Running
xxiv
My feet were moving as fast as they could go. My thin, short legs were straining underneath of the rest of my body as I bolted down the stairs, just cautious enough to not hurt myself. I had to get to that door before anyone else. The sound of car doors closing filled my ears. I had two seconds… One… two…
“BABY!” I screamed as I threw my arms around Mike, who had the biggest smile playing on his face, looking towards his parents. I was not letting go any time soon. “I missed you so much, holy shit,” I muttered into his chest, my eyes filling to the brim with tears.
I stood there for a couple more minutes, just holding on to him for dear life, like he was going to slip away if I loosened my grip… and then it hit me, he wasn’t hugging me back. He hadn’t said a word. He had kept his eyes on his parents instead of me… What was wrong? “Mikey?” I looked up at him, confused. He still wouldn’t look at me as I called out his name. “Mike? Mike?” I grabbed onto his forearms and shook him, “Look at me you stupid fuck!”
I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders, shaking at them. My eyes fluttered open, realizing that I was stuck in some dream about Mike. I had fallen asleep while watching movies with Tony. I stared into Tony’s chocolate brown eyes and then sighed, he released my shoulders but still stood in front of me.
“I still haven’t talked to him… It’s been almost three days,” I mumbled, sucking the right side of my bottom lip into my mouth. “Vivian told me they spoke yesterday… he sounded really happy on the phone… I feel like he knows I’m doing something wrong.”
“Cassie,” Tony sighed my name and plopped back down next to me on my couch. “Mike doesn’t know, and he isn’t going to find out, alright? He doesn’t have a tracking device on the amount of food you put into your mouth.”
I groaned and pulled my knees up to my chest, cracking my toes as I did so. “Is it noticeable that I lost weight? My mom hasn’t said anything to me.”
He shook his head, “Your face looks a little thin but that is about it. When’s the last time you ate?”
“When’s the last day Mike called me?” I frowned, “I need to eat. I want to eat. I just have no appetite. I miss him.” I stood up from the couch and looked at Tony, “I’m going to go change into something other than this,” I motioned towards my body. I was wearing a pair of Mike’s boxers and our cheer hoodie from States. “Let’s go out for pizza… maybe the smell will make me hungry.”
“I’ll put my shoes on and start the car. Meet me outside,” Tony smiled.
Walking into one of the many locally-owned pizza stores, my stomach immediately started to growl. It had been forever since I had really good pizza, and I was more than ready to destroy at least three pieces. I pulled my sunglasses off of my eyes and rested them on the top of my head, knowing that they would be tangled in my nappy waves by the end of our meal.
“We’re splitting a large, and it’s on me,” Tony smiled as we walked towards the counter. I rolled my eyes, he always felt the need to pay for me during these past few weeks. We had really become best friends so fast, and I couldn’t wait for Mike to get home to meet him.
“I want a diet Pepsi! Don’t forget!” I squealed as he read out the order. All I was surviving off the last couple days was diet Pepsi… I was going to become addicted in no time.
“Go sit,” Tony handed me my ginormous cup filled with diet Pepsi and his own cup filled with Mountain Dew. “And don’t pick another table where the sun is going to be in my eyes! You always do that to me.”
I snickered as I walked off in the direction of the tables. I always picked the tables where it was sunny because then Tony had to squint the entire time he ate, which was always humorous to me at least. I placed our cups down at the only available and shaded table and waited for Tony and our pizza to arrive.
Soon enough the pizza was at the table and my hand went flying towards the cheesiest piece. I shoved the tip into my mouth, moaning out as the hot, gooey cheese filled my mouth. I pulled it away and placed it back down onto my plate, “So fucking good.”
“You’re a really attractive eater, you know?” Tony laughed as he took a small bite of his pizza. I shot him a death glare as I sipped at my drink. “Happy to be eating?”
“I think I should just date pizza instead of Mike,” I smiled and picked my piece up from my plate once again. “Watch, I ate today… so I’ll get a phone call tonight…” I said with a mouth full of food.
Tony rolled his eyes while taking his own bite, “Your eating habits and his phone calls do not have a correlation.”
“Do too,” I smiled and grabbed a new slice. “Maybe he has a tracker in his… nevermind.”
“Do not finish that sentence,” Tony cringed. “So how many days until he’s home?”
“ELEVEN!” I smiled at the thought of being able to see him so soon. “And fifteen days until school starts again,” I rolled my eyes. “Which is going to be so weird without him by my side.”
