I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my bestfriend.
Tear this place apart.
I decided just to push back what I was feeling the day the boys played The Boy Who Could Fly. I was probably just infatuated with Vic's voice anyways.. Today is Friday. Today will be the last day I will have to deal with kids at school for a whole weekend. I'm pretty excited about that. I was in the middle of getting ready when my phone buzzed.
From Unknown:
You better not show your face at school today, fatass. I promise you're going to regret it.
I sighed and walked into my bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I still had a bruise on my face from Ethan punching me. It was really bad, too. I started debating on whether or not I was going to go to school. I didn't really believe that anybody was going to try anything, but at the same time, I was afraid. I already missed half the day yesterday though, so I decided that I have to go today. I went over to my closet and pulled on an old gray and black hoodie, some skinny jeans and vans. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door, only to be greeted by Vic. Oh, here we go again..
"Carlee, I'm taking you to school today."
"Oh are you now?" I laughed. I couldn't help but be nervous, and I was probably going to embarrass myself. So I just got into the car and didn't say a word.
"Can I see your phone?" he asked.
"Vic. You're driving."
"I know, I can drive and look at your phone. Hand it to me." I sighed and handed him my phone.
"So why did you want my phone?" I asked as he unlocked it, tapping on my messages.
"No Vic. Don't." I said, attempting to grab my phone. He just pulled away and switched it over to his left hand. He knew I wouldn't reach over the steering wheel for it. He scrolled through all of my messages, shaking his head.
"Why the fuck are people so messed up?" he asked. I just shook my head in a disapproving nod.
"Vic it doesn't matter. Please give me my phone back."
"It does matter! These people are messed up. Calling you a fatass whore? No. That's not okay. I may not know you that well, but I know you well enough to know that you're not a whore and you're nowhere near fat. If anything you're too skinny." he said, poking at my stomach. I felt myself blushing, so I turned to look out the window.
"Well that's not what people at my school think." I replied.
"Well people at your school are stupid." I just continued looking out my window and I could see him glance at me every now and then from the corner of my eye. We got to the school and already I didn't want to be there. He turned off the car and I could feel him staring at me.
"Well, uh, thanks for the ride, Vic." I said awkwardly, flashing him a smile.
"Don't you want to wait for Tony and Jaime?"
"No. I'll be fine," I said, getting out of the car. "Thanks again." I closed the door and Vic pulled away. I walked a couple of steps before Ethan and a couple of other guys I didn't know approached me.
"Hey whore." he spat.
"Seriously Ethan, leave me the fuck alone." I said, pushing my way past him. He grabbed my arm and whipped me back.
"No. Guys, let's see how much of a whore she really is." he said, pulling me towards a random car.
"Fucking let me go!" I yelled, pulling away from him. I turned and was about to run when another one of the guys with him pushed me down.
"We all told you not to come here today. Too bad you don't listen." he pulled me up and threw me into the car, getting in himself. The rest of the guys got in and he drove off. And that's the last thing I remembered before I blacked out.
--
I woke up in a place I didn't recognize. I looked around and I was outside. I had no idea where I was though. I tried to get up, but I felt pain everywhere. I could barely move. My backpack was a couple of inches away from me, and that's where my phone was. Or I was hoping it was, at least. I tried scooting as close as possible to my bag, then extended my arm. Which was also very sore. I was able to grab my bag. I searched it and surely enough, my phone was there. I pulled it out to find it shattered even worse. I unlocked it and my first instinct was to call Vic. So that's what I did. It rang a couple of times before he answered.
"Carlee? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
"Vic," I choked out, barely able to talk. I felt tears falling from my eyes. I knew what happened. I knew it all too well. It wasn't the first time it happened.
"Shit, Carlee! Are you okay?!" I started sobbing, and I knew he could hear it. But I didn't even care anymore. I had no idea where I was, I was most definitely just raped, and I couldn't feel a bone in my body.
"No.. Vic I don't.. I don't know.. where I am," I said between sobs.
"Well get up and find out?"
"I.. I can't move." I cried. I tried moving and all it did was cause me more pain. I winced because of the pain and I just let my body relax. There was no way I was moving from this spot.
