God, I felt so light headed. I don’t remember sleeping on our bed. I think I was on the couch helping with the arrangements, when I decided I should sneak a nap while they’re busy running around with the preparation, but for some reason I’m inside our room. We’re going to have all of our friends over tonight (since it’s a day off from SoundWave) and Mike is going to do it in front of everyone.

I laughed with my eyes clothes as I felt hair tickle me in the ear to wake me up. I heard small giggles.

“Stop.” I said lazily.

“Get your lazy ass up, McDougall and help with the preparations. Or at least take care of your children.” I recognized that voice.

“I’m so tired. Leave me alone, Kathleen!” I said, blindly hitting her thigh.

“Whatever, Rachael.” Tay said.

I turned to lie on my stomach, completely ignoring her. I’m still super sleepy.

“Gee, I didn’t know it was this bad.” She said touching the bruises on my arm. Shit I forgot I was wearing a tank top. “Q! She’s not getting up help me.” Tay said. I felt my three-year-old daughter get on our bed and jumped on it.

Her and Tay’s giggles echoed the room. Okay, now I know that I can’t sleep.

“You shouldn’t have woken up the tigeeeeeer!” I said rising from the bed and getting Quinn from jumping. I pinned her to the bed and tickled her sides.

I stopped when Tay hit my head with a pillow. “Ow!” I said glaring at her.

“You’re an idiot.” She said. I knew what she was talking about.

“I know. Don’t rub it in face. What are you doing here so early anyways? The party won’t start til seven.”

“What? I can’t come to see you? Vic called me to come early.” She said lying down on the bed.

“Of course he did.” I mumbled.

“Nice place, you got.” She said. Quinn wrapped her arms around her. I love it that she just gets along with all of our friends. Sometimes, I get worried that she barely hangs out with kids her age because she’s always with our friends.

“Alex is going to be here tonight.” I reminded her.

“Uncle Alex and Aunt Lisa.” Quinn said.

“Who is prettier? Aunt Lisa or Momma Tay?” She cupped Quinn’s face with her hands.

“Hey! Stop. That’s not nice.” I said.

“Come on I just wanna know who’s prettier!” Tay whined.

“Momma Tay!” She said clapping her hands.

“Yaaaay! You’re my girl, aren’t you? You’re my baby girl. You’re all mine!” Tay said tickling Q.

We were pretty solid before. Back when Alex and Tay were dating, t’was warped 2012 I guess. That’s when we all started to hang out. But then Alex screwed things up and I don’t even wanna start with that because it’s ugly but Tay stopped hanging out with us because of it. But that never ruined our friendship. Me and her stayed close. She just stopped hanging out when Alex is involved.

I guess Vic is closer with Alex and I am closer with Tay, and Alex is always around at gatherings so Tay was the one to back off.

And that’s one reason why it took us (me and Vic) ages to admit our feelings to one another. We don’t want another TayLex in the group.

“Q! Get me a shirt from the closet.” I said. And she gladly obliged. I wanted to talk to Tay alone.

“Taylor, look at me. You don’t have to be here tonight if it makes you uncomfortable.” I said locking eyes with her.

“Hey, I’m here for Whiskey Hands’ proposal…and you. I never got to visit you in the hospital.”
I sensed guilt in her voice. “It’s fine dude. I understand.”

Q handed me the shirt and I changed so my bruises are covered up.

“Momma, I just play with the toy momma Tay got me!” Q said jumping.

I furrowed my eyebrows from her to Tay back and forth. “What toy…”

“Oh it’s nothing.” Tay said. And Quinn ran out of the room before I could ask her.
I pulled my hair on a pony tail and asked Tay to come out to the living room with me. As soon as I opened the door, I smelled the awesome scent of cooking food.

We got to the kitchen and saw Jess and Erin cooking, while Jaime helped with the chopping whatsoever. He held out his knife and jokingly waved it to me and Tay, smiling like serial killer.
Tay then gave the finger to him.

“Smells great” We walked to the cooking area and peaked at what the two girls are cooking. I then sneakily dipped my finger on the huge bowl of mashed potatoes on the counter.

“Jen!” Erin whined.

“Nice.” I said, slapping the cheek of her butt and then headed towards the living room, Tay walking behind me.

