I sat on my bus, listening to music and talking excitedly with my co-workers. After having a day to recharge from the bustling of the tour, we were now excited to move on to the next venue. Even though working as a roadie for warped tour was a lot of vigorous, and mostly unamusing, work, it was still thrilling in its own way. To be on a tour with hundreds of others who shared the same love for music was unlike anything I’d ever dreamed of.

“I’m so excited for the Canada date! I’ve never been out of the US before!” one of the newest roadies squealed while squeezing her hands together beneath her chin.

I sighed and immediately needed an excuse to get out of the room. I used to love the tour dates in Canada as well, but all of that changed and now I can never go. My phone began to ring from my pocket and I silently thanked the Heavens for getting me out of that conversation I did not want to be a part of. I excused myself and headed to the back of the bus, shutting the door behind me. Luckily nobody was back there – which was rare while traveling on a bus full of fifteen people.

I looked at the caller ID and immediately furrowed my eyebrows.

Dad Home Calling

I sighed and slid my finger across the screen, regardless of my confusion. My family had lost all contact with me four years ago, despite my efforts to call them, they continued to ignore me.

“Hello?” I asked silently.

“Mommy?”

My heart broke at the angelic voice on the other end. I could hear the sniffles in her voice and the hope in her tone. I looked up at the top of the bus, tilting my head back as I tried to blink back the tears. I took in a deep breath after she repeated herself.

“Yeah,” I choked out, “yeah, baby. I’m here. What’s wrong?”

“Mommy, Grandie won’t let me have dessert and I even told him that I would sleep in my own bed tonight but he still said no. Why can’t I live with you and you can let me eat dessert?”

I smiled at her pronunciation. She refused to say Grandpa and instead called my father Grandie. But her words opened up a huge hole in my chest. I wish I could tell her that I would be home soon to give her all the dessert she wanted but I couldn’t.

“Tell Grandie that your mommy says that it’s his job to feed you sweets, okay? And you tell him that I miss you guys a lot.”

“But Mommy,” she whined, “I want to see you. We can go to the Zoo!”

“I know, baby. I want to see you, too. Maybe soon, alright? Then we can go to the Zoo and SeaWorld to see the penguins and the otters! Have you ever been to SeaWorld?”

“I don’t want to go to SeaWorld. I want to go to Lego Land!”

I laughed. “Okay, we can go to Lego Land. But I don’t know when that can happen, baby.”

I frowned when I heard her starting to whine again on the other end. The phone went to static for a minute and I heard her whining and complaints becoming more distant as somebody took the phone away from her.

“Who are you talking to?” My father’s voice grumbled in the distance. “Hello?” he asked into the phone. His voice strong and agitated.

“Hi, Dad,” I choked out.

“Oh,” he said in disappointment. “I thought I told you not to call again or else I’d call the police. You can’t talk to her, Samia. She’s not-“

“I know, Dad. I know. She called me, I didn’t make the call.”

He sighed loudly and I heard him mumble some menacing words towards my daughter. “Dad, just let her eat dessert, okay? Please make sure she’s happy.” My voice broke at the end and a tear slipped from my eye.

“I’ll raise her how I want,” he spat.

“She’s not your daughter, and I think I should get a say in things…”

My dad scoffed. “She is my daughter, by law. God gave me a second chance to raise a child since I obviously didn’t do things right the first time around,” he said harshly. “Goodbye, Samia.”

I flinched at the sound of the phone hitting the receiver. My own daughter couldn’t even talk to me anymore. My own family hated me. Well, Annamaria didn’t hate me, but she was only four years old and would soon learn to hate me once she found out the truth about me. I wondered if she ever questioned my father and asked him why I wasn’t there to raise her. I wondered if she ever asked about him, her father. And what answer would she hear?

The bus came to a slow stop and I looked out the nearest window to see that we were parked in a dirt lot. I shook my head and tried to get my mind wrapped around the work that was ahead of me.

I rushed off the bus, immediately heading out to attend to my first order of business – getting breakfast for myself and Kenny Leath, the main-stage manager. He had called me early this morning to tell me that he needed my help around the main-stage for the day. Working main-stage was one of my favorite jobs while on warped, but it was also the most stressful. Everything revolved around that stage – the biggest bands played there, the most fans watched the sets, and the best quality was required for all of that. Which meant a lot of adjusting and working in between bands.

