What's So Good About Picking Up the Pieces?
Chapter Eighteen.
Lyla's P.O.V:
I'm not sure how long I had been alone in the bus when the guys finally came piling in. It felt like hours, though it was probably more like 15 minutes or so. Over my music I couldn't hear much, but I could feel the bus moving as they all stomped around. I prayed that they would leave me alone, but of course God was too busy to do me just one solid.
The curtain ripped back, and though I was facing the wall I could tell it was Austin as he took a seat on the edge of the bunk. I could hear him trying to talk to me, but I chose to ignore him, turning my music up even louder. After a while he yanked my headphones out of my ears. I turned towards him and gave him a death glare, not really on purpose: I wasn't mad at him, but I just wanted to be alone.
"What, Austin?" I barked at him angrily. He looked surprised at my sudden outburst.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay..." he responded hesitantly.
"Abso-fucking-lutely," I said, flashing him a fake, angry smile before turning and facing the wall again. I heard him open his mouth as if to say something, but he just sighed and got up, forcefully pulling the curtain shut behind him. I laid there for a while as the bus began the short drive to the venue. I reached to put my headphones back in my ears but stopped when I heard my name murmered quietly from the front of the bus. I direction my attention towards the hushed conversation.
"I just feel like I should quit trying. She's not letting me in anymore so what's the point?" Austin questioned.
"She's just having a hard time, man. Cut her some slack," Tino responded.
"But she's not doing anything to try to change it! She's been moping around for weeks. Everyday it's something new with her, and it's getting exhausting. She's not the same girl she used to be..." I felt tears begin to fall silently from my eyes as I listened to Austin's harsh words. I had no idea that's how he really felt about me, how he really saw me.
I was used to this by now, though, but that didn't mean it hurt any less; people always said they cared and they would never leave, but they always changed their minds.
People always leave.
There was a short silence before Austin spoke again.
"Maybe this was a mistake, bringing her here. I thought it would be good for her, that it would help her, but it's only made things worse. I feel like I put too much pressure on her and she can't handle it." I was practically drowning in my tears at this point.
I had pushed everyone away, everyone that once cared about me: Mike, Vic......my dad, which I hadn't told anyone about, not even Austin........and now my best friend couldn't even stand to be around me. He didn't even want me.
"Austin....where is this coming from?" Alan threw out suddenly. "She's your best friend! Why are you being like this all of sudden? You know how much she's been through; all this stuff with Vic can't be easy on her. What do you expect from her? To just be all happy and fun all of the time?"
"I guess I've just finally realized that I can't help her anymore," Austin replied quietly.
Everyone rode in silence for the next 10 minutes until the bus came to a stop at the venue. I could hear everyone getting up and moving around getting ready for the day ahead.
I sat up and dug through one of my bags at the end of my bunk. I grabbed some money and my phone before searching hurridly for the sharp piece of metal I had hid from everyone. I pulled the curtain back slowly and stepped out of the bunk, making my way to the front of the bus, still crying a little and too hurt to try to hide it. I cleared my throat and Austin and the guys turned to look at me.
"Next time you want to talk about me I would appreciate it if you did it to my face. Or at least make sure I'm not within earshot," I said calmly, struggling to get the words out. Alan's face dropped and he closed his eyes, scratching at the back of his neck.
"Lyla, I-" Austin stammered quietly as he gazed into my tear filled eyes. I reached in my pocket and wrapped my fingers around the small blade. I pulled it out and slammed it on the counter loudly before I pushed past the guys and walked out of the bus, letting the door slam shut behind me as I disappeared into the crowd of people.
Maybe Austin wasn't going to keep his promise, but I was determined to keep mine.
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As the day progressed I had received a few calls from the guys, but I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet. I managed to make my way around the venue unnoticed, not drawing the attention from any of my friends or Austin's friends. I caught as many shows as I could, choosing to stand with the crowd instead of side stage where I would normally be found.
It was 5:30- Austin and the guys had played a few hours earlier, and they had just finished a signing, which I stayed far away from. I ducked into the catering tent hoping to keep my distance from any of them for a little while longer. I waited in line and graciously accepted the delicious food that was passed to me. I took a seat at a table in the corner by myself, eating slowly and reading twitter to distract me.
"Hi Lyla," I heard someone say as they took a seat at the table across from me. I didn't look up yet; I kept my gaze fixated on my phone. I was distracted by a picture of Austin and I that I took on the first day of the tour: we both looked so happy and carefree.
"Hi Mike," I replied quietly as I continued to browse the pictures on my phone, trying to keep myself from crying again.
"How is a pretty girl like you eating all alone?" Mike asked and I looked up to see him smiling at me. I smiled as best as I could given today's events. I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite of food. "You okay?" he asked. Man, I was tired of being asked that. Thinking back to what I had overheard Austin saying I decided to let down my guard a little, and I shook my head.
"No, Mike, I'm not." I paused as I watched his reaction. "Austin and I....had a fight, I guess? I'm not really sure what it was."
"I know," Mike replied to my answer and I looked up at him in question. "I ran into him earlier. He was looking for you and he told me what happened on the bus." Mike reached his hand out and grabbed mine, and I let him.
