Ainsley couldn’t tell anybody about her conversation with Bret. It had been nearly two days and she still had no idea what to think about his offer. She wished that she could just say no and be done with it, but she kept weighing the options in her mind, regardless of what her conscience was telling her.

She tried to think of the other options; other ways she could come up with more money. She didn’t have enough time for another job. She couldn’t give herself more hours because the other employees needed hours, too. She couldn’t ask Jaime for money because she didn’t want to take advantage of their relationship, especially when they had only been together for two months. She didn’t know what to do.

As she closed up the bakery after a long, ten-hour shift she reached up and traced her fingers over the name engraved on the heart that Jaime had given her for their anniversary. She had made it into a necklace, carrying Jaime’s name and his half of the heart just over where her heart was – even just being away from him a couple of days at a time was killing her now, but this necklace somehow made it better.

She needed to tell Jaime about this. She couldn’t keep secrets from him, especially when their relationship was still so new – that wasn’t something that she wanted to start so early on in something that could turn out to be a rather serious relationship. She needed to remember that Jaime was way different than her past relationship – Jaime was understanding and liked to hear about Ainsley’s life and her feelings. He wanted to be a part of everything, and Ainsley needed to remember to let him.

She walked into her house and heard giggling coming from Felicia’s room. But Felicia wasn’t alone. There was a deep chuckle mingling with her high-pitched laugh. Ainsley refrained from turning any lights on and silently placed her keys on the key-ring beside the kitchen. She slipped off her flats and left her purse right beside them. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to narrow-in her vision so she could see her way down the dark hallway. She tried to focus her hearing in on the laughter and murmuring, but she couldn’t hear anything specific.

Felicia was only fifteen years old, and the voice that Ainsley could hear down the hallway most definitely was a male voice. Felicia was far too young to be having boys over, in her bedroom, so late in the evening. Ainsley heard the laughter again and stopped her creeping in the middle of the hallway when she recognized the tone of the male’s voice.

Ainsley knew exactly who was in the bedroom with Felicia. Ainsley stood a bit straighter and marched straight into the bedroom, pushing open the door that wasn’t shut all the way. “Ken!” she shouted, not needing to see his face to know that it was, in fact, the sixteen year old boy that worked at her bakery.

The sight that was revealed in Felicia’s room sent panic coursing through Ainsley’s veins – she wasn’t a mother, she didn’t know how to handle this.

Ken was hovering over Felicia – they were still fully clothed but their position told her that they wouldn’t be for much longer if she didn’t stop them. “Ken!” Ainsley yelled again, since he apparently hadn’t heard her the first time. He immediately rolled over and fell off of the bed and scurried away from Felicia. His pants were unbuttoned and unzipped and he immediately rushed to close them back up.

Ainsley looked over to Felicia who was still a giggling mess. She was laying in her bra, her jeans were pulled down just a bit, but her eyes were nearly closed. Her skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat, and Ainsley immediately recognized how she looked. On the night that Felicia had called Ainsley for help, Jaime and Ainsley brought Felicia back to her house – she on something. She wasn’t drunk. Ainsley knew what it looked like to be drunk, and this was definitely something a lot stronger.

“What did you give her?” Ainsley immediately shouted at Ken. Ken put his hands up in defense. He seemed to be completely sober, and that only infuriated Ainsley more. Had he drugged her to try and get into her pants? “Answer me, Ken! What the fuck did you give-“

“I didn’t give her anything, I swear!” he shouted.

“She’s obviously on something!” Ainsley exclaimed. “Don’t fucking lie to me!”

She looked back over to Felicia who was now starting to groan instead of laugh. She was rolling around on the bed, very slowly, and she tried to lift her head but she couldn’t. She flopped back down after trying to sit up straight. The way her head was bending backwards as she tried to lift herself again made it look like she had no control over her neck. Ken immediately got up and placed a hand under her head to straighten it out and make her lay back down. “Fuck, she wasn’t this bad like ten minutes ago,” he said as he looked over her skin.

