June 29th, 2012

“Jacie, Jacie, Jacie!”

I lowered my camera and looked over my shoulder to see Jenna pushing through the crowd to get to me. She stopped in front of Tony and I, trying to catch her breath.

“Is this how you always have to get pictures?” She laughed, referring to the fact that I was currently sitting on Tony’s shoulders. I laughed and shook my head.

“No, I usually stand on the barrier if I'm not on stage, this is more fun though.” I said. “And you know, a bit safer seeing how there's a pit right by the barrier right now.”

We were currently watching Of Mice & Men play, and there was no way I was getting dragged into a pit with my camera.

“What, you scared of the pit?” She asked.

“No, just not a fan of them.” I laughed as Tony helped me down off his shoulders so I didn't have to scream for Jenna to hear me.

“She's tiny, she’d get destroyed in the pit.” Tony laughed.

“My concern is more for my camera.” I said. “But anyways, what'd you come running over here for?” I asked.

“Oh right.” She said, suddenly remembering that she came over here with a purpose. “Alex is looking for you.” She said. I immediately clenched my jaw shut. “I figured I'd give you a heads up so you can avoid him. I'm sure you don't really want to talk to him.”

“Yeah, not in the slightest.” I said. “Thanks for the warning Jenna.”

“Anytime.” She said, flashing a smile before she disappeared back into the crowd.

I got back on Tony's shoulders and continued taking pictures, enjoying every second of actually being in the crowd for once. It had been years since I had been to a concert and gone any farther into the crowd than the barriers, but since it wasn't actually my job to get pictures for these guys, I could actually enjoy a show from in the crowd. I could tell Tony was enjoying it too, since he was almost always the one performing, never in the crowd. I was surprised how few people actually noticed him in the crowd, most of these kids were more focused on singing along to the music and having a good time. I mean there were a few kids who noticed, they snuck pictures of him and I together, pointed occasionally to tell their friends that Tony Perry was in the crowd, but they mostly left us alone.

After the set finished we headed back to the bus. There was still time before their set so we had time to just hang around and chill out. I went and grabbed my inline skates out of the storage compartment on the bus and started skating around the parking lot. Tony sat down next to Mike, who was sipping a Corona as usual. Jaime came out and joined us too.

“I swear, you are the only person I know that still skates.” Jaime said as he took a sip of his water.

“Dude, lots of people skate.” I said as I curved my skates a bit so that I went in a circle.

“Like who?” He asked.

“Have you ever gone to the beach? Everyone skates there.”

“Lies.” He laughed.

“Nah, you're just blind.” I said as I stopped in front of the three of them. I brought my camera up to my face and moved my sunglasses, then snapped a picture of them.

“Is skating with your camera really a good idea?” Vic laughed as he walked off the bus. I pointed my camera at him and snapped a picture.

“Of course it is.” I said. “When I'm not doing anything too extreme. But I want to have fun, so take care of my baby for me.” I told him as I skated over to him and handed him my camera.

“Will do.” He said.

“Anyone gonna join me?” I asked. Jaime shook his head and Mike just held up his beer indicating that that was his priority right now. I rolled my eyes at them.

“You guys are lame.” I said and then turned to Tony. “Are you gonna be lame too?” I asked him. He laughed and shook his head.

“No, I'll come with you.” He said as he got up. He pulled his bike out of storage and we headed over to the empty part of the parking lot.

“Make sure you guys are back for the set!” Vic called after us. I spun around and skated backwards for a second.

“Okay mom!” I yelled back to him. “Oh, bring my shoes and camera to the stage for me!” He gave me a thumbs up and then I turned back around.

Tony and I spent the next hour having fun and goofing around. Once it got closer to when the set was we headed back to the bus and put our stuff away. I don't know why my dumbass had told Vic to bring my only pair of really comfortable shoes to the stage when I would just be coming back to the bus, but I was left with no choice to walk to the stage barefoot. After a minute Tony told me to get on his back and he carried me over to the stage so I would step on anything or get my feet stomped on.

When we got backstage he put me down and I went to find my shoes and camera while he and the guys got ready. Once I got my shoes on I hung my camera round my neck then pulled out my phone for a minute while I waited. I checked Instagram quickly and saw that Tony had tagged me in a picture recently. I checked it, curious to see what it was, and laughed when I saw it.

He'd managed to snap a picture of me grinding my blades on one of the railings in the parking lot. The sun was behind me perfectly so you couldn't fully make out all of my facial features, especially with my sunglasses covering my face. It was a great picture. I looked at the caption and laughed again as I shook my head.

tonyperry: My best friend is one badass babe.

