Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

Tangled in the Great Escape

If You Only New

Jaime’s fallen back asleep so I get up and go down stairs to face Vic and Mike, knowing they heard mine and Jaime’s conversation. I see that they’re not in the living room so I go back to Vic’s room, hearing him and Mike talking, I knock on the door and Vic lets me in and pulls me into a hug. “Hey,” I say weakly as I press my back to the wall and slide down it to sit on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. “You guys heard, didn’t you?” They both nod to say yes and as if asking for me to explain. “We got in a fight or something, I really don’t know what it was. What did you hear?”
“All of it.” Vic whispers with a saddened look on his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you guys want me to leave? I know I kinda fuck everything up over here.”
“No. We want you to be okay again. If theres anything we can do just tell us.”
“I’m going to go get dressed. Can you please tell Jaime I went out?”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.” I get up and walk out, Mike still hasn’t said anything to me. Upstairs I pull on shorts and a t-shirt then my worn out Vans since it’s finally getting warm again. I run down the stairs, out the door and down the street, until I slow to a walk. I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t care. I just want the thoughts to stop, if I run fast enough or go somewhere maybe I can escape them for a little while. Doing things like this won’t hurt the guys as much as cutting myself would. I wish I could turn to it. The feeling it gives me. I don’t know how far I’ve gone, but I find a park with some swings. As I sit on a swing I realize I forgot my phone, I don’t care much. Maybe it’d be good if no one found me. Maybe they’d be happier. It’s not like my family ever wanted me, so why should anyone? There’s so many things that could be better for everyone else if I were gone. If I were gone I’d be lucky for anyone to even remember my name.
Face it, I’m basically gone already. I only have 4 people and I’m not sure if they actually want me around.
-----
Hours have passed and I have no idea who time it is. It’s starting to get dark and I’m still here on this swing wondering if anyones going to come find me. I don’t know if it’s because of the lighting or if I’ve never been here but this place is so unfamiliar. I don’t know my way home from here, I just took off and ran and paid no attention to where I was going. Somehow I ended up here, wherever here is. There’s so many things still going through my mind. I really don’t know why I kept this shit from them, they were going to know whether I told them or if they figured it out. Maybe they’re waiting for me to come home or they’re searching for me or maybe they didn’t bother at all. If I were them I would’ve just forgotten about it. I’m not needed, I have no purpose so what’s the point.
My feet drag in the dirt beneath me and my body moves back and forth the seat that’s slightly swinging. The mysterious noises don’t bother me anymore, none of it really matters right now. Nothing makes sense when I’m numb. I expected myself to cry when I got here but I didn’t, there’s nothing to cry about I think. I watch someone walk toward the swing set and sit in the seat next to mine, facing the opposite direction as me. She pulls a box of cigarettes from her pocket along with a lighter and offers me one, to which I shake my head. She looks out at the rest of the park and I keep my eyes on the ground while my feet draw patterns in the sand.
“Why are you out here?” I’m taken aback it’s the first thing she’s said to me.
“I could ask you the same,”
She lets out a small laugh, “That’s true. I wanted to get out. This is one of the only places I can go.”
“So, where is this?”
“You don’t know where you are?”
“Nope. I guess I had to get out. Don’t want to be a burden on them so I just left. Got dressed and ran. I was going to go back. I just don’t know where I am.”
“I’ve done the same before. Parents said some shit so I ran. Got grounded considering I was 16 when I did that. I still get hell from them, hopefully moving out soon. I’m Kate, by the way. What did your parents do to make you like this?”
“I’m Haley. What parents. My mom left without even saying anything then Dad took it upon himself to go to work then not come home at night, instead he’d go out and hook up with some girl or get drunk off his ass with his friends. I ended up basically alone besides a friend and he was busy half the time. I moved out as soon as I could. Got a job and moved into a place with 2 roommates and got shit from them. Lost my job, had to move out, ended up moving in with my boyfriend, who wasn’t a boyfriend at the time. And now here I am and I don’t know if I should even go back, I cause a shit load of problems. You know pretty much my life story now.” Well, beside a few gruesome details.
“Wow. I’m sorry. I’d trade if I could. You don’t deserve that shit.”
“I deserve much worse.”
“No one deserves that. I just have fights with my parents. Nothing huge. I’m 19 and still living with them and I hate it but I have nowhere to go so I’ve got to put up with it for a while.”
I watch as she smokes, her appearance is not anything like any 19 year old that I’ve met. “You’re 19? I thought you’d be like 21 or something. More like my age. You just don’t seem 19.”
“Eh, age is shit. Nothing but restrictions. You can smoke but you can't drink. You can go to some clubs, but the ones you can go to are shit. There’s restrictions on everything. If I could fast forward I would.”
