A Secret Love- Chris motionless and Ricky Horror slash

-Chris' POV-

He had stayed here for almost a week, but finally Ricky managed to claw his way out of my grasp and go home. We were done with all instrumentals, all that was left was for me to tidy up a few lyrics.

That week, however, was the best time I'd had since forever. The cliché phrase 'sex, drugs and rock n' roll' clicked perfectly into place: we'd had sex whenever my dick felt like it; Ricky was my drug- the more we had sex, the more I wanted him; we'd been pouring blood, sweat and tears into writing songs all day.

He was so fucking sexy and I have absolutely no idea why I didn't notice it before. If this is what being gay was like, then why the fuck had I been wasting my time side-stepping something so good? How was I able to resist his huge brown eyes glittering at me from across the table every time we went out with Angelo for chicken wings? I knew he would always stare, I just ignored him.

It had gotten to the point where simply thinking about him was turning me on...

I lay on my bed, listening to my favourite Bleeding Though album 'The Truth'; I needed some inspiration and I needed something to take me to a darker place since I was bursting with happiness. So far nothing stood out to me, aside from the tent my dick was starting to make in my pants.

I sighed, and put down my headphones. Maybe I should ask the guys? Hey, just a topic would motivate me right now. Sex was the only thing on my mind and I already had three full songs based off of that.

I left my room, locking the door behind me to prevent the cat from going in. No....heavens no it wasn't my cat. Our neighbour left her cat to run wild around our neighbourhood. This cat was alright though, seeing as it wasn't just a fat lazy ball of fluff that didn't like to do anything.

"Cup of tea?" I heard my mums voice ask from behind. I spun around and enloped her in a hug instantly.

"That's the best thing anyone's said to me all day. Yes thanks mom," I said, letting go of her. She adjusted her glasses and smiled up at me.

"Its about the only thing anyone has said to you all day. You should go out and get some fresh air. Why don't you take a break? You've been working so hard with Rick all week," she suggested innocently.

If she knew the kind of ways Ricky and I were "working" hard, then I don't think she would have said that I needed a break.

I kissed her temple and slid past her to jog down the stairs. "Okay mom."

"Oh and Chris...," she called, standing at the banister. She smiled widely when I looked back. "Thanks for yesterday. I'm so proud of you."

I smiled in return and walked into the kitchen where I saw the neighbors cat. I frowned, trying to shoo it back out of the flap. We used to have a dog, until it passed away. I really needed to boarder up that flap. Balz was good at that shit.

I punched a few numbers into my phone.

"What's up man?" Josh asked from the other side of the line.

"I've got a hole in my backdoor that needs bordering up. Be a dear and come over? " I asked, raising an eyebrow at the silent pause that ensued. "Balz, you there? "


"That was a horrible pick up line. I feel like you've stolen my virginity from me," he snorted, laughing a little.

"Shut up! That's gross. When are you free?"

“I’ll be over in a half hour,” he informed me, hanging up.

“I’ve been meaning to sort that out for a while now, thanks honey,” my mum handed me my tea and patted my shoulder before heading out.

Last night I had taken my whole family out to dinner. I hadn’t really been home much, but since I'd returned I learned that my mother was planning on re-marrying. Her fiancé had two kids of his own- which would be fucking weird to get used to. The kids were much younger; one was in middle school and the other had just started high-school. They came to the dinner, along with my father who looked downright uncomfortable. He was living on his own in another part of Pennsylvania and just came down to see me. I think the news of my mothers engagement was as new to him as it was to me.

I told them all to dress formally and took them to the most expensive restaurant in the area. Maybe it was just an excuse to wear the new grey suit I'd bought from Australia, but I didn’t care. I didn’t see them much so splashing out like that wasn’t exactly showing off.

Okay, maybe a little.

I sipped my tea and continued to jot down a couple of topic ideas. Writing about another movie perhaps? What about writing about home? Family?

My mind wandered away from lyrics and I caught myself doodling. I’d written Ricky’s name all over my sheet and drawn his face about ten times. One whole day away from him and I was already lonely.

Just as I was thinking this, my mobile rang. I looked at the callers I.D. with anticipation, and sighed when I saw it was just Angelo.

“Hey man,” I said.

