not have said those things to me, forcing all of this shit to come back. I felt Vic place a kiss on the top of my head and then rest his forehead there for a moment. His arms loosened around my neck and relaxed around my shoulders, his thumbs brushing up and down soothingly.

“Thank you,” I said softly, and he didn’t have to ask what for, he just gave my body a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry for ruining the night,” I mumbled after pulling away, looking down. Vic lifted my head up with one of his hands and shook his head.

“You didn’t,” he assured, dropping his hand once I gave him my eye contact. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I shouldn’t’ve run off like that. It was childish of me,” I shook my head.

“Thanks for not running into the girls bathroom, at least. That would’ve been awkward,” Vic said with a soft smile, trying to lighten up the situation. I smiled a little back and nodded, sniffling. “Why don’t we try and finish up some dinner, and then we’ll get out of here? We can chill and talk on the bus, maybe I’ll smuggle you something to drink, who knows,” he said, half-joking and half-serious, his mouth in a toothy grin. I nodded and smiled, thinking that that wasn’t too bad of an idea at all.

“That sounds good,” I said softly. Vic smiled and opened his palm, holding it out for me, as if he was giving me the option to take it or not. I placed my hand in his and gave his warm hand a squeeze, as we walked back inside the restaurant together.

----

Vic held my hand tightly as we walked back to the bus—the restaurant wasn’t too far away from where the buses were parked, and we had no other means of transportation than walking.

“Why?” he asked suddenly. I was being exceptionally quiet, my mind spinning from the events of this afternoon and evening.

I looked up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. “Why, what?”

He stopped suddenly and I realized we were at the bus. It was dark so I could barely see his face, but I almost didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see how he judged me or perhaps felt sad of bad for me or got disgusted over me.

“Why?” he repeated softly, turning to face me directly and tenderly holding my other arm.

“It was a while ago, it doesn’t matter anymore,” I rushed.

Vic took a step closer and ran his fingers through my hair, an action that actually caught me off guard. I looked down at the gravel below us. “I’d like to talk about it with you, Savannah. I just… I need to know…”

I frowned and looked up at him. “I… I don’t really know what to say,” I scratched the back of my neck. “It was junior year, I just wasn’t feeling well. And, I don’t know, I guess it got bad… I was stressed and pessimistic and, even though it went undiagnosed, I was definitely mildly depressed for no reason. All I did is stay in bed and I lost all of my passions…” I trailed off. Vic looked at me sadly—I guess it wasn’t dark enough to disguise his facial reactions. I continued anyway, it felt kind of good to get it out, as pathetic as all of it was. “…and it just sort of happened… and then one day Casey found… them… it was horrible but she was so nice back then, you know? And after that I knew it had to stop. By the end of this year I vowed never to do it again, mainly because I didn’t want to get caught because that was the absolute worst experience,” I half-explained, skipping over details and just generally telling him. “I listen to music instead whenever I get down. I listen to music and I feel better…” I smiled softly and so did he. He looked proud—I didn’t expect him to, but it was nice.

“Are you okay, now?” he asked.

“I was… I honestly was… I guess I get sad sometimes,” I started. My mind flashed back to the days at Warped we shared listening to bands where I found myself crying for no reason during certain songs, and his eyes flickered as if he knew exactly what I was referring to. “But I was fine. But now fucking Casey…” I grumbled, gritting my teeth. “Why would she say those things to me?” I asked even though he didn’t have the answer. My voice broke as I spoke and I felt that I was going to start crying in any moment. I felt so… betrayed.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. He ran his fingers through my hair again and I shivered. “I’m so sorry she said those things to you,” he frowned.

“I’m sorry you had to see it.”

Vic cringed a little as I unintentionally reminded him how he had snooped. “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s okay, I promise,” I said quickly. He nodded and brushed my hair for the third time; it was soothing.

“Why would my best friend wish for those feelings to come back? Why would she want me to go too far?” I started to cry, ducking my head and covering my face with my hands. Vic stepped foreword and wrapped his arms around me while I cried softly.

