I got home from Drew and Reid’s house close to three in the morning, fully expecting to let myself inside and then crawl into bed. I was exhausted, for my first day out and socializing in a long time, it was pretty demanding. I wanted nothing more than to strip down and sleep for at least twelve hours. As I walked up the steps, I wished that I was back on tour for a brief moment. Heading back to the bus after a long day on the road held some of my greatest memories.

Memories of Tony carrying me back to the bus to cuddle up together. Memories of Vic trying so hard to skip while heavily intoxicated. Memories of Mike complaining about how he hated going back to the bus without a girl to sleep with. Memories of Jaime trying to tell us a story in a Spanish even though he knew we didn’t speak it. And memories of Marky, alive and smiling as he played air guitar all the way back to our bus after a show.

For the first time in a long time, I was able to focus on the positive memories and not the negative ones: like the ones that caused me to drink myself into a comatose state, or worse.

I shut the door behind me, looking down at the tattoo on my left wrist that looked like nothing but a bunch of swirls, when it used to hold Marky’s name. Instead, I decided to carve a word into my skin. The word Liar was readable on my wrist, but only if you knew what you were looking for. I made a mental note to get the tattoo fixed as I flicked on the light, only to be startled by a figure sitting on my couch.

For a moment I contemplated running back out the front door, but once I saw the light reflect off of the piercing on his upper lip, I relaxed. It was just Mike.

“Mike, what the hell?” I gasped, holding my right hand over my heart. “Are you trying to kill me? You know how many murder movies I’ve watched, and you know how paranoid they make me.”

“Come sit down with me, Meedie,” Mike said, his voice alarmingly serious.

I kicked off my boots and slowly walked over to him, hesitantly sitting beside him. I pulled my purse into my lap and wrapped my arms around it. “Why are you being so serious? You’re really scaring me, now…”

“Meedie, I heard about how you broke up with Tony,” he began.

“That doesn’t mean that I’m going to hook up with you now,” I said with a chuckle, desperately trying to lighten the serious mood.

Mike sighed. “Meedie, I’m trying to be serious here. I know how much Tony means to you. Why did you break up with him? Are you okay?”

I groaned. “What, just because I want to be alone for a while means that something automatically is wrong with me? Tony and I were growing apart, so I ended things. I have other things I need to focus on right now. I’m trying to be sober and get working with my new band. I don’t need any distractions.”

“Tony wasn’t a distraction, Meedie, he was your everything. I know you love him, and I know how hard it is for you to love. Tony can help you through this. He can help you become sober and support you. You can’t go through life changes alone, I know how you are. You can’t stand being alone,” Mike said, his hands moving frantically as he spoke. He was turned to face me, his eyes boring into my face as I stared straight ahead, his words hitting me like bricks.

“Don’t you dare tell me who I am and what I am like,” I said through a tight jaw.

Mike laughed at my words. “I know you’re stubborn and you try to act as tough as you think you are, but Meedie, I know you’re weak. And you have every right to be weak and that’s okay. Meedie, it’s okay! Just let us help you through this. Let Tony help you through this.”

I shook my head, the tears streaming down my face. “Mike, shut the fuck up and get out of my house.”

“Meedie, fucking stop!” Mike yelled, standing up so quickly that it caused me to jump. He raised his hands in the air in anger and I quickly collapsed on the couch, covering my head, anticipating the blow that Mike’s anger was going to bring me. “What the hell are you doing? You think I’m going to fucking hit you?”

“I don’t know anymore!” I screamed into the couch cushion. I pulled away, my tears leaving flecks of my mascara on the fabric of the couch. I looked to Mike and I could only imagine how pathetic I looked. I knew I looked broken and damaged. The fight that used to be in my eyes was gone, and I could feel its absence. “One reason why I could never find myself getting intimate with a guy was because of how badly I have been beaten by them. And the one guy I actually trust…”

“Wait, what are you saying? Meedie, did Tony hit you? I swear to God if he did anything to you, I will-“

“Mike, no, he didn’t hit me. He did push me while we were arguing and I fell in the hotel hallway, but he didn’t hit me. He didn’t physically hurt me, it was the emotional damage that hurts. It hurts worse than any slap to the face,” I said with a sigh. “We moved past it, for a while, but I just couldn’t let it go. He pushed me away from him, and in result I ended up pushing him away.”

