You Deserve Much More
Why Did You Do It?
CASSANDRA P.O.V
“I am so sorry Vic” I heard as I walked onto the bus. It was Kat’s Voice, I loved her she saved my life with one phone call. I walked more towards the back only to be stopped by Tony.
“Tony move I am going to go see what is wron-” I was cut off by screaming.
“GET THIS FUCKING BUS TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!” Mike said running out from the back. I panicked and tried to run to the back. Tony held me back an I tried to wiggle free.
“Cassandra you have to stay here please Vic is with her right now please don’t panic” He Told me an what did I do? I fucking panicked. I kicked and screamed until I started to cry.
“Please just tell me what is going on with her?” Jaime nodded and walked over to me and brought me to the couch.
“Cass, Justin found Kat throwing up earlier because of what some girl said to her and so he tried to comfort her. She said she felt better and that he could leave so he did and she went back to the bathroom and threw up more until she felt the urge to cut an she cut a bit deep we are on our way to the hospital right now” I burst into tears. I shook my head furiously not wanting to believe it.
“No no she said she was better but is she going to be okay?” Jaime and Tony shrugged.
“We aren't sure but I know that the doctors are going to try their best” Tony said. We must have arrived at the hospital because A very emotional Mike and a very teary eyed Vic walked out from the back with Kat. Vic was carrying Kat in his arms and you could see the blood stains on his and her shirt. I silently sobbed while she was carried off the bus.
I was sitting in the waiting room with Vic, Jaime, Tony and Mike. Mike and Vic were crying because they are the closest with Kat. Jaime is like a brother to Kat and Tony is the big brother that she wished she had when she was growing up. I walked over to my new adopted father otherwise known as Vic and put my arms around him. He turned and wrapped his arms around me.
“She will be okay sweetheart she is a strong girl” Vic comforted me while we both cried.
“I know it just hurts seeing her so broken” Vic let go of me and put his hands on my shoulders making sure to look into my eyes.
“Cassi no matter what happens with Kat you and I will always be there for eachother and I will always think of you as a daughter because I love you too much to stop caring. I love Kat with all my heart an I want so badly for her to be okay so that I can tell her again how much I love her and I want to marry this girl someday” I let tears fall as I smiled and hugged Vic.
“I love you too Vic and I can honestly say that I fully an one hundred percent trust everyone of you guys here” I said pointing to everyone in the waiting room before turning back to Vic.”And Vic if it would be alright could I call you dad? because you are the kind of person that I would want to be my father from the beginning.” He smiled and nodded before hugging me.
“Yes you can call me dad I would love nothing more than for you to call me dad” he smiled. I returned to looking at Mike, Jaime, and Tony.
“Umm would if it be okay if I called you guys my uncles?” I asked pointing to the three men in front of me. They all nodded and came over to hug me in unison. While we were all hugging the doctor came out.
“Family of Katarina Marie Jade?” She asked and we all stood up.
“Wow there is a lot of you” She questioned. Dad piped up, Wow it feels weird saying that.
“I am her fiance, Mike is her brother in Law, Tony and Jaime are her half brothers” Not very far from the truth.
“Very well then, Kat is stable and talking. You may see her when the psychologist is done talking to her about what has happened” everyone nodded and sat back down.
About a half and hour later the doctor came back out and told us that we could go back to see her. We walked up to the window in front of her room and just looked in before entering. I have never seen someone I love so broken, So helpless even though she has people all around her that love her and are willing to help her get through whatever it is that she is going through.
“Hey bub you ready to go in Jaime and Tony have already been in to see her?” I shook my head.
“No thanks I want to go in alone when you guys have all seen her” Dad nodded and went in with Uncle Mike. I waited about another half an hour waiting. I was thinking of what to say to her when I saw her and I knew exactly what I would say. Something I knew would make her feel better. I walked in and she smiled that same bright smile I saw just hours before all of this happened. I sat on the chair next to her bed and began to talk. I let some tears slip out here an there to let her know that I truly love her more than she could ever know.
“Kat why did you do it?” I asked reaching out for her hand. She took a deep breath in.
“I did it because of what that girl said and because what she said made all the memories of the past come back all at once and I couldn't take it anymore” I nodded understanding exactly what she was saying.
“You know that everyone out there loves and cares for you everyone from Sleeping With Sirens including their crew are here to show you that they love you. I can't thank you and dad enough for what you have done for me in the past week I really can't and to think I almost lost you. If I had lost you Kat I don't think I could have stayed alive any longer because you are the one that makes me feel like life is really worth living and that I mean something to the world” She was smiling through the tears that were falling from her face.
“I love you too an I honestly regret doing this because I realize now that I have people around me that love and support me an really do care. Wait dad? who is Dad?” She asked looking at me confused.
