I checked my watch on my way to the hospital. I wanna see Jenna before we perform. 8:04am. I still have two hours till the show starts. But I have to be there an hour early so I just have to make this quick. Our front act’s PVRIS, so I’m glad Lynn will be there. I called the guys earlier and they said they’ll set up without me so I have this time to see my wife. I told my mom to take the kids there already.

I got to the hospital and greeted everyone who said hello. I got to the floor where Jenna’s room is and there is a big fuss. I wonder what that is all about. Then I saw they’re all rushing to Jenna’s room. I felt my bones weaken as the world suddenly became ten times slower.

Baby, please..

I rushed to the room with them and saw on the glass window that instead of a zig-zag line, the line is flat and horizontal on the monitor. A nurse stopped me. “Sir, this is as far as you can go.”
“What’s happened? You need to let me in!” I yelled.

“Sir, please. You can watch at the window. I’m really sorry but this is as far as you can go. The patient’s heart rate is dropping. We’re gonna need to revive her.”

I saw them perform cpr on her, and that electric thing that they did on her chest. But it’s not working. I couldn’t watch anymore and my body couldn’t support my weight anymore. And so I crashed down on the floor. Jenna, please. Please. I buried my face into my palms. Slowly, I let the voices in my head take me. At times like these, it was her voice that I seek. Whenever I feel like breaking down, I’d just call her and the sound of her voice, just the sound of her voice, would calm me down.

Your arms are my home,
and I've been homesick for oh so long
So bring me back home,
back where I, back where I belong

She’d sing. And now, it’s possible that she’s gone.

“Mr. Fuentes.” I slowly looked up to see the doctor.

“If you wanna break me, I’m already on my knees.” I said.

“Your wife’s heart rate dropped.” She said. “But we managed to revive her. We recommend small number of visits from other people. She needs to concentrate on getting better.”
I sighed so hard I exhaled all the weight on my shoulders.

“Oh my god.” I got up. I entered her room and sat on the chair next to her bed. I just lay my head on her body and held her hand. “I thought I’d lost you forever.” I cried.

---

I don’t know where I got the strength to perform. We started the show with Floral and Fading, then Circles. It actually distracted me from everything that’s been going on, but there are still moments where I think about it. I’d actually skip some of the parts where I’d talk, because I might just cry in front of everyone if they’d ask me about Jenna.
We arrived at the end of the song.

“Are you guys having fun?” I said. And the crowd yelled back as Mike hit the drums. “The drummer back there is my little brother Mike.” And Mike started beating the drum to the intro of A Match Into Water. “Let’s keep this going!”

LETS GOOOOOO!
I kissed the scars on her skin
I still think you're beautiful and I don't ever wanna lose my best friend

I’m letting all my anger and frustrations out in this song.

I screamed out "God, you vulture.
Bring her back or take me with her"

And then I closed my eyes. A picture of Jenna’s funeral flashed into my mind.

Tear it down, break the barricades
I wanna see what sound it makes
I hate this flavor with a passion and I fucking hate the aftertaste
How does it feel, how does it feel well it feels like I'm on fire
Wake up I know you can hear me

All the remaining energy in my body, I put to this song. It actually made me feel alive.

Make me a promise here tonight
Love like a tidal wave
Dreamless in early graves I never want it to be this way
The chemicals will bring you home again
This is it, when it's done we can say that
When it's sudden death we fight back
(Oh, yeah)

pretend like I don't entice you
I've seen you circling the sky above my head you traitor
I will never be taken for granted again
Keep digging holes in the desert
Say a prayer for you
I know that you're in pain, but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?

I keep on seeing that same image every time I close my eyes. Jenna in a coffin.

Make me a promise here tonight, love like a tidal wave
Dreamless in early graves, I never want it to be this way
The chemicals will bring you home again
This is it, when it's done, we can say that
When it's sudden death we fight back
(Oh, yeah)

SING THIS WITH ME!
We will bring the tidal wave
We will bring the tidal wave
We will bring the tidal wave
We will bring the tidal wave
We will bring the tidal wave
We will bring the tidal wave

I collapsed on the floor thinking about Jenna, and the incident earlier. It could happen again. Jenna, you can’t leave us. I’m not yet ready. I don’t think I will ever be. We’ll still have four more kids together. I can’t accept that you’ll never wake up again. Your arms are my home. I don’t ever wanna be homeless. I’m lost Jenna. I’m lost without you.

We will bring the tidal wave
And nothing will remain

She's mine!
Y-you stay away from her
It's not.. it's not her time

And then suddenly I’m on the floor crying and having another breakdown. I put my guitar down and sat on the floor, covering my face. Mike saw and so he stopped playing, and Tony and Jaime. I can hear the whispers in the audience. Jaime was the first one to approach me.

“Vic.” He said and Mike jumped from the drums to come to me. “Vic, what happened?” I couldn’t talk I just shook my head and covered my face with my hands. “Is it Jenna? What happened at the hospital? Is she okay?” And I just kept on shaking my head.

“Uh we’re gonna need a minute, guys.” Tony said. Then they are all forming circle on me. The crowd’s quiet and they are all watching the scene that’s going on stage.

“Dude, c’mon you need to talk to us.” Jaime said. “We’re here for you.”

“What’s wrong big bro?” Mike asked

“I.. I got to the hospital and then.. and then suddenly there were nurses and doctors on Jenna’s room.” I said in between sobs. “They.. they said her heart rate dropped and I looked at the monitor and there was no heartbeat.”

Tony ran a hand through his hair. “Oh my god. Why didn’t you tell us right away.” He said pacing the stage.