At first I thought it was Tony who’s sitting on the couch with his back but I saw Tony grilling barbecue on the patio so it can’t be him. Then I remembered, shit. It was Vic. His hair is shorter now but he still hid it under a cap. He’s talking to someone.

I took a couple more steps towards him and saw who he was talking to. I saw a blonde girl with red streaks on her hair.

“Hayley!” I called, her attention suddenly jumped to me. I tackled her to the couch which caused us to collapse back down. Tay joined in and we all laughed as the three of us fell down
on the floor. I feel like we’re thirteen year olds. My daughter gave us an odd look.

“Nice. Very nice, Tay and Jenna.” She said fixing her hair and sitting back down on the couch. Tay and I just sat on the carpet with Quinn, who’s playing with the new toy Tay got her.

“Where’s Lynn?” I asked.

“With Alexa.” Hayley replied. I snorted.

“Hey! Don’t be like that!” Tay said.

“Uh…I’m going to give you girls time to bond. I’m just going to get the booze in the freezer and coolers.” Vic said excusing himself. I almost forgot about him.

I looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss me. He pecked me in the lips as Tay made a face at us. I reached for something to throw at her and it turned out to be a piece of Quinn’s doll house.

When Vic is out of sight, Tay asked, “What happened to his hair?”

“Long story. We actually already argued about that. But he insisted.” I told them the reason why Vic wanted to cut his hair so bad and they just both gave me an amused look.

“That’s stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Tay commented. I didn’t wanna say anything because I don’t wanna get all pissy missy again about Vic’s hair. So I tried to think of something that would change the topic.

“Anyway, how’s Chad?” I asked Hayley.

“Okay, I know that I should get a lovelife soon and—“

“Hush, Jardine. I didn’t ask you.” I said putting a hand on Tay’s lips.
She rolled her eyes at me and slapped my arm causing me to groan and glare at her.

“You asked for it!” She said.

“OKAY! HAYLEY! WHAT WAS MY QUESTION AGAIN?” I said widening my eyes and yelling at both of them, causing Q to jump.

“How’s Chad?” Hayley repeated. “He’s doing good…stop doing that with your eyes.” She said slapping my face.

“Okay.” I laughed. “Can we not act like thirteen year olds? My child is already staring strangely at us.”

“Okay.” Tay said, composing herself. “We’re adults we can do this. What do you need to discuss with us anyways?”

“I’m torn.” I replied plainly.

“Between two lovers…” Tay sang.

“Boo, you whore.” Hayley said and Tay stuck a tongue back at her.

“Hey! Hey! What happened to talking like adults? That didn’t even last five minutes? And watch your mouth, Williams.” I said motioning to Q.

“Sorry, okay. But were you?” She asked.

“What?”

“Torn between two lovers!” Tay said.

“No!”

“Really? ‘Cause hun news travels fast.” Hayley said.

“You told her about Tim?!” I said lightly yelling at Tay.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Hayley whined.

“Five seconds and we’re talking like teenagers again.” I said chuckling. “You guys are bad influence on me. You’re making me look bad in front of my child.”

This just happens when it’s the three of us. It doesn’t happen when it’s just Tay or it’s just Hayley. But when you combine the three of us in a room and then get Lyndsey along, boy, we’re immature as fuck.

“I’m just kidding. I don’t care if you told Hayley. I just didn’t tell you because I thought you were busy. But since you already know…anyway, it’s not about that!” I said whining.

“Okay, then what’s this about?”

“I’m thinking of settling down…for good.” I said slowly.

“Wow. I didn’t expect that.” Tay said.

Hayley just looked away. I can tell she’s thinking.

“Well…it’s up to you really.” She finally said.

“I know but, I just, I guess I wanna ask you guys how you dealt with it.” I said.
“It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make…” Hayley started. I heard Tay snort and she rolled her eyes at her. “then. Okay, Taylor?”
Tay nodded.

“I kept thinking and asking myself ‘Is it really worth it?’. I’d ask myself that question over and over and I’d reflect on it for hours. ‘Is Paramore really over?’ ‘Is it time to put it to rest?’…”

She paused for a while.

“Paramore is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I can’t deny that. But Chad…he fixed me. You guys know about the—“

“Yeah.” Tay nodded. She’s referring to the one and only Josh Farro.