Her skin looked gray because she was so pale and sickly looking. Her hair was sticking to the sweat on her face and her eyes were dilated on unfocused.

“I swear I didn’t give her anything,” Ken said again. “She tried to give me something, but I declined. I didn’t see her take anything when I got here. She must have already taken it.”

“How long have you been here for?” Ainsley asked as she pulled out her cell phone. She searched for Jaime’s name – she needed him to drive over there as soon as possible to help her. Ainsley was hoping that maybe Jaime had been around something like this since he had been in a band, and it was common to see these things on tour.

“Maybe thirty minutes,” Ken said as he tried to think about it. “She texted me saying she wanted to hang out, and as soon as I got here she just started kissing me, so I went with it. I just thought maybe she was a little drunk or maybe high on like weed or something, but not like…fucked up.”

“She’s more than fucked up,” Ainsley said as he clicked on Jaime’s name in her phone. She pulled it up to her ear as it started to ring.

-

Ken stuck around for a while to help Ainsley while she waited for Jaime to get there. As soon as Jaime arrived, he bombarded Ken with a slew of questions and accusations, but got the same exact answers and story that he had given Ainsley.

“Have you been drinking?” Jaime asked.

Ken shook his head. “No, I’m completely sober. I’m not into that stuff.”

“Did you drive yourself here?” Jaime questioned. Ken nodded in response. “Good, go home. We’ve got it from here.”

Ken left right away, but not before doing a double-take to look at Jaime’s sleeve of tattoos. Once the door was shut, Jaime locked it and then walked into the guest bathroom and started to run a cold bath. “She’s over-heating. We need to cool her down. The cold water should also help to sober her up a bit. If not, we’re going to have to get her to throw up.”

“And then what if that doesn’t work?” Ainsley questioned as she removed Felicia’s jeans, leaving her in her bra and underwear so they could place her into the bath. Ainsley looked over to Jaime to wait for his answer.

“Well, if she’s still this bad or getting worse, then we’re going to have to take her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. She’s too young to try and sleep it off.” Jaime walked to Felicia’s bedside and bent down, ready to pick her up to bring her into the bathroom, but stopped suddenly and pulled his hands up to his face. He squeezed his face tightly and then pulled his hands down as he let out a frustrated and sorrowful groan. “Look,” he explained, pulling a finger down to point at her thighs.

Ainsley furrowed her eyebrows but then looked down at what Jaime was pointing at. On her thighs was an array of welted cuts – all still pink and puffy, just barely scabbing and a couple still bright red, glistening with blood that was still trying to dry. Some of them looked to be completely scabbed over, so they were a bit older. But Ainsley had seen Felicia in her bikini and those weren’t there before.

Jaime knelt down beside the bed and pushed her right leg over just a bit, as if trying to see something more clearly. “Oh my god,” he said softly. Felicia let out a small groan as she moved her head to the side, her hair completely covering her face. “Look at this.”

Jaime stood up and Ainsley knelt down where he was, moving her leg just as he did. More cuts were on the side of her leg, but this time, the wounds spelled out words. On the side of her thigh was the word “Hate” and then over to the side, closer to the other side of her leg was “Lonely”. The tail of the ‘y’ was dragged down, from the back of her leg almost all the way down to the back of her knee. The cut got thicker and deeper the further down it went. Ainsley couldn’t help the tears from falling from her eyes. Why didn’t she talk to her? Did Ainsley not ask Felicia how she was doing enough? Did they not mourn her father enough? Should Ainsley have done something else to help Felicia?

“Lonely,” Ainsley repeated the word very softly. The word hit her hard, because she knew the feeling. Her brother was kidnapped and killed. Her father drank himself to death. And her mother committed suicide. She grew up lonely – she knew the word all too well.

Felicia’s baby brother died, her mother killed herself, and then her father left her, too. He left her even before he had taken his life, and then her Aunt, the only person she had left – dumped her off, too. Sure Ainsley was there, and Jaime and the rest of the boys were there, but even with people there, she felt completely alone. Ainsley knew that feeling all too well, also. She still often felt like that, especially on the nights where Jaime was so far away from her while touring.