"He was right. Everything that he was saying about me, I mean. It was all true. I'm a mess, Mike. I refuse to let anyone in, and in the process of trying to keep people out I break down. Every little thing affects me anymore, Mikey," I trailed off. Mike smiled at me a little. "Why are you smiling?" I asked softly.
"Because you called me Mikey. Just like you used to," he responded and I smiled a little; I hadn't even realized I had done it. "Listen, Lyla. I understand why you don't want to let anyone in, and Austin does too. It just hurts us to see you hurting, and you need to understand that we all just want to see you happy; we want what's best for you because we love you. That's what friends are for, Lyla."
"He said that it was a mistake to bring me on tour with them. I'm starting to think that he's right. What have I done besides screw everything up for everyone and force my drama on them. They don't deserve this, Mikey. They were supposed to have the summer of their lives and I'm destroying it for them. Maybe I should leave," I paused as I considered the option.
"No!" Mike practically yelled, startling me. "Austin didn't mean that; trust me, Lyla. No one wants to see you leave. You have too many people here that love you: me, Austin....... and Vic." I tensed at the thought of Vic. I looked up at Mike and he squeezed my hand. "You need to talk to him, Lyla. What you saw earlier.....it wasn't what you think, believe me. He's my brother and all, but if something fishy was going on I wouldn't cover for him, especially when it comes to you. He wants you Lyla. Hell, I'm pretty sure he needs you. And I know you need him. You two are meant to be together."
"It sure doesn't seem that way," I replied laughing a little. "The universe is practically doing everything in it's power to keep us apart it seems like."
"Well, sometimes you gotta fight for what you love," he replied. He looked down at his watch. "Shit, I gotta go. We play in 20 minutes. You should come to the show if you don't have any other plans. I'd love to see you there, and I know Vic would too. Besides you haven't even seen us perform yet." Mike said as he reached out and messed up my hair. I stood up quickly and walked over to him and hugged him tightly.
"Thanks, Mikey. I really missed you." I said as he hugged me back.
"You too, little lady," he kissed me on the cheek before he took off towards the stage. I sat back down and finished my food. I scrolled through my phone until I found Austin's contact. I typed him a quick text message.
Me: I'm sorry. I'm going to fix it. I promise I'll be better tomorrow.
Almost instantly I got a response.
Austin: I love you, Lyla.
I smiled a little as I typed back.
Me: I love you too, loser :p
I shoved my phone back into my pocket and picked up my trash before making my way over to the Kia Rio Stage. I was finally ready to watch Pierce the Veil do their thing. And I was finally ready to make things work with Vic, once and for all.
I'm not sure how long I had been alone in the bus when the guys finally came piling in. It felt like hours, though it was probably more like 15 minutes or so. Over my music I couldn't hear much, but I could feel the bus moving as they all stomped around. I prayed that they would leave me alone, but of course God was too busy to do me just one solid.
The curtain ripped back, and though I was facing the wall I could tell it was Austin as he took a seat on the edge of the bunk. I could hear him trying to talk to me, but I chose to ignore him, turning my music up even louder. After a while he yanked my headphones out of my ears. I turned towards him and gave him a death glare, not really on purpose: I wasn't mad at him, but I just wanted to be alone.
"What, Austin?" I barked at him angrily. He looked surprised at my sudden outburst.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay..." he responded hesitantly.
"Abso-fucking-lutely," I said, flashing him a fake, angry smile before turning and facing the wall again. I heard him open his mouth as if to say something, but he just sighed and got up, forcefully pulling the curtain shut behind him. I laid there for a while as the bus began the short drive to the venue. I reached to put my headphones back in my ears but stopped when I heard my name murmered quietly from the front of the bus. I direction my attention towards the hushed conversation.
"I just feel like I should quit trying. She's not letting me in anymore so what's the point?" Austin questioned.
"She's just having a hard time, man. Cut her some slack," Tino responded.
"But she's not doing anything to try to change it! She's been moping around for weeks. Everyday it's something new with her, and it's getting exhausting. She's not the same girl she used to be..." I felt tears begin to fall silently from my eyes as I listened to Austin's harsh words. I had no idea that's how he really felt about me, how he really saw me.
I was used to this by now, though, but that didn't mean it hurt any less; people always said they cared and they would never leave, but they always changed their minds.
People always leave.
There was a short silence before Austin spoke again.
"Maybe this was a mistake, bringing her here. I thought it would be good for her, that it would help her, but it's only made things worse. I feel like I put too much pressure on her and she can't handle it." I was practically drowning in my tears at this point.
I had pushed everyone away, everyone that once cared about me: Mike, Vic......my dad, which I hadn't told anyone about, not even Austin........and now my best friend couldn't even stand to be around me. He didn't even want me.
"Austin....where is this coming from?" Alan threw out suddenly. "She's your best friend! Why are you being like this all of sudden? You know how much she's been through; all this stuff with Vic can't be easy on her. What do you expect from her? To just be all happy and fun all of the time?"
"I guess I've just finally realized that I can't help her anymore," Austin replied quietly.