“At least you’ll have me,” Tony smiled sheepishly. “Imagine how I feel… you’re the only person I know that goes to Mission Bay…”
“You’ll become friends with everyone in no time,” I grinned and grabbed my third slice of pizza. “You’ll get to hang out with the cheerleaders.”
“Oh great,” he rolled his eyes. “Stereotypical bitches.”
“Hey!” I scoffed, kicking him underneath of the table. “I am not stereotypical! What cheerleader do you know that listens to Marilyn Manson?”
“You’re obsessed with No Doubt,” he chuckled. “You’re like the girliest boy ever.”
“I really am a boy, aren’t I?” I laughed, grabbing my drink. “I guess it could be worse.”
Tony dropped me back off at my house after we had gone out for pizza. He had to go home to do something with his sister and I had to babysit Frankie while my mom went out for a couple drinks with “friends”. I had thought about telling Abbey to come over, but part of me just wanted to be alone… just in case Mike called… and I could talk to him for hours without neglecting one of my friends.
“Cassie, Cassie, Cassie,” Frankie called out, bouncing on the couch. “I want Mac n Cheese, pwease.”
“What shape do you want? Spongebob?” I asked while getting up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen.
“Ya!!! Spongeboob!” He giggled, running behind me. “Spongeboob. Spongeboob. Spongeboob.”
“Mom’s gonna beat you if she hears you saying that,” I laughed while grabbing him and sitting him on the counter.
“She ain’t gonna do shit,” Frankie giggled as I turned on the stove, placing the water on it.
“Stop cussing you little shit,” I laughed and ruffled his hair. “Or I’ll tell Mommy.”
“NO DON’T TELL HER!” He yelled and threw his little arms into the air. “I will tell her you teach me the words.”
“Mike teaches you the words…” I laughed and opened the fridge. “What do you want to drink?”
“Root-bear float,” he responded while kicking his legs against the cabinets.
“Root BEER, not bear, Frankie,” I laughed and grabbed a can of root beer along with the vanilla ice cream out of the freezer. I made his root beer float and put a straw and spoon in it, handing it to him. “Do not spill it.”
“No promises,” he grinned and started slurping it up.
“Hello?” Frankie said while holding the phone up to his little head. “Mikey!!!!! I am good! When do you come home? Are you famous yet? Cassie is makin’ dinner. She is a shit. I hate her.”
I grabbed the phone from his ear, “Stop being a shit, Frankie.” I held the phone up to my own ear, “Hey, baby.”
“Hello, beautiful,” Mike’s voice filled my ears. “Sorry I haven’t called in a few days. I only had a few moments to and I hadn’t talked to my mom in weeks.”
“Yeah, I know. She told me. I understand,” I smiled, happy he apologized and I didn’t have to beat it out of him. I gave Frankie a bowl of Mac n Cheese and helped him down from the counter. “Go eat in the living room while I’m on the phone… don’t spill or I’m gonna beat your ass.”
Mike started to laugh, “Mom’s not home?”
“Nope, I have to watch the little shit all by myself. Speaking of shit, he keeps cussing… Michael…”
“I wonder how he learned that,” I could picture his goofy smile as he said this. “Eleven days until I get to kiss you.”
“Kiss me? I’m hoping you’re missing more than just kissing me,” I laughed as I drank my water.
Mike laughed once again, “I’m trying to be appropriate seeing as Vic is practically sitting on my lap.”
“Hi, Cass Cass,” Vic’s voice came through the phone. “I miss you. That butt better be bigger by the time I come back.
“You’re such a fuckin’ creep, man,” Mike grumbled in the background. “Give me my phone.”
“No asshole I want to talk to my girlfriend,” Vic retorted.
“Excuse me?” Mike said loudly into the phone, the sound of a bang coming from the other end. “I hope you broke your arm.”
I laughed, putting a spoonful of Mac n Cheese into my mouth, “Tell me you didn’t just push him on the ground…”
“He’s such a pain in the ass,” Mike laughed. “I am hoping your butt is bigger by the time I get back, though.”
I rolled my eyes, “Don’t be a pig.”
“You eating fine?” He asked, nonchalantly. Which kind of freaked me out a bit… I swore he could tell.
I huffed, “Kind of.”
“Cassie,” he sighed.
“I’m just upset that you’re gone, babe. It’s not like I’m starving myself. I just get in these funks where I don’t eat or I eat everything in sight. Today I ate practically half a large pizza, all to myself.”
“I think you need to go back to therapy,” he said softly.