“And at time, he made me feel enough and loved even though I’m just, you know, me. Not Hayley Williams from Paramore, just Hayley Williams from a small town Franklin, Mississippi. But I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t miss it. I missed it, every single night of it.” She continued. “And look at where I am now. Still doing this…”

I gave her a confused look.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can’t really run away from it.” She said.

Tay nodded in agreement while I’m still lost. I still look confused as fuck so Tay hit the back of my head.
“Stop hitting me!” I said.

“What Hayley’s trying to say is that, no matter you do, you’re still going to be Jenna McDougall
of Tonight Alive like she’s still Hayley Williams of Paramore. And for us, there’s really no such thing as “settling down”.” She said quoting her fingers. “Just try to balance it. Because you can’t really lose it, you know. It’s like it’s tattooed on your skin. This is the life that we chose.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, I think you two weirdos are right.” I said staring at Quinn.
I felt Hayley’s arms ran down my thigh, “Just try to be the best that you can be for them. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“That’s what I’m trying to avoid, you know.” I said softly. “She’s barely three. She shouldn’t have to understand. And Caleb… he’s…It’s easy to bring them to shows now. But a tour bus isn’t really the appropriate place to raise kids. I get worried all the time. She doesn’t even have friends her age.” I explained.

“Her best friend is Mike…and me.” Tay said.

“Thank you Taylor.”

“You know it’s hard to determine if there’s sarcasm in there but I’m going to say you’re welcome anyways.” She said narrowing her eyes.

“It’s totally sarcastic…”

“Then, take her to a public playground or something. Just let her interact with other kids.” Hayley suggested.

“Thanks Hayles, I’ll definitely find time to do that. Before I get back on the road.” I said.

“And she’s going back on the road!” Tay announced. “Everything will be okay. Aside from my mom and your mum, you’re like the most awesome mom that I’ve ever met. And I already met Beyoncé.”

She said wiggling her eyebrows at me. I playfully punched her in the arm.

“Yo Whiskey Hands!” Tay called Mike. He’s outside on the patio with Tony but we can still see him from her. “Stop pacing! You’re creating a line on the floor.”

Mike walked inside and sat on the couch beside Hayley. He looks so uncomfortable in his seat.

“Don’t get nervous, dude.” Hayley said patting Mike on the back. “Or have a beer to calm your nerves down.”

“Yeah, take it easy, whiskey! Where’s your girl anyway?” Tay asked.

“Out. I asked Lisa to distract her for me.” Mike said wiping his forehead.

The mention of Lisa’s name immediately made Tay uncomfortable. She tangled her fingers together and began tugging on the leather jacket that she’s wearing. Hayley gave her a sympathetic look.

“I’m fine, bitches.” She said loud enough so only me and Hayley could hear.

---

An hour before the party and the house is already buzzing with the number of people running around. I sat on the couch with Caleb on my arms and Tay and Hayley beside me. The three of us have been talking the whole day.

I had asked Q to play with her Uncle Mike to help distract her. And it looks like it’s working. I leaned back and placed Caleb on my chest to burp him. He can’t see clearly yet but his eyes are wide open. I guess Hayley’s bright hair caught his attention.

“Well look at this little nugget. He looks like his father a lot.” Hayley cooed.

“Jen, aren’t you scared? He might get your husband’s height. “ Tay teased.

I stuck out a tongue at her and she rolled her eyes on me. And that’s a normal exchange of reaction between me and Tay. It’s almost automatic.

Then Vic busted the door open, holding lots of liquor in his arms. Hime ran to help him.

“Woah, that’s a lot.” I said in amusement.

“We’re going all out tonight, baby. We’ve invited some of our friends.” He said while dragging the bottles across the living room to the cooler.

“How many are coming to this party?”

“I don’t know…everyone? Shit’s about to go down. We’re going to be wasted as fuck and you won’t even be able to walk the morning after.” He said smirking.

“Gross. I had a different interpretation in my mind.” Tay said making a face.

I cleared my throat. “Uh you’re forgetting one thing. Two things, actually.” I motioned to my chest.

“Ummm…” Vic said, stopping dead on his tracks. “Should we drop them off at your mom’s?”