Jaime gently placed a hand on Ainsley’s shoulder, telling her that he was going to lift Felicia up now. Ainsley pushed herself away, her bottom remaining on the carpet. Jaime lifted up Felicia’s limp and barely conscious body and carried her into the bathroom.

Ainsley stood up and followed them toward the bathroom. She sat up on the counter, leaning her back up against the mirror on the wall as she pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around her calves. She watched as Jaime slowly lowered Felicia’s body into the tub. Felicia groaned, her whimpering slowly becoming a bit louder and coherent as she seemed to recognize the cold of the bath.

“Cold…” she managed to whimper. Her teeth began to chatter, but her eyes remained shut the entire time.

“We’ll let her cool down for a little bit,” Jaime said as he cupped some water into his hand and released it over the top of her head. The water fell over Felicia’s face, making her wince. Jaime used his hand to brush the droplets off of her face. He continued to gently stroke her face, clearing the hair that was sticking to her skin so her face was completely clear. He bent over and gently kissed her forehead.

Jaime sighed and backed away. He sat down on the toilet-lid and buried his face into his hands once again.

“What do you think she’s on?” Ainsley managed to ask, her voice coming out broken and weak because of her tears.

Jaime sighed loudly and shrugged, exaggerating the shrug so he had a double chin – a face that would usually make Ainsley crack a smile, but this time she just couldn’t manage to even give him half of an effort to smile. Not when Felicia was lying in the bathtub, her head slumped over to the side and her skin still pale.

Ainsley let out a shaky breath as more tears fell from her eyes. Felicia had grown to mean so much to her over just a short span of time. She had already grown to be a part of Ainsley’s life – she was family to her. Ainsley was dependent on Felicia’s company, her smile and talkative nature had left an imprint on her life. Because of Felicia, Ainsley was able to wake up every day with a different outlook on life – this young girl was so brave and strong. She should have known that something was eating her from the inside. Ainsley couldn’t help but feel that she should have taken more time to talk things through with her. They jumped straight into a new life of living together that they forgot to slow down and deal with what was in the back of their minds.

Ainsley lifted her head at the sound of the bathwater rippling against the sides of the tub as Felicia began to stir. She opened her eyes a bit wider, but still didn’t have much control over her neck and head. She sat up a bit straighter and lurched forward a bit. She was trying to get to the side of the tub to lean her head over. Tears slipped from her eyes as a small gagging noise came up from her throat. Ainsley immediately jumped off of the counter and helped to position Felicia’s body so she could comfortably lean over the edge while Jaime quickly grabbed the trashcan from beside the toilet and handed it over to Ainsley.

“I’m going to get some trash bags and napkins,” Jaime explained, jumping up and out of the bathroom while Ainsley made sure the trashcan was aligned correctly so Felicia could throw up into it.

“Go ahead,” Ainsley cooed as she gently rubbed over her shoulders with her left hand while her right hand held onto her hair. “Let it out,” she said softly.

Felicia shook her head, not wanting to throw up.

Jaime entered the room again, holding a couple of trash bags and a roll of paper towels. He pulled a couple off of the roll and handed them to Ainsley so she had them beside her. Before Jaime could kneel down on the other side of Felicia, Ainsley pointed at the hair tie that was sitting on the edge of the counter. He handed it over to her and Ainsley quickly pulled all of Felicia’s hair back into a messy bun so it would be out of the way.

Finally, Felicia gave in as her stomach lurched forward again. She allowed her stomach to clean itself out – trying to get rid of the toxins that she had infected it with. There wasn’t much coming out, which also worried Ainsley because she was afraid that she hadn’t been eating, either.

As if Jaime had read her mind, he looked over at her with sadness. Ainsley sighed and bowed her head. She couldn’t stand to see the pain in Jaime’s eyes, and she knew that hers looked worse, and she didn’t want to pain him with that either.

Felicia threw up for a few moments longer before she leaned back over the edge of the bath and allowed her body to slip completely under the water, rinsing her face off. She pushed herself back up very slowly, spitting water out as she resurfaced. Ainsley wanted to say something – to ask her what the hell she was thinking, but she didn’t want to stress her out so she decided to remain silent and just watch her.

