"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Ivory, happy birthday to you!" we all sang. "Blow out your candle, baby girl," Mike said as he leaned her closer to the candle with her on his lap. She blows out the candle as everyone awhs. She was my bundle of joy. "She's getting heavy, the fuck you feeding my neice, bro?" Mike asks looking at Vice with a huge smile on his face. "Frijoles!" Vic jokes out loud, which of course makes all the boys giggle like little school girls. "Cut the cake, mommy!" Tony yells as he jumps up and down like the little kid he is on the inside. As I cut the cake, I feel this wave of depression fall over me. Every piece I cut, the more the memories came back. My dad. My dad always had the best birthday parties for me. I missed him more than anything in the world. "Babe! You're bleeding!" Vic yelled as he pulled me away from the cake, to which Jaime jumped from his seat to crab a towel. It seems like I cut myself while wondering off into memory lane. Shit, I'm feeling it now.

In the emergency room, I find myself crying. Bawling. I asked to be alone before I did so. I am a horrible mother. I ruined my baby's first birthday. I am such a horrible mother.