Mike calmed down a bit, but he was still angry. “Meedie, I had no idea, I’m so sorry.” He paced around the living room. I looked past him to see that it was now close to four in the morning, and I had to be back at Drew’s house in six hours to have band practice.

“Mike, look, I really appreciate you coming here to check up on me, but I really need to get some sleep,” I begged. I told him briefly about my day and how I was going to be working on new songs for the demo album we wanted to record.

“That’s so great, Meedie, I’m so happy for you. My mom will definitely let guys go to her house. Hell, she’d probably kick us out if we wanted to use it just so she could see you,” Mike said with a slight chuckle. “But to be completely honest, I came here not only to check up on you, but to tell you about Tony. Meedie, he’s a wreck.”

And in that instant I felt like my entire world had crashed down. I did love Tony, more than anyone, and to know that I had crushed him hurt worse than actually breaking up with him. “Mike, I really wish you hadn’t told me that.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but you need to know. I know you guys haven’t spoken, but I just needed to keep you in the loop. He’s not doing anything too extreme, yet, but I really haven’t seen him like this before. I think some closure would be nice for the two of you,” he suggested. Mike sat down beside me again, this time his expression was soft and hopeful – the side of Mike that I rarely saw but cherished dearly. Although Mike always pestered me about hooking up or being hot, he was like a brother to me. This was the side of Mike that reminded me why I had kept him around for all these years. This was the side of Mike that made up for his sexual comments and advances. This was the Mike that told me that I had a family and was loved.

“I really appreciate your suggestion, but I don’t think there’s much else for me to say on that matter. I told Tony exactly how I was feeling and that’s it: there’s nothing more to say.” I sighed and looked down at my hands that were gripping onto my purse. I wonder what Marky would have told me to do in this situation. Marky was never a relationship kind of guy, but he always had the right thing to say, and I always listened to him because he was my brother and he knew best.

I looked back up to Mike and his soft, caring eyes and realized that this was my brother now. Marky was gone and now I had Mike and Vic there for me and I couldn’t push them away, too. Marky wouldn’t want me to. Marky respected the Fuentes family more than anyone on the planet, he would want me to listen.

“I told Tony the same thing. I think it’s more of what he has to say. He said he’s going to call you tomorrow, and I really think that you should answer it,” Mike said before a yawn took over. He looked at the watch that was on his left wrist and let out a small ‘oh’ when he realized the time. “Well, I guess he’ll be calling you today since it’s past four in the morning now.”

“Yeah, leave so I can fall asleep,” I commented, chuckling slightly. I stood up and walked in the kitchen, Mike following closely after me. He leaned against the counter as I opened up my fridge and pulled out a water bottle. I grabbed a small packet of fruit snacks from the cupboard, holding one up to offer to Mike, to which he shook his head.

“Okay, I’ll head out now since you’ve got a long day tomorrow with your new best friends,” Mike said, pouting.

I scoffed at his words. “You know that you’ll always be my number one, Mikey.” I popped a couple of fruit snacks into my mouth before taking a sip of water and rolling my eyes at Mike and his needy ways.

“Hey, now that you and Tony are broken up, you might be looking for a rebound lay, and you know…I’ve got you covered,” Mike said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Let’s see…I’m free…now?”

“Go home, Mike, I’m going to bed,” I said through a laugh. I checked the time as I tossed the fruit snacks wrapper into the trash in the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink. “Oh man, it’s already four fifteen? Goodnight!” I began to walk into the other room.

“I guess I’ll just see myself out then,” Mike said with a laugh.

“Wait, how did you get in here, anyway?” I asked, turning around as I paused in the hallway.

Mike held up a silver key and smiled. “I have my ways. I’ll lock it on the way out.” He walked with a smug smile on his face before he turned around and exited the door, locking it behind him.

I just let out a sigh and headed into my bedroom to finally get some rest. I decided against changing my clothes since I was too tired and just collapsed onto my bed. I fell asleep the second my head touched the pillow.

--

It was a rough morning and afternoon. I had a headache from the lack of sleep that I got, and not to mention I kept having horrible dreams about what my conversation with Tony would be like. I woke up several times throughout the night either in a pool of sweat, tears, or short of breath. My voice was awful for the first half of the band practice, and I apologized a thousand times, blaming it on how long it had been since I had actually sang. I knew that being band mates met becoming family, but I couldn’t stand to tell them about how poorly I had slept, especially after seeing the way they looked at me when I admitted that Tony and I had broken up. I could only take so much pity.