I liked it real quick as the guys walked over to me, then gave my phone to Casey as usual.

~*~

After the set we all headed over to the meet and greet table where I got some good pictures of the guys interacting with their fans. I stood back, still snapping pictures, but I couldn't help but notice some of the kids staring at me. I ignored it as best as I could until they got closer to the table.

“Aren't you the girl that punched Alex?” One girl asked. I sighed and tried to ignore her comment.

“That's Zack’s cousin.” Her friend said to her quietly. “She and Alex used to date back when she was their photographer.”

The girl nodded and mouthed the word “oh.” Honestly it was a bit freaky how much these kids knew.

“So if they used to date, why would she punch him?” She asked her friend who just shrugged. “Why'd you punch him?” She asked me. I sighed and shook my head.

“I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but that's between Alex and I, and I'd rather not talk about it.” I said.

The girls just nodded and accepted my answer. Thankfully not many other people talked to me, the ones that did just said they were fans of my work or were asking if I was the girl who performed with Jenna yesterday.

After the meet and greet the guys went back to the bus and I went to walk around more and take some more pictures. The freedom to walk around go interact with people was probably what I loved most about Warped, and the fact that I had a bunch of friends here other than the guys that I could go hangout with.

As I walked around the field, I got stopped occasionally by kids asking me to take their pictures, which I gladly did for them. Eventually I ran into Jenna again and she walked around with me for a bit.

“You haven't run into Alex yet, have you?” She asked as she linked her arm with mine. I laughed and shook my head.

“Thankfully no, and I'm avoiding that, which is why I'm walking around out here rather than near the buses or catering.” I told her.

“Aw, but catering sounds so good right now.” She sighed.

“Well I mean we can either go to catering and wait in line forever, or we can take a walk down the street and get McDonald’s and not have to wait more than five minute.” I said.

“McDonald's it is.” She laughed.

Before we went to McDonalds we stopped by the buses to so I could put my camera away and Jenna could let the guys know where she was going so they didn't freak out. When I got the the guys were all standing outside the bus, Vic and Mike noticed me but Jaime and Tony both had their backs to me so I held my finger to my mouth, telling Mike and Vic to stay quiet. I walked quietly over to them, and once I got closer i moved my camera so that it was hanging on my side rather than my chest, then I ran up to them and jumped on Tony’s back, which scared Jaime more than it did him.

“Hey guys.” I said happily.

“Why is there a midget on my back?” Tony asked as he looked at me. I just laughed and jumped down.

“I was trying to scare you.” I said with a grin.

“Well you sure scared me.” Jaime said. “Almost made me piss myself.”

“Well at least I scared someone.” I laughed. “But anyways, I'm heading over to McDonald's with Jenna, you guys want anything?” I asked.

“Tacos.” Mike said immediately. I rolled my eyes and put my hand on my hip.

“McDonald’s doesn't have tacos.” I told him.

“So go find me some tacos.” He said.

“I'm not going on a hunt just to find you tacos Michael.” I said. He pouted at me and flipped me off.

“Fine. I don't want anything then.” He said. I looked to the other guys.

“Anyone else?” I asked. They all said no so I went on the bus and put my camera away. Jenna was waiting outside the bus when I came back out.

“You ready?” She asked.

“Yeah let's go.” I said.

As we were about to leave I heard someone call my name. When I turned around I saw Alex walking over to us.

“And we're out of here.” I said. Jenna just laughed and grabbed my hand.

“Run.” She laughed.

We made our way quickly away from the buses and then left the field. When we got to McDonalds we ordered our food and then sat down to eat.

“So, Tony thinks you're a babe, huh?” She said with a smirk, referring to the picture he posted. I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my soda.

“Stop that before you even get started.” I said. She just laughed and shook her head.

“I'm just saying, you guys are cute.” She said.

“And I'm just saying, we’re just friends.” I said.

“Alright, so what are you gonna do about Alex following you around trying to talk to you?” She asked.

“Avoid him like the plague.” I laughed.

“Think that's gonna work? There's still a whole month left of the tour.” I just shrugged.

“Maybe, maybe not.” I said. “I don't even know why he's bothering with me. Aren't he and Tay together? Shouldn't he be focused on her? Not making my life a living hell.”

“You would think, but he's a guy. They're not always the brightest.” She laughed as she checked her phone. “We should probably get heading back, my set starts soon.” She said.