“Hey, Ricky and I are gonna grab some wings for lunch. Wanna stop by? Ricky’s been talking about you all day man I think he misses you,” I could hear the smirk on Angelo’s face. We hadn’t told the guys about us yet. I don’t think I wanted to anyway, not until I knew exactly why I was doing what I was doing. To be perfectly honest, what we had between us was so strong right now I think it would weird the guys out.

“Of course he does, anyone would wanna be anywhere else if they had to live with you.”

“Shut up man! So are you coming or what?” He snorted.

“No man, I’ll have to skip the wings. I’m on a diet anyway.”

“Fine bro, come visit us whenever,” Angelo huffed, hanging up. I scratched my head- had Ricky really been talking about me?

I had never been in such a secretive relationship before. I know it wasn’t healthy, but it gave me a sort of thrill. It wasn’t as if I didn’t trust my friends to be accepting- the whole fucking band knew Ricky liked me. It was almost a year ago that he had confessed to me. We were all surprised at the time, but the poor guy had to fess up because he had a habit of talking out loud in his sleep.

What had changed since then and now? Nothing much, aside from the fact that as soon as I was confessed to I could see through all of Rick’s actions and reactions. From his hand shaking every time I passed something to him, to him holding his breath when I put my arm around his shoulder- it was like he had everything written across his forehead. Soon I found myself thinking about him
so much that I became curious. There was even a period when I would sit up at night and listen to him whimpering my name, wondering what he was imaging me doing to him.

Then things got dangerous; we played truth or dare and one thing led to another. I knew it was wrong of me to play with him like that, but I can be a selfish bastard when I wanted to be. It wasn’t what I expected though, experiencing the need to be latched to him in any way possible.

Was it possible that I was leading him on? I found him incredibly adorable, especially when his eyes always screamed at me to touch him. But had I even considered his feelings? My feelings even?

I sighed, running my hands through my hair and glancing at my reflection in the adjacent window. What exactly about me was Ricky so attracted to anyway?

(((oOo)))

A few weight exercises and press-ups later, I headed for a quick shower. Josh had taken way more than half an hour, so I decided to kill time. I could see no work getting done today.

I let the hot water steam up the shower first before I stepped in. The warm liquid ran down my naked body in a relaxing way, washing away the stress of deadlines and work. Instead, my thoughts ran to yesterday morning when Ricky and I sat in the tub together. We had a large enough bath to fit two small people in, but my legs were way too long to make that comfortable.

The two of us made it work though. I remember grabbing his hips and tugging him to straddle my waist while facing me. He kept slipping backwards so often because the bath was slanted, so I had to sit with my knees up. Easily it was the second most connected I'd ever felt to him, aside from being inside of him of course.

Fuck, just thinking about how his adorably small hands clamped my shoulders so tightly, as I whispered god knows what into his ear, made me hard.

I stroked myself slowly, re-living that heated moment where I'd turned into a mere creature of lust. That guy would be the death of me.

“Chris! I’m heading out to the shops. Need anything?” my mother called from the other side of the door.

I gasped, gritting my teeth to keep myself from sounding strange. “No, see you later!” I called.

I held my breath until I heard the front door close. When I was alone again I grabbed hold of my cock, tugging on it harder and pumping it more roughly. “Ah, fuck you Rick!” I cursed, backing into the shower wall. “Mmmmm, fuck yeah…”

After a few minutes, I released my seed and watched it get washed away down the drain. Ricky and his fucking adorable ass. Fucking hell, had it really come down to this? This was all happening way to fast for my liking. I liked a guy.

I was almost obsessed; this wasn’t just mindless sex.

(((oOo)))

I had just stepped out of the bathroom after washing my hair when I heard the doorbell. Josh- it had taken him long enough!

I grabbed some boxers and pulled on a pair of clean board shorts before the bell rang erratically.

"Shut up!" I growled, knowing no one could hear me. Screw finding a vest, I needed to draw my face on.

I retrieved my thin brush and used the remaining black makeup already on it to draw my eyebrows. After a minute I was ready to go.

I tossed my hair towel around my shoulders and jogged down the stairs, gritting my teeth as I bared the continuous ringing in my ears.

"What. The. Fuck?" I greeted Balz at the door, resting a hand the door frame above my head as I caught my breath.

"Hey man, I'm sorry I'm late, I promised I'd take this one to work this afternoon," Balz told me, referring to the girl next to him. There was something familiar about her.