Jaime flinched when Felicia started to scream. It wasn’t loud, and it didn’t startle him, necessarily. The scream was pained, broken, and it hurt his heart to hear. Her throat was scratchy from the vomit, and her voice was weak from her intoxicating state and sobs. Her body began to shake, making the water ripple and splash as she tried to pulled her legs up to her body. Her legs slipped back down, the heels of her feet weren’t able to stay up on the slippery surface of the bathtub. She instead placed her hands down on her thighs, trying to cover the cuts that she was now conscious of.

“I can’t,” Felicia muttered. “I don’t want to.” She began to cry harder, her body still weak and her eyes still drooping. The color was starting to come back to her skin, but she still looked terribly ill.

“Can’t what? Don’t want to what?” Ainsley asked softly as she reached out to cup Felicia’s cheek. She brushed away some of the tears with her thumb and felt her relax under her palm.

“Feel.” Felicia’s voice was so small and so broken that Jaime couldn’t help but let a tear slip. He quickly wiped it away before Felicia could notice, but Ainsley watched the entire thing, and she tried her hardest to not release her own wave of tears.

“Felicia,” Ainsley said softly.

“Hmm?” she hummed in response.

“Baby, what did you take?” Ainsley asked very softly, hoping that the question wouldn’t over-whelm her or embarrass her.

“Oxycontin,” she said softly.

“Why?” Ainsley replied, hoping that she could figure out what she was trying to accomplish with taking so many pills. She was afraid of what she was going to say – she was afraid that she was trying to take her own life.

Felicia’s face distorted for a quick second as the tears welled up once again, but she let out a breath and stopped herself so she could answer. “They help with pain.” Felicia slowly lifted her right arm and slowly placed her shaking hand over her chest – right above her heart. Her face wrinkled up once again, her eyebrows furrowed and the corners of her mouth plunged down toward her chin as her cheeks raised up high on her face, scrunched her eyes up as the tears slipped out. She dug her nails into her skin as she gripped at where her heart would be. “I wanted them to take away the pain.”

Ainsley tried not to let the tears fall, but she couldn’t help the ones that silently escaped. “Babe, they don’t take the pain away, they only numb,” she said softly. “Don’t do that again. It’s not worth all of this.”

“It was worth it,” Felicia muttered softly. “I would do anything just to escape it for a small while.”

“You should have talked to me,” Ainsley said softly. “I would have listened.”

“Talking makes it real,” Felicia cried. “I don’t want it to be even more real than what I feel.”

There wasn’t much else to say. Ainsley’s tears prevented her from thinking coherently as she stared at Felicia in the bathtub. Jaime suggested that Ainsley help her to shower properly and then brush her teeth and make sure she got something to eat.

As soon as Felicia was clean, she looked a lot better, and Ainsley could tell that she felt a lot better, too. Jaime sat in her bedroom, singing to her and talking to her while Ainsley went to cook something for all of them to eat. She made Felicia’s favorite – hamburgers stuffed with Macaroni and Cheese inside of the patty and homemade French fries. She brought her half of a burger just in case her stomach was still feeling weak. She didn’t want her to eat something too heavy and filling. She just needed to give her some fuel. They all sat on Felicia’s bed and ate, mostly in silence, but sometimes Jaime would make a silly face or crack a lame joke to try and get Felicia to smile just a bit.

As soon as the food hit Felicia’s stomach, she was out – sleeping soundly against Jaime’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her, lightly singing her favorite Pierce the Veil songs as she fell into a deep, and much needed slumber.

Ainsley retreated to her own room and showered, trying to wash away all of the events that had just occurred. She exited the shower and slipped on one of Jaime’s t-shirts and a pair of underwear before slipping under the blankets of her bed. She curled herself into a ball and tried to close her eyes and relax, but all she could see every time she closed her eyes was Felicia’s sickly form – slumped over and unresponsive. She looked like a corpse when she first found her, and the image frightened her and brought back her feelings of loneliness.