“We already did that yesterday. I feel like a terrible mom if we’re going to do that again right now.” I said looking down, gently caressing Cay’s back.

“Come on. We haven’t done that in a while.” Vic pouted as he put the last batch of beers in his arms.

I saw Hayley narrowed her eyes on us suspiciously at the corner of my eye. I slapped her right arm lightly as she snorted.

“I’ll take care of Caleb!” Tay volunteered, her right arm shooting up.

“No shit.” I replied.

“Really. I wanna spend time with the little guy, c’mon. This party’s gonna be lame anyway.” She said.

“Uh let me think no.”

“Uh let me think yes.” She said imitating my tone. “Go have fun with Vic! Or get laid I’m pretty sure you don’t get to do that often.”

“Taylor!” I blurted.

“Seriously, I’m like the best baby sitter ever. I used to babysit for a living.” She said nodding.

“You know Tay, if you wanted to hide from Alex and Lisa all you gotta do is tell us.” Hayley teased. Taylor immediately landed a playful punch on the redhead’s arm as she groans in pain.

“Wow, how long has it been Tay, you still haven’t moved on?” Vic said playfully, sitting down and putting his arm behind me. I swear if looks could kill, Vic would be on the floor bleeding.

“Okay guys, take it easy on Tay.”

“I’m fine, shitheads. Seriously.” She said proudly, crossing her arms on her chest.

Hime walked behind her and ruffled her hair causing her to emit a groan. “Hey Tay.” He said jumping next to Tay on the couch. “I like how that sounds. Why are you still here? Alex and Lisa are coming.”

“Fuck you, preseeyadoh! Will everyone stop about the Alex thing already? I swear the next person who’ll bring it up will bleed to death.” She said in frustration. We all just laughed at her.

I felt Vic’s eyes on me. He bit his lips while his finger traced shapes on my arm. “So..” He said in a low volume so that only me and him could hear. “while you’re busy acting like a thirteen year old with your friends, I had the time to text your sister. She said she can take care of the kids tonight.”

“What?! No.” I said shaking my head.

“Look in a couple of minutes, people will start to arrive. And the party could get a little…wild. You know our friends very well, Jenna. And the kids…”

“Fine okay—“

“Yes!”

“I won’t be drinking though.” I said slightly emphasizing the word ‘won’t’

“What?” He said pouting.

“I breastfeed, Vic. “ I replied. I guess we can cross drunk sex at the list of to dos tonight.
“Fine. That’s okay.”

Then there’s honking outside. Vic jumped and ran upstairs immediately. What the fuck is that all about. When he came down, he has two bags in his hands and Caleb’s car seat. They were Caleb’s and Quinn’s.

“That’s Teresa outside.” He said smiling excitedly at me.

“What?!”

“Q! Aunt Tez and Uncle R are outside. Get your cute butt out here.” He called Q.

“Uncle R?” Hayley asked furrowing her eyebrows.

“Zombie.” Tay said casually, but Hayley still looked confuse. “Nicholas Hoult, duh” She rolled her eyes.

I stood up and followed them outside.

“Wait wait wait.” I said catching up to Vic. “What is happening?”
I saw Teresa and her husband parked in front of our house. They got out and smiled at us.

“Hey Jenbug. Where are my kids?” She asked.

“They’re my kids.” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Whatever.”

Nick walked to Vic and he gave him a man hug before getting the bags. Vic thanked him and he just smiled politely at him. Nick is such a quiet and proper dude. Sometimes, I doubt why he married my loud sister.

I just watched as Tez took Caleb from my arms, unable to complain about it. She fixed my baby boy in his car seat and then turned to look at me.

“Aw don’t give me that look, Jenny.” She said. “Enjoy your party. Have fun.”

I didn’t even reply. “Bye momma.” I heard Quinn say.

I plopped down and zipped her pink jacket, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Be good.” Was all I could say.

She nodded eagerly. “Love you momma.” She waved at me as Nick helped her inside the car.
“Love you too.” I said weakly. I feel like we’re barely spending time with them.

I watched as the car drift off to the distance. Vic stood beside me.

“You should get dressed. People are going to arrive soon.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes

I'M STARING TO SHIP TAYLEX HELP ME

OR DONT



its tote cool