"What do you see? I'm going to try to find you. What happened?!"
"Uh.. I see.. trees.. I think I'm at a park.. and.. I'll tell you what happened later.."
"Okay.. um.. let's see, parks near Mission Bay High School. Mission Bay park? Is that it?"
"I think so.." I cried.
"Okay, I'm on my way. Are you okay? Are you seriously hurt?" Hearing him ask if I was seriously hurt made all new waves of pain start to take over, everything on my body was achy, I couldn't move my legs without screaming in pain. I'm sure I had a couple of broken bones somewhere.
"Vic I can't move.."
"Are there any people around you?" he asked.
"No.. there's no one around me.. I'm near a lot of trees, there's pavement next to me... I think I'm at the golf course part of the park.." I cried.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming. I'm almost there."
We sat there for a few minutes in silence until I heard wheels on the pavement.
"Is that you Vic? Are you here?"
"Shit, Carlee!" he yelled. I could hear his voice twice, one in person and one on the phone. He was here. He found me. He turned off his car and ran over to me.
"Oh my god, who did this?! What happened to you?" he asked, trying to pull me up. I screamed in pain and he let me down gently.
"Ethan. Ethan and his fucking friends.." I cried.
"Okay, I'm calling Mike, I'll have him come over here and call the cops. What did they do?" he asked, pulling out his phone and dialing Mike's number.
"Mike, get over to Mission Bay Park right now, Carlee is seriously hurt. Call the police for me please and tell them to come over here and to send an ambulance. I can't move her at all, I think she has some broken bones," ... "No, no, I don't know what happened," ... "Mike just get THE FUCK OVER HERE!"
Watching Vic get full of rage was really weird for me to see. He was so sweet and I've never seen him mad in any way. It was weird especially since I was the reason.
"Okay, so what happened?" he said, trying to calm down.
"Once you left.. I started walking towards the school when Ethan and some of his friends stopped me.. they said they wanted to see 'how much of a whore I really was' .. and then they pulled me into a car and trapped me inside, then I blacked out. I know they raped me though. Then they just threw me out.." I said, crying.
"I'm going to fucking kill that kid. I swear I will. That's so wrong, so fucking wrong! Carlee I'm so sorry, we'll turn them in.. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.." he said, petting my hair back.
"You don't deserve any of this. You are absolutely beautiful, you are so strong Carlee. I don't care what you think of yourself or what others may think of you. You are a beautiful girl." he said. I felt myself blushing. I couldn't help but think about how fucking disgusting I look right now.. or how disgusting I feel right now. I just started crying and Vic just sat there petting my hair back, trying to calm me down with gentle 'shh's.'
A couple of minutes later I heard police sirens getting closer and closer to us, and just before the police arrived Mike came. He jumped out of his car and rushed over to my side. He looked at Vic with wide-eyes. I must look terrible..
"What the fuck happened?!" he asked, looking at me and then back at Vic.
"Ethan and his friends, Mike. They fucking raped her and left her here." I closed my eyes, I was trying so hard to pretend like it didn't happen. I didn't want to see Mike's reaction, I just wanted to be taken far, far away from here. I heard Mike and Vic talking to the paramedics when they brought the stretcher over to me. I felt four sets of hands lift me up, causing me to scream in pain. They set me onto the stretcher as gently as possible, but it still hurt so bad. I winced and they pulled me into the ambulance.
I've seen this too many times.
--
I woke up in a hospital bed. It's Saturday morning and I can't even remember why I'm here. I'm not afraid though, hospitals have become my second home.. I sighed and pulled the blanket off of myself, revealing all of the bruises I had. I tried moving, but it was no use, it was too painful. Now I remembered why I was here.. I pulled the blanket back onto myself, I didn't want to see myself anymore. I just layed there and cried. I cried for everything that has happened these past few days. I was raped. I was used. I was thrown out onto the street. Who even knew if I would've gotten home if I didn't have Vic or Tony or Mike or Jaime? I tried getting up again, but winced in pain. I pulled my hospital gown up to see gauze wrapped around my ribs. I looked down at my legs and they were full of bruises. I didn't even realize till now that I had a cast around my arm. I'm guessing I had some broken bones?
