Close Both My Eyes

The ride back to my apartment was mostly silent; Sydney and I exchanged short hello's upon my arrival, but not another word had been spoken between us since we left the airport. Sydney could sense that something was wrong; we had been friends long enough, since college, she knew me better than anyone.

Except Jaime.

Jaime didn't know that I left, at least, he didn't hear it from me. I didn't clue any of them in on my departure, only Tony, seeing as I needed a ride to the airport.

Tony didn't think that me leaving was good idea; I, however, thought it was a fantastic idea. I tried to reason with him; I flew out there to spend time with Jaime. We were fighting. I no longer wanted to spend time with Jaime. Why would I want to stay?

Tony's always been the reasonable one, the one who thinks it's best to talk things through; normally, I feel similarly, but not about this, not about Jaime. Not now that I know that my feelings for Jaime are not just in my head. They're in my heart, as well. Knowing that, knowing that I'm in love with him, it makes everything so much harder. Considering the situation this morning, the reason I left in the first place, there was no way I would be able to talk it out with Jaime. It just wasn't going to happen.

Sydney carefully pulled into the lot of our complex, putting the car in park, but making no effort to get out. She turned and looked at me, her eyes filled with sadness; on some level she knew, I guess, that Jaime and I were having issues. She had to know; the look on her face told me she did.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked, quietly, almost too quietly.

I shrugged. "Not really. I just, I wanna go to bed."

She nodded her head, escaping from her seatbelt before stepping out of the car and helping me grab my things from the trunk of her car. We trudged up the stairs, one by one, making our way down to our door. She pushed her way in first, leading the way back into our home. She locked the door behind us, turning towards me, running her hand through her hair.

"I'll be in my room if you need me, okay?"

"Thanks, Syd." She smiled and retreated down the hall toward her room, leaving me alone. I lugged my suitcase to my room, stepping into the comfort of the familiar.

It didn't stay comfortable for long. As I glanced around my room my eyes were met with images of Jaime and I everywhere. Pictures of us decorted my walls; senior prom, graduation, us in our Costco uniforms, at his first show. Reminders of our friendship were everywhere, but as I looked at them this time my heart fluttered, butterflies banged against the walls of my stomach, tears brimmed my already swollen eyes.

I tossed my suitcase in the corner, not in any mood to deal with it until tomorrow, and grabbed my purse before crawling into the warmth of my own bed. I dug through my purse, searching desperately for it, before discarding my purse on the floor.

My phone was still off. I hadn't bothered to turn it back on after I landed; I was too afraid to see what I would be met with.

Jaime had to know by now, that I was gone. He would be hurt, but so was I. His words hurt me. He might as well have asked me to leave; it was pretty much the same.

I powered on my phone as I wrapped myself in my comforter, feeling my body warm up by the second as I layed enclosed in the cotton. As my phone loaded it vibrated nonstop as a flood of text messages made their way into my inbox. I didn't look, not until it stopped vibrating, which took what seemed like hours.

New Messages (45)

I groaned as I scolled through my inbox, seeing mainly Jaime's name attached to the messages.

Jaime: Where are you?

Jaime: Where did you go?

Jaime: Rowan, please answer me.

Jaime: I'm so so sorry. Please, at least talk to me.

Jaime: I feel like shit. Please come back.

Jaime: Rowan, I'm so sorry. I love you.

Jaime: Rowan? Are you okay?

Tony: I hope you landed safely. Jaime's flipping out. Like I knew he would. Don't worry, we'll handle him. Call me later.

Jaime: Why did you leave? I need you here.

Vic: You okay, Ro?

Jaime: Rowan, I fucked up. I shouldn't have yelled. I had no right. I'm so so sorry. Call me please. I need to know you're okay...

I tossed my phone to the other side of the bed, not wanting to read on; it was too hard. I wanted to forgive Jaime. Hell, I pretty much already had. But now that I had these feelings, or now that I was aware of them, I didn't know if I could go back to just being friends.

This entire situation was fucked.

&&

"Rowan, hey Rowan," a voice called to me, my body moving slowly back and forth. I opened my eyes, adjusting to the darkness, and yawned, turning to face Sydney, who was shaking me awake.

"Sydney, what the hell?!" I paused as I glanced at the time on my phone. "It's 4:30 in the morning! What do you want!" I groaned, my eyes falling closed involuntarily, my body begging to lull back into sleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you, but, uh, someone's here for you."

I scrunched my face in confusion. "Who the hell is here in the middle of the night?"

She shrugged, her footsteps sounding as she made her way towards the door. "Just come out here." She disappeared around the corner, and I groaned louder, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I slung my legs over the bed and pulled the t-shirt I was wearing, Jaime's t-shirt, down over underwear-clad bottom half.

"Whoever the hell thinks it's okay to come here at four in the morning is a complete shit-"

I stopped my rambling as I stepped into the living room, facing my visitor, my face shocked.

"Jaime?"