-

“Sam! I need you to help the next band set up, we’re running behind!” Kenny yelled over to me as he adjusted the lights for the stage. It was nearing the evening and something was going wrong with the lights.

I rushed over to the trailer and a huge smile spread across my face when I saw a smiling Tony talking to Jaime. “Hey, guys!”

They both looked over to me, their smiles growing even larger. Over the past couple of weeks of warped tour, ever since I had met Vic, I had become really close with the guys. Just like Vic and I had pinky promised – they were my best friends, especially Vic.

“Hey, Sam,” Jaime smiled widely. “You’ve been working main-stage today?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been really busy since the moment we parked.”

“So that’s why you didn’t text me back or answer my calls.”

I turned around to see Vic standing there with his guitar around his shoulders, a sassy smirk on his face as he tried to act angry or upset with me. But the smile was still evident in his eyes. We both laughed a bit and he came over to nudge my shoulder with his – it was his way of greeting me since I wasn’t big on hugs.

“I’m here to help you guys set up,” I announced as Mike came into view. He picked up a cymbal and began moving the equipment out so Casey, his drum tech had easier access to them since the band members weren’t allowed on stage until it was time for them to play.

Casey came into view, immediately walking up the steps and picking up the bass drum. “You can help get the drum set on stage,” he said with a little bit of strain in his voice.

I nodded and helped them to get everything on stage. Things went rather quickly with me helping, and we had a little bit of extra time before they were schedule to play. They continued to warm up and stretch. Vic gargled some water, hummed, and then cleared his throat before taking a long drink of the water. I just stood by the side of the stage, watching the crowd shift as people began to push their way towards the front.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Vic said as he came up beside me, but just hidden enough so nobody could notice him. “All of these people here for us. Supporting us, loving us, and they don’t even know the half of our story.”

“It’s funny how life works like that, right?” I replied, my eyes still glued to the crowd. It was starting to get noticeably darker as the moments went on, and the lights still weren’t on. I looked down at my watch – the guys were scheduled to play in five minutes, but there was no way that could happen until the lights were working.

Vic gently nudged me to get my attention. I turned to face him to see what he wanted.

“Sam, I love you and support you, even though I don’t know the half of your story,” Vic said slowly. “But…I’d really like to know your story.”

I sighed and ran my shaking hands through my hair. My mouth burned and my lungs ached for a cigarette to relieve the stress. And my mind craved the numbing of alcohol, but I tried my best to ignore that. “I don’t know your story, either,” I finally said.

“I can tell you, if you’d like,” Vic smiled a bit, but I could see the apprehension in his eyes.

I shook my head. “No, Vic, you don’t have to do that. It’s just…it’s better if we don’t share our stories.”

“Why?”

“I don’t share my story with anybody,” I shrugged.

Vic scoffed and a playful smile spread across his face. “Psh, I’m not just anybody. I’m Vic Fuentes, bitch!”

I laughed and gently nudged him with my shoulder while I shook my head. “Whatever, Vic Fuentes.”The lights suddenly blared across the stage, and the crowd immediately began to scream, expecting the boys to run on stage. “Looks like you guys better do your chant and get out there to make your supporters happy.”

Vic smiled widely and nodded before skipping away to meet Jaime, Mike, and Tony who were already standing in a circle, waiting for Vic to join. They completed their pre-show rituals and all bounced out to the stage, the crowd already pumped and their connection to the jumping bodies already strong.

I watched their set for only the second time since I had met them all. Well, more specifically, I watched Vic. His face would distort into a wide array of different emotions depending on the lyrics he was spilling out. Anger and sadness seemed to be most prominent in his furrowed eyebrows. I couldn’t help but wonder what Vic’s story actually was. Was it family problems? Money problems? Girl problems?

Their set ended and I found myself in tears from one of the last few songs they played. It was a slower one, and I could see the sadness that was held in the lyrics. I wiped away my tears as they all walked off stage – Mike, Jaime and Tony just smiled a bit before quickly walking away to head to the showers, I assumed. But when Vic came off stage, he noticed my tears right away. His face quickly went from ecstatic to worried and I hated that I had to be a buzz-kill to his high that he got from performing.

“What’s wrong, Sam?” he asked softly. He slowly placed a hand on my shoulder.

