Lyla's P.O.V:


All I could see was his face. I was running as fast as I could, but everywhere I turned there he was. I couldn't escape him. I ran through the dense forest; I could hear his footsteps close behind me. I saw a cliff in front of me and I skidded to a stop just in time. I stared down into the immense nothingness that lay below, watching as a few rocks tumbled over the edge and disappeared into the abyss. I could hear the distinct sound of his breathing getting closer and closer; I had no choice. I turned around to face him. He licked his lips and smiled at me. I smiled back before I threw myself off of the cliff. I was falling fast and I tried to relax as I waited for the impact, but it never came. I continued to fall further and further as memories of my life floated around me. I watched my life go by in front of my eyes; I tried to cry but no tears would come out. I shut my eyes tight trying to block it all out, every single bit of it, good or bad. I was ready to hit the ground, I was ready for it all to end. My body began to slow its descent, and I came to rest in a stronge pair of arms; they felt warm and familiar, they felt like Vic's. A smile spread across my face and I opened my eyes. "Gotcha!" It wasn't Vic. It was him. Derrik. He had found me. I opened my mouth and screamed as loud as I could, struggling to get any sound to come out at all.


"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! Get off of me!!! Help me, please don't touch me!!! Leave me alone!!!! Stop it!!!!" I yelled as I flailed my body around trying to get him to release his hold on me.


"LYLA!! Lyla it's me, it's Austin. It's okay, Lyla! Lyla" I heard a different voice yelling. I felt a pair of strong hands grab my arms to stop me from squirming, but I couldn't get my eyes to open to see what was really happening.


"Stop, please. Just please don't, it hurts," I was whimpering now. I could feel hot tears stinging my cheeks.


"LYLA!!!" I heard my name once more and I forced my eyes open and I sat up quickly struggling for air. I was drenched in sweat, my body shaking. "Hey, hey, you're alright. You're safe now, I'm here." I felt a pair of tattooed arms wrap around me, pulling me in his lap. For the first time in a long time I felt safe; I knew it was Austin. I could smell his cologne, and as he leaned my head on his chest I could hear the familiar, erratic sound of his heartbeat. He stroked my hair and gently rocked me back and forth. I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down. It was just a dream........


As I recovered from the nightmare I started to feel sick; my head was pounding, the light hurt my fragile eyes, and my mind was screaming at me begging for a fix. My body felt almost lifeless and I was more exhausted than I have ever been even though I had just slept for Lord knows how long. I grabbed at Austin's shirt as he continued to hold me and rock me. I clenched it tight in my fists and I felt myself drifting back off to sleep.


"Don't leave me," I whispered. He kissed the side of my head.


"Never," he whispered back. I drifted back off into sleep hoping that my memories would leave me alone this time.


----------


"Are you sure we shouldn't wake her?" I could hear the faint sound of someone talking, but it sounded far away.


"No, leave her be," Someone respond, the voice sounded louder than the last. I was starting to come to again.


"Austin," I whispered out. Immediately I felt the arms that were around me tighten their hold and I opened my eyes to see Austin still holding me.


"I'm here, Lyla," he responded.


"I'm so sorry," I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn't believe the mess I had gotten myself into to.


"Shhh, I know. It's alright," he said, his voice soft.


"Are you hungry, Lyla?" Alan asked and I turned my head and looked at him. I nodded my head in response and he stood up. "Okay, I'll go get some food. Be right back." He walked out of Austin's room and made his way down the stairs and out the front door.


"How do you feel?" Austin asked.


"Disgusting, filthy, ashamed," I muttered knowing that wasn't the answer he was looking for. He was really quiet. "And my head feels like it's going to explode. And all I can think about is how bad I want some-" I paused when I remembered that he had no idea what I had been doing. I scooted off of his lap and sat with my back against the headboard, pulling my knees into my chest. He moved over so he was sitting directly in front of me, and he crossed his legs as he looked at me. I couldn't force my eyes to meet his, especially after how I had treated him the last time we spoke. I could tell that he wanted to ask me about it, but he seemed hesitant.


I didn't ask for help last time and look what happened.......I forced the screaming in my head to stop, took a deep breath, and let the words flow out of me no matter how much they hurt, no matter how much it was killing me.


"That man.......he's a photographer," I muttered as I stared down at my knees. I could see Austin's gaze fall on me; he seemed surprised that I had spoken. A tear slid down my cheek. I wanted nothing more than to force this all back inside and find something to ease the pain, but I wouldn't let myself lose control again. "A few weeks ago I took a modeling gig for GQ. I didn't want to model anymore, but I didn't have any money to pay my bills so I agreed. He was the photographer that day, and after the shoot he......." I choked on my words. Austin grabbed my hand with his and I looked up at him. He moved his free hand to my face and wiped at my tears. "He cornered me in my dressing room and he raped me," I whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible. Austin squeezed my hand really tightly and I knew he had heard. He looked away from me so I couldn't see the anger in his face, and his body tensed.


He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down.


"Why didn't you tell someone, Lyla?" He asked as he looked at me once again.


"I tried at first. I called Vic and he ignored my call and sent me to voicemail. And then I called you and-" I paused knowing that after he heard this he would blame himself. I didn't want that; it wasn't his fault. He looked into my eyes begging me to continue. "You were on a date and told me you would call me back." His eyes glazed over with sadness and his body deflated. He leaned his forehead on my bent knees and I ran my hand absentmindedly through his dark hair.


"Lyla." He whispered my name quietly and then paused.


"I hated myself in that moment. I felt so alone and all I could feel was pain. I tried to take it away....." I stopped and looked down at the scars that lined my upper thigh, Austin lifting his head and following my gaze. He reached his hand up and traced over them lightly. "It didn't work like it usually did. I had met Amy that day and she had invited me to go out with her and some friends. I had turned her down earlier, but I felt like it was my only option. When we got to the club they were doing drugs and it made me really uncomfortable. Amy assured me that it would take the pain away........I felt like I had no choice. So I did it.....and it worked." Austin stroked my bruised cheek with his hand as he looked at me.


"What did you take?" He asked. He wasn't mad or angry. Just worried. I looked away from him.


"Cocaine," I whispered and I heard him inhale sharply. "The only time I felt okay, the only time I could forget about what had happened was when I was high. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I didn't want to hurt anymore. I felt like if I didn't party with them I would be alone. Vic was ignoring me, and I didn't want to bother you anymore." Everything I was saying was true, but I had never said any of it outloud before. "And last night I showed up at the party and he was there, looking at me and drooling over me and I couldn't handle it. That's when I called you. And as I tried to leave he caught me and put me in that room and he took my clothes off and gave me those drugs that I didn't want and-" I started to get frantic again as last night played on repeat in my mind. Austin practically jumped up and moved next to me pulling me into his arms. I cried for a while, but willed myself to stop. "Thank you for saving me even though I didn't deserve it," I said.


"Lyla, there is nothing that you could say or do to me to make me stop loving you. I will always be here for you no matter what, okay? I'm sorry for what you've been through," he replied.


"I'm sick of this person I've become, Austin. I hate feeling so sad and helpless all the time. I don't want to be this person anymore, it's too exhausting," I muttered. "I need to fix myself and become the person I've always wanted to be. I need to change."


We sat for a while in silence. The screaming agony was creeping back into my mind but I didn't let it show, no matter how hard it was to fight off.


I was determined to be the version of myself that I should be.


I wouldn't let it pull me under anymore.