And then I heard whispers in the crowd, “Is it Jenna?” “Is she dead?”

I composed myself. “She’s alive. The doctors revived her. But she was dead. She was dead for a minute. I’m sorry guys. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Don’t you say sorry. It’s okay, big bro. You were not supposed to be here in the first place. You should be by her side.” Mike said hugging my back. “Come on, let’s get you up. You need water?”

“Yeah.” And Mike and I went backstage. He handed me a bottle of water and I sat down.

“Daddy!” Quinn ran to me and jumped on my lap, my mom’s walking behind her carrying my son. She gave me a huge bear hug. “What’s wrong?” She said cupping my face.

“Daddy’s fine. “ I said tucking a piece of hair on her brown hair, like Jenna’s natural hair color. “Hey, hey little guy.” I said taking my son from my mom. My son. He doesn’t even have a name yet.

My mom just looked at me in awe. “I’m okay, mom.” I gave her a weak smile. “We just had a little accident in the hospital earlier. Jenna’s pulse dropped to nearly zero. But it’s fine now, she’s still alive. But she was dead, for a moment.”

“Oh son.” My mom gave me a half hug. I turned to Quinn who’s now crying.

“Oh princess. Don’t cry. Everything’s gonna be fine.” I said wiping out her tear. “Do you wanna come out there with me? Meet them? Meet the people?” And she nodded.

Jaime, Tony, and Mike have been entertaining the fans for 15 minutes now. They’ve been very kind and understanding through all this. But it’s time I man up and tell them the reasons why I had a breakdown earlier. I took my acoustic guitar and went out. As soon as they saw me they all applauded and I smiled back at them. I told the guys to give me this time to make it up to the crowd. They paid and made an effort to come here to see us play today. I owe them.

“Hi!” I said sitting on the edge of the stage. “I’m still on one piece.” And they applauded again. “Um so I had a breakdown earlier, and I guess I owe you guys the answers. I love you all for coming and supporting me and the band today.” I strummed the guitar and I played with it as I continue my speech.

“The story of the song A Match Into Water is not a secret to all of us, and so is the fact that.. that my wife, Jenna, was admitted to the hospital earlier this week because,” Everyone was silent and listening very carefully to the words I’m saying, “because it’s time for the arrival of our new baby, he’s a perfect little boy. He doesn’t have a name yet. So anyway, she was admitted to the hospital and her condition is not a secret to everyone as well. She had placenta previa, it made her very, very during the pregnancy. They performed emergency c-section on her because she was bleeding severely.”

“And.. after the surgery, the doctors said she.. she developed a condition called pulmonary embolism that made her slip into coma. She’s been sleeping for almost four days already. And today,” I’m a few meters away but I can still see their faces. Some of them are crying and some are just sad, “today, we had a tiny accident at the hospital, right before I perform to you guys.” Tears started to fall down my cheeks. “They said her heart rate dropped to nearly zero, she was dead for a minute but the doctors, they’ve managed to revive her. And that just scared me to death, I guess.”

“I want you guys to meet someone. Do you want to meet someone?” I said to them. They all cheered and I put my acoustic guitar to the side. I got up and went backstage to get my kids. Quinn was so thrilled to come out to the public again. We came out and they all cheered on us. “This is my son. He’s three days and a couple of hours old. I didn’t wanna name him without Jenna. It wouldn’t be right.” And the fans waved hi to him. “Son, this is my whole world. This is our whole world, your mother and I. I miss her so much.” I said to him.



I told Q to wave them goodbye before I take them back to my mom. I went back out and sat on the edge of the stage again. I got my acoustic guitar and played the intro of the song I’m singing them.

“I’m gonna need to ask you guys a little favor, is that okay?” I said and they all cheered again. “So normally, Jenna would sing this song with me. But since she’s asleep, I’m gonna need you guys to sing her part for me. Is that okay? You need to sing as loud as you can. We need to sing as loud as we possibly can for her to hear us. Maybe if she could hear us, she’ll wake up from her deep sleep. Can you guys do it up for me?”

I took a deep breath before closing my eyes shut and started to sing.

She sits up high,
Surrounded by the sun.
One million branches and
she loves every one.
Mom and Dad,
Did you search for me,
I've been up here so long,
I'm going crazy.
And as the sun went down,
We ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound.
And as we own this night,
I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
3-2-1 where did it go?

Jenna, I hope you can feel all the hearts here singing to you. I hope that it’s enough to wake you up in your sleep..

Now don't be crazy, yes now,
Of course you can stay here
been in a touring band for going on ten years
"Big deal," She said, " i guess you're official"
I only said it 'cause I know what it's like to feel
Burned out
It gets you down,
We've all been there sometimes
But tonight I'll make you feel beautiful once again.
And as the sun went down,
We ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound.

Everyone is singing their hearts out. I opened my eyes to see them waving their hands in sync while their eyes are closed, just feeling the song.

And as we own this night,
I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
3-2-1 where did it go?

“This is my part, okay?”

If I were you, I'd put that away
See, you're just wasted
And thinking about the past again
Darling, you'll be okay.

“Okay, your turn. Sing loud.”

She said,
"If you were me, you'd do the same
'cause I can't take anymore
I'll draw the shades and close the door
everything’s not alright and I would rather...."

And as the sun went down,
We ended up on the ground.
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound.
And as we own this night,
I put your body to the test with mine.
This love was out of control,
Tell me, where did it go?

“You sang so beautifully, thank you so much!”

Notes

this chapter's a bit long but here you go.