Was it really your time?

*Vic’s POV*
It has been hours since Jenna was rushed to the ER. We’ve all decided that I should just stay and wait since I couldn’t handle the stress. I found myself sitting in between Jenna’s mom and my mom. The guys decided to go home for a quick shower and a change of clean clothes. I, on the other hand, insisted to stay.

My mind is killing me right now.

“Daddy!” I turned to see my almost three year old daughter arrive with Mike. He’s carrying a bag and I’m hoping that’s the bag with my clothes. Quinnie threw her arms around me and jumped into my lap.

“You smell funny, daddy.” Quinn said covering her nose.

“I do not!” I said laughing and sniffing my clothes. “Am I that horrible smelling already?”

“Yeah!” Quinn said laughing and honking my nose.

“Did you and Uncle Mike bring me some clothes?” I asked Quinn and she nodded. “Thanks bro.” I turned to Mike.

“Still no news?” Mike said sitting next to my mom.

“Zero” I sighed.

“I’m sure Jenna’s gonna be fine.” My mom said tapping my shoulder. I managed to give her a weak smile.

“Mom, aren’t you guys hungry? Why don’t you go out for something to eat?” I asked my mom. “You guys should go eat something.”

“How about you, Victor?” She asked

“Oh I just ate earlier. I think I’m just gonna go change.” I said even though I haven’t really eaten anything ever since we got to the hospital this morning.

“Are you sure, honey? We’ll just get you like a sandwich then? Would that be alright?” Mama Mcdougall offered.

“Yeah. Thank you both.” I said smiling at them. And when it is just me, Mike and Quinn, my daughter suddenly asked me.

“Dad, is momma gonna be okay?” She pouted at me before turning her attention back to Mr. Snuggles. I thought, here come the questions. How the fuck am I going to answer her? How the fuck am I going to tell her about her mother’s condition?

I’m trying to come up with something that might help her understand the situation but all that came out was, “Yeah, of course.”

“Yeah that’s what the angels thought so too.” She said and that made me smile like a kid. Somehow, my daughter gave me hope, and it’s what I really need right now other than a change of clothes.

I asked Mike to watch over Quinnie for a while as I was going to change and she so was glad to have more time with her favorite Uncle Mike. I went back to see Tony and Jaime in clean clothes as well.

“Nice to see you in one piece, dude.” Tony said handing me a coffee.

“Thank you bros. For everything, you know for not leaving me.” I said to them and they each hugged me.

“We’re a family.” They said.

Whak, Cam, Jake, and Matt joined us after a couple more minutes. They all took turns in taking care and playing with Quinn. Jake told me that Alex, Jack, Kellin, and Lynn were all occupied today and will come back as soon as they’re done with work. I said it’s fine and that it’s nice that they would want to be here when Jenna wakes up.

I just couldn’t stop pacing. I couldn’t help but overthink. What if something happens? I don’t want my daughter to see me like this so I went outside to catch some air. Jaime might’ve seen me and followed me outside the hospital balcony. We just stared at the breaking dawn for a moment.

“Dude, you look like shit.” He told me. I punched his arm and he just laughed at me. “How are you holding up? I know it’s a dumb question but I just wanna know where you’re at with this. Because dude, if this doesn’t work out. I mean, what if something really happens?” He said just staring at the horizon. I’ve never had a conversation with Jaime like this in a really long time. “We’re scared for you, dude. We know you’re condition and this isn’t just about the band. We’re worried about you, you’re emotional and mental health.”

I know that he was talking about my self-harm issues. I self-harmed back then, but I had to think about Mike and how I wanted him to see me as a role model and so I stopped. Now, Mike is all grown up. He’s gonna have a family soon too. I know that he’ll be okay no matter what. And then I met Jenna, and I saw her light and her beauty so I never have to worry about harming myself again. Jaime’s right. What if.. what if something happens to Jenna? Will I relapse? Then I just have to think about my daughter. Yeah, she’s enough. Plus, nothing gonna happen to Jenna. She’s a real fighter.

“I’m a grown ass man, dude. I’m going to be fine. I have my daughter to worry about, and our new baby. And Jenna too of course. Nothing’s gonna happen to her, I know it.” I said smiling at Jaime. “She’s just too stubborn.”

And then Jaime chuckled. “Yes, tell me about it. Do you remember when Tony was injured because of mountain biking? That was a tough year for us. He suffered three broken ribs, a broken sternum, a collapsed lung and a torn shoulder. What a piece of shit.” And he laughed some more.

“Yeah. And we missed him for all of warped that year. I remember receiving a call from Dave that Tony nearly died. “ I said.