“Being 19 is nice, you get to still blame things you do on being a reckless teenager. I never got that chance. I never got to be a teenager at all really. Hold on to it. Get in fights, fucking piss people off, scream at the top of your lungs. Raise hell, do whatever. Don’t waste it and don’t resent your parents. Once they’re gone you can’t usually bring them back. It’s really cliche but you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”
“I try but my parents try to control everything, anyways, I should probably go home. Want to use my phone to call for someone?”
“Yea, thanks Kate. I needed this.” I give her a smile and begin to dial, getting the info of where we are from her.
Kate left to go home after I gave her my number for if she ever wanted to talk again and Jaime’s on his way. Goosebumps spread across my skin as I stand and watch the stars appear in the cool breeze of spring. My boyfriend pulls up and I climb into his car, without a word we drive home. Once in the driveway I get out of the car and make my way into the house and up to our bedroom, ignoring the guys’ questions and looks. I turn around to face the door as Jaime walks into the room and I see the imprint of a fist on the wall. He sees what I’m staring at and shrugs his shoulders then sits on the edge of his bed. I pull my shoes off and sit on the floor as he talks to me. “I thought you weren’t going to come back.”
“I thought you wouldn’t want me back.” He looks at anything but me. “I’m sorry Jaime. I’m sorry that I get this way. You don’t deserve it and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. You really do deserve someone better than me. I’m a fuck up. I’m not special, I’m just here.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you back? Did I do something to make you think I don’t want you?” He looks so hurt and scared.
“You didn’t do anything. It’s all in my head. It’s all me and you shouldn’t have to deal with me. I’m pathetic.”
“I love you Haley, nothing’s going to change that, not even when you do shit like this. Somethings wrong. That’s clear. Most people don’t do that Hales, they don’t get up and leave after a fucking amazing night. I know you’re scared but don’t run away from me. Please don’t leave. You’re not pathetic and I swear I’m going to help you through all of this. I’m not leaving you. Do you know what it did to me when Vic told me you left? I tried calling but you left your phone so I went out looking for you at all the places I knew you’d go and then you called and told me where you were. I was so damn scared. I thought I had actually lost you. I thought I was going to find you dead somewhere. I thought I’d never have you again.”
“I’m just tired of it Jaime. Things get better, then my thoughts get worse. My thoughts begin to get better then there’s something that always throws me back down. It never ends. It’s hell in my mind. Last night was so amazing and perfect and everything I wanted and then I woke up this morning thinking that I wasn’t good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m just not enough for you. And that sucks because I don’t want to do that to you. I want you to like my body and I want to know what to do when we do that and I want to be enough for you and I don’t know how to do all of these things that I should. I’m starting to get bad again.” I whisper the last sentence.
“You’re perfect Haley. You don’t need to know how to have sex. That’s not how it works, you figure it out as it happens like last night. You are enough, you’re more than enough. You’re beautiful, you always will be. I don’t want to lose you Hales. Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me. I know that you hurt but let me help. Don’t push me away and leave. Haley please stay with me baby.”
I sit on the bed next to him and place my head on his shoulder, “I love you Hime.”
“I love you too. We’re going to figure things out.”
I lay back and stare at the ceiling, my mind still torturing me. I don’t understand how I can actually be happy for a while then everything just crashes down again. This is probably only the beginning of it. I’ve felt like this before and it didn’t turn out well and I have the scar to prove it. Without changing out of the clothes I’m wearing I curl up in bed and let my mind consume me. My thoughts can go from this horrible shit to wanting him and wanting to go out and do things and it changes so quick. Jaime breaks me from the grasp of the thoughts by moving my hair out of the way and kisses my neck. I let out a sigh and turn to him, “You still want to have me like this?”
“I always want you like this, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want it again yet,” He whispers into my ear and continues down my neck. Red spreads across my cheeks when he nips at my collar bones. “Alright, I’m sorry. I’m done now. I just wanted that.”
He gently kisses my lips so I run my fingers through his hair and pull him to me. “I really wish I were up for more. You make me feel so good. By the way, happy birthday. I love you.” We both smile into the kiss when our lips reconnect.

Notes

So yea this is pretty poorly written but oh well story development I guess.
At the very end its May 17 cause yea that's Jaimes actual birthday. I never Really did a like time I guess like pointing out when it is but I'll fix that in the next chapter.
Hope you guys enjoy the new character there's going to be a couple more in the next chapter.
Thank you <3

Comments

Cliff hangers suuuuccckkkkkk
Vics_Girl22 Vics_Girl22
8/27/13
AFHASDGHABRGAHEBAR Oh my god the feels ;_;
xMareBear14x xMareBear14x
8/27/13
Omg nooooo!!!
Turtlesowls Turtlesowls
8/27/13
@clairephernelia
read on darling. just put up another chapter lol
Kelsey Kelsey
8/27/13
@clairephernelia
read on darling. just put up another chapter lol
Kelsey Kelsey
8/27/13