My phone rang during the break we had taken for lunch. I decided to drive myself to a sandwich shop that was down the street from Drew’s house so I could be alone for a while and clear my head. Just as my sandwich was brought to my table, my phone began to ring.

I had decided to take Mike’s advice and keep an eye out for Tony’s call. I had my ringer on all day, only to be disappointed with every miscellaneous phone call that I received: still nothing from Tony. As I looked down at my ringing phone, I hoped to see my contact photo for Tony taking up my screen, but instead there was a picture of Vic.

I took my time answering the call so I could slow my breathing down.

“Hey Vic,” I greeted.

“Hey Meeds,” Vic’s voice said into the phone. Although he didn’t sound like his cheerful self, I could sense a bit more happiness in his tone compared to the last time we had talked. “How is band practice going?”

“It’s going surprisingly well. Only one argument has broken out, and only a total of three drumsticks have been throw at various band members in rage. I’d say that’s pretty impressive for a first run,” I joked, laughing lightly. Vic knew how argumentative I was and how much Meadows used to argue in the process of writing an album. And Pierce the Veil had plenty of their own stories about their writing and recording process.

Vic erupted into laughter, almost as if he hadn’t laughed in so long and it was all building up, waiting to be released. “So Reid’s a thrower then? Mike’s a breaker. He breaks his drumsticks and sometimes tries to stab the head of his snare drum. It takes at least two of us to hold him back.”

The conversation that was flowing between us brought me an amount of joy that I hadn’t felt in so long. It had been a long time since I had truly connected with Vic, even threw humorous banter. “That’s interesting, I would expect him to be the violent type. You know, throwing, tackling, and the like.”

“Believe it or not that’s Jaime. Jaime is definitely the tackling type,” Vic inquired, his tone somewhat serious, but the smile was still audible.

I nodded, remembering a time that Jaime had gotten frustrated with Marky after he borrowed one of his cables without asking. Jaime tackled him in the middle of sound check, causing Marky to fall over and sprain his wrist. “No, yeah, I believe it.”

We shared a moment of laughter before Vic spoke up again, his tone strikingly serious. “Hey, so today I was just browsing around on my phone and I came across something interesting on Instagram. Do you follow Abby?”

“Abby, the one who works at Creep Show, doing interviews?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. “I don’t know if I follow her. I haven’t even been on any social media in a while.” I felt overwhelmingly guilty as I realized this. I had abandoned my fans for so long, leaving them wondering and lost after the death of Marky, and then I came back, pretty much breaking the internet at the sudden return, and then I vanish again right when they started to get excited for my return. Why did I have to be so inconsistent?

“Oh, well, you should follow her. I’ll text you her username,” Vic said. “But anyway, she posted a picture today and I really think you should look at it. It had some interesting news.”

I was just about to ask what it was and complain about how he wouldn’t just spit it out, but he spoke up again before I could say anything.

“I’ll send you a screenshot of it. I have to go. Love you, Miranda,” Vic said quickly.

We said our goodbyes and hung up. Shortly after our conversation was ended, I received two text messages from Vic. The first being Abby’s Instagram username, and the second being a screenshot of Abby’s post on Instagram. I enlarged the picture and read it over, my heart stopping as I read the news.

There was a picture of me from a photo shoot that I had done years ago with another photo of me beside it. The difference between the two photos was terrifying. The first photo was from years ago, right after we had completed our first tour as Meadows. I looked healthy, happy, and strong. My makeup was minimal, but my face was still glowing and filled in. My hair looked shiny and luscious, naturally wavy and healthy. The second picture was a still from the interview I had done a few weeks back, right before Tony and I had broken up. I was smiling, but the happiness wasn’t natural, it looked forced. My skin was much paler and my face had slimmed down a lot – my cheek bones were too prominent and I looked extremely unhealthy. My hair looked flat and dry, still with a slight natural wave, but the shine was gone.

The words across the photo read: Meedie MontClair: The Real Story 9PM-11PM. The caption that was on the picture was written by Abby: Meedie MontClair’s first exclusive interview since the tragic passing of her younger brother is ready to be released. I had the honor of getting to know Meedie and she finally agreed to get behind the camera for the first time in over a year. Tune in tonight for the whole story. The story we’ve all been waiting for.