“And when he’s nearly in one piece he had to perform for Reading that year also, do you remember that?” Jaime asked me. “You insisted on waiting until he’s fully recovered but he missed it so badly he couldn’t wait another day. That weekend turned out to be okay, right?”

I just nodded and buried my face into my arms. “Yeah.”

“Because sometimes, you just gotta hold your breath for the people that you love. You gotta do it to see the people that you love do what they love. “Jaime said. I couldn’t believe my ears. This is coming from Jaime Preciado, my best friend ever since it all began. “Maybe you just gotta hold your breath for Jenna now, Vic. Don’t worry about Dave and the shows. They can wait. The fans have been amazing through all this. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, man. Everything will be alright.”

I don’t wanna say anything anymore. I just hugged Jaime and then we went inside. I’m very lucky to have very supportive friends and family.

After a few more hours of waiting the doctors came out. And I don’t like the look on their faces. I immediately got up from my chair and ran to them.

“Doctor Fields, what happened? Is my wife gonna be okay? How about the baby? Is he okay?” I asked.

And the doctors just sighed.

“What? What? Tell me!” I said almost yelling.

Doctor Fields put down her glasses and paused for a moment before finally speaking. “The baby is okay. He’s at the nursery and nurses are tending to him right now. It took us some time to get him but he’s okay. He’s very healthy and you can go see him right now.” She explained. “As to your wife, we are very sorry, Mr. Fuentes.”

“No!” I shook my head. I couldn’t believe my ears. Jenna’s.. She’s.. no. She can’t be! I ran my hands through my hair. They can’t do this to us.

“Calm down, Mr. Fuentes, please. Your wife is alive. It’s a miracle she survived the operation since she’s lost a lot of blood.” She said.

“Why didn’t you say so? Where is she, can we go see her?” I asked.

“Mr. Fuentes, your wife has lost too much blood. She suffered from post-partum hemorrhage that’s why it took us that long. We had to transfer a huge amount of blood to her. As for that case she already stopped bleeding. But there is a bigger problem.” She stopped to look at my reaction for a moment. I swallowed hard as I’m trying to process all this. When she saw that I was ready, she spoke again, “She also suffered from what we call PE or Pulmonary Embolism. It happens when a blood clot travels to your lungs blocking an artery. This is the reason why she slipped into coma. There is a great possibility that she might never wake up again. But it’s still up to you. We’re very sorry, Vic. We did everything that we can, but Jenna’s condition is just very delicate.”

Jenna, from the second I heard those words, “She might never wake up again”, my heart sank. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. I just crashed down on the floor. I’m lucky ‘cause my best friends caught me, I think. And now that I’ve managed to at least move, all I could think about is one moment you and I shared years ago. Over and over, that same insignificant moment repeats in my head. I.. I can’t tell you why.

Tony and Jaime have me on their arms as we walked to the ICU where Jenna is. We walked oh so slowly. I feel thousands of blades stab my feet at each step. I think I might’ve seen Mike and Quinn walk behind us. I’m not really sure. I couldn’t hear anything.

It was your birthday, and I think that was time we met again after a long period of touring separately. I went to visit you guys at the Future Hearts tour. We weren’t officially a couple then but we went out a couple of times, and by went out I mean we just hung out backstage during show breaks. We’ve known each other for so long, yet it still took me years to finally admit my feelings for you. I was so dumb. Anyway, you said you didn’t wanna do anything, but I insisted on at least having your favorite ice cream. Do you remember that? When I brought back mint chocolate chip and you asked why I thought that was your favorite, I was so confused. Every time we had gotten ice cream together that’s what you always chose but you told me cookies and cream was your favorite. And you looked at me so tenderly, Jenna, and you said you always chose mint chocolate chip because you knew it was my favorite. I fell completely and oh so carelessly in love with you that day. And it occurred to me, we still have so much to learn about each other. And since then, Jenna, I’ve learned about how wonderful, selfless, humble, and strong person you are.

We stopped at the door. My vision’s getting blurrier and blurrier. I don’t know if that’s because of the tears or just my spinning headache.

Sure I took you for granted a couple more times after, but I made it up to you, didn’t I? We had Quinn and I fell desperately in love with you even more. I was so scared to admit my feelings for you. And then you whispered that you loved me back that night that we spent under the stars, you were about 5 months pregnant with Quinn, and it just felt so peaceful, because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing can ever be so bad.. because I had you.

There she is, on life support. I could hear the beep of the machine echoing with my thoughts.

Jenna, I can’t accept that you’ll never wake up again, that I’ll never learn something new about you again, never experience your selflessness, your love, your warm touch again. Jenna, please..

Have we really had our last conversation? Our last kiss? Jenna, I don’t know what I’ll do. Please..

Please.

Notes

Ha! I quoted 17 again and OTH lol