“Dad is Vic, we were talking in the waiting room and he told me that he thinks of me as a daughter because he loves me too much to stop caring and I just felt like he is my dad because he actually loves me like a father should love his daughter” I smiled.
“Well I am happy for you and I am glad that you guys are all here I really am sorry for this whole mess” She said looking down.
“He no don't be sorry everyone had their good and bad days this was just one of your bad days.” She smiled.
“Thanks”
“Oh yeah and dad also said that he really loves you and that he wants to marry you one day” I was smiling really big because I was so happy that he said that about her. Kat nodded and smiled.
“Yeah he told me that when he came in here with mike, I can't wait for that day that we say I do and spend the rest of our lives together” I nodded and we continued to talk for what seemed like hours.
KAT P.O.V
Cassandra left my room because I told her that I should probably let some other people visit before it gets too late. The first people in were Kellin and Jesse. I smiled as they sat down in the chairs next to my bed.
“Hey little red how are you feeling? The doc said you lost a lot of blood” Jesse asked. I laughed, I loved when he called me little red.
“I am pretty good now that I have gotten blood put back into me, I am sorry I scared everyone”
“Hey don't be sorry I am sure that everything from your past came back all at once when the girl said what she did” Kellin spoke up.
“How did you know that everything came up all at once?” I asked in astonishment.
“Hey reddie cakes I was where you are now when I was your age” I nodded remembering him telling me about his past. Kellin Jesse and I talked a while more before Jack and Gabe came in.
“Hey guys thank you for bringing me flowers and a giant ass teddy bear” I said as they sat down.
“Hey no worries Ariel” Gabe always called me Ariel because he says I remind him of the little mermaid. Jack always calls me raggedy Ann.
“I have named him bill” I stated as I hugged the huge teddy bear that layed on my bed in front of me.
“Why bill?” Jack asked
“Because I like the name bill and my best friends name was bill” I admitted
“Was?” Gabe questioned
“His name was bill and he was my best friend up until 7th grade when he died. He was also abused by his parents but unfortunately they had taken it a bit too far when they burned his jugular vein” I let a tear fall but quickly wiped it away before anyone would notice.
“Oh Hey I am sorry to hear about that Raggedy Ann, You have been through so much but have remained such a strong girl” Jack stated.
“well Thank you and I appreciate you coming to see me” I said as they got up.
“No problem we love you” They said as they left the room. The last one to come an see me was Just, the one I called my big brother because he was always there I needed him.
“Hey brother bear” I said and smiled as he sat down. He just cried and put his head in his hands.
“I could have been there I could have stopped you before this happened I am such a fucking idiot” He said as he slapped his leg.
“Hey, No don't you dare say that this was your fault because it wasn't it was no ones fault and you could have never stopped or prevented this from happening it was my own goddamn fault for even letting myself got this far” I said and he looked up at me and gave me a half hearted smile.
“I can't help it Kat, I am the one who is supposed to be there for you when you can't go talk to Vic I am your big brother the one who is supposed to protect his little sister from anything that could hurt her, but did I? No I fucking left when I should have stayed to make sure that when you said you were okay, you meant it. I fucked up and I am sorry” I put my hand on his shoulder because I couldn't hug him at this time. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and put his hand over mine and smiled.
“Justin you need to realize that none of this was your fault it was just all of my emotions coming out all at once and I couldn't stop myself when I knew I shouldn't of so please don't blame yourself”
“I don’t think I can help of I blame myself” I sighed and looked back at him.
“If not for you do it for me please?” He nodded and the doctor came in.
“Katrina?” Ugh she said my full name. I hate that name with a passion.
“Um yeah that is me, what do you need?” I asked.
“Well your vitals look great and you are able to leave whenever you want you just have to sign these papers first” I smiled and signed the papers. Justin got my clothes for me and then sent Vic in to help me get dressed so I don't hurt myself in the process. We got all of my stuff and headed back to the bus.
“So they doctor told me that you should take it easy for about a week and that you should probably stay in bed” Vic said an I groaned while getting into our bunk.
“Well this fucking sucks dick, there is going to be nothing to do” I sighed and VIc giggled.
“You could do me” He said wiggling his eyebrows at me.
‘Wouldn't that fall under take it easy?” I asked
“What do you mean?” He asked
“Well for one I can’t really make sudden movements because of how much stomach fluid and blood I lost an two when is sex for us ever gentle?” He laughed.
“Thats true but that doesn't mean I can’t pleasure you” This boy is going to be the death of me I swear, but I still love him. Vic and I continued to talk for a while before we decided that we were going to watch the little mermaid. I ended up falling asleep with my head on Vics chest. I find his presence calming like a baby finds its mother’s heartbeat calming. I love this boy more than he could ever know and I owe him more than just my life.
