I wasn’t sure where Vic and I were after the Fourth. Yes, we had sex. Really good sex. Actually, Vic was my first. Now, I’m not one to get clingy, especially since I’m the one who initiated it, but to say that I craved more of him after it was over would be pretty accurate. I felt like I needed his body like the air I needed to breathe.

We were in our last three days of our trip. Vic and I hadn’t really spent much time alone together besides at night. During the day the whole gang would go out and explore Cali but at night I would be in Vic’s room, in his bed. We had to keep it quiet so Mike and his parents wouldn’t hear but we hardly fooled around.

Vic and Danielle were still dating. I asked him about the situation a couple days after we had sex. He told me things would work out in time then he kissed me. I must’ve been really happy to have him around me because I dropped the subject as quickly as I had brought it up.

Vic and I were in his bed at the present moment, watching some stupid show on Cartoon Network on his TV. We were cuddled up against each other, holding on as if letting go would separate us for all eternity. That was the last thing either one of us wanted. His fingers were running through my hair while his other hand was rested on my hip. It honestly felt like home.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave this weekend.” I looked up to see his eyes focused on me. I gave him a small smile.

“Me too, but we’ll see each other in August.”

“But that’s so long. What am I gonna do for the next month?”

“You’ve got hands,” I joked. He gave me the ugliest look before tugging on my hair. “You bitch,” I called out in pain.

“Oh relax. Last time I checked you like it when I do that.” I flushed bright red; he just let out an ugly laugh. I had to smother him with a pillow to be sure he didn’t wake anyone up.

“Seriously Kell, what are we gonna do?” he asked after he calmed down.

“You could come up to Oregon and spend some time with me.” He just made a face. “What?”

“Nothing against your hometown but what’s there to do in Oregon?”

“Me?” I said with a wink.

“But then why are we in my bed now?” His hand slid up and down my hip.

“Calm down, I’m not in the mood.” He immediately stopped and kissed my forehead. “Okay, so maybe not Oregon.”

“Yeah, and what would I tell Dani?” I made a face. The air between us suddenly got tense.

“Why are you still with her?” I asked carefully, not wanting to ruin the moment completely. “What is this that we’re doing?”

“Kell…,” he trailed off.

“No Vic, I’m not gonna let this go.” I felt myself tense with anger. “What are we doing? First you tell me you love me and you’re sorry but you’re still considering being with her. What, can you not make up your mind? Because the last time I checked we had a pretty fun night.”

“We did.”

“Then why are you doing the same old shit that broke us up?”

“Because I don’t know how to handle this,” he said quickly. I softened my expression.

“Handle what? Us?”

“All of this,” he responded. “I do love you. Shit, I love you to death. I would do anything for you, but you know I’m not good with relationships. I don’t know how to tell Dani that I’m not into her when I made it so obvious that I was when we first got together. I don’t wanna hurt her.”

I looked at the sad face of my lover. He seemed so broken up over the love triangle he was in. It honestly broke my heart.

“You’re so sensitive.” He scowled.

“Look who’s talking,” he retorted. I ignored his statement and put my hand in his.

“Just tell everyone the truth, including me. If you don’t love someone then stringing them along is gonna do a lot more harm than good.” He seemed to mull it over before he flipped me onto my back and pinned me to the bed.

“How the hell did I get so lucky with you?”

“I’m not sure but I bet you have an answer.”

“I don’t actually. I guess it was just fate that you and I were meant to be together. Even through all the bullshit.”

“Faith in love and shit.” He smiled a heartwarming smile and kissed me. It was one of those kisses you wished could last forever. It was so soft and passionate; one that made me want to get him naked.

In fact….

***

I zipped up my last bag before standing back and admiring my efforts. It was August and I was back home in Oregon. School was gonna start up again in about a week and move-in was tomorrow, meaning my procrastinating ass was up late finishing a job I should’ve been doing a week ago. Oh well, at least the job was done.

I flopped on my bed in satisfaction and accomplishment. The hard part was over; I just had to wake up early in the morning to catch my flight to Texas.

And to see Vic.

The two weeks in San Diego were wonderful. Well, the last week was. Vic and I started our relationship up again but we didn’t tell anyone. Vic and Dani were still a thing and Vic needed time to figure out how to break it off. Don’t worry, my relationship with Vic wasn’t official. Since we only had a couple days between the Fourth and my return home we didn’t put a title on us. We both agreed that we would try to make things as official as possible once we moved back to Texas.

Did you finish your shit?

Speak of the devil.

Yes fucker. Calm the fuck down

I tossed my phone somewhere on the other side of the bed and stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t really thinking about anything but somehow my status with Vic creeped into my head.

I thought about how great it would be to be back in his arms, in his bed, just with him. We would be living together again with Jaime and Brandon so it was almost as if nothing had changed. We had changed though. He was opening up to me more and I was learning to take some of the things he said with a grain of salt. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him but I didn’t want to end up in a bad place again.

I shuddered at the thought. I definitely didn’t wanna go back there. Back to the late nights filled with tears and panic attacks, booze, and regret. Not to mention fear. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to rid my mind of the memories of that grim night.

My phone buzzed from the other side of the bed. I reached over and examined the message that was on my screen.

I can feel you rolling your eyes at me. Don’t make me pull your hair
Wait, I forgot you like that ;)

That bitch.

How could you forget? You bring it up all the time

I sent him a row of the middle finger emoji as well and locked my phone. I knew I was gonna get a smartass response in the next few minutes, one that would cause our conversation to last for hours. I smiled to myself as I sat up and looked over my room to make sure I had packed everything I needed. Once I was certain that I had I did my nightly routine only to return to my bed and see another text from Vic.

