Don't Make This Easy

“Jace, unlock your door.” I heard Cammy say from the other side of the door, sounding rather annoyed.

I ignored her and continued staring at the ceiling, watching the blades on the ceiling fan spin around.

“Jace, come on. It's been a week.” She sighed. I rolled my eyes and then closed them.

“Go away Cammy.” I said, my voice raw from crying.

“No, not until I see your face and know that you're at least not a skeleton yet.” She said. “Have you even eaten or drank anything?”

“I'm fine. Now leave me alone.” I sighed.

“You're clearly not fine” she snapped. “You've barely left your room in a week, except once a day, and I don't even know where you go when you leave because literally no one has seen you.”

“That's nice.” I could hear her sigh and then something hit the door. Probably her head.

“I swear if you don't come out in the next two minutes, I'm calling the guys.” She said, as if that were a threat.

“Go ahead. They won't do anything.” I told her. “I told them all to just give me so time. I suggest you do the same.”

“Jace, this isn't healthy.”

I sighed and got up off the bed. I went over to the door and whipped it over, causing Cammy to almost fall as she'd been leaning on it.

“Cam, my dad died. I'm grieving. Leave me alone, and give me my fucking space.” I snapped then slammed the door shut again and relocked it.

“I'm serious Jacie, I know you're going through a rough time, but you need to come out and eat. If you don't then I'll find one of the guys to come over and drag you out of there.” She said.

I heard her walk away from the door and I relaxed again. I knew that she meant well, but she was starting to piss me off. I just needed space, not someone constantly up my ass trying to get me to be all cheery and happy like nothing had happened.

I went back to laying on my bed how I was before I got up. I stared blankly at the ceiling. I didn't know what else to do. I physically couldn't cry anymore. I felt completely numb at this point. I wasn't sad, I wasn't mad, I wasn't anything. Just numb. I rolled onto my side and grabbed my phone. I punched in my dad's phone number and waited for the answering machine to pick up.

“Hey, you've reached Daniel Merrick. I can't answer right now but just leave your name and number and I'll get right back to you. And if you're one of my daughters, you're a day late calling, get your shit together and call me when you're supposed to.”

I had listened to his voicemail probably a hundred times in the last week. It usually made me cry, and at least feel a little better being able to hear his voice, but it didn't this time. I turned my phone off and tossed it onto my nightstand. I rolled onto my back again and closed my eyes.

My eyes were tired and they burned from crying so much. I just wanted to sleep, but no matter what I did I couldn't. So I just laid there, staring at the ceiling, watching the clock.

I laid there for an hour or two, not really sure how long, hoping that maybe I would fall asleep, but with no success. I heard the door handle rattling, but ignored it and kept my eyes shut. My door creaked open and then closed again. I opened my eyes and saw Tony walking over to my bed.

“I thought I told you I needed space.” I said dully as I sat up.

“You did.” He said. “But Cam called and said that you haven't left your room in a week, so I've come to cheer you up.” I gave a single hollow laugh and rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, good luck with that.” I said. I noticed a bag in his hand and raised and eyebrow at him. “What's in the bag?” I asked. He sat down at the end of the bed, opened his bag, and started emptying it.

“Tequila, apple juice for when you want something non alcoholic to drink, ice cream, your favorite chips, The Office seasons one through seven since I have a feeling you won't be leaving your room any time soon and you don't have Netflix in here, and I also ordered pizza, so that'll be here soon.” He said, clearly proud of himself. I couldn't help but crack a smile.

“Tony Perry, what would I do without you?” I asked as I stood on my knees and reached over to hug him.

“Crash and burn most likely.” He laughed as he hugged me back.

Tony kicked off his shoes and got The Office playing, then laid down next to me. We laid there for a few hours, silently watching tv as we ate our snacks and passed the bottle of tequila back and forth between each other. Around ten Cammy started pounding on my door.

“Jace, I'm serious, you need to at least come out and shower. Tony said he was on his way over here, I don't know when he's gonna be here, but you should at least shower!” She said.

“Did she not hear you come in?” I asked. He just shrugged.

“I guess not. Have you really not showered in a week?” He laughed.

“I showered this morning while she was at work.” I said, now laughing too. Cammy banged on the door again, louder this time.

“Jacelynn!” She yelled. I got open and went over to the door, unlocking it and then opening it.

“Stop your yelling and banging on the door.” I said. “He's already here and I showered this morning, thank you very much.”

“What? How did he get in here?” She asked, pushing her way into my room to make sure I wasn't lying. Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver key.

“I have a key.” He said simply.

“When did he get a key?”

“I gave it to him when we moved in.” I told her. “Now I love you, but get out. We have drinking and binge watching to do” I said as I pushed her toward the door.

“What? I want to drink too.” She whined.