When we got back to the field Jenna and I went our separate ways, her to the stage and me back to the bus. When I got on the bus Mike, Jaime and Tony were sitting in the front lounge taking turns playing Madden. I didn't see Vic, but I could faintly hear him talking in the back lounge.

“Oh, bad timing to come back.” Mike said, not looking away from the tv. I gave him a questioning look as I sat down between him and Tony.

“Why?” I asked.

“Uh, you'll find out.” Jaime said.

“Just don't go in the back lounge.” Tony told me. I looked at them all confused.

“You guys are being weird.” I said as I grabbed my camera and laptop off the table near us.

I sat there editing my pictures and posting them while the boys continued to play on the Xbox. After a little while I heard the door to the back lounge open. I didn't look up from my laptop until someone stood in front of me.

“Can we talk?” Alex asked.

I immediately tensed up and bit the inside of my cheek. Tony noticed and put his hand on my leg, silently telling me to calm down.

“No.” I said, taking a deep breath, trying to remain calm.

“Jace, please.” He pleaded.

“Why? So you can call me a cunt again?” I asked.

“Look, I didn't mean that, but you were kinda acting like it.” He said. I glared at him went went to get up, with every intention of punching him again, but Mike and Tony grabbed me and pulled me back down.

“Yeah, probably not the best way to get her to talk to you.” Vic said, clapping his hand on Alex’s shoulder as he walked past him.

“Just give me five minutes, please Jacie.” He said. I continued to glare at him, but agreed and we headed to the back lounge.

“Don't kill each other!” Jaime called after us.

When we got to the back lounge I closed the door behind us and stood in front of it, my arms crossed over my chest.

“What the hell could you possibly want?” I asked. He sighed and sat down on the couch, his hands clasped together on his lap as he leaned forward.

“I wanted to apologize.” He said. “I shouldn't have said any of that stuff yesterday. I was just having a rough day and I don't know, I guess seeing you just made it worse and I took it out on you.”

“You don't have any right to take your bad day out on me.” I snapped. “You have no right to be mad at me in general.”

“Yeah, I know. And that's why I'm apologizing. I deserve any stupid little jab you throw at me. I was a dick back then and I was a dick yesterday.” He sighed.

“Is that all?” I asked. He shook his head and I sighed, leaning against the door.

“Jace, I miss you.” He said. “I miss having you on tour with us and I miss hanging out with you. You were my best friend for ten years, and now we haven't spoken, except to yell at each other, in almost five. I just… I want my best friend back Jacie. And I want you to be able to hang out with the guys and not feel weird about it or think you have to leave the second I show up.”

I just shook my head and stared at the ground.

“Alex, I can't be friends with you.” I told him. “I will tolerate you, and I'll be pleasant, but I can't be friends with you. There's too much damage done for that.” He just nodded and stood up.

“Well that's better than nothing, I guess.” He said. “I'll see you around Jacie Rae.”

I moved out of the way of the door, letting him leave, then sat down on the couch and sighed. If I was being completely honest, I did miss him too. Our friendship at least. But I could barely stand to look at him most of the time, let alone be friends with him. The damage was already done.

~*~

Later that night, once we were back on the road and everyone had gone to sleep for the night, I sat on the couch in the front lounge, watching the streetlights go by. I couldn't sleep no matter what I did. I tried sleeping in my bunk for about an hour and a half with no success, I tried the back lounge for another hour. Eventually I just gave up, my mind was racing too fast for me the sleep.

*flashback*

“Jacie Rae, what would I do without you?” Alex said softly, his forehead resting on mine as he laid on top of me.

“Crash and burn.” I smiled.

“God, I love you.” He laughed.

“I love you too Lex.” I said as I leaned forward a bit and kissed him.

“I'm serious, you are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.” He said. “I don't know what I'm gonna do without you here.” I frowned and kissed his cheek.

“I'm not leaving forever.” I told him. “I'll be back in a few months to visit.”

“A few months is a long time. We've never been apart for more than a day. Not since we were kids.” He said.

“I know.” I sighed. “We’ll make it work though.”

“I know we will.” He said as he kissed me again. “I want to spend the rest my life with you Jacie Rae. No matter the distance. You are the love of my life, and I'll always be here waiting for you to come back to me.”

“As will I.”

“Promise me you won't get caught up in the wrong crowd out there.” He said quietly.

“I won't.” I said, my eyes darting away from his.

“Baby, look at me.” He said, gently holding my face in his hands. “Promise me. Please. I can't lose you to that stuff. I already thought I did once and it was unbearable.”

“I promise, Alex.”