“It’s horrible, Savannah. You of all people don’t deserve that, I promise,” he cooed, rubbing my back.

“But I do—”

“No, you don’t,” he interrupted firmly. “She has no right to wish those things on you out of…anger or jealousy or whatever the fuck she is feeling. It’s pathetic and horrific and makes me sick to the stomach. The only bad friend in this situation is her, not you, Savannah. Do you understand?”

I nodded weakly and pulled away, removing my hands from my face. I sniffled and smiled softly. “You’re right,” I said. “Thank you.”

He shook his head and brushed my cheek with his thumb, swiping away a stray tear that had escaped. “I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded.

Before I could say anything else, he spoke again. “Let’s go inside, yeah?” he asked. I nodded. I shivered, but I didn’t know if it was because I was cold or nervous. Why would I be nervous, though?

I sighed when we entered the bus; Vic smiled broadly. “If you still need to talk about it, we can talk,” he started, “or we can hang out and have a fun sleepover party,” he grinned.

“I’d much rather hang out and have a fun sleepover party,” I giggled, a blush creeping into my cheeks. Vic smiled again and tickled my sides, causing me to squirm and laugh.

“Yay, as long as you promise you’re okay?”

“I promise I’m okay,” I smiled honestly. I knew I’d hurt for a while over what Casey said, but I was fine enough to move past it tonight, at least. I might as well make this time with some genuine friends last.

“Two more days? You’re a coward, Savannah West.” I cringed at Casey’s most recent message and then I frowned. I extended my arm and handed the phone to Vic. “Please take it and don’t let me have it unless my mom calls. I can’t,” I shook my head. Vic frowned, reading the message.

“Fuck her,” he growled, sounding angry. “When can I flip out on her?” he grumbled lowly.

“Please don’t,” I said quietly. If Vic bitched her out I would never hear the end of it, no matter how nice that sounded right now.

“I won’t. But don’t forget to stand up for yourself, Sav. Don’t let her walk all over you,” he said with concern. I nodded. “Alright,” he clapped his hands together, after sliding the phone across the counter. He smiled. “What do you want to do?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled shyly. “Want something to drink? Unless that makes you uncomfortable, I dunno—”

“That sounds good actually, yes please,” I replied easily. I wanted to relax, and I knew drinking a little would do the trick. I also trusted Vic, so I wasn’t worried. He smiled and walked to the drinks, pouring I didn’t know what—something—into red cups.

“Here ya go, m’lady,” he winked, handing me a cup. I grinned and accepted it. “Movie?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Hmm,” he hummed, searching through the selections. “What do you like?” he asked, turning to me. I shrugged my shoulders and sunk into the couch that faced the television.

“Anything, really,” I said, taking a sip of my drink.

“Horror movie?” he tried.

I shook my head violently. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” I continued to shake my head.

“Aw, you’re scared?” he teased with a mischievous grin.

“Yes, please don't, omg,” I whispered, my eyes wide and hiding my face behind my bent knees.

“You just said ‘omg’,” Vic laughed.

“That’s what happens when you suggest horror movies,” I said seriously. He laughed again and shook his head.

“Alright, how about… oh, shit, we have to watch this!” he said, pulling out a movie. “Super bad! Have you seen it?”

“Ah, yes! Let’s watch it!” I said enthusiastically. It was the kind of movie where you laughed the entire time with hardly any breaks, and I really needed that right now. That, and Vic’s company.

“Sweet,” he breathed, setting it up. Moments later, he sat close next to me on the couch. I smiled up at him and, with confidence I didn’t know I had within me, snuggled right into his side while the opening credits reeled in.

“This movie is so hilarious. I love it,” I said excitedly. Vic nodded in agreement.

We sat there together, not talking but laughing, taking casual sips of our drinks. He had his arm draped around me and my legs were curled up under me so I was leaning into him, and we were comfortable and having a good time. If I were completely, one hundred percent sober, I probably would have been blushing furiously over sitting like this, so close next to him. But, now, I was relaxed and happy. I had no “edge”. It was nice.

