Close Both My Eyes

Jaime's Point of View..

The moment I stepped into the club I felt as if I had made a huge mistake. I didn't really want to be here, and frankly I wasn't even officially invited, but yet, here I was, standing in the doorway, scanning the room as I searched for the eyes that belonged to her, to Rowan, to my best friend. Well, my not so best friend anymore, not now that things had...changed.

By the time I noticed her she was already making a beeline for me, and I felt my body go rigid, anger coursing through my body as I thought back to that night, the night that changed my entire world, the night Rowan fucked everything up, for both of us.

She look absolutely stunning, her body draped in a tight-fitting black dress that perfectly hugged every curve that adorned her figure. I felt a smile threatening to pass across my lips, and I fought it hard, knowing that, one, it was wrong to think of her in such light, and, two, I didn't want to be thinking of her in that way.

Suddenly she stopped, and for a moment I lost her in the crowd of bodies, confused at why she was no longer in sight, but not for long. I felt familiar arms snake across my midsection, and I looked down, finding that I was a little annoyed by how touchy Jess had been lately.

"Let's not stay long, 'kay," she muttered in my ear as she rested her chin on my shoulder; I could practically hear the disapproving frown in her voice. She was never a big fan of Rowan, she always thought that there was more between the two of us than a friendship. It was weird how her insight was dead on, while I had absolutely no clue what was happening right before my own two eyes.

As quickly as she had disappeared, Rowan came back into view, but this time with tear-flooded eyes. She stared at me, and I could feel my heart aching at the sight of my best friend in distress, obviously witnessing the scene that had transpired between Jessica and I. I watched as Rowan pushed her way through the throngs of club goers towards the back of bar, disappearing out a side door and leaving me feeling like total shit.

"I'm gonna hit the head," I muttered in Jess's general direction, turning around slightly to face her, though I kept my eyes focused across the room on the door that Rowan had just exited. "Get us some drinks; I'll be back." I squeezed her hand for good measure before separating from my girlfriend and following the path that Rowan had just taken.

As I pushed myself outside I found that I was in an empty alley, the space dimly lit, and rather eery the more I thought about it. Just across from where I stood I spotted her, huddled on the ground in a convulsing heap.

Seeing her there on her knees, her hands clutched to her chest, I quickly felt my anger towards her dissipating, turning those feelings instead upon myself. I hurt her, it was plain to see, and I was kicking myself for that; I never should've brought Jessica. I knew it was a terrible idea, especially considering the fact that all we had been doing as of late was fighting. Ever since I last saw Rowan things had been different between the two of us, no matter how hard I tried to keep them from doing just that. I was being distant, I hadn't been acting like myself; I guess I wasn't really trying that hard afterall.

Jess seemed to be catching on to the fact that something had happened between Rowan and I; she had been not-so-subtly putting the pieces together ever since I left Las Vegas chasing after Rowan, and as a result she had been clingy and needy, nagging at me about every little thing, and frankly it wasn't making anything easier.

Pulling myself from my thoughts I felt a few, tiny raindrops land upon my face, and I looked up to the sky, watching the mist fall in the soft light of the only streetlamp present in the alley. Rowan hadn't noticed me yet; she was still in the same place, shaking violently on the ground, her body being wracked with sob after sob.

Taking a deep breath I forced my feet to move in her direction as I slipped off the Drop Dead windbreaker that clung to my body. I kneeled beside her, draping the jacket across her bare shoulders, and that was when she finally became aware of my presence. Rowan jumped at my touch, obviously startled, and she rushes to her feet, putting some distance between us. As she wipes at the tears that have stained her rosy cheeks blush, I can see the pain in her eyes, and in that moment I truly hate myself knowing that I'm the cause, and I can't help but feel that I overreacted, that I shouldn't have been angry with her in the first place.

I'm just so...angry isn't even the right word. I'm frustrated; frustrated that she's years behind me on these feelings, the feelings that I confessed to her all those years ago, feelings that are still there, deep within my heart. They never died, and I knew they never would, it wasn't possible, but I learned to bury them; to hide them the best I could. And now, all of a sudden I had to deal with it all again. Because when Rowan told me that she loved me, when she put herself out there that night, those feelings came rushing back, they hit me like a freight train, and now I had to figure out what I was supposed to do with this new information, all while Jessica was breathing down my neck like a fucking dragon.

"Why are you even here?" Rowan broke the silence, and I looked up at her, deep into her piercing blue eyes, "Why the fuck did you even bother to come, Jaime? And how, how fucking dare you bring her when you knew how that would make me feel."

She was angry, so angry, her voice filled with a bitterness that I had never once heard, not from her. Sure, I shouldn't have brought Jess, I knew that, but she had no right to be angry with me. I'm the one who should be angry, not her. She's the one who made this mess.

"I brought Jess because she's my girlfriend," I spat, "I brought her because she's someone who admitted her feelings for me from the start." What I said was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself . I had the strongest urge to make her feel exactly how I felt all those years ago; rejected, hurt, and cast out by the person who was supposed to be my best friend.

