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Was it really your time?

This dizzy dreamer and her bleeding little blue boy

Dad?” Quinn said. I said drying up her hair. I just finished bathing her and I put on her favorite pink PJs.

It has been 34 hours and 45 minutes since Jenna has been asleep. I never liked the idea of leaving her side but I guess my daughter does need me too. I am a father too. I asked Mike and Alysha to spend the night here at our house to watch over Quinn and our baby boy.
“What, princess?” I asked.

“Are you gonna be okay?” I almost forgot about the fact that my daughter was there when I had my breakdown. She saw my panic attack. It was a painful memory to relive again. “I mean, I’m not worried about mom. She’s a strong mommy. Uncle Mike said that she’s just tired from the operation and she’ll wake very soon. But I’m little worried about you.” She narrowed her eyes as she said the word little.

“What?” I said chuckling. “When did you start to say words like “operation” and “worried”? You’re not supposed to worry about me! I’m your daddy!” I said tickling her. “Dad’s gonna be fine. Like what you said, mom’s a strong mommy.”

“Was she like that when I was born too?” She asked batting her eyelashes.

I sighed. “hmm.. Let me think, yes!” I said and I saw her pout. “Don’t be sad, that’s just normal.” I assured her. “Okay, where’s Mr. Snuggles? Oh there he is. But who do you want to sleep next to, Mr. Snuggles or Unfortunate chicken?”

“Unfortunate chicken!” She said reaching for the stuffed toy on my hand. “On second thought,” she reached for our family photo on her headboard and returned Unfortunate chicken to me. “I wanna sleep next to mom tonight. I wanna dream about our family living in a castle!”
I let out a little laugh and stared at her for a moment. She’s so much like Jenna. “Okay.” I whispered.

“You’re an amazing daddy.” She smiled at me. She’s got Jenna’s smile. I thought I forgot what that smile really looked like. The past hours were filled with such agony and pain. This is the smile that lights up an entire room. This is the smile that makes me fly. I wrote so many songs about this smile.

“Thanks. You’re an amazing princess. Okay enough talk because we really need to get you to bed, and I need to get back to the hospital to be there when mommy wakes up. Is that okay?” I said and she nodded. I wrapped her in her blanket and started to rub her head. “Is this how momma does it?” I asked.

“You’re messing up my hair!” She demanded. “Here do it like this.” She held up her arm and reached for my head. She rubbed my forehead with just her thumb.

“Ooooohh, okay! I got it now.” I said. Dammit. I missed Jenna sooo bad it felt like stomach ache. “Here, so you have good dreams.”

I love you in the light, I love you in the dark

I started to sing her the song Jenna sing to her when she’s tucking Q to bed.

and my mind has been made up
because you threw the sparks
that set my heart on fire

and now the stars are falling from the sky
they're on fire and fall straight into your eyes (your eyes)

I am Invincible, as long as I'm in love with you

She fell asleep right away, before I even finish the chorus. She must be tired from all the trips to the hospital and from looking out for her brother.

I am Invincible, there is nothing we cannot do

I kissed her forehead and switch her night light off. And just as I was closing her bedroom door, I head another baby’s cry. I rushed from Q’s room to our son’s. I put him in my arms, and started to sway to calm him down.

“Shh, daddy’s here. Daddy’s here. Shh, don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be fine. Your mom will be home soon and she’ll take care of all of us. I promise. Shhh.” I cooed as tears started to form in my eyes.

Mike and Alysha rushed to the room as well. They’re gonna be great parents when the time comes. I just know it. Quinn loves her Uncle Mike and Aunt Alysha so much. I guess it’s because she spoils her too much with dresses and toys and makeups.

“He just needed to be held. He’s not hungry. He’s okay. Everything’s okay.” I said to both of them. And they looked at me with such awe and pity.

“Umm.. okay. We’re just gonna go back to bed then. Are you leaving or..?” Mike said scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna go shower and then I’m gonna take off. Take care of Quinn, bro.” I said.
“I’m here for you, man. We all are. We’re not rushing you into this.” He gave me a smile before disappearing with Alysha.

I made sure my son’s okay before putting him down. I took a shower and reminded Mike and Alysha for the third time of what they would do if he cries again. I mean, I’m not an obsessed parent but I’m just making sure it all will work out.

The drive to the hospital was dead quiet. I remembered to get Jenna her favorite Mang roll from that vegan restaurant she loved so much, in case she wakes up and she gets hungry or something. They were about to close when I begged the chef and the owner to let me in and cook the last batch of Mang rolls. I promised to pay the triple and so I did. I really hope she wakes up tonight.

I got the hospital and in Jenna’s room and greeted my mom and her mom.

“Hi, mom.” I kissed them both in the cheek. “Are you guys hungry? These are for Jenna but I can manage to find you guys food.”

“No, darling. We just ate we’re fine.” Jenna’s mom said.

“Well, you two better get some sleep. I’m here now. I’ll take it from here.” I said smiling at both of them. “Here are the keys to the house. Mike and Alysha are already there. They’re watching over Q and our baby. Do you need me to call you guys a cab or..?”

“No, I called the driver he’s waiting outside. Did you get enough sleep?”

“Yeah.” I lied. How can I get sleep? I can’t even close my eyes for five minutes.

