Close Both My Eyes

Hey, it's Sydney! I'm busy, so leave a message!

"Hey, Syd, it's me. I, uh, I'm coming home sooner than I anticipated. My plane lands at ten tonight, so I'll kinda need a ride home. Sorry for the short notice, it's just, I'll explain when I get home. I'll see you tonight."

After leaving the message I groaned, sprawling across the bed and tossing my phone to the floor below. I was going home, I couldn't be here anymore; I just hoped that my roommate would get my message in time to pick me up from the airport.

I was supposed to stay two more days; the guys had another show in Vegas tonight, then two days off, but after last night, after my fight with Jaime this morning, this was the last place I wanted to be. After spending an hour in the shower crying my eyes out and scrubbing the shame and guilt away, I booked a flight back to San Diego, not even caring what outrageous amount it would cost me. It didn't matter at this point.

Jaime and I had never fought, not like that, not ever. It was an entirely new experience for me, one that I didn't like one bit. He had never been that hateful towards me, and it hurt, more than it probably should have. My chances with him, if I even had any at all, were blown; he thought I was a filthy whore. Who would want to date a slut?

A knock echoed throughout the room, just one, simple knock, then silence. I didn't make any effort to answer it; whoever it was didn't matter right now. I couldn't seem to move or think or anything; I just wanted to sleep, sleep until I could leave.

I'm not sure how many minutes went by before the person knocked again, this time louder, with more force.

"Go away," I murmured as a few tears rolled down my cheeks, not loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear me.

"Rowan, open the door. I know you're in there." It was Tony. I figured it would be one of them; Vic, Mike, or Tony. Any of them besides Jaime; he wouldn't come back, he knew better than to do that.

"I'm sleeping, Tony," I groaned back. I heard him chuckle under his breath before knocking once more.

"Let me in, Rowan."

Like I had done just a few hours ago, I pushed myself off the bed, shuffling towards the door to let Tony in, knowing he wouldn't leave until I did.

I opened the door, not even looking at Tony before I retreated back to my spot on the bed, leaving him to let himself in. His footsteps sounded quietly as he made his way towards me, the bed shifting as he took a seat. I rolled over on my back, letting my head fall to the side, his eyes catching mine for a brief moment.

"Do you want to tell me what the fuck happened?" He sounded angry, upset, but he wasn't yelling. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't be an ass about this, too.

"Tone, I," I started, groaning as I tried to hold back the flood of tears that threatened to come pouring out right at that moment, "if you're hear to yell at me then just, please, get out. I can't take any more arguing."

He looked down at me, his eyes sad, and he shook his head.

"I'm not here to yell at you, Ro, I'm just, I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on here."

"I'm guessing you talked to Jaime?" I asked retorically, sitting up and leaning my back against the headboard, pulling my knees tightly against my chest.

He nodded his head, scooting so he was sitting right next to me, our shoulders brushing together lightly.

"What exactly did he tell you?" My voice was soft, brittle, and shaky; defeated.

Tony didn't look at me as he spoke. "That you slept with some guy that you picked up while we were at the bar last night."

"And? Did he tell also tell you that he screamed at me about it and basically called me a shitty person?"

Tony nodded. "He did. But, I don't want to talk about him right now, Rowan. What is this? Why, this isn't you, Ro. It's not. I just, we don't understand what's happening."

A few tears spilled down my cheeks, and I hid my face from Tony, not wanting him to see how upset I was. "He shouldn't have yelled at me."

"I know he shouldn't have. He was just upset. He's your best friend, Rowan. He feels like he's supposed to protect you from this stuff. He's worried about you. We all are. That's not, I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just asking you to see it from his point of view, Rowan."

Tony draped his arm across my shoulders comfortingly, leaning his head lightly against mine, and the tears began to fall even faster than before.

"I don't know why I did it," I started, my voice barely above a whisper, "I just, I was upset and I started drinking. I wasn't thinking clearly, I just, I was trying to get my mind off of it."

"Off of what, Ro? Why were you upset?" His voice was laced with concern, his eyes held a similar emotion.

"Because," I began, trailing off slightly, wondering if I should confide in Tony. He would keep my secret, I knew he would, he was a great friend, it's just, it's already complicated enough without anyone else knowing.

"Hey," Tony whispered, turning my face so my eyes could meet his,"you know I'm here for you, Ro. Tell me what's going on."

I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face.

"I, I think I'm in love with Jaime."

Tony's eyes widened, his arm stiffening across my shoulders. "Oh," he muttered.

Yeah. Oh.