Did I really look that different? Had I really given everybody such a shock? I briefly scrolled through the comments, most of which were comments about how sad they were about Marky. There was a couple asking about where I had disappeared to again, and another one asking about my relationship with Tony. I had to stop abandoning my fans. If I wanted to make a comeback in the music scene, I needed to show that the fans could trust me again.

I logged onto Instagram and reposted the picture, tagging Abby in the comments: @abbyinterview earned my trust, and now it’s time that I earn yours back. I know that I’ve been so inconsistent in your lives, but I am trying to change. I hope that after you tune in to this interview, you’ll understand. And I hope that you all still love me, even after all of my deepest secrets, regrets, and worries are exposed. I want you to know the new me, the real me. I’m both scared and excited to see how this interview turns out. Two hours of nothing but my life is terrifying, but hopefully it can pave the way to a better future…together <3

I set my phone aside before the likes and comments came pouring in. I was too afraid to see what everyone had to say. I was too afraid of what people wanted to know about me, and what they might have already known.

Everyone is allowed their secrets and their worries, but when you’re the center of something as huge as the split of a popular band, the death of a beloved musician, and a relationship with another musician, it’s nearly impossible to have your own life. My life was constantly on display – waiting to be critiqued and debated. Sure, it was possible that I could have decided to keep Marky’s death to myself, and my relationship with Tony, and even my alcoholism, but I couldn’t do it anymore. To me, the definition of a fan was more than a person who appreciated the work I do, but rather a person who embraces my life as a small part of their own: whether it only be my musical life or my association to Tony Perry, no matter what it may be, they wanted to know me and they wanted to understand me. Sometimes in order to better understand yourself, you need to understand others. I never knew that until I had met Tony Perry.

The rest of the day went by in a blur: the progress that we were making as a band was impeccable. We had gotten through enough material to make a five-track demo and a ten-track album after we found a label that we all agreed on. I got on the phone with Mike, told him the news, who then gave me the approval to call his mother, Vivian, to see if we could head over in a couple of weeks to start on the demo. After getting the okay from the Fuentes family, Vic agreed to assist in the demo recording process, and he even talked to his tour manager, Matt, and asked if he could give Chloe a quick lesson on how to get a band started.

It was all going so smoothly that I forgot about the interview entirely. My mind was solely focused on the boys in front of me. Reid was going to be a lively drummer, and definitely a heartthrob. Drew was going to be one of the biggest members of the band to be in the eyes of the public because of how conversational and confident he was, and surely his guitar skills were going to blow the fans out of the water. Logan was quiet and I still didn’t know much about him, but I had a feeling that he was going to end up growing a lot, not only as a guitarist, but as a person; the music industry was either going to make him or break him. And then Alex, more commonly known as Al, was going to bring the position of bassist to a whole new level. He was going to be like the Tony Perry of the band. His smile was going to break the hearts of teenage girls and his shyness was going to make him a treasured mystery. I was attached to each of these musicians, and I could already feel the family bonds coming together. Chloe and her awkward charm included.

Drew popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate the success of our first band practice, and even purchased sparkling cider just for me since they were now aware of my sobriety. It was a challenge trying to remain sober, but I managed to pull through. I was still trying to adjust to being the only sober person in the room; I found that it was common to become really bored and out of the loop. Drunken Logan said something to drunken Drew and they erupted into a fit of laughter. Even though I heard what they said, I didn’t find it funny. It was hard to adjust to the environment and decided that before I became too frustrated or bored that I would just head home.

I walked through the door close to midnight, not even paying any attention to the fact that my front door was unlocked when I specifically remembered locking it before I left. I was too tired to pay attention to the details. I walked inside and flicked the light on before I set my purse down on the kitchen counter. I pulled out Marky’s journal and turned toward my bedroom but my journey was cut short.

I jumped at the sight of Tony Perry sitting in the middle of my couch. He had dark circles that were visible from across the room, his eyes lined with redness and need for sleep. He looked horrible.

“I’m sorry,” he said, standing up, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought Vic said he talked to you.”