"Nice to see you again Chris," she laughed nervously, clutching her sleeve. Ah, I remembered her now, she worked at Josh's favourite tattoo parlour. He had been crushing on this girl for the longest time and I think he only went there because of her. It was heartwarming to see that they kept in
touch.

I stopped frowning and offered her the friendliest smile I could muster. "Forgive me, I've forgotten
your name..."

"Chris, remember Ryan? She works at tattoo elecktric," Josh hinted.

"Yes I do, it's nice to see you again," I lent down to offer her a hug, but she instead grabbed my extended hand and shook it with a strong grip. I couldn't help but smirk- Balz had picked himself a tough one.

I shook Balz's hand while I was at it, picking the hand that wasn't carrying his tool box. Ryan was also holding a plank of wood.

"Thanks for the help guys, I really appreciate it."

"No trouble at all," Balz smiled, walking in.

(((oOo)))

My younger friend finished the job pretty slowly since he had to chisel down the wood to the correct size. I got to know Ryan a bit better and now I really couldn't see why Balz was in love with her. It seemed that she had a boyfriend already, which was news to me. The boyfriend didn't have a job though and was basically living at home, leeching off her.

"Why doesn't he just join the job centre and get them to find him something?" I pried. Wondering why she couldn't see that he was probably using her.

"Because he wants to be in a band. It's only a loan until he starts making money, " the girl shrugged, her perfectly carved eyebrows scrunching into a little frown.

I went silent. Balz would treat her so much better than that guy, but I decided not to stick my nose in further. I changed the topic of our conversation to tattoos.

They both left after lunch. My mum had cooked enough 'lunch' for me to feed a family. This is why I never stayed at my own apartment when I had time off touring.

(((oOo)))

After running some errands at the bank and stopping by to visit a few old friends, I returned home exhausted. It went from the extreme of being recognised by every other kid that walked past, to the extreme of not be recognised at all by my personal banker. Yes, I look a little different from my passport since its like fucking fives years old now, but I know for a fact that I'm recognisable.

Even wearing a suit isn't good enough if you have tattoos to be taken seriously. At least the manager wasn't stupid and allowed me to access my account.

I went straight into my kitchen, which was full of teenage girls. They all looked at me strangely when I walked in. With my sister having such a healthy complexion and curves, they probably weren't expecting a skinny tattooed giant in a suit to just stroll in. I smiled at them politely and walked across the room to flick the kettle switch on. It only took a few seconds to re-boil.

"Chris! You got home late, can you help us with our homework?"

"Your ... brother right? She told us you were really good with literature!"

"I'm a really huge fan, can you sign my book for me ...oh please!!!"

"Oh my god.... its really him...."

They all stopped talking at once when I approached the table and sat down with a mug of fresh coffee. This was just what I didn't need, but since one of them wanted my autograph I swiftly swiped her book over to me and retrieved a pen from my top pocket.

"Where do you want me to sign it? What's your name?" I asked, looking the girl in the eye. I could see her gritting her teeth tightly so I offered her a small smile. .

"I'm Katy....and can you sign the front cover..." she whispered, trailing off as she looked down to her lap. I rose an eyebrow since I could tell that the book was school property, but flicked to the front cover regardless. I gasped.

They were reading the crucible.

I slapped my forehead dramatically and waved my plans of dropping by Angelo's and Ricky's apartment goodbye.

((oOo))

I helped Danny and her friends with their essays for an hour or two. I retired to my bedroom when I was no longer needed, shaking my head the whole way. My sister really did know how to take advantage of me. I smirked to myself, imagining Ricky slapping me for what I did to those kids. I forced them to write a really deep and dark essay, seeing as their teacher wanted them to write about the relevance of the book to McCarthyism and also modern day life. What a fucking coincidence, then again I was probably set the same essay when I was in their class... and probably by the same old teacher.

I leapt into bed, pulling out my phone and texting Ricky. He had gone silent on me all day which wasn't completely abnormal, but he usually kept silent when he had something important on his mind.

And we were on fucking holiday. I knew he was probably thinking about 'us' too deeply. All I wanted him to do was feel...to feel me. Not 'us'. I wasn't sure if 'us' was the right way to think in our situation at all. We spent every waking moment with each other on the road- it would be much healthier to just do what felt comfortable and natural.

Having sex with him was as easy and as essential as breathing air- that much I would not deprive myself from accepting. I knew I had a lot of thinking to do...but to be honest, there was an authoritative voice in my head warning me not to go there.