If Felicia left her life, she would have nothing. She was trying to be there for Felicia as much as she could, but maybe Ainsley had accidentally turned the situation around and was instead the one who was needing the company. Maybe she had neglected Felicia’s feelings in order to help heal her own emptiness. Felicia would go to barbeques with the boys. Felicia would tag along to all of Ainsley’s normal daily events, but it was never the other way around. Felicia never went with her to Anne’s house. Or to go do whatever Felicia wanted to do, and maybe that was what made Felicia so alone.

Suddenly, Ainsley felt that her life was empty. The thoughts of losing Felicia brought back the feelings of losing her own family. Nobody was there was congratulate Ainsley on graduating culinary school beside her friends. She had no family to shower her in presents and brag to their friends. She didn’t have any of that throughout her life, and thinking about how Felicia wouldn’t have that either made Ainsley cringe. Loneliness was inevitable, even in a life full of people.

Jaime slipped back into the room, immediately retreating to the bathroom to do just what Ainsley had done – he showered for a long while and then changed into a fresh pair of boxers before climbing in behind Ainsley. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. He pushed one of his legs in between hers, tangling them up. He kissed the side of her head and murmured something about how Felicia was okay.

Ainsley couldn’t stand the feeling of loneliness that was killing her insides. She turned her head back and caught Jaime’s lips into a strong kiss. Her desire was evident, and Jaime caught on quickly. He slipped his tongue between her lips, and with every stroke, Ainsley could feel herself forgetting about her problems.

Money.
Bret.
Felicia.
Loneliness.

They all seemed to melt away as Jaime’s tongue hit against her own and his hands slowly felt up and down her sides. She moved her body so she was straddling him. She leaned down onto him, chest to chest and continued to kiss him. His hands slipped down her bottom, his hands resting on her behind, pushing her up to deepen the kiss even more.

The kissing slowed down for a moment as the intensity seemed to turn. Ainsley’s eyes began to leak salty tears as her thoughts started to run once again and Jaime felt them against his face as they kissed. He pulled his tongue back, turning the kiss down into a passionate connection instead of a hungry kiss.

Their kissing eventually ceased, and Ainsley soon realized that the wetness on her face wasn’t only from her tears, but Jaime’s as well. She pulled away and looked down at his face, using her thumbs to gently wipe away the tears as she held onto his face. She placed one more kiss on his lips and then pulled away, studying his face once again.

“I love that girl,” Jaime muttered. “She’s really grown on me.”

“I know,” Ainsley said softly, exhaling as she spoke. “I know the feeling.”

They readjusted themselves, but never lost contact. Jaime laid flat on his back and Ainsley laid half on his chest and half on the mattress. She rested her head on his bare chest and tangled one of her legs in between his, similar to what he had done to her earlier. They laid in silence for a long time, each other them lost in their own thoughts. Ainsley thought about how much Jaime meant to her, and how much she needed Felicia in her life.

She wanted to know what Jaime was thinking about, but something told her that it was similar to what she was thinking.

Just before Ainsley slipped off in a slumber, Jaime took in a slow breath to get ready to speak. Ainsley woke herself up just a bit so she could listen to whatever Jaime was going to say.

“I don’t think I could ever live without you, Ainsley,” he said softly.

Ainsley smiled at his words, knowing that this was his way of letting her know what he was thinking, and thus confirming that Jaime was thinking about the same things as her. She also smiled because, in a way, Jaime was admitting to the severity of his feelings, and this meant they were one step closer to confessing to their love.

Before Ainsley allowed herself to become fully invested in her thoughts and analysis, she mumbled out a reply, her lips brushing against his chest as she spoke. “You’ll never have to.”

Notes

Sorry it took a while to get this out to you guys. I was having a hard time getting the words out - I wanted Felicia's dialogue to be perfect, and I am pretty pleased with how it turned out.

So much is building up in Ainsley's life, what do you guys think is going to happen in the next chapter?

I love hearing your predictions and such, so please leave them in the comments below. :) Love you all so much!