“So go to the bar or crack open the liquor cabinet.” I laughed as I closed the door and locked it again.

I went back over to the bed and laid down, resting my head on Tony’s shoulder. He put his arm around me, resting it on my leg as we both focused on the tv again.

At some point he started lightly tracing the outline of my tattoo, something he did a lot without even noticing. The outline of it was raised due to scarring, which I guess is what you get for getting a tattoo done in a basement by your friends boyfriend who's strung out on god only knows how many different drugs. The dude thought it would be fun to drill the needle into my leg harder than necessary to see how I would react since it was my first tattoo, hence the raised outline.

Usually I didn't mind it, it was actually comforting on a normal day. But with all the alcohol in my system right now it was driving me insane.

“Tony, that tickles.” I said, moving my leg away from his hand a bit.

“What?” He asked, breaking out of his trance.

“That little tracing my tattoo thing that you do, it tickles.” I told him again.

“What, you mean like this?” He said with a devilish grin. Before I even had a chance to move he started tickling my sides.

“Stop that!” I screamed through my fit of laughter.

I tried pushing his hands away, but he got on top of me, straddling my hips, and grabbed both my hands with one of his, pinning them to the bed above my head. He continued to tickle me with his free hand while I squirmed underneath him trying to get away.

“Tony, stop. I can't breathe.” I said, still laughing while I tried to catch my breath.

“That sucks.” He laughed. He had no intentions of stopping.

Knowing this, I brought my legs up, wrapped them around his waist, and with all of my strength I flipped us over so that I was on top of him. I quickly freed my hands and pinned his to the bed so I could have a second to breathe.

I knew that he was letting me do this, despite the fact that I am fairly tough, and not at all weak, Tony is still a lot bigger and stronger than me. Still, I kept all of my weight on his hands as an extra attempt to prolong my very short break. The second I caught my breath, he sat up and started tickling me again.

I tried pushing him back down with no success. When that didn't work, I bit him between his neck and shoulder, not hard enough to really hurt, but hopefully enough to get him to stop. As soon as I did that he groaned and sunk his nails into my back. My back arched out of instinct and I bit my lip hard and closed my eyes.

“Jace, please don't do that.” He said, his breathing heavy.

I don't know know what part of me thought what I did next was a good idea, but I couldn't stop myself. I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him. I was kissing Tony. I was kissing my best friend, again.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me as close to him as possible. My hands moved from his face to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss. As his hands wandered down my back and under my shirt, I could feel his heart beating rapidly against my chest.

Mine was beating just as fast. There was a part of me that thought this was wrong. He was my best friend after all. Friends don't kiss. Especially not like this. Then there was the fact that it had been five years since I had kissed a guy, let alone done anything else. It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to men, because I was, it just happened to be that my last tree relationships had been with women. I think part of me was hoping that I was less likely to get cheated on or fucked over by a girl. Boy was I wrong.

Tony broke the kiss, only for a moment though. He pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside before kissing me again. I tangled my fingers in his hair as he wrapped one of his arms around my waist and flipped us over so that we were laying down and he was now on top. His lips traveled from mine to my neck. I bit my lip, trying and failing to hold back a moan. My hands traveled down his back to the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off. We both froze when there was a sharp knock on the door.

“Hey, I'm going to the bar, you guys wanna come?” Cammy asked.

“No.” Tony and I said at the same time.

“Come on Jace, I think it'd be good for you to get out of the house, we can meet up with the rest of the guys.” She insisted.

“Maybe another time.” I said, swallowing hard as Tony went back to kissing my neck, making his way down to my collarbone, grazing it lightly with his teeth. I moaned quietly and then smacked his arm. I did not need Cammy to know what was going on right now.

“Oh come on.” She whined. “What could you possibly be doing that's more fun than going to the bar with your friends.

“Cammy, I love you, I mean this in the nicest way possible, and I'm not trying to be rude, but fuck off.” I said.

“Alright, fine. But we're going out tomorrow night.” She said.

I listened carefully, waiting for the front door to open and close as Tony kissed his way down my stomach. He hooked his fingers around the waistband of my shorts and pulled them off, then came back up and kissed me. I tangled one of my hands in his hair again, the other wrapped around his waist, my nails scraping his skin as I pulled him down onto me.

The rest went by in a blur, I took his shorts and boxers off, then he took my bra and underwear off and grabbed a condom from his wallet.

That's when I froze up. I was drunk. He was drunk. We were both naked. We were about to have sex. I was about to have sex with my best friend. My male best friend. I haven't had sex with a guy in five years. Fuck.

“What?” He asked. Had I said that out loud? I looked up at him nervously.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked. His eyes locked with mine. I could tell that he suddenly realized exactly what what happening.