"Hey, take it easy, you're okay." I heard a familiar voice. I turned my head to see Vic in a chair next to my hospital bed.
"I'm not okay Vic.. this is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone to school like they said.." I cried.
"No, it's fucked up that you can't even go to school without shit happening to you. None of this is your fault, Carlee. Stop blaming yourself."
"But it is my fault.."
"It's not your fault!" he yelled. I looked down to see a notebook in his hands.
"What's that?" I asked, nodding to his notebook.
"Oh, it's my lyric book.. I haven't been able to sleep so I just started writing down some lyrics."
"Why haven't you been able to sleep?" I asked.
"Because.. knowing that you're hurt.. and I could've helped you.. knowing what those disgusting, filthy poor excuses of human life did to you.. I couldn't help but think. My mind took control and I haven't slept." he replied.
"Vic.. don't worry about me. You couldn't have helped me. Don't worry about it. You helped me afterwards, and that's all that matters. I'm okay now." I couldn't help but be extremely happy that Vic stayed with me through the night. I just felt bad that he felt like he had to. It felt good knowing that he cared though.
"I'm not gonna stop worrying, Carlee. You don't deserve this bullshit."
"So what is even wrong with me..? Like what do I have?"
"Oh. Um.. you have 2 broken ribs and one fractured one, and your wrist is sprained. You have bruises almost all over your body.." he replied. I sighed and just layed back in defeat.
"How long do I have to be here for?" I asked.
"I don't know, they said maybe another night, but they might just let you go now. But all you're gonna be able to do is lay in bed."
"Beats being here.." I replied. He nodded and opened up his notebook, writing down some more lyrics. I sat there for a minute until a doctor came in.
"Hello Ms. Devore, I'm Dr. Andrade. How are you feeling?"
"Well.. I guess I'm pretty good. Do I get to go home today?" I asked.
"Yes, you may go home. You are fine other than your broken ribs and your wrist, so we want you to stay in bed for a few days, no school, nothing. We'll write you a note." I nodded and he walked out, coming back in with a notepad. He scribbled some stuff onto a paper and handed it to me.
I was released from the hospital, but I was barely able to walk. Vic looked over at me and noticed my struggle.
"Let me carry you." he demanded. I shook my head and tried to walk but it was too painful. I turned to him and he gave me a smirk.
"Okay." He pulled me up gently and it hurt while he was pulling me up, but once he got me positioned, it was a lot better than walking.
He carried me all the way to the car, and slowly set me down. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. The next 6 weeks we're going to suck.
--
A week had passed and the boys were all helping me. Mike and Vic had me stay at their house since they were home most of the time. I was downstairs laying on the couch watching Mike and Vic put some music together for the song Vic had been working on when I was in the hospital.
"Alright. We got it man. When Tony and Jaime get back we'll practice it."
"What is it called?" I asked.
"The New National Anthem." Vic replied.
"Oh, cool can I see the lyrics?"
"No. You'll hear it when we play it." Vic smiled. I nodded and we waited for Tony and Jaime to get back.
--
Drag my hand behind you like a chain behind a truck.
Sparks over your carpet while I chase you through the darkness.
Somebody's supposed to fall in love, but nobody even calls.
Somebody's supposed to...
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok.
Ugh, here we go again. Vic's voice was amazing.
Summer and gold throw their colors at the dark,
a mother tells her son, "Darling look at the sparks."
But you hold my attention without even trying.
A beautiful reflection from firework eyes,
Ugh. Beautiful.
But never means forever.
Desperation and hanging in the backyard at night.
Somebody's supposed to fall in love.
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok.
Love, don't forget to bleed so slowly.
Haunted hearts we melt over the fabric of your floor.
I'm holdin' her just like she's gold, but
I've been running from the sun. Oh no, no.
And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you,
I'm hoping that God looks away this time.
What..?
Why would I let you go?