I just laughed and wiped away my tears. “Your set got my emotional, asshole,” I mumbled as I tried to not smudge my make up too much as I wiped at my eyes.

Vic relaxed and let out a relieved laugh. “Are you free yet? Can I steal you away from Kenny?” he asked suddenly.

I shook my head. “I can’t leave,” I said, sadly. Kenny probably had things under control, but my absence the other day didn’t go by unnoticed, and I wanted to make sure that it didn’t happen again. This job was my life, and to risk it would be throwing away all I had left.

-

I wanted to go see Vic and the rest of the guys, I really did. I wanted to hang out and have fun like we had been doing, but unfortunately I just couldn’t. I had to pack all of my things and be off of the bus by the time they all left for Canada. I would be getting a hotel room in New York and waiting for them to return back to the United States the day after the out of country tour date.

I made sure all of my belongings were packed and sat on top of my suitcase to try and get it zipped. I had a horrible habit of buying new band merchandise while on tour, and that usually meant I had to also buy another suitcase to accommodate all of the clothing. But, I hadn’t had time to get a new suitcase, yet, so I had to make it all work.

“Let me help,” Dan, a co-worker of mine offered. I crossed my legs on the top of the suitcase and he pulled the zipper along the perimeter with a strong grip – finally getting it closed after a few rough tugs at the end. “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“I know, but I have to,” I pouted.

“But why? You never told me why when you left last year, too,” he pressed.

I tried to think of the excuse I had used last year, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me. “Uh, I have family in New York and take a couple days off to visit them,” I lied. I felt horrible for lying, but it had to be done.

“Oh, that’s right. I remember you saying that last year,” he said as his face fell. I silently congratulated myself on somehow telling him the same lie as the year before. “It just sucks. The Canadian date is always such a blast, but it’s not the same without you there.”

I started to feel horrible for lying to Dan about why I couldn’t attend – but I had no choice. What else could I say? Definitely not the truth. Oh, I can’t cross the borders because I can’t clear a back-ground check. Yeah, that’s just the thing I want my co-workers to know about me.

Dan walked me off of the bus and over to the end of the street where I had a cab waiting to take me to the airport. He hugged me goodbye and wished me luck with my family before I got into the cab and left. Tears began to stream down my face as the driver pulled up in front of the airport a few moments later.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Kenny frowned. “There’s nothing we can do here. You know the rules about crossing borders.”

He gave me a large frown and the tears only came harder. He gave me an awkward and gentle side-hug before pulling my duffel bag from the trunk of his car and setting it down on the airport sidewalk beside me.

“There will be a taxi waiting for you once you land. Here’s the address of your hotel. Your room is already reserved and paid for,” he said as he handed me an envelope with a few papers inside. I took a quick peek inside the envelope to see a plane ticket, some hotel information, and another folded piece of paper that looked to be a letter. “Call if you need anything, okay? I’ll come to pick you up as soon as we get to the venue. See ya, Sam.”

I watched him drive away and walked inside the airport. I sat through the quick place ride with a blank expression. It wasn’t until I actually got to my hotel in New York that I started to break down again.

I buried my face in my palms, feeling the welts of the scars glide over my wet skin. It was those scars that reminded me of what my hands had done to my life and everybody in it. I pulled my hands away, unable to stand to feel the reminder against my skin. I couldn’t let those scars touch anywhere else – anybody else – in fear of tainting them or hurting them…or letting me know that I was capable of hurting. These hands had ruined many lives – not just my own. Four lives that would never have the chance of getting through this. Four lives that didn’t deserve what I had done to them. Why was I the one that was alive?

My hands began to burn. My skin began to itch. I wanted to peel away the skin of my hands and strip myself of the reminder of what happened four years ago. I wanted to strip myself of everything and start fresh – but my hands held the story that laid behind my seemingly-normal face. I was a walking, talking façade. And if anyone could see or feel my hands, they would see right through me and right into my past.

In that moment I decided that my hands were only my own. Only mine to know and understand, and it was better if I kept it that way. Only three people in my life knew about what happened, and that’s how it was going to stay. My hands were going to remain mine – my story was only for me to know.

-

VIC’S POV

“Hey, where’s Sam?” I asked as I walked onto the bus she was usually on. Her coworkers gave me a questioning look. “What?” I asked, confused.

“She didn’t tell you?” one of them spoke up. He stood up and walked over to me. “You’re Vic, yeah?”