“McLovin’!” he screamed, pointed at the screen. I laughed and shook my head, extending my arm and moving his hand down. I smiled softly when our hands didn’t part after the action; they stayed together, our fingers intertwined loosely.

“Not yet! Watch!” I said, as arguably the best scene of the entire movie came on—the scene where the two main characters were arguing with the third about his name choice on his fake I.D.

“Okay, Mr… “McLovin”? What kind of stupid name is that? What are you trying to be, an Irish R&B singer?”

“Well, they let you pick any name you want when you get there.”

“So you picked McLovin?”

“It was between that or Muhammad.”

“Why was it between that or Muhammad? Why didn’t you just pick a common name?”

“Actually, Seth, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on Earth.”

“Have you ever actually met a guy name Muhammad?

“Have you actually ever met a guy name McLovin?”

“No! That’s why you picked a bad name!”

“You probably have federal agents tracking you for even considering the name Muhammad on a fake I.D.!”

“Look at this shit man, you don’t even have a first name. It just says, “Name: McLovin”.”

“Oh my God,” Vic laughed, shaking his head. As the movie continued from that point, Vic turned to me. “That reminds me. You should see my brother’s license. Literally, I don’t know how this happened, he must have been high or something, but his license is signed as just plain ‘Michael’,” he said, laughing.

“They let him do that?” I laughed in disbelief.

“Yeah! It’s so funny. It literally just says Michael, in, like, the hand writing of a three year old,” he said.

“That’s hilarious, I have to see that,” I shook my head.

“Yeah, typical Mike, too,” he laughed. We turned our attention back to the movie, and I enjoyed the distraction. I was happy I had taken up his offer on the drink, though; otherwise I didn’t think I would feel this relaxed. I was completely fine, though, but it noticeably made me over think less, get away from my thoughts, and just be here, enjoying my time laughing with Vic.

“BRB,” he whispered into my ear loudly, his tone and his usage of text abbreviations causing me to chuckle. The movie had ended so Vic went to the music station, turning his iPod on shuffle.

Vic plopped down on the couch, making me bounce a little with his impact. I giggled and grinned at him, gripping my cup so the drink didn't slosh out.

"Hi," I said.

"You okay?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I smiled and nodded.

"Just a tad tipsy, y'know," I shrugged my shoulders. Vic chuckled.

Vic touched my bare legs. They had chill bumps on them—I wasn't sure if they were from his touch or if I was just cold. "Are you cold? Do you want some comfy clothes?" He asked. I nodded, blaming the chill bumps on the temperature. We set our drinks down and stood up, I wobbled a little but not too much. Vic's eyes were a tad dazed, he was more intoxicated than me, but neither of us was completely "gone". We were just enjoying a calm night with a drink or two.

When we stood up, Vic grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bunks, but then he stopped suddenly.

"Wait!" He yelled. "This is my favorite song," he whispered with enthusiasm. I laughed as Whitney Houston, "I wanna dance with somebody", came on. "Dance with me Savi!" He pleaded, while shaking his hips. He backed up and started moonwalking, Michael Jackson style. I almost doubled over with laughter and bounced over to him, tossing my arms around his shoulders and stopping him from moving.

"Calm down!" I laughed.

"Aw," he frowned. "You don't want to dance." He pouted.

I smiled and walked back to my drink, I needed a little more confidence boost. I finished quickly and pranced back to Vic, snaking my arms around his neck and dancing however my body decided it wanted to dance. Vic laughed and put his hands around my waist, his eyes slightly glazing over. I swayed with him for a moment before jumping back, both of simultaneously breaking out into wild individual dancing as the chorus came around.

When the song ended, we were both out of breath and Vic had the toothiest grin on his face. "That was exciting," he laughed. I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around his neck again.

"Indeed," I said properly. Vic smiled but didn't say anything. My stomach all of a sudden felt like jelly as his facial expression slowly relaxed into something more serious and I almost melted as his breath grew hot on my face.

"So how about those pajamas?" I said lowly. Vic seemed to break out of whatever spell he had been in and smiled with a nod. He took a step back and held my hand again, walking me back to the bunks. He dug through his bags and pulled out a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and a t-shirt, tossing them to me. "Thank you," I smiled sweetly. He ruffled my hair and exited the area.