I let my fingers swipe over my touch screen effortlessly. "Fuck you." I pressed send and waited for his response.

Instantly the phone rang and I picked it up before the first ring ended. "Ricky!"

"No dude, this is Angelo. I need to see you. Now. I'm outside your house, are you in?"

I laughed nervously, I must have sounded too desperate. "Yeah sure, want me to come out?"

"Na, let me in. I have my girlfriend in the car. Besides I need to talk to you face to face."

I scratched my chin, contemplating telling him to go back home and see me tomorrow. Why? Well because I'd been best friends with the guy for a fucking decade and I knew he knew me well too. That meant he'd depicted the puzzle and fitted the pieces together neatly. All he needed now was my side of the story which I wasn't ready to give.

I had to drag myself to the front door, really not in the mood to make any excuses or eloquent lies.

When I opened it the dude was already there, his hood up over his head even though it was a million degrees outside. He wasn't happy.

I stepped aside for him, catching a glimpse of his girlfriend in the car. Why he felt the need to do this at midnight I didn't know.

"In case you were wondering, me and Kelly are going to Hawaii early morning. We're just on our way to a hotel near the airport."

"Oh that's great. Hope you guys have a great time...."I trailed off, unsure of the necessity of the intense aura radiating from my old friend and seeping its way into my recognition.

"Chris, can we talk. I'll just get to the point, it's about you and Ricky."

I gave him a look of murder before he continued running his mouth off. There were five giggling girls in the kitchen. Girls liked to gossip and who knew where my mother was- she had to be lurking around in the house somewhere.

"Shut the fuck up, follow me," I ordered him, giving him another look before turning my back and walking two steps at a time up to my room. Angelo kept up with my pace and was right behind me when I entered, closing the door after himself.

"I'll tell you two reasons why I know. One main reason is the look of death you just gave me and the sudden secrecy you think this conversation needs..."

I opened my mouth to defend myself but he cut me off. "And secondly, you've turned the boy into a complete mess."

I shut my mouth instantly. A short silence ensued, with me caught up in meaningless thoughts trying to make sense of the situation. So the guy storms into my house... to test me? And now he tells me there's something wrong with Ricky.

"What's...the matter with him?" I asked carefully, trying not to tread on the fine line that seemed to be itching to snap any second.

"That's what I wanted to know Chris. And don't you think for a second that I'm leaving this room until you fess up."

"What the fuck do you want know and why?" I asked, his attitude rubbing off on me.

A painful silence. I grew irritated as I watched Angelo stare at the wall ahead of him sternly, his zipped mouth making a thin line.

"You're...killing him Chris. You're killing him," came his meek response eventually. The long haired man ran both of his hands over his face in an exasperated fashion. I sucked in air to add to the breath that I was already holding, burning my lungs.

I rested my back; slumping against my door in defeat. Angelo made his way over to my bed and sat down.

"Chris, I'm going to tell you my point of view okay? Feel free not to register a word I say, but I'm just doing this because I really care about you both. You guys are my brothers. I'm not against you being with each other in that way, to be perfectly honest I'm supportive to an extent. It's just....he's your friend man..."

"I know-" I tried to interject, but like lightening he snapped at me.

"I know you know, but you haven't thought about it properly!" he shouted, his voice cracking before his rested his face in his hands. Why the hell was he getting emotional?!

"Dude you are fucking scaring me. Just tell me what is so wrong here?! Ricky came to me first. He likes me! You know it, everyone knows it! What's so wrong about us being together?"

"It's simple Chris," he grumbled lowly. I scooted closer to him, tired of straining my ears to hear his muttering. "You're going to end up HURTING him. Have you even thought about your own feelings? I know he's no different in your eyes than the other girls you've been with. But the thing
is...this person is your best friend! When this 'thing' you guys have ends...its going to be absolute hell for the band!"

As Angelo's verbal beating got harsher and harsher, I tightened my fists. Maybe it was something about the night time that made me loose my temper, but the guy in front of me was treading on that thin line.

"Why Chris? Why did you go there when the kid fucking worships the ground you walk on!? He's so in love with you. Did you know that? You're killing him by leading him on...even he knows that
you're not thinking straight and it is hurting him! You are HURTING him right now as we speak!"

"I'm not stupid! Of course I've considered these things!" Even I could tell I was half lying to myself.