Everyone rode in silence for the next 10 minutes until the bus came to a stop at the venue. I could hear everyone getting up and moving around getting ready for the day ahead.
I sat up and dug through one of my bags at the end of my bunk. I grabbed some money and my phone before searching hurridly for the sharp piece of metal I had hid from everyone. I pulled the curtain back slowly and stepped out of the bunk, making my way to the front of the bus, still crying a little and too hurt to try to hide it. I cleared my throat and Austin and the guys turned to look at me.
"Next time you want to talk about me I would appreciate it if you did it to my face. Or at least make sure I'm not within earshot," I said calmly, struggling to get the words out. Alan's face dropped and he closed his eyes, scratching at the back of his neck.
"Lyla, I-" Austin stammered quietly as he gazed into my tear filled eyes. I reached in my pocket and wrapped my fingers around the small blade. I pulled it out and slammed it on the counter loudly before I pushed past the guys and walked out of the bus, letting the door slam shut behind me as I disappeared into the crowd of people.
Maybe Austin wasn't going to keep his promise, but I was determined to keep mine.
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As the day progressed I had received a few calls from the guys, but I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet. I managed to make my way around the venue unnoticed, not drawing the attention from any of my friends or Austin's friends. I caught as many shows as I could, choosing to stand with the crowd instead of side stage where I would normally be found.
It was 5:30- Austin and the guys had played a few hours earlier, and they had just finished a signing, which I stayed far away from. I ducked into the catering tent hoping to keep my distance from any of them for a little while longer. I waited in line and graciously accepted the delicious food that was passed to me. I took a seat at a table in the corner by myself, eating slowly and reading twitter to distract me.
"Hi Lyla," I heard someone say as they took a seat at the table across from me. I didn't look up yet; I kept my gaze fixated on my phone. I was distracted by a picture of Austin and I that I took on the first day of the tour: we both looked so happy and carefree.
"Hi Mike," I replied quietly as I continued to browse the pictures on my phone, trying to keep myself from crying again.
"How is a pretty girl like you eating all alone?" Mike asked and I looked up to see him smiling at me. I smiled as best as I could given today's events. I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite of food. "You okay?" he asked. Man, I was tired of being asked that. Thinking back to what I had overheard Austin saying I decided to let down my guard a little, and I shook my head.
"No, Mike, I'm not." I paused as I watched his reaction. "Austin and I....had a fight, I guess? I'm not really sure what it was."
"I know," Mike replied to my answer and I looked up at him in question. "I ran into him earlier. He was looking for you and he told me what happened on the bus." Mike reached his hand out and grabbed mine, and I let him.
"He was right. Everything that he was saying about me, I mean. It was all true. I'm a mess, Mike. I refuse to let anyone in, and in the process of trying to keep people out I break down. Every little thing affects me anymore, Mikey," I trailed off. Mike smiled at me a little. "Why are you smiling?" I asked softly.
"Because you called me Mikey. Just like you used to," he responded and I smiled a little; I hadn't even realized I had done it. "Listen, Lyla. I understand why you don't want to let anyone in, and Austin does too. It just hurts us to see you hurting, and you need to understand that we all just want to see you happy; we want what's best for you because we love you. That's what friends are for, Lyla."
"He said that it was a mistake to bring me on tour with them. I'm starting to think that he's right. What have I done besides screw everything up for everyone and force my drama on them. They don't deserve this, Mikey. They were supposed to have the summer of their lives and I'm destroying it for them. Maybe I should leave," I paused as I considered the option.
"No!" Mike practically yelled, startling me. "Austin didn't mean that; trust me, Lyla. No one wants to see you leave. You have too many people here that love you: me, Austin....... and Vic." I tensed at the thought of Vic. I looked up at Mike and he squeezed my hand. "You need to talk to him, Lyla. What you saw earlier.....it wasn't what you think, believe me. He's my brother and all, but if something fishy was going on I wouldn't cover for him, especially when it comes to you. He wants you Lyla. Hell, I'm pretty sure he needs you. And I know you need him. You two are meant to be together."
"It sure doesn't seem that way," I replied laughing a little. "The universe is practically doing everything in it's power to keep us apart it seems like."
"Well, sometimes you gotta fight for what you love," he replied. He looked down at his watch. "Shit, I gotta go. We play in 20 minutes. You should come to the show if you don't have any other plans. I'd love to see you there, and I know Vic would too. Besides you haven't even seen us perform yet." Mike said as he reached out and messed up my hair. I stood up quickly and walked over to him and hugged him tightly.
"Thanks, Mikey. I really missed you." I said as he hugged me back.
"You too, little lady," he kissed me on the cheek before he took off towards the stage. I sat back down and finished my food. I scrolled through my phone until I found Austin's contact. I typed him a quick text message.
Me: I'm sorry. I'm going to fix it. I promise I'll be better tomorrow.
Almost instantly I got a response.
Austin: I love you, Lyla.
I smiled a little as I typed back.
Me: I love you too, loser :p
I shoved my phone back into my pocket and picked up my trash before making my way over to the Kia Rio Stage. I was finally ready to watch Pierce the Veil do their thing. And I was finally ready to make things work with Vic, once and for all.
8/1/13