Rage flashed over her eyes, soon being replaced by such sorrow that I immediately came to regret my jab; I had no idea why I wanted to hurt her in the first place...even for a second; she was my best friend. I watched as she attempted to blink back her tears, her hands coiling into tight fists before relaxing once more, her body stiff and rigid, full of such pain.

"I hate you.. ." The words barely even fall from her lips, those three words so quiet that they are barely audible among the muffled noise from inside, but they weren't quiet enough. The pain inside my chest at that moment was almost too much for me too handle; she hates me. I never thought words could kill, but she proved me wrong.

Rowan ripped the windbreaker off her trembling body, thrusting at me as she storms back into the building, tearing the door open and allowing it to slam shut behind her. The rain picks up its pace, but I don't even move; I just stand there, letting each droplet pelt me until I'm practically soaked through. I glance down to the windbreaker that I'm holding in my hands, gripping it so tight that my knuckles are ghostly white.

I don't know what made me do it, but next thing I knew I was walking back inside, back where it was dry; it felt like everything about my body was numb, running on auto pilot. As I get dragged into the masses of intermingled bodies, I spot Rowan at the bar, a line of shots sitting in front of her, but not for long as she begins to knock them back, one by one, and fear starts to flood my veins. She can't handle much, she's a small girl, and scenario after scenario begin to race through my mind about what could go wrong, the worst being that she ends up with another random guy in her bed...again.

I shove myself through the crowd, trying my damnest to get to her, but a hand on my arm stops me, nails digging deeply into my skin.

"Where were you?" Jess yells, trying to project her voice over the music. "And why the hell are you all wet?!" I look at her, annoyed with her again, and I don't even feel like answering her prodding questions. I try to pry away, but she yanks me back once again. "Why did you even bring me here if you were just going to fucking abandon me all night?"

Anger boiled within my chest, but I didn't want to fight, not with her, not with Rowan, not with anyone; I was tired of fighting, and I was tired as hell of hiding what was wrong.

It was never Jess, not even for a second; it's always been Rowan, and now I...I have to fix this mess that I've made because I was too goddamn stubborn to say "I love you, too".

"Not now," I barked, my eyes shooting daggers at hers, "I need to talk to Rowan."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Jaime?" She yelled back, digging her nails deeper into my bicep. "Everything is always about Rowan! Always, Jaime! I'm tired of hearing you mope and bitch about her," she hissed. "I'm your girlfriend, and you need to remember that. And when you do, feel free to come home." With that she released her death grip, tossing her hair dramatically as she turned and raced towards the exit, disappearing, finally.

I had no intention of going home; not now, and not ever. At least, not home to her.

I made my way to Rowan, watching her down the last of the shots that were all present only moments before.

"Rowan, let's go home," I said as I grabbed onto her arm, catching her attention. She scowled at me, and I could smell the whiskey on the breath, her eyes a hazy mess.

"Leave me the fuck alone, Jaime," she growled, turning away from me, trying to slink back into the crowd. The alcohol got the best of her and she tumbled to the ground, landing on her knees and she let out a pained wince.

I rushed to her side, scooping her up and placing her back on wobbly feet.

"Don't touch me," she slurred, though her words weren't very convincing. She tried her best to free herself from my grasp, but I wasn't about to let her get away; not this time.

"No, Rowan, you've had enough. I'm taking you home." With that I didn't hear anymore arguing from her, and I took that as an okay. Drapping her arm across my shoulder I tried to drag her dead weight through the crowd, but eventually scooped her up in my arms, having better luck making our escape that way.

By the time I reached my Escalade she was barely conscious, her breathing slow and steady, her eyes fluttering closed every now and then as the alcohol drug her down. I placed her in the backseat, lying her across the benchseat on her back before climbing into the driver's seat and slowly taking off.

Silence flooded around us, neither one of us saying a word on the short drive back to her apartment. As I parked I glanced in the rearview mirror, and by the looks of it she had finally given in to sleep.

I pulled her back into my arms, tossing hers around my neck as I ascended the stairs. Fishing her keys from her purse I let us into the dark, empty, living room, switching on a lamp before navigating my way to the bedroom that was more familiar to me than my own.

I had to fight hard to choke back a sob when I noticed that all the pictures of us that occupied her walls were now gone. What had I done? I wasn't okay with it; not one bit.

Pulling the comforter back I layed Rowan in the mess of blankets and pillows that adorned her queen-sized bed, pulling her heels off before tucking her in tightly. She stirred a little, wrapping her arms around herself as her eyes were forced open.

"Jaime," she whispered, her voice hoarse, "I don't hate you; I love you too much to hate you." A smile twinged at my lips, a sad smile, and I walked over to her, leaning down so I was level with her.

"Get some rest, Ro," I replied as I let my lips find their way to her forehead, planting a long, tender kiss upon her skin. Her breathing evened out once more as she drifted off, and I pulled myself away from her, turning off her bed-side lamp, and pulling the door shut behind me as I left her room.

I found my way to the couch, sliding off my shoes before curling up under a throw, using my arms to support my head. I couldn't leave her alone; I had to make sure she would be okay.

As my head swirled with a million thoughts, I finally drifted off to sleep, knowing that tomorrow, when Rowan came to, I would make this right. I would make us right.