We said are goodbyes and then they’re both gone. I took a few steps closer to her bed. It still pains me to see her like this. And I can’t even do anything about this.

“Hey, baby.” I said sitting down on the stool next to her bed. “I got you your favorite Mang rolls. It’s just gonna be sitting here and waiting till you wake up. I didn’t even take one. It’s all yours when you wake up. You must be really hungry from that long nap you’re taking. Please, wake up already. Please, come back to us.”

I feel like I’m talking to a rock. But I don’t care. I don’t care if it will take her two days to wake up, or a week or a month, a year even. I’m not giving up on my wife. I’m getting nothing but the beep of the life support and the sound of the oxygen that supports her breathing. She must be in a lot of pain. I know, I can feel it.

“But you can take as long as you need, babe. Just gather up all your energy and strength. We’re not rushing you. I just want you to come back.” I said. I held her hand and it still feels warm. “Our baby boy misses you, you know. I think he likes the room that I arranged for him. I just don’t know what to put on the banner above his crib.” I said kissing her hand.

“He.. he doesn’t even have a name yet. “ Tears start to form in my eyes again. Shit. “Babe, you need to come back to us okay?” I said in between sobs.

“They said you might never wake up again. But I don’t believe that for a second. I believe in you. You said everything will be okay. Prove it. You said it. Please. Please…”

*hours later*

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Wait, I fell asleep? I must’ve. It’s the first in almost two days. I looked up at the wall clock above Jenna’s bed. 3:04 am. Who’s calling at this hour?
David Shapiro. Shit it’s Dave. Dave took over managing us since Michele’s on leave.

“Dave.” I started.

“Vic, hey. I’m sorry to bother you this late.” He said.

“No it’s fine. What’s this about?”

“Okay. Um.. we understand your situation. We do, buddy. It’s just that we’ve canceled so much shows already bud..” He said. I feel sorry for David, and for the guys. They’re dragged down to my mess. This is our mess. And now we all suffer.

“Yeah.. I know. I’m very sorry man.” That’s really all I can say.

“Yeah, me too. But listen, the label is not happy about this. They said you could at least do one show. The San Diego show. That’s all they said. Just do one show and let’s hope they all get off our backs.”

I stayed silent.

“Listen, bud. If you really can’t do it, you don’t have to. I mean you have to, but fuck them. You know man, just screw them.” He said,

“I’ll do it.” I finally said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, the label’s been good to me and to my family.” I said referring to Jenna. I glanced at her peacefully resting body before I spoke again, “I think I kind of owe them. They’ve been very considerate and patient with all this. And the fans too. I can’t.. I can’t disappoint them anymore. They’ve been amazing and understanding too. And I cant’.. I can’t lose anymore. I can’t lose any more than I have. I said glancing to Jenna again.

“Okay, great. Be strong, man. And rest, please. I know how worried you must be right now. But please take care of yourself. And eat!”

“Okay.” I chuckled. “Thanks, Dave. Bye.”

I hung up the phone and turned my attention to my wife again.

“That was David. He was asking me to the San Diego show. I know if you can talk right now, you’ll push me to do it. But guess what, I already agreed to it. But you have to wait for me, okay? I really wanna be here when you wake up.” I talked to her. “Oh, I almost forgot.”
I reached for the bag and pull out a sealed plastic that contains all her stuff from before the operation.

“They said they needed to remove it but this is yours and I thought you might want it back.” I gently put her wedding ring back to where it belongs. “There. In sickness and in health. I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting.”

It was almost 6 am when Tony arrived with Erin and sat on Jenna’s room with me. I told him about the show that we were going to do and he asked if I was sure. And I said I am. It’s tomorrow and I hope everything will turn out to be okay.

“We brought her favorite donuts. No allergic ingredient, don’t worry. It’s from that store..” We said in unison. “And we got you this. You have got to eat.” Erin handed me a salad and burger and fries.

“Thanks.”

“Family.” Tony replied. And just by that, I understood what he meant.

The rest of the day went really fast. I never left Jenna’s side. Jenna’s parents have managed to convince me to head home to night, as they want to watch over her tonight and I’ve got to do a show tomorrow. I said my goodbyes to my wife as I kissed her forehead.

“I’m gonna head out now, okay? I love you.” I said. Then I turned to her father. “Dad, please. If anything changes, call me. I don’t care what time it is.” And he nodded.

As soon as I got home, I immediately checked on my son. Mike said he’s been crying all day. If this happens again tomorrow, there’s definitely something wrong. I’m just gonna have to bring him tomorrow to the show with my mom. That would be okay I guess. I did my fatherly duties to Q and tucked her to bed at exactly 7:30. I still have to wash our baby and change his clothes and diaper and stuff. I might be rusty from when Quinn was little but I can handle it, I think, maybe. Let’s just hope I don’t drop him. He’s so tiny.

I went to his room after I finished cleaning all the mess in Quinn’s room. The house has never been this messy before.

“Oh kay. Let’s get you all cleaned up.”

I actually managed to clean him up without dropping him. I decided to sleep next to him in our room tonight. I love my children so much. I wish Jenna’s here.

Notes

crappy chapter i'll make it up to you i guys i swear

Comments

@piercejenna
omg plez update!! I love this! Thx.. :D

PandaStar PandaStar
10/16/16

Let me know if u guys still want more chapters :))

piercejenna piercejenna
9/14/16