Nameless

*Jaime’s POV*

Throughout the week, I hadn’t seen much of Haylie. I didn’t even meet her at our lockers after Monday and when I asked Jack where she was, Jack insisted that she was at school and must be with her new friends. I’d seen her only twice in our music classes, but that’s only because I would be away in a room with a girl named Jenna as we would be practicing some songs in a studio area.

Jenna has an amazing punk rock voice, but also one that serenades beautifully. Jenna and I have formed a fairly solid friendship within our music classes since meeting last year and also knows Jack fairly well too, so I figured that she would be the perfect person to ask to pretend to fall for me so I can win my bet against Jack.

“Hey Jenna, wanna do me a favour?” I ask her suspiciously.

“Depends Jaime…” she questions.

“Jack reckons that because I ‘bat for the other team’, that I can get a girl to like me by the end of the week…” I pause to which she gives me the same questioning look. “So I was wondering, if I give you $10, would you pretend that I got you romantically interested me and go to Jack explaining how disappointed you were when you found out I was gay?”

Jenna is speechless. She blinks at me with the most blank expression on her face as she attempts to comprehend what I just asked her to do. I give her a giggle and then decide its not worth it, but she stops me.

“So you want me to pretend to have fallen for you so that you would win a silly bet with Jack… all because you’re gay?” she laughs. I nod. “So what’s in it for me?”

“Like I said, $10. If Jack loses and I ‘prove’ to him that I can get a girl romantically interested in me, he gives me $20, so I’ll give you half for being such a good sport” I smile. Jenna agrees and decides that we’ll play it out at Jack’s party tonight.

Jack is throwing the first senior party of the year at his place, and to be totally honest, I am fairly excited. I love partying with the guys. Some of my best memories of the guys are when we’re drunk and partying.

The most recent and most comprehensible memory I can remember is having a party at Alex’s, but it was just us boys and no one else from school.

We sat in his basement playing the Punk Goes Pop albums and some other stuff whilst we drank the night away. Alex had a tiny multicoloured disco light that flashed lights according to the beat of the song when it was plugged in, so that made out ‘rave room’ just so much cooler.

We were all pretty drunk that night, daring each other to do shots and playing beer pong because amazingly, there were six of us, so three per team and we just knocked back drinks like they were water.

Much later into the night, after Tony and Mike had passed out and Jack and Alex were eating crackers in the kitchen, I turned around to tell Vic something, but he’d left. I saw him leave the basement to which I followed him upstairs and outside to the backyard. Then I caught him holding himself against a pole about to be sick. Catching him just in time, I was able to keep his hair out of his face. After his episode, we sat down for a moment.

“Thanks Hime… sorry you had to see that” Vic semi-slurs. “I’ve never thrown up from drinking before” he comments.

“Don’t worry about it. It was bound to happen sooner or later” I laugh with him. After a moment of sitting in silence, I continue our conversation further. “You did have a bit more to drink tonight than you usually do”

Before he could reply, Vic stood up and vomited again, this time into Mrs Gaskarth’s pot plant. I held his hair back and accompanied him through the ordeal. Once I knew he was okay, I left to get him a glass of water, taking a few crackers from Jack and Alex too.

I returned to find Vic lying in the middle of the backyard, seeming to be staring at the stars.
“Here sip this” I say handing him the glass of water and crackers, to which he thanks me.

I joined Vic on the ground, placing myself onto my back next to him and began staring at the stars with him. We laid there, on a beautifully still, warm San Diego night, silent. No words needed to be said as it felt as if the stars were captivating us. The moment was perfect, only something I could’ve only dreamt of. So much of me wanted to move closer to Vic and have our shoulders connect has our hands became intertwined. I felt so close to him in that moment, closer than I ever thought I’d be.

Although I was worried about Vic. We sat there for what seemed like half an hour before I got worried that Vic had passed out. When I rolled over to check, he began to speak.

“I did it again Hime... I let you down” he said to me with a crack in his voice and shedding a tear or two. I knew exactly what he meant. He had hurt himself again. When I first found out and we became closer, he told me that he was using me as a reason to stop hurting himself. And whilst that felt like a big weight on my shoulders, I agreed to help him with that. I checked in with him from day to day, and even though he struggled at the beginning, he eventually became clean. He’d been clean and happy for a few months now, and I was so proud of him.

And subconsciously, I did the same thing. I became clean just by thinking of how much it would hurt Vic if I were to hurt myself again, however he never knew that I hurt myself.

I didn’t feel the need to ask him why he did it, and I don’t think he really wanted to explain. Instead, I stretched my arm out and gestured for him to lean in. Vic moved closer and tucked himself under my shoulder and placed his hand over my torso. From then, we laid and watch the stars for the rest of the night. We didn’t say anything, we were comfortably silent. I feel like the moment really healed us both.

When I woke up the next morning, Vic had already left. All that he left me was a message on my phone. It read: “Thanks Hime, I really do appreciate you being there for me. Again, I’m sorry”. We never spoke about that night; however, I have spent at least two weeks now dreaming about it, trying to relive the moment Vic placed himself within my embrace, trying to hold him tightly and safely again.

---

“Hey Vic, wait up!” I called from the end of the hallway. I was able to catch him before he’d left school and was out of ear shot. He said a small ‘hey Himes’ before I asked him if he was going to Jacks place tonight.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t really planning on it” he says softly. I could tell just by his tone that something still wasn’t okay with him.

“Are you sure, because I’d really love for you to come. You don’t have to drink or anything” I encourage him. But he shrugs me off.

I really want Vic to come to the party tonight. It’s not a party with the guys unless all of us are there, including Vic. So I stopped Vic by grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to face me where I pleaded once more. “Please Vic, I’d really appreciate your company tonight” I smile gently.

Vic finally gives in, telling me that he’ll meet me at my house at 7.

I swear to god my heart is skipping beats. I am more excited than ever to see Vic tonight.

Notes