“I am so sorry Vic” I heard as I walked onto the bus. It was Kat’s Voice, I loved her she saved my life with one phone call. I walked more towards the back only to be stopped by Tony.
“Tony move I am going to go see what is wron-” I was cut off by screaming.
“GET THIS FUCKING BUS TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!” Mike said running out from the back. I panicked and tried to run to the back. Tony held me back an I tried to wiggle free.
“Cassandra you have to stay here please Vic is with her right now please don’t panic” He Told me an what did I do? I fucking panicked. I kicked and screamed until I started to cry.
“Please just tell me what is going on with her?” Jaime nodded and walked over to me and brought me to the couch.
“Cass, Justin found Kat throwing up earlier because of what some girl said to her and so he tried to comfort her. She said she felt better and that he could leave so he did and she went back to the bathroom and threw up more until she felt the urge to cut an she cut a bit deep we are on our way to the hospital right now” I burst into tears. I shook my head furiously not wanting to believe it.
“No no she said she was better but is she going to be okay?” Jaime and Tony shrugged.
“We aren't sure but I know that the doctors are going to try their best” Tony said. We must have arrived at the hospital because A very emotional Mike and a very teary eyed Vic walked out from the back with Kat. Vic was carrying Kat in his arms and you could see the blood stains on his and her shirt. I silently sobbed while she was carried off the bus.
I was sitting in the waiting room with Vic, Jaime, Tony and Mike. Mike and Vic were crying because they are the closest with Kat. Jaime is like a brother to Kat and Tony is the big brother that she wished she had when she was growing up. I walked over to my new adopted father otherwise known as Vic and put my arms around him. He turned and wrapped his arms around me.
“She will be okay sweetheart she is a strong girl” Vic comforted me while we both cried.
“I know it just hurts seeing her so broken” Vic let go of me and put his hands on my shoulders making sure to look into my eyes.
“Cassi no matter what happens with Kat you and I will always be there for eachother and I will always think of you as a daughter because I love you too much to stop caring. I love Kat with all my heart an I want so badly for her to be okay so that I can tell her again how much I love her and I want to marry this girl someday” I let tears fall as I smiled and hugged Vic.
“I love you too Vic and I can honestly say that I fully an one hundred percent trust everyone of you guys here” I said pointing to everyone in the waiting room before turning back to Vic.”And Vic if it would be alright could I call you dad? because you are the kind of person that I would want to be my father from the beginning.” He smiled and nodded before hugging me.
“Yes you can call me dad I would love nothing more than for you to call me dad” he smiled. I returned to looking at Mike, Jaime, and Tony.
“Umm would if it be okay if I called you guys my uncles?” I asked pointing to the three men in front of me. They all nodded and came over to hug me in unison. While we were all hugging the doctor came out.
“Family of Katarina Marie Jade?” She asked and we all stood up.
“Wow there is a lot of you” She questioned. Dad piped up, Wow it feels weird saying that.
“I am her fiance, Mike is her brother in Law, Tony and Jaime are her half brothers” Not very far from the truth.
“Very well then, Kat is stable and talking. You may see her when the psychologist is done talking to her about what has happened” everyone nodded and sat back down.
About a half and hour later the doctor came back out and told us that we could go back to see her. We walked up to the window in front of her room and just looked in before entering. I have never seen someone I love so broken, So helpless even though she has people all around her that love her and are willing to help her get through whatever it is that she is going through.
“Hey bub you ready to go in Jaime and Tony have already been in to see her?” I shook my head.
“No thanks I want to go in alone when you guys have all seen her” Dad nodded and went in with Uncle Mike. I waited about another half an hour waiting. I was thinking of what to say to her when I saw her and I knew exactly what I would say. Something I knew would make her feel better. I walked in and she smiled that same bright smile I saw just hours before all of this happened. I sat on the chair next to her bed and began to talk. I let some tears slip out here an there to let her know that I truly love her more than she could ever know.
“Kat why did you do it?” I asked reaching out for her hand. She took a deep breath in.
“I did it because of what that girl said and because what she said made all the memories of the past come back all at once and I couldn't take it anymore” I nodded understanding exactly what she was saying.
“You know that everyone out there loves and cares for you everyone from Sleeping With Sirens including their crew are here to show you that they love you. I can't thank you and dad enough for what you have done for me in the past week I really can't and to think I almost lost you. If I had lost you Kat I don't think I could have stayed alive any longer because you are the one that makes me feel like life is really worth living and that I mean something to the world” She was smiling through the tears that were falling from her face.
“I love you too an I honestly regret doing this because I realize now that I have people around me that love and support me an really do care. Wait dad? who is Dad?” She asked looking at me confused.
