Who knew a week can go by so fast. Their tour with All Time Low and Sleeping with Sirens will be amazing but I’m not ready for Jaime to be leaving but I can’t hold him back. I should be happy and excited for him right now but I just can’t and I can’t even pretend to be. It’ll be a month before he’ll be in the area and I’ll be able to see him. All I’m doing right now is standing next to the bus and the trailer watching them load up to leave. It’s so early in the morning that I barely managed to get dressed, somehow I was able to get a bra on under one of Jaimes shirts and a pair of sweats before Jaime drove us here. Everyone’s girlfriends or best friends or some family members are here for the final goodbyes before they leave.
It’s like I’m paralyzed in this spot, not able to move, not able to cry, only able to watch Jaime. He comes up to me and wraps his arms around my body, holding me to chest. “I’m so sorry, Haley, I want to bring you with me.”
“I know Jaime. I’ll be fine. Honestly baby I will be. I promise. I’ve got Emily and Steph and Kate. I’m not going to be alone, Kate’s going to stay over a lot.” I feel the tears finally begin to escape my eyes, I let my heart win and cave in to saying, “Baby, stay with me.” It comes out as a whisper, definitely not one that Jaime heard. I press my ear to his chest, listening to his heart beat.
“I’m scared Hales.” He pulls away slightly, “I just want you to be okay while I’m gone.”
I nod as he leans in to kiss me. Jaimes lips connect to mine, I want this to last forever. I don’t want to pull away, just freeze this moment and live in it for as long as possible. It’s so hard to believe that all of this started 8, no, 9 months ago. 9 months ago I didn’t have him like this and now it feels as if I’ll never have this again though I know it’s not true. The whole world has slowed down in this moment letting me take it all in. Tears escape my eyes again as soon as Jaime pulls away and presses his forehead to mine. His hands on the sides of my head to use his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be home before you know it. It’s not that long of a tour I don’t think. 9 weeks and I’ll be home.” He pulls back, looking into my eyes, “I want to hear your voice every day. As often as I can.”
“Jaime, I promise. I love you but you need to leave now. They’re waiting on you. I love you,” I pull him back to me for a goodbye kiss then break it and push him towards the door to the bus.
“I love you Haley.” He boards onto the bus with tears in his eyes. The door closes and I watch as the bus pulls away and disappears down the street.
I watch as everyone climbs into their cars and makes their way home. “Haley? Am I still okay to come over right now?” I nod and walk to my car with her following behind me to go home. We make it home and through the front door of the house, I kick off my shoes and walk to my bedroom. “You’re like a zombie.”
“I wouldn’t be talking if I were you. Have you looked in a mirror this morning Kate?”
“No I actually haven’t,” we both manage to laugh through everything.
“I’m gonna get a shower. Do you want to get one? I think you still have some clothes here.”
“God, I really need to get my own place and no, I took one with Mike this morning.” I love how her eyes light up when she talks about him, even when she says things like that and ends the sentence with a smirk. “Want me to make breakfast or anything?”
“No, I’m not hungry, make yourself at home. I just want to lay down.”
Kate just stands in the counter looking shocked as I turn away. I let my feet carry me to my room and collapse into bed. “Haley?” I see Kate standing in the doorway and motion for her to come in. Scooting over I make room for her to lay beside me. “You don’t seem okay and I can’t tell if it’s just from Jaime leaving.”
I really want to say,‘Well Kate I’d like to drag a blade across my hip and watch the blood run down my leg’ but I just can’t say what I’m thinking right now. So instead I say, “I’m fine. I just don’t want to lose him, but all I want to do is sleep.” Laying on my side I pull a pillow to myself and let Kate rub my back. I fall asleep with the fear of losing Jaime in my mind.
Hours later I wake up and decide to get in the shower. Once I’m done I dry my body and pull on clothes before I towel dry my hair and brush it. Going towards the kitchen I hear voices in the living room, just assuming it’s Kate watching TV but I’m wrong. It’s actually Kate with Emily and Steph. For some reason I’m frozen in my place, seems to be happening a lot lately, I can’t help but wonder if they know what I’m feeling right now. It’s like I can’t even hear what they’re saying, I’m just stuck here. What the fuck is wrong with me. Before they even notice me I snap out of it and go to the kitchen in search of food. I find a box of coco puffs and make myself a bowl of cereal then sit with the other girls.
“What are your plans for while Jaimes gone Hales?”
“I’m going to paint the house. And take extra shifts at work,” I answer Steph between mouthfuls of cereal.
“What colors?”
“No idea.” I can’t help but smile at the thought of how surprised Jaime will be. Sure he knows that I’m going to paint but he doesn’t know the colors, but neither do I. I’m definitely smiling like an idiot right now and feeling myself blush does not make my smile falter.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Mike?” Emily directs her question to Kate.
“Uh, we’re dating but we haven’t really made it official I guess. He hasn’t asked or anything. I’ve stayed with him a lot though, I guess that counts for something. It’s going to be weird without him honestly, I’ve gotten used to being with him.”
We spend hours talking about everything from what we’re going to be doing while the boys are gone to talking about sex, and apparently all of us ending up having sex nearly non-stop all week ‘cause the guys decided that they had to make up for leaving. It’s interesting how since I finally completely opened up to someone I’ve been able to let myself get close to people. Months ago I only had Jaime and the other guys plus some secrets and after they found out I got closer to them, a lot closer to Jaime in many ways, and I made an actual friend. Now here I am sitting with 3 girls that I’ve become friends with, one of which is my best friend, in the living room of a house of mine and my boyfriends. I never saw myself getting here, I never thought it could happen. When I was younger I didn’t even think I would make it to live past age 20, but now I’m 23 and I love my life and everyone in it. I’m just scared right now, that’s why I have some of these thoughts. I’m just scared of losing Jaime.

Notes

Ok guys I know I'm slow. This really is just a filler cause like I said I'm trying to get to the actually shit that's gonna go down.

Title credit goes to You Me at Six