I could bring you up if you want me to ;) ;)

I rolled my eyes as far as they could roll before I responded.

Do you always have sex on the brain?

He responded in seconds:

I always have you on the brain
Then I start thinking about your ass….
So yeah, I guess I do

I stared at my phone with the most surprised expression that anyone had ever put on. Despite my feelings toward those texts I laughed. This man was my best friend. He was my roommate.

And I was so in love with him.

***



“Home sweet I’m finally off my ass!” I laughed at Jaime’s remark as I set my bags down on the floor of the living room. The boys and I were finally back in Texas, currently standing in the apartment Jaime and I would be living in this year.

“I thought I heard Jaime.” We looked towards a bedroom to see Brandon standing there with his girlfriend and Gabi behind him.

“Brandon, my dude!” Jaime quickly stepped over to him and embraced him.

“Hey you guys. How was the trip?”

“Shitty. I still can’t feel my ass.”

“Now you know how I felt!” Gabi exclaimed in response to Mike. He just laughed and went to kiss her on the forehead. Tony cleared his throat and slowly shuffled in that direction too. Gabs just giggled at the cuteness.

“I think we should get the stuff out of the car now.” I nodded at Jaime and turned to leave. Something stopped me though and I turned around yet again.

“Hey B,” I started, “is Kellin here yet?”

“Oh, no. His flight was delayed this morning so he caught a later one. He should be here tonight.” I nodded and walked out the apartment sadly. I was really hoping that Kell would be waiting for me when I got there since he said he would be there before me. Oh well, it’s not like he planned the delay. Besides, it gave me time to do something I’d been needing to do for a while.

***

I sat on the edge of my bed with my guitar on my lap. I wasn’t really doing anything, just playing some notes to go along with a melody I had going in my head. I wish I could say that it was the start of a masterpiece but I had no idea where it was going.

I tried to get the thought of my last major decision out of my head as I strummed the strings with the pick in my hand.

“You’re gonna regret this.”

To be honest I didn’t regret it, but maybe that was because the feeling was so fresh. I knew I had to tell Kellin what I did. Although I knew what his reaction would be I still felt kinda nervous. There would be no going back after I broke the news. The thought alone made me a little antsy.

The front door slammed shut and a loud, exasperated sigh was heard from the foyer. I quickly shot up from my bed and opened my door. Sure enough, an exhausted looking Kellin was standing there with his bags around his feet. He fixed his gaze up from the floor to my face and smiled. It took everything in me not to run over and tackle him.

“Hey stranger,” he spoke.

I lost it.

Next thing I knew we were both on the ground with me on top of him. “Okay I get it, you missed me,” he said with a laugh.

“More than missed.” I looked into those deep blue eyes, losing myself in their color. He stared back at me with the same expression.

“How much more?” he asked in a whisper. I gently placed my lips on his and let them do the talking. His responded in the same fashion and soon we were dry humping on the floor. My hands snaked up his shirt before I remembered that Jaime and Brandon were still home and neither one of them knew Kell and I had started up again. I reluctantly broke away from the beautiful man I was on top of and stood up. He looked at me with sad eyes.

“Let’s go to my room,” was all I said. He smiled and pushed himself up before he grabbed his bags and put them in his room. I closed the door once he entered my space and looked at him. He looked so tired. I guess a delayed flight and six hours on a plane would do that to you.

“You can get in the bed, Kell. I know you’re tired.”

“Thank God,” he sighed. He was under the covers in a flash. I just laughed and joined him.

“How was your flight?” I asked once we were both settled. He told me about the delay and having to sit next to a guy with horrible B.O. I felt so bad for laughing.

“Whatever,” he said once I had calmed down. “What about you? What did you do today?”

“The usual. Did some unpacking, went out to eat, missed you like crazy. You know, that stuff.” He blushed.

“You missed me that much?”

“Seriously? I fucking tackled you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that did happen.”

“Something else happened too,” I said nervously. He looked up at me worriedly. I simply tightened my hold around his waist. “I did it.”

He made a face. “Did what?”

“It.” Another look of confusion crossed his face before one of realization creeped in.

“You did?” I nodded. Suddenly my face was brought in to his and our lips were connected yet again, this time with more passion. “I can’t believe you did it.”

“Well, I did say I was going to,” I answered with a chuckle.

“You know what I mean.”

I did. We spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms. Occasionally our hands would roam to the other’s chest but they never got below the belt. We were just happy to be with each other, basically reliving our summer rendezvous. I held him close to me as he talked about wanting to explore Dallas the next day. I nodded along as I looked at him. He was smiling his breathtaking smile as he talked and his eyes shined like diamonds in the light of my bedroom. I swear, that moment could’ve lasted forever.

Eventually we ended up falling asleep in the middle of our conversation. Kellin went first, talking about wanting to play a set at the Back to School bash that was gonna happen the Sunday night before classes started. I filed that in my memory while I watched him drift off. He was honestly the cutest person I’d ever seen, even when his light snores seeped through his lips. I played with his hair with one hand and felt his steady heartbeat with the other. His head was on my chest with his ear right over my heart.

I had dreamt of this moment so many times since we broke up, even when Dani was in Kell’s spot doing the exact same thing. She wasn’t him; she could never be him. I said a silent prayer hoping that this moment with Kell would last a lifetime. I let fatigue take control after that.

That night I dreamt of Kellin and his beautiful eyes and our perfect moment that would never fade away.

Notes