My hands were shaking while I changed. Out of nervousness? Maybe. Or it could just be the alcohol settling in my system. Either one, my stomach was fluttering with butterflies. I changed quickly and set off to return to Vic.

“Hey,” I heard him say lowly, and I shivered when I felt his arm snake around my waist, pulling me to the side. “Remember when I said I liked you, Savi?” he asked lowly. I gulped and nodded, looking down shyly as he stood completely in front of me, my back almost against the wall in the thin hallway between the bunks and common area.

No more words were shared, only eye contact. I bit my lip as some of his hair fell in his face, but neither of us reacted to it. He moved in slowly, our bodies were so close, the only thing keeping me from collapsing was him.

I didn’t know what was getting into me—the alcohol, maybe—but I had a burst of confidence and leaned forward, too. My heart spazzamed in my chest right before our lips met. The very second they just barely brushed together, though, there was a loud crash followed by a string of drunken giggles, causing us to break out of our trance and pull away in surprise. I gasped softly and stared at the space in front of me that used to be Vic’s face, but now it was the side of his head as he stared at the source of our intrusion, his hands still on my waist and his body still close but his lips—which were what I really wanted—out of reach.

“God damnit Jaime,” he grumbled and sighed, pulling away completely in defeat. I blushed heavily and sobered up a little, but Jaime didn’t seem to notice anything that happened.

“Oh, hey guys! Did you have a nice night?” he slurred.

“Yeah, ‘till you interrupted,” he grumbled so neither of us could hear—I heard, though, obviously. “Where are the others?” he asked. I still stood mostly frozen to the side, my heart thumping in my neck as I was still processing what almost happened.

“Should be right behind me,” Jaime yawned. As if on cue, the door swung open and the rest of the guys piled in.

“Vic! You fucker! You missed a good night!” Mike boasted, patting his brother’s shoulder. I looked down, feeling bad for that suddenly.

“Nah, man, me and Sav had a good time,” I heard Vic say happily, unbothered by the fact he missed out on the club. He went up to me and swung an arm around my shoulder, smiling and pulling me more into view.

“Oh, hey Savi!” all of them greeted me. I looked up and waved shyly but with a big smile on my face.

“Hey guys,” I said.

Vic turned to me, ignoring the guys. “It’s really late… are you tired?” he asked. I nodded sleepily.

“Night guys,” Vic announced to the bus. He chuckled when we saw none of the guys in the common area—they had all snuck away and crashed in their bunks already. “Are you comfortable, Sav? It’s probably weird being the only girl with five other guys,” he scratched the back of his neck. I shook my head and smiled gently. I’d much rather be here than at home.

“It's fine. I can go wherever,” I said with an unintentional yawn.

“C’mon,” he tugged on my arm and led me to the back. “Since Casey and Mike are connected at the hip, he just had to ride with us instead of the other roadies, taking the spare bunk,” he teased with a smile. “You can have mine,” he gestured to the lower right one.

“No, it’s fine. I can sleep on the couch!”

“Nonsense. The couch is like a rock. Pretty ladies like you deserve the best,” he insisted, gently pushing me towards the bunk. I conceded and sat down at the edge, but I stared up at him.

“Well you’re a pretty lady, too, Vic,” I batted my eyelashes at him. He dropped his jaw.

“Fine! Couch for you, missy,” he said. I snickered and started to get up, but he rolled his eyes playfully, nudging me to stay. “Goodnight, Savannah. Sweet dreams,” he said softly, nudging me back more so I was laying down inside of his bunk—I knew he wasn’t going to let me win this one. He leaned over and gently kissed my cheek before pulling away. I stared at him as he stood back up, he winked at me one last time before closing the curtain.

Notes

Hola amigos

hehe they almost kissed *grins mischievously*

laa laa laaa I feel like I should say something in this box but I never know what hehe
THANK YOU FOR THOSE ACTUALLY READING THIS, Leave us comments, we love to hear from youuu!!

Until next time,
Claire