Angelo's face softened. "Well as long as you know what you're doing, I trust you man. I really do. But please do me a favour while I'm gone," he asked, getting up and quickly scooting over to my door. "Don't leave him on his own in that house. Just...I'm scared. Usually I wouldn't leave but me and Kelly have been looking forward to this trip for months."

He moved to open the door but I clamped my hand on his, stopping him. "You said I was killing him....why would you put it like that? What's so wrong with him liking me? I'm acting on my feelings....and I want him Angelo. I may have just been trying it out initially but now that I have him...I can't stop."

"Maybe it's better if you forced yourself to stop right now, for his sake. Otherwise it's not gonna be pretty. We're in a band remember? Shit will hit the fan when D-day comes for him." The sad expression in Angelo's eyes made me back away from him.

"Let me tell you something. Even though it's not my place to be telling you this...I think it's the right thing to do. Once I've told you, just sleep on it if you can."

I nodded my head slowly.

"You haven't been listening to me clearly. He loves you Chris...he...his feelings are sincere man.
And I know for a fact that you haven't seen it. I've noticed it for a while- the way he is around you, it's so obvious. But with you fooling around with him it's made him realise it too...I don't think he knew it before and..."

Another pause. He was dragging his explanation out painfully, stroking his beard every other second. Inside, I was literally swimming in my own exasperation and dread.

He finally looked me in the eye. "He...I walked in on him. He didn't see me. It would have been too awkward to confront him."

"What...so you walked in on him masturbating?" I asked dumbly, not sure where he was going with this. What I didn't expect was to be slammed right into my door and a handful of my shirt to get toughed on roughly.

I came to my senses and glared down at Angelo, patiently waiting for some form of reason.

"He was screaming your name over and over and over Chris. But it sounded odd. I pushed the door open to see if he was alright and he really fucking wasn't, okay?" his voice cracked a little and his shoulders slumped. "Dude, break up with him before you destroy him. He's confided in me so many times about his feelings for you over the years. To see his wishes finally come true but to know the harsh reality of how this is gonna end because you are a fucking monster of a person when it comes to relationships....it's painful for me too!"

His grip got weaker until he let go of my shirt all together. I watched blankly as one tear from the mass building up in eyes escaped.

"Why...why?" I repeated robotically. Just why? What did I do wrong?

"He was screaming your name, but he was crying so hard at the same time Chris. He was literally in hysterics," Angelo answered me weakly. "He was touching himself so much....in ways I've had to erase from my memory. But the point is...he was crying so hard. Just talk to him properly Chris. I know you care about him, even as just your friend. So please, don't let him stay on his own in that house. I'll leave it to you brother."

He walked up to me, patting me on the back before heading out. My legs literally gave way after I heard the front door close.

A mess like this could be sorted so simply.

He just needed to be with me. He just needed to appriecate how much I wanted him. Like every good relationship, thing's had to go slow. If what Angelo said was true....then Ricky was in love with me.

Usually, when girls of the past had confessed love to me I'd feel pressured, burdened or just downright annoyed by it. I would have the extra responsibility of reminding her of how much I cared about her everyday...I'd have to organise things and the girl would never put in any work thereafter. Especially her.

Even though I wasn't over what she did...with Ricky it was so much...

Ricky. I had no idea that he loved me like that. I thought it was just a silly attraction that could be worked out of our systems eventually.

But I caught myself grinning widley after Angelo left. He loved me. Loved.

My smile grew legs and ran from one ear to the next.

He fucking loved me. Never in my life had that realisation bought any joy to me until now. It was a foreign feeling that I had only tasted once.

But I could taste it strongly in my chest. A sweet taste of knowing that, if I allowed myself, I could fall in love with him too. Then we could ride that sickening love train together.

If.

"Shit..." I cursed when I remembered the stupid text I had sent Ricky ten minutes before. I scrambled through my pocket and scanned for new messages. One new one from him.

'You will be, in my dreams anyway. My bed feels colder than usual... :'('

I felt my heartstrings threaten to snap. Ricky was killing me right back.

(((oOo)))

Notes

I took forever to update didn't I? Sorry -_-'

Thought I'd allow you insight into Chris' point of view...which is probably why I took so long- he's a mysterious (and sexy) man. So keeping him in character was a feat doomed to fail. So writers block came. Fuck it I tried.

Since this chapter was horrifyingly clean, I'll post a dirty one soon. As long as this chapter is shown enough love of course *wink wink* ;)