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok. I had a feeling that this song wasn't just a random lyric song. These lyrics meant something to Vic, and now they mean something to me.
From Unknown:
You better not show your face at school today, fatass. I promise you're going to regret it.
I sighed and walked into my bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I still had a bruise on my face from Ethan punching me. It was really bad, too. I started debating on whether or not I was going to go to school. I didn't really believe that anybody was going to try anything, but at the same time, I was afraid. I already missed half the day yesterday though, so I decided that I have to go today. I went over to my closet and pulled on an old gray and black hoodie, some skinny jeans and vans. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door, only to be greeted by Vic. Oh, here we go again..
"Carlee, I'm taking you to school today."
"Oh are you now?" I laughed. I couldn't help but be nervous, and I was probably going to embarrass myself. So I just got into the car and didn't say a word.
"Can I see your phone?" he asked.
"Vic. You're driving."
"I know, I can drive and look at your phone. Hand it to me." I sighed and handed him my phone.
"So why did you want my phone?" I asked as he unlocked it, tapping on my messages.
"No Vic. Don't." I said, attempting to grab my phone. He just pulled away and switched it over to his left hand. He knew I wouldn't reach over the steering wheel for it. He scrolled through all of my messages, shaking his head.
"Why the fuck are people so messed up?" he asked. I just shook my head in a disapproving nod.
"Vic it doesn't matter. Please give me my phone back."
"It does matter! These people are messed up. Calling you a fatass whore? No. That's not okay. I may not know you that well, but I know you well enough to know that you're not a whore and you're nowhere near fat. If anything you're too skinny." he said, poking at my stomach. I felt myself blushing, so I turned to look out the window.
"Well that's not what people at my school think." I replied.
"Well people at your school are stupid." I just continued looking out my window and I could see him glance at me every now and then from the corner of my eye. We got to the school and already I didn't want to be there. He turned off the car and I could feel him staring at me.
"Well, uh, thanks for the ride, Vic." I said awkwardly, flashing him a smile.
"Don't you want to wait for Tony and Jaime?"
"No. I'll be fine," I said, getting out of the car. "Thanks again." I closed the door and Vic pulled away. I walked a couple of steps before Ethan and a couple of other guys I didn't know approached me.
"Hey whore." he spat.
"Seriously Ethan, leave me the fuck alone." I said, pushing my way past him. He grabbed my arm and whipped me back.
"No. Guys, let's see how much of a whore she really is." he said, pulling me towards a random car.
"Fucking let me go!" I yelled, pulling away from him. I turned and was about to run when another one of the guys with him pushed me down.
"We all told you not to come here today. Too bad you don't listen." he pulled me up and threw me into the car, getting in himself. The rest of the guys got in and he drove off. And that's the last thing I remembered before I blacked out.
--
I woke up in a place I didn't recognize. I looked around and I was outside. I had no idea where I was though. I tried to get up, but I felt pain everywhere. I could barely move. My backpack was a couple of inches away from me, and that's where my phone was. Or I was hoping it was, at least. I tried scooting as close as possible to my bag, then extended my arm. Which was also very sore. I was able to grab my bag. I searched it and surely enough, my phone was there. I pulled it out to find it shattered even worse. I unlocked it and my first instinct was to call Vic. So that's what I did. It rang a couple of times before he answered.
"Carlee? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
"Vic," I choked out, barely able to talk. I felt tears falling from my eyes. I knew what happened. I knew it all too well. It wasn't the first time it happened.
"Shit, Carlee! Are you okay?!" I started sobbing, and I knew he could hear it. But I didn't even care anymore. I had no idea where I was, I was most definitely just raped, and I couldn't feel a bone in my body.
"No.. Vic I don't.. I don't know.. where I am," I said between sobs.
"Well get up and find out?"
"I.. I can't move." I cried. I tried moving and all it did was cause me more pain. I winced because of the pain and I just let my body relax. There was no way I was moving from this spot.
"What do you see? I'm going to try to find you. What happened?!"
"Uh.. I see.. trees.. I think I'm at a park.. and.. I'll tell you what happened later.."
"Okay.. um.. let's see, parks near Mission Bay High School. Mission Bay park? Is that it?"