I frowned, “You… you don’t believe me…”
“No… Cass… I just am worried, babe… I don’t know what’s going on when I’m not around. I know you say it’s because you’re upset but…”
“You don’t trust me,” I said straight-faced. I put my fork down and pushed my bowl away from me.
“Cassie.. I…”
“Save it, Mike.”
“Would you fucking listen to me?” He growled, “I’m fucking worried about you, Cass! What don’t you fucking understand?”
“I understand that you can’t fucking trust that I’m telling you the truth! I’m not slipping back into it, Mike. Why the fuck would I lie to you of all people?”
“So I don’t fucking freak out while I’m on the road, Cass? Because you know I will lose my fucking mind!”
“So you think I’m going to lie so that you don’t freak out? Can you imagine how much I’m freaking out? I haven’t talked to you in fucking days. You’re hours away from me! What the fuck do you think goes through my head all day long?” I snapped back at him.
“What the fuck do you think I’m doing, Cassie? Please let me know why you would be freaking out all fucking day long,” Mike yelled into the phone.
“Who fucking knows, Mike.”
I heard him groan from the other end, “You make me want to slam my head into a fucking brick wall.”
“Likewise,” I retorted. The phone stayed silent for a good five minutes. I sat on the floor in the kitchen, my bottom lip being gnawed on by my top teeth. “I just want you home,” I said softly, trying to hold my tears back.
He sighed, “I know, baby. I’ll be back so soon.”
“I’m dying without you here,” I sniffled “Everyone can tell. I can’t handle this. I’m falling apart.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” Mike paused. “I’m sorry for fighting with you. I trust you… I just get worried… and I do want you to go back to therapy. You can start once I’m home and I’ll go with you again.”
I groaned, “I don’t want to go back.”
“Cassie, please. For me… I’m worried about more than just an eating disorder,” he said quietly.
“What? Why?”
“I think you’re dealing with depression, Cass… You’re falling apart because I’m not there… You need to fix this before it gets worse… I don’t want you to turn out like me,” he spoke quietly once again, practically whispering the last words.
“BABY!” I screamed as I threw my arms around Mike, who had the biggest smile playing on his face, looking towards his parents. I was not letting go any time soon. “I missed you so much, holy shit,” I muttered into his chest, my eyes filling to the brim with tears.
I stood there for a couple more minutes, just holding on to him for dear life, like he was going to slip away if I loosened my grip… and then it hit me, he wasn’t hugging me back. He hadn’t said a word. He had kept his eyes on his parents instead of me… What was wrong? “Mikey?” I looked up at him, confused. He still wouldn’t look at me as I called out his name. “Mike? Mike?” I grabbed onto his forearms and shook him, “Look at me you stupid fuck!”
I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders, shaking at them. My eyes fluttered open, realizing that I was stuck in some dream about Mike. I had fallen asleep while watching movies with Tony. I stared into Tony’s chocolate brown eyes and then sighed, he released my shoulders but still stood in front of me.
“I still haven’t talked to him… It’s been almost three days,” I mumbled, sucking the right side of my bottom lip into my mouth. “Vivian told me they spoke yesterday… he sounded really happy on the phone… I feel like he knows I’m doing something wrong.”
“Cassie,” Tony sighed my name and plopped back down next to me on my couch. “Mike doesn’t know, and he isn’t going to find out, alright? He doesn’t have a tracking device on the amount of food you put into your mouth.”
I groaned and pulled my knees up to my chest, cracking my toes as I did so. “Is it noticeable that I lost weight? My mom hasn’t said anything to me.”
He shook his head, “Your face looks a little thin but that is about it. When’s the last time you ate?”
“When’s the last day Mike called me?” I frowned, “I need to eat. I want to eat. I just have no appetite. I miss him.” I stood up from the couch and looked at Tony, “I’m going to go change into something other than this,” I motioned towards my body. I was wearing a pair of Mike’s boxers and our cheer hoodie from States. “Let’s go out for pizza… maybe the smell will make me hungry.”
“I’ll put my shoes on and start the car. Meet me outside,” Tony smiled.
Walking into one of the many locally-owned pizza stores, my stomach immediately started to growl. It had been forever since I had really good pizza, and I was more than ready to destroy at least three pieces. I pulled my sunglasses off of my eyes and rested them on the top of my head, knowing that they would be tangled in my nappy waves by the end of our meal.
“We’re splitting a large, and it’s on me,” Tony smiled as we walked towards the counter. I rolled my eyes, he always felt the need to pay for me during these past few weeks. We had really become best friends so fast, and I couldn’t wait for Mike to get home to meet him.