“Yeah, he said you were going to call, not break into my house,” I said, my breathing heavy. I was trying to be casual and calm, but I couldn’t ignore the way my heart was beating out of my chest. “How did you get in here, anyway? You’re the second person to do this to me in less than twenty-four hours.”

Tony chuckled and held up a small, silver key – presumably the same key that Mike had the night before. He set it down on the counter of the breakfast bar that connection to my kitchen. “Everyone knows that there’s a spare key under the eagle statue on the windowsill beside your door.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and inhaled. “Not everybody, because I sure as hell didn’t know that.”

“Marky put it there. When we used to party together Marky would get pretty trashed and would often misplace or forget his keys, so he ended up putting a spare key under the eagle statue and let all of us know so we could get him inside easier when he was…well, tapped out,” Tony explained, dropping his head at his last words. “I thought you knew about the key. How else did you think I was always getting inside your house?”

Tony and I instantly became awkward at the mentioning of what it was like when we were together. I had never gone through a break up such as ours before – I never had to try transitioning from in a relationship to friends, or acquaintances, or whatever we were. My only other relationship was with Lindsay, and she cheated on me so all ties were instantly broken. I had never thought about what it would be like if Tony Perry and I ever broke up. We were connected in too many ways – through Mike, Vic, Jaime, and the music industry. There was no way that I could ever cut all ties off with him, and there was no way that I would ever want to.

“So, what caused you to break into my house today?” I teased, trying to move on from the awkward tension in the room.

Tony nodded. “Right,” he said. “Well, I watched the interview.”

I nodded my head and let out an ‘oh’ when I remembered that the interview was going to be aired that night. But then I was confused for a moment. Why would Tony need to come rushing over to my house after watching the interview? Why couldn’t he just call me like Vic said he was going to?

But then it all came rushing back to me. My night with Abby was filled with drinking and laughter and a lot of information about Tony. Was she allowed to use all of that information I had given her? I did talk about Tony during the on-camera portion of the interview, but there was so much more that I admitted to Abby after the camera was off.

“Oh,” I finally said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Did you watch it?” Tony asked, picking up on my uncertainty.

I shook my head. “Not yet. I had band practice with the guys today and forgot about it.”

“It’s playing again in about half an hour,” Tony said, looking down at the watch on his wrist. “You should record it or something.”

“Okay, I will,” I said through a sigh. “I’ll watch it tomorrow after I wake up.”

Tony smiled softly. “Will you call me once you’ve finished watching it?”

“Okay.”

“Then we can talk.” Tony smiled softly. I found Tony’s calm demeanor to be odd. He seemed happy about something, relieved even. “I’ll leave the spare key on the counter, unless you want me popping in unexpected.” Tony laughed a bit before heading toward the front door.

I walked behind him, picking up the spare key from the counter as I did so I wouldn’t forget to put it on the key ring beside the door. I waited in the doorway, resting my hand on the door as he stepped through the threshold.

“Oh, and Meedie?” He turned around quickly so our bodies were nearly touching. I could feel his breath on the tip of my nose as he spoke.

I inhaled deeply and said, “Yeah?”

“You look good,” he said, smiling softly almost as if he knew that he was a wreck. I wondered if I really did look good to him. And I wondered how that made him feel about our break up.

I smiled and looked down to hide the blush that was on my cheeks. I couldn’t deny the way that Tony Perry still made my heart flutter, especially when he walked away from me. I felt like my heart was going to explode.

“Tony Perry,” I said quickly, causing him to quickly turn around and take a step towards me.

“Yeah?” he answered in an instant. He sounded breathless.

I looked down at the spare key in my right hand. “You forgot to put the spare key back,” I said, biting my bottom lip. I held the key out to him.

He smirked as he reached out for the key. “Of course,” he said with a knowing grin.

This time when he turned away it didn’t feel so much like a goodbye.

Notes

Meedie's Outfit

Here is another update for you guys! I updated within the same month! Woohoo! Go me! I am honestly extremely proud of this, and get this - the next chapter is already almost done. I'll try to post it in another week or two.

I do have some bad news, though. There's only one chapter left before the epilogue :( But don't worry, there will be a sequel! I will post the sequel with the last installment of the epilogue. The epilogue is most likely going to be in two parts.

Please let me know what you guys thought of this chapter. I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter. I reread a lot of the previous chapters to get a feel for the characters again, and I think it really shows. Please comment! Love you all! xoxo