“Dad is Vic, we were talking in the waiting room and he told me that he thinks of me as a daughter because he loves me too much to stop caring and I just felt like he is my dad because he actually loves me like a father should love his daughter” I smiled.
“Well I am happy for you and I am glad that you guys are all here I really am sorry for this whole mess” She said looking down.
“He no don't be sorry everyone had their good and bad days this was just one of your bad days.” She smiled.
“Thanks”
“Oh yeah and dad also said that he really loves you and that he wants to marry you one day” I was smiling really big because I was so happy that he said that about her. Kat nodded and smiled.
“Yeah he told me that when he came in here with mike, I can't wait for that day that we say I do and spend the rest of our lives together” I nodded and we continued to talk for what seemed like hours.
KAT P.O.V
Cassandra left my room because I told her that I should probably let some other people visit before it gets too late. The first people in were Kellin and Jesse. I smiled as they sat down in the chairs next to my bed.
“Hey little red how are you feeling? The doc said you lost a lot of blood” Jesse asked. I laughed, I loved when he called me little red.
“I am pretty good now that I have gotten blood put back into me, I am sorry I scared everyone”
“Hey don't be sorry I am sure that everything from your past came back all at once when the girl said what she did” Kellin spoke up.
“How did you know that everything came up all at once?” I asked in astonishment.
“Hey reddie cakes I was where you are now when I was your age” I nodded remembering him telling me about his past. Kellin Jesse and I talked a while more before Jack and Gabe came in.
“Hey guys thank you for bringing me flowers and a giant ass teddy bear” I said as they sat down.
“Hey no worries Ariel” Gabe always called me Ariel because he says I remind him of the little mermaid. Jack always calls me raggedy Ann.
“I have named him bill” I stated as I hugged the huge teddy bear that layed on my bed in front of me.
“Why bill?” Jack asked
“Because I like the name bill and my best friends name was bill” I admitted
“Was?” Gabe questioned
“His name was bill and he was my best friend up until 7th grade when he died. He was also abused by his parents but unfortunately they had taken it a bit too far when they burned his jugular vein” I let a tear fall but quickly wiped it away before anyone would notice.
“Oh Hey I am sorry to hear about that Raggedy Ann, You have been through so much but have remained such a strong girl” Jack stated.
“well Thank you and I appreciate you coming to see me” I said as they got up.
“No problem we love you” They said as they left the room. The last one to come an see me was Just, the one I called my big brother because he was always there I needed him.
“Hey brother bear” I said and smiled as he sat down. He just cried and put his head in his hands.
“I could have been there I could have stopped you before this happened I am such a fucking idiot” He said as he slapped his leg.
“Hey, No don't you dare say that this was your fault because it wasn't it was no ones fault and you could have never stopped or prevented this from happening it was my own goddamn fault for even letting myself got this far” I said and he looked up at me and gave me a half hearted smile.
“I can't help it Kat, I am the one who is supposed to be there for you when you can't go talk to Vic I am your big brother the one who is supposed to protect his little sister from anything that could hurt her, but did I? No I fucking left when I should have stayed to make sure that when you said you were okay, you meant it. I fucked up and I am sorry” I put my hand on his shoulder because I couldn't hug him at this time. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and put his hand over mine and smiled.
“Justin you need to realize that none of this was your fault it was just all of my emotions coming out all at once and I couldn't stop myself when I knew I shouldn't of so please don't blame yourself”
“I don’t think I can help of I blame myself” I sighed and looked back at him.
“If not for you do it for me please?” He nodded and the doctor came in.
“Katrina?” Ugh she said my full name. I hate that name with a passion.
“Um yeah that is me, what do you need?” I asked.
“Well your vitals look great and you are able to leave whenever you want you just have to sign these papers first” I smiled and signed the papers. Justin got my clothes for me and then sent Vic in to help me get dressed so I don't hurt myself in the process. We got all of my stuff and headed back to the bus.
“So they doctor told me that you should take it easy for about a week and that you should probably stay in bed” Vic said an I groaned while getting into our bunk.
“Well this fucking sucks dick, there is going to be nothing to do” I sighed and VIc giggled.
“You could do me” He said wiggling his eyebrows at me.
‘Wouldn't that fall under take it easy?” I asked
“What do you mean?” He asked
“Well for one I can’t really make sudden movements because of how much stomach fluid and blood I lost an two when is sex for us ever gentle?” He laughed.
“Thats true but that doesn't mean I can’t pleasure you” This boy is going to be the death of me I swear, but I still love him. Vic and I continued to talk for a while before we decided that we were going to watch the little mermaid. I ended up falling asleep with my head on Vics chest. I find his presence calming like a baby finds its mother’s heartbeat calming. I love this boy more than he could ever know and I owe him more than just my life.
7/21/13