“Yeah…” I said, slowly. What was going on? “Who are you?”

“I’m Dan, I’ve been working with Sam for years,” he explained. “Let’s go talk outside. I actually really wanted to ask you something.”

I followed Dan off of the bus. He shut the door behind us and I stood next to him while he lit up a cigarette. “So…” I said, trying to get the conversation started. I wasn’t here to just sit around and chill, I just wanted to know where Sam was. We had only been friends for about a month, and although I hardly knew anything about her – I enjoyed her company. The rest of the guys did, too. The way she was so laid back and casual really helped us to all enjoy ourselves a little bit more. She was easy to be around, and I wanted her around more often.

“Well, Sam’s been working for Warped for years, since she was eighteen,” Dan began, “like five years ago she just kind of disappeared. Nobody could get ahold of her. Her phone was shut off and she had moved out of Los Angeles – which is where she had been living since she was seventeen – and just vanished. She was gone for four years. She came back last year and it she seemed to be the same, just a bit quieter than usual.

“She never said why she left, and nobody really asked. We could tell it wasn’t something to just bring up, especially with how much more reserved she had become. Something happened five years ago, but nobody knows what. Anyway, last year everything was going great and we were all having so much fun, but then she disappeared when we went to Canada. She was back the day after at the New York show, and when I asked her about it, she said that she was sick and decided to just wait for us to come back.

“The past few days she’s been acting different – more emotional. Really wishy-washy. Some days she’s completely invested in her work, some days she just doesn’t respond to her radio, some days she’s all happy and giddy, then other days she’s really jumpy and quiet. Yesterday I walked in on her packing up her suitcase so she could leave to New York – again to avoid going to Canada – and this time she said she had family in New York. But I could tell that she was lying. I just went with it though. But something’s up, and I wanted to know if you knew anything about it.”

I didn’t know Samia very well, and I didn’t know anything about her past. I didn’t even know that she had been working on Warped for ten years now. I had never seen her before, and that’s probably because she was gone for the few years that we were on the tour. I tried to think if she had ever mentioned something that might give us a better understanding as to what was going on, but again, there was nothing.

She never mentioned a family, a boyfriend, a friend, her home – nothing. Our conversations somehow never reached those topics.

“I honestly know nothing about her,” I furrowed my eyebrows. I basically just knew her name and that her favorite color was fuchsia. “You probably know more about her than I do.”

Dan sighed, obviously frustrated that I don’t know anything about her. “All I know is that she used to be really close with her family. She was also engaged for a while, and I know that five years ago, right before she disappeared, we found out that she was four months pregnant. But nothing else was ever said about it. I know that she’s not with the guy anymore.”

“It probably has something to do with that. Maybe her kid lives in New York with the dad?”

Dan teetered his head from side to side, thinking about the possibility. “Maybe, I mean, it’s the only thing that makes sense. But why would she had to lie about that?”

I shrugged. There could be an endless amount of reasons, really. One thing I had learned in all of my life, is to always expect the unexpected when you’re meeting new people – everybody has a different story. Some stories are free, and others have to be bought with trust. And others – much like Sam – had their stories locked away where nobody could ever learn them.

“Alright, well, thanks, I guess,” Dan said softly before heading back into the bus. “If you figure anything out, let me know, yeah?” he asked while turning his head over his shoulder. He didn’t make eye contact though, just turned his head toward my general direction.

I nodded. “Yeah, I will. Same to you,” I said.

We parted ways and I decided to just head over to catering alone – since that’s where I wanted to go when I went looking for Sam. The line was long, but I didn’t mind. It gave me time to think about Sam.

There wasn’t too much to think about, all I could really do was wonder about her. We were in Canada, but where was she?

I didn’t know much about her, but I did know that I wanted to find out everything about her.

Notes

Hey guys, sorry it has taken me so long to update this story! Ack, I suck, I know :( I'm trying, I swear! I have A LOT of stories going on at once and it's really difficult to keep up with them all and work, and getting ready to head back to university soon. I've got a lot on my plate :/

Anyway, I hope this short little chapter was enough to hold you over for a bit! I know exactly where I want to go with this story, but it's just hard to get there. Anyway, more mystery with Sam in unveiled.

What do you think her deal is? And woah, she has a kid?! Tell me what you all think. :) Love you all!