"I think so.." I cried.
"Okay, I'm on my way. Are you okay? Are you seriously hurt?" Hearing him ask if I was seriously hurt made all new waves of pain start to take over, everything on my body was achy, I couldn't move my legs without screaming in pain. I'm sure I had a couple of broken bones somewhere.
"Vic I can't move.."
"Are there any people around you?" he asked.
"No.. there's no one around me.. I'm near a lot of trees, there's pavement next to me... I think I'm at the golf course part of the park.." I cried.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming. I'm almost there."
We sat there for a few minutes in silence until I heard wheels on the pavement.
"Is that you Vic? Are you here?"
"Shit, Carlee!" he yelled. I could hear his voice twice, one in person and one on the phone. He was here. He found me. He turned off his car and ran over to me.
"Oh my god, who did this?! What happened to you?" he asked, trying to pull me up. I screamed in pain and he let me down gently.
"Ethan. Ethan and his fucking friends.." I cried.
"Okay, I'm calling Mike, I'll have him come over here and call the cops. What did they do?" he asked, pulling out his phone and dialing Mike's number.
"Mike, get over to Mission Bay Park right now, Carlee is seriously hurt. Call the police for me please and tell them to come over here and to send an ambulance. I can't move her at all, I think she has some broken bones," ... "No, no, I don't know what happened," ... "Mike just get THE FUCK OVER HERE!"
Watching Vic get full of rage was really weird for me to see. He was so sweet and I've never seen him mad in any way. It was weird especially since I was the reason.
"Okay, so what happened?" he said, trying to calm down.
"Once you left.. I started walking towards the school when Ethan and some of his friends stopped me.. they said they wanted to see 'how much of a whore I really was' .. and then they pulled me into a car and trapped me inside, then I blacked out. I know they raped me though. Then they just threw me out.." I said, crying.
"I'm going to fucking kill that kid. I swear I will. That's so wrong, so fucking wrong! Carlee I'm so sorry, we'll turn them in.. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.." he said, petting my hair back.
"You don't deserve any of this. You are absolutely beautiful, you are so strong Carlee. I don't care what you think of yourself or what others may think of you. You are a beautiful girl." he said. I felt myself blushing. I couldn't help but think about how fucking disgusting I look right now.. or how disgusting I feel right now. I just started crying and Vic just sat there petting my hair back, trying to calm me down with gentle 'shh's.'
A couple of minutes later I heard police sirens getting closer and closer to us, and just before the police arrived Mike came. He jumped out of his car and rushed over to my side. He looked at Vic with wide-eyes. I must look terrible..
"What the fuck happened?!" he asked, looking at me and then back at Vic.
"Ethan and his friends, Mike. They fucking raped her and left her here." I closed my eyes, I was trying so hard to pretend like it didn't happen. I didn't want to see Mike's reaction, I just wanted to be taken far, far away from here. I heard Mike and Vic talking to the paramedics when they brought the stretcher over to me. I felt four sets of hands lift me up, causing me to scream in pain. They set me onto the stretcher as gently as possible, but it still hurt so bad. I winced and they pulled me into the ambulance.
I've seen this too many times.
--
I woke up in a hospital bed. It's Saturday morning and I can't even remember why I'm here. I'm not afraid though, hospitals have become my second home.. I sighed and pulled the blanket off of myself, revealing all of the bruises I had. I tried moving, but it was no use, it was too painful. Now I remembered why I was here.. I pulled the blanket back onto myself, I didn't want to see myself anymore. I just layed there and cried. I cried for everything that has happened these past few days. I was raped. I was used. I was thrown out onto the street. Who even knew if I would've gotten home if I didn't have Vic or Tony or Mike or Jaime? I tried getting up again, but winced in pain. I pulled my hospital gown up to see gauze wrapped around my ribs. I looked down at my legs and they were full of bruises. I didn't even realize till now that I had a cast around my arm. I'm guessing I had some broken bones?
"Hey, take it easy, you're okay." I heard a familiar voice. I turned my head to see Vic in a chair next to my hospital bed.