“Only if you are.” He said. I nodded slowly.

I knew I wanted to have sex. We'd gone way too far for me to not want to. I just wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of having sex with a guy. Or how this would affect our friendship.

“I'm just nervous.” I told him. “I haven't had sex in a while.” I mumbled. He raised a questioning eyebrow at me.

“I just walked in on your after you had sex with that girl last week.” He laughed. I sighed and shook my head.

“I mean I haven't had sex with a guy in a while.” I said.

“Oh.” He said, then his eyes went a little wide when he realized what I meant. “Oh. Right. You've only had girlfriends for the past like four years.”

“Five.” I corrected.

“Uh, well I mean we don't have to do this.” He said. I shook my head.

“No, I want to. I do. I'm just a bit nervous.” He nodded and leaned down to kiss me.

“We’ll just take it slow.” He said.

I nodded as he kissed again. He kissed his way down my neck, grinding slowly against my hips. I moaned and pulled his face back to mine, kissing him hungrily. He kept grinding against me and dug his nails into my back. I arched my back, pressing myself against him more as I tangled my hands in his hair again. He pulled away from me, standing on his knees as he put the condom on, then leaned back down to kiss me. He lined himself up with my entrance and I took a deep breath, holding it in.

“Hey,” he said softly, moving a piece of hair out of my face. “Just breathe. Alright? And if it hurts too bad I'll stop.”

I nodded and tried to breathe normally, my heart was racing faster than I've ever felt it before. He kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then went back to my neck as he slowly pushed himself inside of me. I dug my nails into his shoulder blades, squeezed my eyes shut, and bit my lip. Fuck this hurt. Once he was complete in, he stopped, giving me a minute to get used to things.

“You okay?” He asked. I opened my eyes as the pain faded and nodded.

“Yeah. I'm good.” I breathed out. “You can go.”

He nodded and moved his hips, slowly pulling out and then back in. I dug my nails deeper into his back, causing him to groan.

“That's not helping with taking things slow.” He said as he kissed my neck.

The pain was starting to fade as he continued to move inside me, so dragged my nails down his back. He grabbed my hands and pinned them to the bed next to my head.

“Seriously, it's not helping and I don't want to hurt you.” He said. I leaned forward as much as I could and kissed him.

“It doesn't really hurt anymore.” I said against his lips.

“You're sure?” He asked.

I nodded and kissed his neck, my teeth grazing his skin lightly. He moaned and squeezed my hands tightly. I moved his hands so they were on my hips, rather than on the verge of breaking my hands. He sunk his nails into my hips, more than likely breaking the skin as he started to move faster. I tilted my head back, moaning in pleasure at his every move. He moved my legs up over his hips, allowing him to go deeper than before.

“Oh fuck.” I moaned

I could feel his lips curve into a smile as he kissed my neck, and he moved even faster. I moved my hips, meeting his with every thrust. We moved in perfect sync, breathing heavily. I felt my stomach tightening, my body trembling as I felt myself getting closer and closer. His thrusts started getting faster and sloppier, and I could tell he was close too.

“Jesus fuck, Jacie.” He breathed.

His movement started to slow down as he came and I whined a bit. He raised an eyebrow at me and moved even slower. He pulled out painfully slow, just barely leaving the tip in. I kissed him desperately, begging him silently to move.

“What's wrong?” He asked huskily, his lips rushing against mine, barely touching now.

“I need you.” I said, trying to kiss him again. He moved back an inch so I couldn't. This was driving me crazy. “Oh my god, Tony. Would you stop teasing me and just fuck me already!”

He grinned and kissed me as he thrusted himself back into me hard and fast. I moaned loudly against his lips. He tangled his hand in my hair, pulling my head back to expose my neck as he continued his movements, going faster and harder with each thrust. He bit my neck lightly, which combined his movements and his hand pulling my hair, sent me over the edge. My muscles tightened around him and an intense wave of pleasure washed over my entire body. He kept the same pace throughout and then slowed once my body relaxed.

He pulled out of me entirely, took the condom off and threw it in the trash, then laid back down next to me, both of us breathing heavily. I looked over at him and couldn't help but smile a bit, he smiled back at me and laughed.

“Well I think our friendship is sufficiently ruined.” He said as he tried to catch his breath. I laughed and shook my head.

“We were never that close anyways.” I joked. “Remind me again why I've been with girls for the past five years?”

“I can't answer that for you.” He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. “So where does this leave us?” He asked. I sighed and shrugged. Leave it to him to want to talk this out right now.

“I don't know.” I said. “We’ll talk about that later. Right now I'm tired and I want to sleep.”

“Alright.” He said as he reached over and grabbed the remote, turning off the tv. I rolled onto my side as he put the remote back on my nightstand, and smiled when he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

Notes