“I want a diet Pepsi! Don’t forget!” I squealed as he read out the order. All I was surviving off the last couple days was diet Pepsi… I was going to become addicted in no time.
“Go sit,” Tony handed me my ginormous cup filled with diet Pepsi and his own cup filled with Mountain Dew. “And don’t pick another table where the sun is going to be in my eyes! You always do that to me.”
I snickered as I walked off in the direction of the tables. I always picked the tables where it was sunny because then Tony had to squint the entire time he ate, which was always humorous to me at least. I placed our cups down at the only available and shaded table and waited for Tony and our pizza to arrive.
Soon enough the pizza was at the table and my hand went flying towards the cheesiest piece. I shoved the tip into my mouth, moaning out as the hot, gooey cheese filled my mouth. I pulled it away and placed it back down onto my plate, “So fucking good.”
“You’re a really attractive eater, you know?” Tony laughed as he took a small bite of his pizza. I shot him a death glare as I sipped at my drink. “Happy to be eating?”
“I think I should just date pizza instead of Mike,” I smiled and picked my piece up from my plate once again. “Watch, I ate today… so I’ll get a phone call tonight…” I said with a mouth full of food.
Tony rolled his eyes while taking his own bite, “Your eating habits and his phone calls do not have a correlation.”
“Do too,” I smiled and grabbed a new slice. “Maybe he has a tracker in his… nevermind.”
“Do not finish that sentence,” Tony cringed. “So how many days until he’s home?”
“ELEVEN!” I smiled at the thought of being able to see him so soon. “And fifteen days until school starts again,” I rolled my eyes. “Which is going to be so weird without him by my side.”
“At least you’ll have me,” Tony smiled sheepishly. “Imagine how I feel… you’re the only person I know that goes to Mission Bay…”
“You’ll become friends with everyone in no time,” I grinned and grabbed my third slice of pizza. “You’ll get to hang out with the cheerleaders.”
“Oh great,” he rolled his eyes. “Stereotypical bitches.”
“Hey!” I scoffed, kicking him underneath of the table. “I am not stereotypical! What cheerleader do you know that listens to Marilyn Manson?”
“You’re obsessed with No Doubt,” he chuckled. “You’re like the girliest boy ever.”
“I really am a boy, aren’t I?” I laughed, grabbing my drink. “I guess it could be worse.”
Tony dropped me back off at my house after we had gone out for pizza. He had to go home to do something with his sister and I had to babysit Frankie while my mom went out for a couple drinks with “friends”. I had thought about telling Abbey to come over, but part of me just wanted to be alone… just in case Mike called… and I could talk to him for hours without neglecting one of my friends.
“Cassie, Cassie, Cassie,” Frankie called out, bouncing on the couch. “I want Mac n Cheese, pwease.”
“What shape do you want? Spongebob?” I asked while getting up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen.
“Ya!!! Spongeboob!” He giggled, running behind me. “Spongeboob. Spongeboob. Spongeboob.”
“Mom’s gonna beat you if she hears you saying that,” I laughed while grabbing him and sitting him on the counter.
“She ain’t gonna do shit,” Frankie giggled as I turned on the stove, placing the water on it.
“Stop cussing you little shit,” I laughed and ruffled his hair. “Or I’ll tell Mommy.”
“NO DON’T TELL HER!” He yelled and threw his little arms into the air. “I will tell her you teach me the words.”
“Mike teaches you the words…” I laughed and opened the fridge. “What do you want to drink?”
“Root-bear float,” he responded while kicking his legs against the cabinets.
“Root BEER, not bear, Frankie,” I laughed and grabbed a can of root beer along with the vanilla ice cream out of the freezer. I made his root beer float and put a straw and spoon in it, handing it to him. “Do not spill it.”
“No promises,” he grinned and started slurping it up.
“Hello?” Frankie said while holding the phone up to his little head. “Mikey!!!!! I am good! When do you come home? Are you famous yet? Cassie is makin’ dinner. She is a shit. I hate her.”
I grabbed the phone from his ear, “Stop being a shit, Frankie.” I held the phone up to my own ear, “Hey, baby.”
“Hello, beautiful,” Mike’s voice filled my ears. “Sorry I haven’t called in a few days. I only had a few moments to and I hadn’t talked to my mom in weeks.”