*end flashback*

I felt tears rolling down my face and I wiped them away quickly. That was the last good memory I had with Alex. The night before I moved to San Diego. If I had known that was going to be the last time things would be normal between us…

“Jace?” I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over to see Tony standing near me, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“What are you still doing up?” He asked. “It's like three in the morning.” I just shrugged and looked back out the window.

“Can't sleep.” I said, my voice getting caught in my throat a bit.

“Hey, why are you crying?” He asked softly as he sat down next to me on the couch.

“I'm not.” I said. I wiped my eyes again, frustrated that these stupid tears wouldn't stop.

“Jacie, what's wrong?” He put his hand on my shoulder and I placed mine over it.

“I just can't stop thinking.” I said. “My mind is running a mile a minute, and I just can't get it to stop.”

“Alright, so what's going through that pretty little head of yours?” He asked. I sighed and turned so that I was facing him.

“For the first time in years, Alex.” I admitted. “He wants to be friends again, but I… I don't even know how to be friends with him anymore. The last time we were just friends, I was like thirteen. Then we were together for four years. Then we didn't speak for five. I don't remember how to be just friends with him. We were kids when we were friends. I met him when I was seven. We're adults now. I just… honestly I only know how to either love him or hate him. There's no inbetween, there's no room for just friends.”

“Jacie, I know he hurt you, but at some point you gotta let that go.” Tony said. “You've been carrying around a lot of hate for him for years, you'll feel better if you let it go.”

“I know.” I sighed. “It's easier to hate him though. Because if I don't then he'll think we can be friends again, and I don't think I even want to be friends with him. He just… I don't know. It's not that I can't be friends with him because I have feelings for him. It's because he makes me feel… weak, I guess. For lack of a better word.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“I've never told anyone this before, but I overdosed for the first time when I was fifteen, not when I was twenty. It was right after my brother died. I was upset, I felt like I was going crazy. Alex threw my stash out the day before, right before the funeral, and made me promise to stop, but my brothers friends Damian and Abby picked me up after the funeral and I got completely fucked up. When I started to get sick they panicked, called 911 and ran. They just left me there, and when I woke up I was at the hospital with Alex and his mom. I guess they had found her number in my phone or my wallet or something. I had her number down as my emergency contact, and in my phone as ‘mom’ instead of my own mom for the longest time because we didn't get along very well once she and my dad separated. And you know with my habits I was more scared of her finding out than I was them calling alex’s mom. She actually pain for my hospital bill out of pocket so that it wouldn't show up on the insurance. The only condition was if it happened again she would tell my mom.” I explained.

“After that he's just always made it seem like I can't function without him. Like I can't stay clean without him. And for the longest time I was thoroughly convinced that I couldn't. Until I moved to San Diego at least. I just can't be friends with someone who is so convinced that they are the only reason that I'm clean and sober and doing well, and I know that's exactly what he'll think. I'm sure that's what he still thinks. He took so much pride in getting me clean, that it honestly felt like it was more of an accomplishment for him than it was for me.”

“So just explain that to him.” I shook my head and pulled my knees up to my chest.

“I shouldn't have to.” I sighed. “All of this would just be easier if I had never touched that stuff to begin with and I had never dated him.”

“Yeah, but if you hadn't, you wouldn't be who you are now, you probably wouldn't be our photographer and I wouldn't have my best friend.” He said. “If nothing ever happened between you and Alex you would have moved back to Baltimore as soon as you graduated, just like you originally planned.”

“Yeah, that's true.” I said with a slight laugh. “I fucking hated San Diego when I first moved there.”

“And look at you now, no one would ever guess you were from the east coast.” He laughed.

“Unless they're watching sports with me and Baltimore is playing.” I said. “You can never get rid of that home team pride.”

“Yeah, you and your damn Ravens.”

“Don't hate them just because they're better.” I laughed.

“They're not and you know it. I know you have a soft spot for the Chargers.” He said.

“Yeah, well, just don't tell my dad that. I may get disowned.” I said, shaking my head as we both laughed.

After our laughter faded we turned the tv on, the volume low so we wouldn't wake anyone, and watched the office for a while. Tony laid down on the couch and I laid on him, resting my head on his chest so that I could still see the tv.

“Hey Tone.” I said after a while.

“Hm?” He looked down at me.

“I'm glad things happened like they did.” I told him. “I wouldn't have my best friend either if I had moved back to Baltimore.”

Notes

A bit of a cute moment between Jacie and Tony. I hope you guys enjoyed it, I'll update soon :)