"I'm not okay Vic.. this is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone to school like they said.." I cried.
"No, it's fucked up that you can't even go to school without shit happening to you. None of this is your fault, Carlee. Stop blaming yourself."
"But it is my fault.."
"It's not your fault!" he yelled. I looked down to see a notebook in his hands.
"What's that?" I asked, nodding to his notebook.
"Oh, it's my lyric book.. I haven't been able to sleep so I just started writing down some lyrics."
"Why haven't you been able to sleep?" I asked.
"Because.. knowing that you're hurt.. and I could've helped you.. knowing what those disgusting, filthy poor excuses of human life did to you.. I couldn't help but think. My mind took control and I haven't slept." he replied.
"Vic.. don't worry about me. You couldn't have helped me. Don't worry about it. You helped me afterwards, and that's all that matters. I'm okay now." I couldn't help but be extremely happy that Vic stayed with me through the night. I just felt bad that he felt like he had to. It felt good knowing that he cared though.
"I'm not gonna stop worrying, Carlee. You don't deserve this bullshit."
"So what is even wrong with me..? Like what do I have?"
"Oh. Um.. you have 2 broken ribs and one fractured one, and your wrist is sprained. You have bruises almost all over your body.." he replied. I sighed and just layed back in defeat.
"How long do I have to be here for?" I asked.
"I don't know, they said maybe another night, but they might just let you go now. But all you're gonna be able to do is lay in bed."
"Beats being here.." I replied. He nodded and opened up his notebook, writing down some more lyrics. I sat there for a minute until a doctor came in.
"Hello Ms. Devore, I'm Dr. Andrade. How are you feeling?"
"Well.. I guess I'm pretty good. Do I get to go home today?" I asked.
"Yes, you may go home. You are fine other than your broken ribs and your wrist, so we want you to stay in bed for a few days, no school, nothing. We'll write you a note." I nodded and he walked out, coming back in with a notepad. He scribbled some stuff onto a paper and handed it to me.
I was released from the hospital, but I was barely able to walk. Vic looked over at me and noticed my struggle.
"Let me carry you." he demanded. I shook my head and tried to walk but it was too painful. I turned to him and he gave me a smirk.
"Okay." He pulled me up gently and it hurt while he was pulling me up, but once he got me positioned, it was a lot better than walking.
He carried me all the way to the car, and slowly set me down. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. The next 6 weeks we're going to suck.
--
A week had passed and the boys were all helping me. Mike and Vic had me stay at their house since they were home most of the time. I was downstairs laying on the couch watching Mike and Vic put some music together for the song Vic had been working on when I was in the hospital.
"Alright. We got it man. When Tony and Jaime get back we'll practice it."
"What is it called?" I asked.
"The New National Anthem." Vic replied.
"Oh, cool can I see the lyrics?"
"No. You'll hear it when we play it." Vic smiled. I nodded and we waited for Tony and Jaime to get back.
--
Drag my hand behind you like a chain behind a truck.
Sparks over your carpet while I chase you through the darkness.
Somebody's supposed to fall in love, but nobody even calls.
Somebody's supposed to...
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok.
Ugh, here we go again. Vic's voice was amazing.
Summer and gold throw their colors at the dark,
a mother tells her son, "Darling look at the sparks."
But you hold my attention without even trying.
A beautiful reflection from firework eyes,
Ugh. Beautiful.
But never means forever.
Desperation and hanging in the backyard at night.
Somebody's supposed to fall in love.
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok.
Love, don't forget to bleed so slowly.
Haunted hearts we melt over the fabric of your floor.
I'm holdin' her just like she's gold, but
I've been running from the sun. Oh no, no.
And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you,
I'm hoping that God looks away this time.
What..?
Why would I let you go?
Tear this place apart until you find me hiding, silently I wait.
You'll be excited just to see me someday. Everything's ok. I had a feeling that this song wasn't just a random lyric song. These lyrics meant something to Vic, and now they mean something to me.
@Moshforfuentes
haha, aw! thanks. the stories over now, but there is a sequel. :) thank you though!
2/11/14