“Yeah, I know. She told me. I understand,” I smiled, happy he apologized and I didn’t have to beat it out of him. I gave Frankie a bowl of Mac n Cheese and helped him down from the counter. “Go eat in the living room while I’m on the phone… don’t spill or I’m gonna beat your ass.”
Mike started to laugh, “Mom’s not home?”
“Nope, I have to watch the little shit all by myself. Speaking of shit, he keeps cussing… Michael…”
“I wonder how he learned that,” I could picture his goofy smile as he said this. “Eleven days until I get to kiss you.”
“Kiss me? I’m hoping you’re missing more than just kissing me,” I laughed as I drank my water.
Mike laughed once again, “I’m trying to be appropriate seeing as Vic is practically sitting on my lap.”
“Hi, Cass Cass,” Vic’s voice came through the phone. “I miss you. That butt better be bigger by the time I come back.
“You’re such a fuckin’ creep, man,” Mike grumbled in the background. “Give me my phone.”
“No asshole I want to talk to my girlfriend,” Vic retorted.
“Excuse me?” Mike said loudly into the phone, the sound of a bang coming from the other end. “I hope you broke your arm.”
I laughed, putting a spoonful of Mac n Cheese into my mouth, “Tell me you didn’t just push him on the ground…”
“He’s such a pain in the ass,” Mike laughed. “I am hoping your butt is bigger by the time I get back, though.”
I rolled my eyes, “Don’t be a pig.”
“You eating fine?” He asked, nonchalantly. Which kind of freaked me out a bit… I swore he could tell.
I huffed, “Kind of.”
“Cassie,” he sighed.
“I’m just upset that you’re gone, babe. It’s not like I’m starving myself. I just get in these funks where I don’t eat or I eat everything in sight. Today I ate practically half a large pizza, all to myself.”
“I think you need to go back to therapy,” he said softly.
I frowned, “You… you don’t believe me…”
“No… Cass… I just am worried, babe… I don’t know what’s going on when I’m not around. I know you say it’s because you’re upset but…”
“You don’t trust me,” I said straight-faced. I put my fork down and pushed my bowl away from me.
“Cassie.. I…”
“Save it, Mike.”
“Would you fucking listen to me?” He growled, “I’m fucking worried about you, Cass! What don’t you fucking understand?”
“I understand that you can’t fucking trust that I’m telling you the truth! I’m not slipping back into it, Mike. Why the fuck would I lie to you of all people?”
“So I don’t fucking freak out while I’m on the road, Cass? Because you know I will lose my fucking mind!”
“So you think I’m going to lie so that you don’t freak out? Can you imagine how much I’m freaking out? I haven’t talked to you in fucking days. You’re hours away from me! What the fuck do you think goes through my head all day long?” I snapped back at him.
“What the fuck do you think I’m doing, Cassie? Please let me know why you would be freaking out all fucking day long,” Mike yelled into the phone.
“Who fucking knows, Mike.”
I heard him groan from the other end, “You make me want to slam my head into a fucking brick wall.”
“Likewise,” I retorted. The phone stayed silent for a good five minutes. I sat on the floor in the kitchen, my bottom lip being gnawed on by my top teeth. “I just want you home,” I said softly, trying to hold my tears back.
He sighed, “I know, baby. I’ll be back so soon.”
“I’m dying without you here,” I sniffled “Everyone can tell. I can’t handle this. I’m falling apart.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” Mike paused. “I’m sorry for fighting with you. I trust you… I just get worried… and I do want you to go back to therapy. You can start once I’m home and I’ll go with you again.”
I groaned, “I don’t want to go back.”
“Cassie, please. For me… I’m worried about more than just an eating disorder,” he said quietly.
“What? Why?”
“I think you’re dealing with depression, Cass… You’re falling apart because I’m not there… You need to fix this before it gets worse… I don’t want you to turn out like me,” he spoke quietly once again, practically whispering the last words.
Notes
Hello everyone, and happy holidays!
I am officially done with my third semester of college - woohoo!
Which means I now have an entire break to catch up on all of your stories.
AS WELL AS UPDATING ANF MAYBE FINISHING MY OWN!!!!!
So, this was kind of a bullshit/wrap-up update.
Introduces a couple new things into the story and pushes it along.
What do you guys think about Mike's statement...?
Do you think Cassie is struggling with depression?
He comes home soon... maybe it will disappear?
Cassie's Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=106670715
Let me know how you guys feel!
Missed all ya'll soooooo much!
Update again in a few days.
xoxoxoxoxox
I love this so much that I'm reading it once again <3
12/17/15